Associations

I am a pleaser. And a peacemaker. Sometimes I tell people what they want to hear so they don't get upset. Even though I never lie, there are times that I don't tell all the truth or I tell it with a slant so they feel better. I want everyone to like me. Even if I don't like them. Even if they have been outright hostile. I get very nervous around illogical, jump to conclusions people. And feel as if I need to pacify them to protect others. I tend to attract those people that have no problem telling people what they think even if they haven't really thought at all.

I am floored when people lie. I am astounded when people fly off the handle over minor things. I am passionate about doing what I say I will do and am flabbergasted when others do not. I have to admit to being envious when people are not afraid that others will think less of them if they are who they are. Having to be perfect all the time is exhausting.

My horoscope today said:

Sometime in the last few years many relationships that were inappropriate for your life were weeded out. That process may have been quite painful, but it was necessary at the time. Now, however, the only relationships left are those that have real value in your life. You should be working on them to improve your understanding of yourself and how you relate to others.

Also this influence favors most business and professional relationships, because you now are able to negotiate on the basis of your real needs and self-understanding while appreciating the other person's real needs. And since you understand the need for realism in relationships, whatever you decide on at this time will be mutually profitable.

So true. It has been a really hard couple of years. People who I thought were my best friends turned out to not share my definition of friendship. Not that they were wrong, just not wanting the same thing. I had to really learn to stand my ground and honor myself even when all I wanted to do was crawl in a hole and never see anyone again. I had to learn to value myself even if I didn't feel valued. Even if I was attacked and blamed, I had to carry on with what I thought was right, even if it turned out to be wrong.

I do feel like that's over for now. Sort of like a phoenix rising from the ashes, all the explosions are put out, I am looking around at what remains and deciding what to keep and what to let lie. I have one final association that has been a large drain of energy and a large source of pain and growth. It has been a huge part of discovering who I really am but it has also been one of the most frustrating, confusing aspects of my life. And I feel like it may be time to let it go. It's very scary, sort of like leaping into the unknown but it feels like the break may be necessary for future growth. I keep trying to figure out a way to maintain my truth and maintain this association but it feels like one or the other has to go. Hence, my confusion. And major attempts at peacemaking. On some level. Without compromising who I really am. Tough stuff.

.......this influence favors most business and professional relationships, ....... Your individual personal needs will not conflict with the demands of the relationship, and you can base them on a realistic understanding of who you are and what others need from you. Your vision is clear, and you are not likely to enter a relationship under the spell of romantic illusions.

Ahhh, there's the answer. I get it. Thank you Lord.