I lost the game.

Warning: this blog entry will show my age.

The title of this blog is going to cause a large cry of "DANGIT!!" to those who are playing the game. And that will be all of you because apparently once you know about the game you are playing it whether you like it or not. At least that is what I am told.

Have you heard of this?

First I heard of it, we were sitting quietly watching something on tv with Rhia and a group of her friends. Out of nowhere, one the kids says, "I just lost the game." All the kids start yelling at the kid, "thanks alot! now I just lost the game!" Barry & I were baffled. There was no game.

The next thing I see is on Facebook. There was a great picture of one of the kids that I clicked on. I can't remember the picture but the caption read I JUST LOST THE GAME. 25 comments with varying degrees of profanity insulting the kid because he made everyone lose the game. Next thing you know there are all kinds of status posts (where you tell everyone what you are doing) that say, yep, you guessed it I JUST LOST THE GAME. What game? I just didn't get it.

So I go to Rhia, what the heck is the game? Here's her explanation: If you think of the game you lose it, you can't explain the game because by explaining you lose it. Like, you just made me lose the game. But now you lost the game cause you are thinking about the game. I'm going to have to go do something else so I stop thinking about the game.

Me: HUH????? I'm not playing the game. I don't even know what the game is.

Rhia: Doesn't matter, the game is always being played and once you know about it you are playing it and you just lost.

Me: Well, how do you win this game?

Rhia: You can't win because by winning you are thinking about the game. Which, by the way, you just lost.

Now, I have to admit that the game tickles me. I mean, who thought this up? And, by thinking it up didn't they instantly lose the game? Imagine the heartbreak of coming up with this great game but not being able to tell anyone because if you tell them you lose? Course, by telling you create them to lose as well... and then they have to walk around for the rest of their life trying to not think of the game. How bizarre. And diabolically clever.

This generation scares me.

PS. Oh.... and I just lost the game. Again.
PSS. So did you.

Christmas Eve

Home from church. Presents wrapped. Glass of wine. Cory home from work. We are all in for the night. This is Christmas. Quiet music. Watching Christmas cooking shows on mute. This is Christmas. Watching Cory and Rhia exchange their Christmas eve present. Christmas. Waiting for Barry to come down from wrapping his presents... this is Christmas.

Tomorrow we have Barry's family for breakfast (hope they taste good-- ba dum dummm) and then quiet. A bit of sadness that we are not with my family but over the years have learned acceptance. Vacation starts Christmas night. Maybe we'll go to the beach. Maybe we'll stay home.

Oh and best news of all, I am really on vacation. Thought I was going to have to at least teach at WG but Missy agreed to take my classes. I am excited about getting a rest for a bit and rejuvenating. I am excited about my free New Year's Day class.

Had people come by and buy some bracelets, earrings and eye pillows today. So blessed. This has been an amazing year. I feel more like I do now than I did when I first got here.

My hope? I hope that in some small way I have brought a bit of peace and joy to my students, my family and the people I don't know that read my blog, buy my stuff at Fabian House and smile at me on the street.

Merry Christmas. Love and Joy to all. Yolinna aka Linna aka Linda

Child's Pose

I just did a meditation where I stayed in the corresponding chakra pose for the length of the chakra song from Chakra Healing Chants by Sophia. Some were 5 minutes, some were 9 minutes... it was very interesting. Before you get too impressed, I was doing restorative yoga so it's not like I was killing myself, you know? I just really felt the need for some deeeeep relaxation. Gathering perspective, so to speak.

The 3rd Eye Chakra Chant was 8 minutes long. I was in child's pose supported with my belly on the bolster, bolster on my heels and small pillow on my forehead. Sort of like this but without as much pillowing:

Can I just tell you that was just a little bit of heaven? I mean, honestly, I just kept sinking deeper... and deeper... it was amazing. When I got up to do my crown chakra, I felt as if I was replenished, fresh & clean with bright shiny eyes. It was lovely. In fact, it was tough to stay focused for my crown chakra which was seated meditation. I wanted to skip and dance.

Have I ever mentioned that I love yoga?

I know, I know... of course.

Feeling low? Trust me-- 8 minutes in Child's Pose is all you need.

One of those weeks

I am amazed that my head is fitting through the front door right now. It has just been one of those weeks.

No, not those weeks.

It's been one of those weeks where the kindness of others have left me speechless. So many wonderful emails, messages and even a whole blog post giving me praise and making me feel like it really is all worthwhile. It reminds me of when I first started on this path.

I had been working at the therapeutic nursery near my home. It was sort of a job going nowhere some days because although I loved the children and most of the people I worked with, I did not have a college degree so I was not eligible to be anything other than an aide. At a bit above minimum wage. The money and the title didn't mean a lot to me but I have to admit to feeling less than important compared to the college degreed people. I had been studying tai chi, yoga and eastern philosophy for quite some time and knew that my path was not one that would lead to 4 years of college... plus, my kids were getting closer to that being their path so financially... nuff said.

There was a teacher there I who had been close to when our children were little. She was very encouraging, knew that I had been studying yoga and really felt that I could teach that to the little ones and make a difference. With her constant gentle push, I found the courage to do so. Along the road I ended up getting certified and grown ups kept asking me to teach them. I was terrified. It was one thing to have a bunch of 4 year olds agree to play downdog with me but adults....yikes.

The kids had gotten very involved in plays and the youth group at the church associated with the nursery school. One of the requirements of my certification was that I give free classes to a population of people who wouldn't normally step into a yoga studio. Now, although my church congregation could definitely afford yoga... it was not something they would really think they could do or would want to. But again, that little push came... in the form of the Interim Reverend and the Youth Director at the time. They encouraged and when the Session of the church balked at us "desecrating" the Sanctuary, they fought. And I got approved. But was still terrified.

Along came the beautiful women in my life, my women's circle, my church family, my friends... they encouraged, they wrote me wonderful emails and letters letting me know that I had value. I have them still. I would not have found the courage without them. I would not be who I am today, hopefully someone who has returned that gift to many, if they had not gently pushed.

The secret to that push? It was no accident that at the same time I began to understand the concept of the Holy Spirit.... no, not religiously. But that little encouragement you get when you need it most, gently turning you to the right path, coming in whatever form you need, through whoever it can use who is open to it... That's Spirit. And it's always there. And it always leads you to where you are destined to be.

Thank you to so many of you who allow that Spirit to work through you. Peace be with you.

Quiet

I find myself in that time and space where quiet is resonating deep within. It's a little window before the noise. It's like a physical presence enveloping me, almost like angel wings around my shoulders. My ears are almost ringing with the loudness of the quiet. It is only broken by the tapping of my fingers on the keys and today, even that is sporadic.

Last night at yoga it occurred to me that this is the time of year when the only quiet some people have is at yoga. It may be the only part of their life, besides sleep, where there are no cell phones ringing, no tv, no computer, shopping, children, parents, cars, nothing to disturb the sound of their own breath and heart beating. For some, it is hard to go from the hustle and bustle into that quiet. It can be deafening. And it's not just the quiet. It's the constant go go go. To actually take the time to settle deep into a pose and just stay there long enough to find that tiny adjustment that opens the window to a new revelation is really hard. But very worthwhile.

Relax.....Breathe.....Feel......Watch.....Allow.....

My yoga last night felt like a prayer, a trance, a meditation. I had to keep lifting my consciousness enough to remember I was teaching. Sometimes the mind, body and spirit connect so seamlessly that it becomes difficult to know where one begins and one lets off... or if they even do. I hope my students felt it too. It felt like that was what was needed. Quiet. Deep going within.

For some, who haven't practiced for long or been able to keep up their practice, I could see it was difficult at first. That monkey mind takes time to settle down. But by the end it seemed as if all were breathing a bit slower, their movements were more fluid, there was a sureness about them that they didn't walk in with.

Until relaxation. I got the bright idea to do relaxation in silence, which is usually really powerful. Unless the Chorale is practicing in the next room. Very, very loudly. But oh well, practice means finding the quiet within ... no matter how high the sopranos go.

Namaste'

16 Things You Probably Don't Know About Me....

I was tagged so I'm supposed to do this but I don't know that I can come up with 16. Errgh. If you are tagged you are supposed to do it too. Crazy Facebook world.

1. I am a total sucker for Jane Austin and classic books and movies like Jane Eyre & Little Women. When I get really overwhelmed sometimes I have to just shut down and watch Sense & Sensibility and Pride & Prejudice for HOURS.

2. I have seen every one of Elvis Presley's movies. Numerous times. In fact, I can probably sing every song from them. I was shocked when I found out they were bad.

3. I am very, very shy. I get very nervous if I have to speak in public or walk into a large party and mingle. Unless I'm teaching yoga. Which is hard to do at a large party.

4. I almost joined the Air Force when I was 17. Can you imagine?

5. I attended the Reagan, Bush, & Clinton Inaugurations with my Dad. I also marched in protest against the Iraqi War. With Signs. And Chanting. Not with my Dad.

6. I flunked Home Ec in 8th Grade and was put into Shop with 3 other girls who could not sew. I loved leather working with Mr. Shein....something... hold? beck?

7. I'm a horrible seamstress but an excellent cook. As long as I don't have to follow a recipe and can throw in whatever I want and don't have to clean up after it. I know how to clean but hate it with a passion and can only do it when I am really angry. Or is it I'm angry cause I have to clean?

8. There is almost nothing I enjoy more than gardening. But I have a weird quirk in that I cannot eat what I grow. Unless it's herbs. Once, I made a deal with the Jehovah Witnesses that knocked on my door that they could have the cherry tomatoes they could pick from my front yard (yes, I grow tomatoes in my front yard--that's where the sun is) if they would stop knocking on my door. They loved it. And haven't been back since..well at least they haven't knocked.

9. I am mostly estranged from most of my family. Mostly by their choice. Or my unwillingness to play by their rules. So I guess on some level it's my choice. It makes me sad though.

10. I have a really hard time killing anything living. Which makes the jungle that is my home almost impossible to navigate and/or control. I will not use pesticides or chemicals. Period. Unless ants or God forbid, roaches enter my house. Then it's war.

11. I dry my clothes outside on a clothesline. Even when they freeze. I get a kick out of standing the frozen jeans against the wall. I am obsessed with not wasting energy and would dry them all out there if I had the time. Or the space. Well, and if the family liked stiff clothes. Which they don't. Esp. underwear.

12. I was once kidnapped by a very angry father with a gun. They let me go when they saw my father's shotgun. Pointed at their heads. True Story. In Family Legend this is called "The Alvin Incident"

13. I was a humongous Osmond Brother fan when I was young. Until I discovered Led Zepplin.

14. I can't stand to have anyone touch my feet or to touch anyone's feet. Unless I am doing Reiki. Then it feels like an honor.

15. I am diabolically opposed to lying. I have an extremely hard time telling anything but the truth and am always STUNNED when I find out that other's lie. I am truly THAT gullible. STILL. I have a really difficult time when people do wrong, it's like it breaks something in me and I can't be with them honestly any more. I cannot stand for people to hurt others. It makes me have to protect them. Esp. kids.

16. I really do believe in the power of healing, prayer, light, love, peace and the law of attraction. I really believe that I have no choice but to give... no matter what. I really do believe that we are all one and we all have God in us. I really do believe it is our job to feed His sheep. And deep down, I really believe that the world is a beautiful place.

There you go Rhia. Course, I'm sure there's nothing in here that would surprise you. I tag whoever wants to do this :)

Scattered.

Here it is. Once again I am scattered. I'm not sure exactly why. I think it may have something to do with having to switch hats too often too quickly. In the last week I:

Put on my yoga teacher hat and taught a bazillion classes
Switched to my reiki healer hat and gave healing to my beautiful clients
Put on my mom hat cause Rhia came home which created the need to
Put on my Rhia's Mom hat to all the kids running through my house and then
Put on my world's best cook (according to my kids) hat for Thanksgiving and then
Switched to my Person who goes to Church hat which was quite dusty but even dustier was my
Putting on a Show Hat and Holding Auditions which created the necessity for my
Creative Entertainer Hat which had grown small and was hard to put on but then I had to:

Take off my Mom hat cause Rhia went back to school and
Put on my Computer Hat and my
Instant Messenger Hat and my
Writer Hat for my newsletter which creates the whole
Website Designer Hat so I can update everything I said in my Newsletter but hardest of all is
Putting on my feeble Sewing Hat to make eye pillows and
Putting the detested Maid Hat on to clean up for the party this weekend and
Reluctantly putting on the Christmas Decorator Hat to please my husband and randomly
Putting on the Photographer Hat to post new pics on my website/facebook and
Jeweler Hat for the new bracelets and
Put on my Private Detective Hat because I had to
Take off the Photographer Hat cause I can't find my camera.
This means I need to put on my Organizer Hat which alas, is also very dusty.

Sigh. Feeling overwhelmed, I have put on my Blogger Hat for one reason:

Anyone seen my camera? Just checking.

So many thoughts, so little time.... pt. 2

Well, here we are. Thanksgiving is done. Other than 15 more pounds of turkey of course. Also, of course, there's been a revolving door of kids around due to Rhia being home so food goes much quicker LOL. We had a large fire last night so the smell of smoke still lingers in the air. It feels like the first time we've been home alone for days. Cory's upstairs playing the guitar and singing, Rhia randomly joins in from the living room, Barry's putzing around the yard and I just got out of the shower and am deciding which direction to go in. Everywhere I look there is some work to be done but I don't feel any great pressure to do it. So I blog.

Home. aka Sanctuary. The place where occasionally you look around and realize your past, your present and your future. What's real. What's important. The place where you can exhale.

Sometimes life feels so hurried. I tend to feel like I have to do this so I can do that which will make this happen so I won't have to have that happen. You know. Every now and then I get a moment where I don't have to do anything. And then it's impossible to decide. Well, if I don't have to do anything, what would I do? It's perplexing.

Feels like in a perfect world, if you could do whatever you wanted to do without consequence, you would just sit and eat and drink and laugh and love. Which is what I do. Well except there are consequences. Sigh. So then the shoulds come in.

I should exercise.
I should eat better.
I should meditate.
I should get my work done.
I should clean up the kitchen.
I should think of something for dinner and go get it and make it.
I should finish the Christmas decorating.
I should, I should, I should.

So Rhia and I watch the birds. And wander around. And I go to the windows where Barry is working and make faces at him. ........

So... yeah... we just slithered on the ground and hid behind the wall to the window he was working on and waiting an interminable time for him to get involved in his task so we could jump up and SCARE HIM!!!! Only it didn't. So dejectedly, we walk away.

And yes. This is what we choose to do with our time....

The Challenge continues

Peyton Conway March once said,

`

"There is a wonderful mythical law of nature that the three things we crave most in life - happiness, freedom and peace of mind - are always attained by giving them to someone else."

`

It never ceases to amaze me how true this statement is. Take yesterday, for example. I posted the Grateful Challenge in the hopes of giving other's the opportunity to feel gratitude in their hearts, to take a minute and realize that no matter what your circumstances, you can always find something to be grateful for.

`

What I didn't expect was how heartwarming it would be to see the answers. One girl wrote 100 things, right off the bat. And she's just 22 years old. Imagine at that age being able to have the ability to REALLY look beyond yourself and be happy for what you have received. I don't know at 22 if I could have done that... unfortunately, I was probably more concerned with what I didn't have :( than all the riches that I did have. Thank goodness God is forgiving. Anyway, here's some of the answers I've received:

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1. my breath2. my family3. my friends4. red wine5. chai6. yoga7. the Earth’s bounty8. a heart that somehow manages to remain open9. moving beyond the pain10. meditation (I’m thankful for it, but it doesn’t mean I love it - it’s excruciating sometimes.)11. the healing arts12. organic dark chocolate13. my path14. lessons learned the hard way15. learning hard lessons the easy way16. sushi places that use brown rice17. heart to heart conversations that lead to “aha” moments18. turning points19. reduced cynicism20. openness to see the world through different lenses21. folks who have the courage to put themselves in harms way for the greater good22. the shift I believe is happening in the Collective Consciousness23. America growing into her potential greatness24. the rhythms of nature25. clothes that fit a little looser this year1 Family2 friend3 freedom4 choice5 being able to trust in people6love8 laughter9 chinese food10 my bedroom11 good boots12 the snooze button14 warm blanket15 church16being able to learn17 bullet proof glass18 being able to call home19 cheezits20 dvd's21my sense of humor22 the internet so i can talk to those i love23 people who will send cookies to a random soldier24 honor25 the ability to love1 My husband Bruce2 My 3 wonderful daughters3 My friends4 My home5 My work6 My homeschool group TLCI7 Our cat Princess8 My family in The Netherlands9 Barely being affected by the economic slump10 Getting a new President (yeah!)11 Church choir12 Running, even when the weather is below freezing13 Nice meals to cook14 A glass of wine in the evening15 Making real wood fires in the fireplace16 Volunteering at the food bank17 Taking long walks (like Volksmarches if you know what they are)18 my PT Cruiser19 Stamping cards20 Playing Bananagrams21 Watching Becca perform in the Nutcracker22 the many blessings I receive every day24 God's amazing presence 25 inner peace 26. blogs27. blog buddies28. my "daughter"29. finding balance30. hassle free hair31. the holiday spirit32. synchronicity33. books34. internet access35. my Blackberry (what would I do without it?)36. flex time37. my body surprising me in yoga class38. 4 day weekends39. ginger peach candles40. knowing the value of "elbow grease"41. not having to use it42. Whole Foods43. Trader Joe's44. My Organic Market45. the surprise of finding favorite products at Safeway46. not having to do Black Friday this year47. Linda (wow! sorry it took so long)48. laughter49. Tonya (my holistic health counselor and mentor)50. Phoenix Rising1. Matt2. My parents3. other assorted family4. the whole Miller family5. my puppy6. my cats7. a warm house8. cell phone9. a working car10. laughter11. knitting needles12. yarn13. my imagination14. renn fest15. tissues16. snowball17. technology18. my brain19. doctors20. being able to have a choice21. healthy food options22. not so healthy food options23. warm sweaters24. long walks25. a misty weathered day26. twilight (the time of day and the book series)27. yoga28. cozy blankets to snuggle in29. inside jokes30. theatre31. dance32. text messaging33. freedom of expression34. farmers markets35. downtown annapolis36. christmas trees & hanukkah bushes37. hugs38. family values39. a strong belief in what's right40. a voice41. being loved42. small children43. intelligent conversations44. cameras45. picture frames46. sales (on anything)47. the media48. recordable cds49. movies50. mostly clean air51. gwynne and kyle52. those overseas who should be home 53. health of my family (especially my father)54. tears 55. reiki56. medication to heal ailments57. a good massage58. books59. vegetables (but not peas or beans) (or brussel sprouts)60. italian food61. homecooked food62. being able to smile63. swimming pools64. hairbrushes65. campfires66. moving body parts67. motivation68. teachers69. knowledge70. learning new things71. cookies72. artists73. disney princesses74. leaves75. mentors76. greenmen77. faeries78. airplanes79. police officers80. nutcrackers81. ramen soup82. warm summer night83. fresh picked flowers84. daisies85. getting my back scratched86. life87. the possiblity of giving life88. the air we breathe89. multiple choices for the clothing on my back90. linda's margaritas91. kisses92. acorns93. firefighters94. ice cream95. The Helfers96. The Connolly's97. The Thorpes98. being able to love99. friendship100. All of my friends and loved ones1. my husband2. my beautiful boys3. my big sister4. family and friends5. God6. a nice warm home to come to7. a job8. Love9. food on the table10. medications that work11. the warmth of my fireplace12. my dog13. my car14. laughter15. snow16. quiet17. movies18. my computer19. the ability to taste, smell, feel, see, etc.20. flowers21. red wine22. seafood23. beaches24. mountains25. Heaven

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Wow. Sorry for the way Blogger copies and pastes but it sort of seems right somehow.

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Wow. By giving I have received so much. How heartwarming and delightful people are.

Today's Challenge: Name 25 Things you are grateful for by Thursday!

My 25 (not necessarily in any order :) ):

1. My Life
2. Barry
3. Cory
4. Rhia
5. God
6. Reiki
7. Yoga
8. My Students
9. My Friends
10. My Family.... where ever they are
11. Suki
12. Wine
13. Insights
14. Great Books
15. Trees
16. The Big Beautiful Sky
17. Turkeys
18. Wind
19. Therapy
20. Health
21. Tarot
22. Knowledge
23. Empathy
24. Jenny
25. My Home

Now, where's yours? The challenge is 25-- Bonus for 100!
Love to All!

While the Mice were Away....

So, Cory went to get Rhia at Montreat this weekend. While they were away:

Barry & I hung out on the couch....

I played London Bridge with the animals.


Barry smudged the house with our new Smudge Sticks...

Dude. What'd you think?

So many choices, so little time...

I find myself still in unable to get motivated mode. Fortunately, lots of people have been wanting Reiki and coming to Yoga so I've been crazy busy. Trouble is, when I'm not crazy busy I have trouble making myself crazy busy. You know?

The concept of my work distracting me from my work is silly. It's that putting on this hat and that hat thing. My to do list is never gonna to be a done list. It's interesting that I used to be able to manage a 25 person office and know on any given day what was in any persons to do list and now I can't even FIND my own list. This old age absentmindedness combined with the hormonal silliness (don't EVEN get me started) combined with all the electronic hoo ha to take care of and my parenting now spread all over the country (umm, ok, slight exaggeration) and the "go with the flow" lifestyle that yoga and meditation are so good at producing has made it extremely difficult for me to complete a single task completely.

You know the drill. You sit down to check your mail, which can be an all day thing somedays just trying to respond to all the email and blogs and comments but sooner or later you have to eat and you notice there is no food so you go to the store but while you are looking for your purse you realize you haven't been to the bank so you need to get your deposit ready but when you pull the drawer with all your banking stuff you realize it is stuffed with well.... stuff... so it is in immediate need of being organized so you begin that but just as you are surrounded with 25 piles of well.... stuff... you get a phone call that you MUST take that ends up being an hour long and you find yourself doing laundry and washing dishes but just as you get the piles of laundry sorted you realize it's time for your next class so you leave the whole big mess to teach which completely chills you out and then you come home and need to just check your mail real quick which turns into a quick glance at Facebook and the next thing you know 2 hours has passed while you are desperately trying to save the rainforest by taking care of everyones green patch and oh my lordy, it's time for dinner. But you never made it to the store... so it looks like it's gonna be pizza which reminds you that you REALLY need to work out so you begin to put your exercise clothes on but you didn't get to do the laundry so you don't have any clean ones and ewww, who is gonna exercise in previously exercised in clothes? so you go back to the utility room to finish the laundry but guess what? Of course, there's no laundry detergent. And you never went to the store. So you decide to make a list. Which brings you back to the drawer... and you see the piles of unorganized stuff and you feel overwhelmed so you decide maybe gardening would clear your mind...

So. Um...Honey? That's why the house and yard look the way they do.

But I don't have time to take care of it right now cause I have to make some new eye pillows cause I promised Fabian House I would get them there today. Or tomorrow. Sigh.

The Beach

Had a perfectly wonderful, marvelous, relaxing weekend. Went to Jenny's Place in Fenwick. The weather was supposed to be wretched but much to our surprise and delight the clouds broke and it was warm and sunny on Saturday. We were wandering around Rehobeth in sweaters and were.... well, sweating it was so nice! Even on the beach. Very windy on the bay though so we couldn't get our canoe ride in but oh well, we went to the movies instead. Yes, you read that right we went to the movies! I haven't been to the movies since the last Star Wars movie came out. We saw The Secret Lives of Bees which was one of my most favorite books. Cried our eyes out. We were not alone. Course Barry was counting the other men in the theater watching this "chick flick".... It was easy cause we were in Rehobeth so there were many man there. Together. Tee Hee. I love it there, everyone is so accepting of one another.

We had fabulous meals and much time to just hang and chat since we had no computers and no tv. Ahhh. Makes you wonder why you don't just throw yours away at home... life is so much easier without them. Course you wouldn't be seeing this blog if we did so I guess there's a trade off.

Oh to live at the beach. The wind, the waves, the sights and smells. I am truly alive there. Everything else pales in comparison. One day......

Working Through Injury

One of the hardest things for me as a yoga teacher has been learning when to teach and when to step aside and allow the teaching to occur on its own. It is a constant lesson in letting go. Especially when your students have been with you for a long time, it is difficult when you see them making decisions and doing things that will ultimately hurt them in the long run. I know from experience that many times, if I interfere with the lesson at hand, the lesson will not be learned.

Take for example a student who has injured themselves. Having been there myself, I know how hard it is to step back and continue practicing at the level you are now, not where you were. It takes patience. And perseverance. And you will probably hurt yourself a few more times before you get it. That is the lesson of the injury. The problem steps in when, in frustration, you stop practicing. And the ego begins to tell you that the real problem is not the injury or more importantly, the reason you were injured to begin with... the ego says noooo, it's not you.... it's the YOGA... it's the teacher.... it's anything but the lesson of truly learning to honor yourself and your body. That damn ego. It always wants whatever brings you away from enlightenment... because it's the death of it, you know?

This is hard to watch. Because then the whole snowball effect takes place. People don't always realize all the benefits of yoga. They think it's just about that one hour. You work out, you rest, you go drink a beer. Sort of like how some people handle church... check the box Christians I've heard them called. I went to yoga so now I should be cured. So why does my back hurt? It obviously has nothing to do with the five hundred times the teacher told me to pull my belly in to protect my back and not try to force my head to the floor noooooooooooo.... she must be an inadequate teacher, making me hurt myself like that. Or, I haven't been to yoga for weeks, why am I still in pain, in fact WORSE and why is it that I am getting sick all the time and more importantly, why do I want to kill my family and kick my dog?

Right now, I have quite a few yogis who have injured themselves. Most, not during yoga but they keep aggravating the injury during yoga. It's metal season, our bones are creaking, it's time to cut the practice back a bit... not by not going but by taking it a little easier on ourselves. This is the time that separates the men from the boys so to speak. I have one student from World Gym who is a regular AND I mean, regular... she never misses yoga unless she is out of town or something major has occurred. Poor thing tweaked her knee raking and has really been suffering. She's had to modify all of her poses to accommodate it. She's frustrated but she knows. She's stopped going to the muscle conditioning class before, walking the treadmill instead but she hasn't missed a yoga class. Why? She's experienced enough to know that the lesson is IN the injury... by keeping up her practice, modifying and accepting where her feet are TODAY, tomorrow she will be better. And I can bet you she will heal in record time. I can also tell you she's past 60..... Her doctors are always astounded at her, I am always astounded at her, she is one of my most flexible students...

But she knows. I have some other not so regulars who have been dealing with injuries for months, some even for years. They would be very pissed to read this. The ego would say oh that teacher.... she just thinks she knows it all, lets see her deal with this pain.... Oh. Gulp. That's right, she did. We saw it. Well, she's just lucky-- or worse... she's not really doing the yoga anyway. Such a shame. I feel so bad for them. But I do think they will get it eventually. The problem is when you've had to learn the lesson a few times, the ego fights a bit harder to win. It gets a bit uglier. And it conspires to give you all kinds of excuses why you can't/shouldn't/mustn't practice. Which then perpetuates itself because the longer you stay out of yoga, the harder it is to get things moving again... the harder it is to keep your moods regulated and keep yourself motivated...the harder it is to honor where you are NOW because it will not be any where near where you were. At least for a couple classes.

Sigh. Life teaches hard lessons. I just keep throwing out my seeds. And praying.

And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud became more painful than the risk to blossom... Anais Nin

Clearing the Inbox

I give up. I am going to quietly accept the fact that I will never have an empty inbox again. I deleted over 400 emails in the last 2 days. I have over 400 left. What ever. Enough.

However, my endeavor turned up some very interesting and thought provoking stuff. Like:

You can always tell an old soul, Linda, by how friendly they are to trees.
Very, very --- The Universe

"How can I be more like you?" she asked the guru. And the guru answered: "The best way to be more like me is to be more like you."
--Alan Cohen

You are perfect as you are, and you could use a little work.
Shunryu Suzuki-roshi (1905 - 1971)

Don't be concerned about being disloyal to your pain by being joyous.
--Pir Vilayat Inayat Khan

There is no way to peace. Peace is the way.
--A.J. Muste

I know God promises not to give me more than I can handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much.---Mother Teresa

And a favorite:

Eye to Eye

I have a private/semi private class on Thursdays. It's a gentle class and most times ends up just being me and one other student. She's an old friend of mine so lots of time we talk the hour away and never actually get to yogaing, cept maybe relaxation. I really enjoy that class. We talk deeply, eye to eye, about how we feel... not just how we are.

I was thinking this morning how important that is. Most conversations in our busy life consist of

"hi, how are you?"
"fine"
"good, see ya!"

Sometimes we go into a run down of things happening in our lives, like an event calendar.

"well, we did this and little johnny did that and hubby has this going on...."

While searching in our purse for our keys. But I am lucky. Yoga, whether you do it or not, seems to bring about intimacy. There's just something about the sacredness of people breathing, really breathing together. The shared experiences during meditation. Even if you don't talk about what you experienced, there's a joining that occurs when all are focused on their energy, their breath, their spirit....Relaxing. After yoga, many times, no one leaves. They chatter, they commune and you hear words like "feel", "emotion", and words that describe feeling emotions. The more the students gather regularly, the more they talk. Before and after class. Sometimes it becomes hard to get them to start doing yoga.... LOL

My private/semi private student calls this mental yoga. I am so blessed that most of my friendships are with people who take some time to breathe now and again. My conversations tend to be a bit deeper with these people, we make eye contact, we let our shoulders down, we relate, sometimes we even allow quiet pauses and just sit together.... Mmmmm. One of the best things about a Restorative Yoga Day is the quietness within a group of people, eye contact and a smile says so much more than...

"well, we did this and little johnny did that and hubby......."

Can't wait for tomorrow! Ahhhh, realness. It's a beautiful thing.

Hope

Wow. Last night was incredible. At midnight, my son raises a glass of wine to toast a new beginning... to Hope. Rhia was on the live web cam celebrating, Barry & I, weeping, praying for healing and daring to dream.

I grew up on a street where my family and one other were the only "white" people. All of my friends were African American. We played together everyday. I never saw color. My mom and dad would probably be considered racist because they used politically incorrect words now and then but they never thought they were better than anyone else on the street. We were all just people. When my children were born, it was my fondest wish that they experience the same lack of color bias.... which was not to be.

In the last 10 years in my town there has been tremendous racial tension. My town has the reputation of whites being elitists who do not want "that element" in their schools. Us "white" folk are becoming the minority and there are quite a few "black" folk who are militant in their views that "they" will show "us." Our schools are battlefields, children acting out their parents emotions. It's been very sad. And shocking to me. I've had a really hard time feeling that I have been attacked and accused of feelings I didn't know I had.

In this election, once again, I didn't see color. I was a Hillary supporter because I love intelligence and contrary to many, I really like the Clintons. I think Bill Clinton was one of the greatest presidents we've ever had. I do not base my opinion of others on who they sleep with. When Hillary wasn't elected, I began to look into Barack Obama. After watching the debates and reading some of his speeches I was delighted to find the same principles that made me like the Clintons; intelligence, fairness, honoring life and realizing that power is not always about who has the bigger army... that negotiation and working with the rest of the world would be the best example of "power". Like Jesus, I believe that fighting is not the answer. Peace.... is always the answer.

Last night I wept. I was stunned at the depth of emotion. It hadn't occurred to me how important this was to African Americans until I was walking up to vote yesterday. Until my son came home from voting with tears in his eyes saying how he hoped this would make the African Americans realize that we are with them.... to heal this racial division and stop all the ugliness. To get rid of the idea that Americans don't care about the rest of the world, to eliminate the impression created after 9/11 that Americans are out to bomb and kill anyone that stands in their way no matter what the United Nations say. We were terrified all day that somehow, someway the election would be rigged and the American people would once again have to suck it up and deal when our vote didn't matter.

Change. Hope. I hadn't dared to dream.

The look in the eyes of the hundreds and thousands out in the streets, celebrating, weeping and hugging one another, regardless of race, leads me to believe I was not alone in my fears. And my joy.

While we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism and doubt and those who tell us we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people:

Yes We Can.

Barack Obama
President-Elect of the United States of America

Celestine Prayer Project

On November 4, 2008, the United States will engage in what is undoubtedly an historic election.

Our experience over the last year tells us overwhelmingly that Prayer Works. We have prayerfully visualized that rogue nations such as North Korea and Iran act to become a part of the world community, and both have moved to comply with UN mandates. We have prayed for the Iraq war to move toward peace, and by all measures that is occurring. We have prayed that hurricanes would diminish in destructive force and have been blessed to see the winds decrease.

Now, all day tomorrow, November 4, help us prayerfully envision this election being one of the most efficient and fair and fully exercised of any in this nation's history. Beginning early in the morning, let's join together, connect with the one God of Love, and see all involved in this election exercise their rights without complication, and after the choice is made, see the country come together in unity to chart a course of progress that will resolve its many problems and reach its greatest potential.

Let's hold this image in our minds all day...until competion.

Feel the connection!

Saving Daylight

Ahhh. The clocks went back. I feel better. I've been feeling really poorly lately but now it's better.

November. Already. Or finally, depending on your perspective.

Vote.

And if you need help making your decision.... well, I guess we all know who I'd advise you to vote for. I'm a big fan of intelligence, compassion and hope. Vote your heart. Or your gut.

Have you seen the pictures of my daughter lately? Who is that? Wow.

My stuff at Fabian House is actually selling. Isn't that amazing? Had lunch there Friday... I really like the owners. So sweet.

Went to St. Michael's yesterday. Apparently the shop owners there haven't been keeping up with the newspapers. Or maybe they just read the style section.... Did you know that at St. Michael's they sell EXACTLY the same thing that I make? Only theirs is $45 more.... The male outfits were entertaining though. LOL

Been helping out some friends with Reiki who were having trouble breathing. Today it's me. How strange.

Vote. And then come to yoga and let it go.... What will be, will be. Que Sara, Que Sara... Hey, where Doris Day?

Enjoy the beauty all around you today... take a drive down old 450-- it's gorgeous!

Happy Halloween!

Ahhh, Halloween...

Used to be really fun when the kids were little and I worked in a nursery school and would see all the little vampires, black cats and Britney Spears in the parade...

Me and my friend Christine would fly through the halls, grabbing snacks for the kiddies and singing that crazy fly, fly, witchie, witchie, fly song, seeing who could get it stuck in the other's head first.

My hands would be permanently black for the whole month from all the paint washing.

Yeah, Halloween now....

Maybe I'll dress as a yoga teacher.

Or better yet, a witch!!!! Hahahahahaha! Won't be a stretch, right?

Have a great day and a ghoulish new year!!!

Swirling Circles of Thought

Monday night I went to a Women's Circle from my church.

I know, right?

I was asking myself the same question. All day I kept thinking, "why? why are you opening this can of worms? I thought you were done." Truth is, I really miss hanging with a bunch of women and not being in charge. Now, don't get me wrong, I looooove what I do. But every now and then it's really nice to enter into a circle of people praying for each other and holding each other up.

Then why not go to church?

ooooohhhhh, there's the can of worms.....

I just can't want it. There is something blocking my path. I feel heaviness and sadness. I feel like I would have to check my brain and my emotions at the door. And what's the point? Why be somewhere that you have to just settle? swirling, swirling, like a leaf....

It's so confusing. "It's not so bad" is not the way I want to live my life. "It's not so bad" is usually followed with a litany of negativity.... that the speaker has decided to embrace. Because it's easier than not.

The Woman's circle was very nice. Ever since my bestie and I broke up, I have missed feeling really close to women. I have great women friends, in fact, quite a few new besties but most of my new besties are very busy so we don't get to spend a lot of time together. We're not "on the phone" everyday besties. And that's okay. I have learned that everyday besties tend to burnout and get angry at each other if they spend too much time together. Even though sometimes I really miss my bestie, I'm quite content with loving my friends and feeling loved in return. It's a marvelous thing in fact.

So why go to the women's circle? I don't know. I feel left out I suppose. Even though it's my choice, I really miss being part of the fun.... planning for Christmas families... the market.... the really good part of church... the helping of others and holding each other up. I really, really miss that. I just really don't miss the ugliness. That heaviness.... the sadness. I think I'm old enough now to pick and choose and stay sane.

We'll see.

Ta ta ta tarot

Last night was so much fun. I was hired by our local Halloween demons to read tarot at their annual ghoul fest (at the church tee hee). I dressed in my usual clothes ha ha, yep-- witch-like is my Sunday best. Long skirt, took the curtains off my windows ala Scarlett O'Hara, wrapped them around my shoulders, put a ton of makeup on, beads and waaa la! I am Miss Cleo-- tarot reader extraordinaire!

I convinced Barry to go along and grabbed the curtains off the other window to put over his head "you don't have to do a thing.... just sit there and be scary!" He did a really good job. Sitting there and being scary is his forte'.

I had a long line of people waiting. One after another they trudged in, warily looking at the scary lump in the corner... and the scarier lump in front of them. "You scared little girl?" in my best creepy voice. "Nah, it's just you Miss Linda". Errgh. Too many plays, they know me too well. Plus, like I said, I was really just dressed in my usual clothes. Hair a muss. Just like everyday.

I've been reading tarot since my teens. I don't know where it comes from, just another coming through me thing. My employers wanted it to be a Halloween novelty and on some level it was, but the cards do not lie. It was interesting what came up-- and quite a shuffle to keep it on a fun, party level when fun, party cards didn't come up. For the kids, I was able to just kinda step out of reality and give them some messages wrapped in a sugar coated piece of candy. It was sad to see how many kids, esp. teenage girls, had "stress" or "comparison" come up... tough times, teenage girls. What was really hard was seeing "exhaustion" and "burden" come up for little boys... stressed out at 10, sheesh, imagine when they hit my age. One boy was on cloud 9 though, after I told him he would have tons of girlfriends before he found his wife... I think he's about 11. LOL

Now, the adults were a different matter. I was VERY limited on time, like I said, there was a constant line outside the door but man, oh man, some of the cards that came up! Alot of the adults were complete strangers to me but it was incredible how dead on their readings were. And what a fool I am-- I didn't even bring my business cards so we could follow up-- don't know what I was thinking. I had some wild readings happening, my good buddy Ann was having to do post reading counseling outside my door LOL. Seriously, it was amazing. Just the heat from the energy WOOOOO!

Had one experience that took MY breath away. A person kept circling outside the opening... I knew they wanted a reading but since they were a grown up, they weren't sure it was okay or not- this was towards the end, I was supposed to leave at 8:30 and it was already after 9. I beckoned to this person to come in. We hardly exchanged words. I gave the instructions "think of what's going on in your life, if you have any questions, shuffle the cards, don't tell me what you want to know and we'll just see what the cards have to say"

Of the hundreds and hundreds of readings I've done in my life, I would have to say this was one of the most powerful I've ever seen. Every card deep with meaning and based on the look on this persons face... dead on. I start interpreting, almost as if in a trance, everything around us ceased to exist, our eyes locked and it was as if I could read their soul... at first they were scared but then they realized it was safe... I would not hurt them and neither would the truth. Afterwards, we just sat... looking at each other. No words. Recognition of the power of what had just happened. Silently we shook hands. They stumbled out to the raucous party going on--dazed, and I sat quietly, exhilarated. Wishing I had more time.

All in all, one of the funnest nights I've had in a long time-- well, cept for the party I went to Friday night... oh and... oh never mind, LOL-- I have lots of fun :)

BIGGEST NEWS OF ALL: My products are on sale at Fabian House Now!!!! More on this soon.... I am just feeling so blessed. TTYS LY BB!

Welcome to the Jungle

Yesterday was the annual bring the outdoors in game at my house. Because I am a total sap and cannot kill any living thing, I have ended up with a multitude of house plants. Seriously, I can't let things die, even if a stalk breaks off, I have to root it and make another plant. If you've been to my house you know this to be true. This creates tremendous upheaval in the Spring & Fall. Fall comes and we bring all these lush, humongous plants into the house. Winter becomes a game of survival of the fittest. Keeping the plants where they will get enough sun and remembering to water them is a chore. Which is fairly interesting, apparently I can't deliver a death blow but I don't mind slowly letting them suffer waiting to curl up and wilt...

By Spring it becomes a race to see if they will make it to the last frost or will I surreptitiously place them out with an admonition of "if you really want to live, the cold won't bother you!" Let the wind blow the dust off, water til you drown... ahhh, rejuvenation! Course, I think the other plants get jealous so the first warm day, everyone goes out... only to then be brought back in by my resentful husband who's glaring eyes are screaming I TOLD YOU SO because this is called the same thing happens every year. Every year I swear I will let them die, either they make it or they don't, it's God's will, not mine! And every Spring and Fall, just at the last minute, sometimes even at midnight, I relent and insist on going and bringing them in. Or at least covering them with blankets. Barry loves it.

In jeopardy right now is a huge Hibiscus. The Summer was not kind to my Hibiscus. It really needed transplanting but I couldn't find a pot big enough, I kept meaning to cut it back but it kept flowering and I can't possibly lose a flower so I never got around to it. Plants are smart. They know when they might be a goner so they go for broke. As a result, they get really leggy, they drop all their leaves and put all their energy into reproducing, hoping and praying that the seeds will live on, carry on the name so to speak, if only that evil gardener would stop deadheading and let the seed form... Life and death, right in my pruners. Ugh.

I am seriously considering cutting the hibiscus back and letting it live in my utility room. It's the only place that's left. When I think of February and my hunger for any color and warmth... and the vibrancy of that first brilliant red flower...

Barry's gonna be pissed.

PS. I'm having a half price sale on Good Luck Jade plants!!! Only 35 left!!!! Get yours now! Ai yi yi....

Whirlwind

Whew, so Rhia blew into town and out in the blink of an eye. So wild. And she says, "So Surreal". (ha ha, such a college student-- just 2 months ago she would've said "so weird dawg....") Instant recap:

As mentioned, her plane was 5 hours late. Course, even though she didn't get in til after midnight, the first thing we had to do was play Wii Fit. She was delighted to do the body test and discover she now has a great BMI... we were delighted to see how great she looks, radiant is the term her father keeps using. Finally we go to bed but she promises to go with me in the morning to Fabian House.

Fabian House. In case you don't know, Fabian House is a great little antique store/vegetarian cafe in Old Bowie. I was there a couple weeks ago with a dear friend and we were chatting about our businesses and how best to network and advertise and on a whim I got my courage up and asked the owners how they sell local artists wares, how does it work? We had a great conversation and ended up exchanging business cards and lo and behold--they love my stuff and want to sell it. I am absolutely tickled...we had a great meeting, they are such nice people and I learned so much about how this whole process works. Rhia was so sweet-- a half hour meeting stretched into almost 2 hours but it was great having her there beside me, it really gave me courage and strength... plus, it was great to be able and make sure I wasn't dreaming! It is for real.. they like my stuff and as soon as I can get enough of everything, they are going to display and sell it! Yippee!!!!

The rest of the weekend is a blur of people coming over and playing games and hanging out and laughing and singing and before we knew it, it was Sunday. And we had to take her back to the airport. It seemed like it came too quick but I am sort of astonished at all we packed into 3 days. Plus, I was trying to get my stock ready at the same time. It's like we were stepping in and out of the new/old me's and I think that's what the surreal-ness was all about. I think Rhia came home thinking everything had changed when the reality was she has changed, she has grown and I think we thought everything was the same but the reality was we have been changed too... At one point, Saturday morning I think, we looked into the living room which was covered with all the usual sleepover, hanging out, game pieces, cards and various clutter that represents youngun's in the house and it was very jarring. Our living room hadn't looked like that for 8 weeks. The whole energy in the house changed-- not that it was good/bad-- just different. Sort of like the Reiki Advanced Training affected my Reiki... the energy was always like fire, burning bright and hot. Now the energy is even more powerful... like a mountain.. strong and solid. Both are equally welcome and wonderful, just different.

Perhaps that's the difference as we age... Burning bright turns to solid strength. Hmmm. The fire of youth gets replaced with the strength of the mountains....

Let's ponder. What do you think?

7:08! *edit 12:01 :(

My daughter is coming home today! We pick her up at 7:08/12:01. She's flying on a airplane alone for the first time. But she is now a grown up college student, smart and strong, flying should be a piece of cake. I don't mind telling you that I am excited beyond belief. I can't wait to see her! Will she look different? Will she act different? Will she talk with a Southern accent? Who will she be? Will she be my little girl still? Or has she grown miles beyond me? So many experiences in such a very short time. How has it changed her? I talk to her every day, see her face on the web cam, text and im on and off, sharing our lives but still don't really know who college student Rhia really is.



She has done something I have never done in my life. She has moved away from family, completely on her own, miles and miles away. She has had to learn to study, learn to negotiate with a roomie (well, I guess I've done that :) ) She's arranged meetings with professors and excelled at writing essays and completing all her assignments-- not just on time but early in a lot of cases. Her grades are exceptional. She did not know she had it in her. I did but wasn't sure she'd step aside and let it through. She did. She's amazing. I can't wait to see her and just sit with her and yes, play Mario Kart and hear her giggle again.

Who is this girl? This is so wild. So Weird. I have a grown up college student flying in to come home for a couple days. Having trouble sinking that in. My daughter. Flying. Grown Up. Wow.



This will be a looooong day.....until 7:08! *edit... Even longer til 12:01 LOL But she's home and safe!!! Yay!!!

Breathing

I can't imagine what the people who work on Wall Street are dealing with right now. Their whole day to day frenetic energy, thriving on fierceness has got to be thrown for a loop. I bet you could smell the fear when the Dow plummeted down, down, down.... There was probably initially some grand excitement, a great adrenaline rush and then a realization that this was going to be bad. Really bad. Really, really bad. I wonder if they even took a breath in the last hour or so. Wow. And now the banks, can you imagine? I worked for a mortgage company, was a manager in fact and my speciality was figuring out how to save loans for people who were rejected. And rightfully so. I used to joke about how we'd see those people in a few years in their foreclosures.... It was just business. Sort of like a chess game, can I move this piece here so I can convince them to move that piece there so I can sign on the biggest builder in the region and line my pockets with extra commission? Thank God I woke up. Quickly.

I wonder if the people on Wall Street and in the banks and mortgage companies are getting their wake up call now? It's interesting, the last 10ish Tarot readings I've done had the Tower in them. The Tower is a dreadful card, even in my Osho deck. It shows people falling from a burning building. The last time I had this card come up so much was right before 9/11. Every time it came up recently, I said a silent prayer... and felt a sense of dread. I am hoping this is it. I can feel the fear around me. I keep breathing. Sending out calmness. All Shall Be Well.

The great message of the Tower is that sometimes we build structures that have no choice but to crumble. We can chose to jump from them or be pushed but sooner or later we have to let go of what doesn't work, what doesn't serve the common good, what doesn't serve your highest intention for your highest power. We can crash and burn or we can stop and look. Our choice. We can sleepwalk through our days, justifying our actions, trying to remain numb to our conscience and our inner knowing but sooner or later we are going to get a wake up call. All of us.

"...you might be feeling pretty shaky right now, as if the earth is rocking beneath your feet. Your sense of security is being challenged, and the natural tendency is to try to hold on to whatever you can. But this inner earthquake is both necessary and tremendously important-- if you allow it, you will emerge from the wreckage stronger and more available for new experiences. After the fire, the earth is replenished; after the storm the air is clear. Try to watch the destruction with detachment, almost as if were happening to somebody else. Say yes to the process by meeting it halfway..." Osho

It's just money. It's just time for a change. America needs to stop, look and step back. We are not going in the right direction. Let's take the road less traveled. Examine your life. And if it seems like it's time....JUMP!!!

Gianni

His name is Gianni.

Metal

Just when you think it's safe to go outside... fall arrives. Ugh. That metal taste in your mouth. The dry, itchiness of your skin. Metal. That's Fall.
But other than that.
I love when the weather starts to turn crisp. I love snuggling under the covers.
I don't love when the grapevine and birdhouse gourds get brown and crunchy.
I love the anticipation of the holidays.
I don't actually love the holidays.
Mmmm, but I do love the water of winter.
But not when it turns to that black slushy stuff on the side of the road. Yuck.
I love the wind blowing and the leaves swirling and the joy of the children as they try and catch the leaves twisting and turning over the playground. In fact, it's about the only time I really miss being at the therapeutic nursery.
That and when I think of Jenny. And G.... I can't believe the name escapes me, I can see his face so clearly.... Dangit. Age.
I love the idea of the first fire after summer. I hope the wood dries out soon. I could sit all day watching, breathing, listening. Wanna join me?
What is that child's name? I have a picture of him on my refrigerator.
I love cutting all the beauty gone ugly down.
I love anticipating the new sprouts.
I hate the thought of not having dirt on my hands for months.
Oooo and the lovely smell of earth. I hate not breathing it in for months.
Rats. I'll let you know what the child's name is, I miss him so.

Balance

I always tell my yoga students to resist the impulse to judge themselves harshly in a pose because we all have different gifts. Some have great hips and find hip openers easy, to others (like myself) they are difficult and require true yoga focus and awareness to breathe into softening. Other's have great hamstrings and bend themselves in half at the drop of a dime. Still others have limber spines and have no trouble with backbends. Some of it is how you are built, some of it is from aware practicing but we all have things that come easier to us than others.

My gift is balance. Or should I say focus since they go hand in hand...I joke with my students sometimes when they are frustrated with balancing and glare at me just standing there on one leg, "I have the reverse of ADD, instead of my attention being distracted easily, I have a hard time dragging my focus away once it's there. I have OAD-- Overly Attentive Disorder" If you've ever been in one of my classes when someone has barged in disrupting the class, you will see how difficult it is for me to be bumped out of my zone and then have to get back in. Usually takes at least 2 breaths. Ha ha...it's just practice.

One of the things that balance has taught me, besides the fact that it requires focus first and foremost, it that you have to understand your center. It's a great metaphor for life. Once you "get" that you will be swayed in all directions but as long as you return to the center you will not be knocked off your roots. Going too far to the right or to the left will just topple you over. (Great lesson for politics, huh?)

Wind (thought) comes by, sway with it, return to center. Don't try and resist it... that will just break you in half. Watch a tree, the breeze comes, they sway, the breeze goes, they stand tall.

Think about the things in your life that you obsess about. Obsessing about anything is taking you too far from the center. Allow the thought, and allow it to keep going. Can't do it, you say? Then maybe you don't know where your center is.

Finding the center is central to balance.

What gives you roots?
What allows you to grow?
Where is your structure?
What feeds your soul?

There's your center. Also known as Source. It's the life force inside of you, it's what's really important, not just distraction. So many people fritter their lives away focusing on distractions without ever once feeling that magnificent Source of power that lives right inside of them. It makes me sad.

Every class I teach has balance as a large part of it. You can tell so much about people by how they approach balancing. Some give up immediately, just walk on over to let something else hold them up. Other's dig in, shoulder's up to their ears, holding on for dear life, trying to PROVE that they can balance, refusing to budge an inch. Still others start out fine but get blown away with their first thought which is usually "look at me! I'm balancing!" and off they go...

Long time yogis, ones who really "get" what yoga is all about, approach balancing the same way they approach all their poses.

Start with your foundation.
Root your feet.
Relax and find your breath.
Focus within
Accept what is, if it's there, it's there, if it's not, watch for what is.

In other words, Relax, Breathe, Feel, Watch, Allow....

Every time. Every pose. Or every day of your life. Or every moment. Just returning to center. Over and over. And settling in. Breathing. Yeah. Look there's another.

I could stand here all day. Just watching. Where are you centered?

And all is right with the world...

One of the biggest advantages of maturity is the realization that immediacy is not always permanent. When you are young it's hard to realize that the way you feel RIGHT NOW can change RIGHT THEN. When my kids were upset about something not so humongous, and feeling as if it was the end of the world, I used to ask them to wait a day. They would argue with me that a day wasn't going to make a difference, that I was crazy and I just didn't understand!!! And then the day would pass.

They never once admitted that there was some wisdom to my craziness. It was hard fought wisdom, I don't think I really figured it out til my 30s. And the funny thing is that it was my kids who taught it to me. I would drop them off for the first day of school, they would be miserable. Scared to death, in their younger years crying, being pried off of me, teachers glaring at me. Ugh. I would spend the entire day frantic, waiting for the phone call, expecting all kinds of horrible things and dreading picking them up and seeing the ruin on their faces that years & years of therapy would never erase. 6 hours of worrying, pacing, feeling like the worse mom on the planet. I'd get there a half hour early to pick them up, trying to talk with the other parents, trying to smile without my face cracking and then finally, out they would come...

Skipping cheerfully with new friends, "Mommy, Mommy! Meet so and so! Look at what I made!" From the deepest depths to the highest high... all in 6 hours.

Imagine what 24 hours can do.

Now, granted, this rule doesn't always work. Sometimes it may take 24 days. Or even 24 years. But as the Buddhists believe, "Everything and Everyone Changes". You can bet on it.

I think we may need to remember this right now...

No Followers?

You know, I think society is conspiring to make us feel bad about ourselves. Or maybe it's just me. Now Blogger has added the "Followers" gadget. Oh Lordy, another thing to obsess about! When MySpace first came out, the kids were competing to see how many "friends" they have. Rhia had something like 400 "friends". I was impressed. Until she told me she didn't know half of them. I refused to get a MySpace just cause I didn't want to have to worry about how many friends I had. Old people do not use MySpace... or they didn't.

I've had a Xanga for years. I had a fair amount of "subscribers", mostly kids. When I wanted to post stuff where the kids wouldn't see (I was doing a lot of theater at the time) I started up this Blogger. The intention was that no one would find me and I could write whatever I wanted. But human nature is such that I started finding other people cause I was curious who was here. I was cool with it being such a few folks but have to admit to occasionally being envious that other people had more "hits" on their site meter than me. Of course, this feeling was usually felt most when my yoga classes ebbed instead of flowed. It's funny, now I find I enjoy my xanga more cause I have made all kinds of really cool friends since it's so not cool anymore for the kids.

I got a Facebook because a marketing site said social marketing was the best marketing tool. (How many times can you fit marketing into a sentence?) I refused to befriend anyone--was strictly business-- but if they befriended me, I would add them. Lots of people befriended me.. trouble was I didn't know some of them. This makes me uneasy. Had a student come to yoga last night that I was very excited about when she befriended me cause I actually knew her and she was over 21!

So now Blogger wants me to put this follower thing up. What if no one follows me? I just can't take the pressure. I can't believe how courageous people are to install this. Or maybe it's just confidence.... or better yet, perspective. Most people that read my site are completely anonymous, I have no idea who you are. Who are you? Would you follow me? Ugh, just the question is pathetic....

This whole teenage "what if I threw a party and no one came?" thing has got to be awful for those teenagers who are constantly seeing other's partying or pretending to and they are sitting at home on Saturday nights. The whole thing is just disturbing. But in a strange way, very connecting. I have friends I keep up with now that I didn't before cause we were too busy... course now the busy-ness is all about trying to keep up other people's green patches and save the rain forest on Facebook LOL!

I don't know. I'm confused on this. And now I'm jealous that I don't have a family tree LOL! Ai yi yi-- what will they think of next?

BRRRR!

Last night, as usual, I went to sleep with a big old box fan in one window and a floor fan in the other. Can you say hot flashes? This morning there were icicles attached to my beard.

Yay! I love when the weather gets crisp. Cept all the plants are nasty so I'll have to start cutting them back. But the gourds are enormous and I am totally stoked about that. They will house a family of ten next year.

I am about as chipper as chipper can be. I am sold out of 4 of my bracelets already!! Course, if you make them one of a kind that makes it a little easier to sell out but woo hoo anyway! That's the thing I didn't think about. I'm all about newness. I don't know if I could mass produce the same kind of bracelet without my head rolling back and tongue lolling. Although, I sold my sacral one last night and went ahead and made another since I like it so much and it's on the front page of my website.... Oh and I sold some of my bath salts too! AND I signed up to get my Reiki Level 3 attunement in 2 weeks, I am thrilled about that. And if that's not all:

Yesterday I got the best gift! I am serious. A great yoga student friend of mine dropped these off on my porch in a beautiful bag covered with butterflies:

I LOVE THEM!!! They are my new favorite thing. I even brought the one doing bow pose to yoga last night for inspiration. I cannot look at them without smiling (and clapping my hands like a little child LOL) Aren't they great? She said I should put them in the garden but I don't think I can... Barry said we may have to build a special place just for them, like the naked lady glasses that circulate at Carl's Christmas party. (don't ask, I won't tell)

So there you have it. Life is good. Busy. But good. And cold. Cept I feel a hot flash coming on so: why is it so damn hot in here???? errrgh. JK. What's up in your neck of the woods?

Oh I almost forgot to tell you-- Rhia & I have been playing with iGoogle gadgets lately. If you want a quick what's happening with me go to: (link broken, email me for replacement) You have to have a iGoogle page to view it though. If you want to see Rhia's you'll have to ask her :) I'd love to add yours to my page if you have one-- send me a link.

Having fun yet?

I have been playing, puttering, doing what I love to do.... do the mess around....I feel compelled to play with chakras and surrounding myself with different ways to express them. I've always worked with crystals and when I'm doing Reiki, I often will get the message that a particular chakra needs some help and usually can tell when one of my own is out of whack. I always wear a chakra bracelet, but sometimes need a little extra in one area. And I've had a devil of a time finding them! You can get them all together but never individually... well, at least not that I've seen. So, the idea occurred to me that I should make them! So I've been putzing. I started with the bath salts cause I've been playing with the aromatherapy for years too. I have a recipe book for my "potions" and they had the great idea of coloring the salts so I took it one step further (of course) and have made them according to the chakras! You should smell the solar (yellow) one-- I infused it with Sunshine, my eye pillow blend.... mmmmm. Blue & Purple are Sweet Dreams, Green is Refresh and the lighter Green is a new blend that I developed for Anne based on the rosemary from her garden-- it is delightful. Haven't come up with a name for it yet...

Then it's been on to my next chakra endeavor, the bracelets. Let me tell you, making bracelets is not easy. I was thinking it would be a piece of cake cause Rhia and I used to make those bead buddy animals all the time and those big chunky beads slide right on. Ugh. The gemstones are dainty. They do not slide right on. In fact, I was about to just bag the whole idea until my buddy Ruth told me they have special needles for this. So, after spending a bazillion dollars on stones, needles, elastic, tranquilizers, I am starting to get the hang of it. In fact, I'm downright tickled about it. The one above is my sacral chakra one, it's real carnelian and copper-- I love it! Carnelian is perfect for harmony, imagination, wishes, happiness and Copper is cleansing, assists in balance and communication... It's a great combination. Those little copper beads are a bear to get on though....did I tell you I flunked home ec? Something to do with patience. Ha Ha. I had to make my throat chakra bracelet first to ease the words in my throat while I'm making them. :) I love my throat chakra one though, it's my favorite, lapis lazuli, china jade & hematite. It'll be on my website later today.

So next came chakra prayer chains for your car rear view mirror. I've had one of these on my car for years, since a woman's retreat where a good friend taught us how to make them. When I'm at a stop light and I need a little oomph, I'll hold the bead that corresponds to the chakra I'm working on that day and just breathe it in. (hey, it's better than cursing the traffic!) I love the way the light hits it, and I don't mind telling you, somedays it's the only way I can tell it's my car in the parking lot.

I no sooner started feeling more confident about the making of the bead stuff that I had to try and photograph them. Ugh. 400 pictures and only a couple of them worth putting on the web site. Barry and I were crawling on the floor, trying this background and that, this setting and that lighting and let me just say: I have a new respect for photographers. Especially ones who photograph stuff. I guess you need the right camera. Oh well. Now, if I can just get my website software to work for more than 2 minutes....

Hey, is mercury in retrograde? Carol, I miss you!

Here we go round the mulberry bush...again.

Sometimes I feel as if I am just circling the same things over and over. I don't think it's an accident that a mulberry bush popped up in my front yard without me planting it. True story. Big ole mulberry bush. When my daughter is home or my husband is in a good mood, sometimes I can convince them to go round it with me. But only once or twice. And you better believe there's no way my son will go round the mulberry bush with me... he's way too cool for that.

The mulberry bush flowered this year, creating big ole mulberries for the birds who really weren't interested and then promptly dropped all of it's leaves like it was done. I can certainly relate.

It's been a year since I decided to really have a go at changing my "please don't pay me" business to a "I honor myself and my gifts so go ahead and pay me" thriving self employment. If you had any idea of the obstacles that have been placed in my path in the last year you would probably think I was insane to have lasted the year. Or maybe masochistic. Every time I worked one problem out, something else crept up. Locations, personalities, bats, overscheduling, excuses, finances, issues, issues, issues with so many oh lordy don't even go there....round and round and round the mulberry bush. All the while trying to deliver quality, spiritual, happy moments.... One week with a dozen, the next with none. And don't get me wrong, the completely in my element, all is right with the world moments that carried me through the next 15 boomerangs.

The real thing that has carried me through all of it was a deep inner belief that this is what I was meant to do.

The thing that has occurred to me lately is that why would so many obstacles be placed in my path if this was what I was meant to do?

The second thought is then what? And where? And how? And most of all, why?

Why is it when I am teaching yoga, holding a restorative day, doing reiki, playing with soulcollage, doing a reading or listening to a friend that I feel completely present and alive and blessed? Why is it that so many have said how much they LOVE it only to not return? What is the missing piece? Or Who? Or What?

I think I'm gonna stop going round the mulberry bush. I might just sit there for a spell. Let the berries drop on my head and see if they can put some sense into me. Maybe I'll start going loop de loo instead....

We now return to our regularly scheduled programming....

Anyways.

Had a chance yesterday to do some readings at the Spirit Door. They were over the top good-- dead on, so to speak. Doing readings on complete strangers is very interesting. As the cards pop up, one by one, you can see their eyebrows going higher and higher and then they start nodding their heads and then a lot of times they just bust out laughing with the rightness of finding out what they already knew. Then they look at me nervously with the "are you a good witch or a bad witch?" look. And I have to reassure them that I'm not a witch at all... at least not what you think.

It's all about trust. When I interpret the cards, or teach yoga, or do Reiki, I never think, "oh dear I need to try and do a good job or figure out what these mean or what to teach or where to put my hands!!!" I just trust. Take a deep breath. Know God is there. Always. I will be guided. If that is the will.

Sometimes, especially when doing Reiki, I feel this humongous opening in the top of my head and roots in my feet. Almost as if there is no end and beginning to me and my physical body-- there's no conscious thought-- more like, "extra here, stone there, warm, pull" cept without words. In tarot and yoga, it's even less, like there's no head at all. Like I just wake up in the middle sometimes...

Had some long time students tell me a bit back that whenever I say "picture the crown of your head opening up and a white light coming in" that it creeps them out. I was stunned. Like, that's what every yoga teacher I've ever had said. It's a really strong visual, a connection to Source. I've been really reluctant to say it in those classes because I want them to relax during relaxation, not think of brain surgery... But what occurred to me was that it's the difference between thinking and not. Like, when the sensation of the crown opening and the connection being established occurs in my world, it's like a melting away of this plane to another, I don't think I've ever thought literally about it. Like a to do list:

1. Lay down
2. Remove hair
3. Cut open top of head
4. Peer inside hellllllooooooooo
5. Create virtual stitches to adhere scalp back in place

I feel bad that for years people were laying in relaxation pose feeling like they were having brain surgery. Although, there's more truth to that being the real purpose of relaxation pose anyway but I think if you are that literal you won't get that either.

Lobotomy & Meditation....

Anyways. Have a great week. Connect with your Source. Even if you have to perform virtual brain surgery to do so. Namaste'

Censoring Myself

Do you find yourself having great blog topics but feeling like you just don't have the energy to deal with the controversy they would cause? Like Sarah Palin.

Am I nuts? Doesn't she remind you of all those women? You know, the ones who think being mean and catty makes them tough? Since when did that become what the world aspires to? Honestly. In the Washington Post the next day, just on the cover alone, the word STRENGTH/STRONG was used over 25 times. Like that's all that matters in politics and government. Not once was the word compassion used. Not once.

I'm sorry, but I think Bill Clinton put it best "we should lead by the power of our example.... not the example of our power". Seriously. Do you really think that schoolyard bullying is something that should be glorified any more than it already has been in the last 8 years?I am just stunned. I feel like I'm in some kind of twilight zone-- the same way I felt 8 years ago. How is it possible to see so clearly the fork in the road and once again, have the rest of the USA choose the path that leads to more war, more bullying, more deficit, more UGLINESS?

It was ugly, Sarah Palin's speech. Ugly and bitchy. How it is that people are rejoicing over her snide little bitchy comments makes me want to run for the hills. I am a woman. And I resent the implication that woman will vote simply on the basis of who has a vagina. Seriously. How dare you?

I will not vote for a woman who has a 4 month old with severe disabilities, who is still nursing. Is she crazy? I don't know about you but when my babies were 4 months old it was hard enough to think straight, let alone run a country. I will not vote for a woman who glorifies her daughter's pregnancy at the age of 17 as a perfect choice over other CHOICES. Is she serious? I am the product of a 17 year old mother-- do you want to know how many years of therapy I had?

And while we are at it, since when is personal life off topic? I mean, seriously, during the Clinton years we not only heard every excruciating detail of his personal life... it was front page news! Give me a break. I have had enough of this double standard BS.

Seems to me the difference between the 2 parties just boils down to manners. Promoting bitchiness as "strength", calling unwillingness to go to war "unpatriotic and cowardly", and don't even start me on turning our back on the rest of the world to show how tough we are. You have got to be kidding me.

The power of our example should consist of decency. Concern for all. COMPASSION. And most importantly, being accountable for our actions. That is what prevents future disasters... being accountable and learning from our mistakes. Facing responsibilities. And choosing the best path when presented with the fork in the road... not the easy one... the road apparently less traveled in the USA. And while you're there, take a friend.

Honestly. Unbelievable.

You know what? I changed my mind. Bring it!

10 Other Things Going on at Yolinna's Other Mat

1. Restorative Yoga Day was beautiful and quite relaxing. (for me too!)

2. Cory has been attending classes full time at PGCC and really enjoys them.

3. The Birdhouse Gourds are humongous! See:

4. My next door neighbor sold his house. We will miss him! He has lived next door for almost as long as we have....he left us his patio set which is gorgeous and cushiony. Thanks Glen!

5. I have been creating all kinds of herbal products, the latest of which are "Soap Scrubbies"! They're little scrubby balls filled with herbs, oatmeal & gentle soaps and oils... lavender or mint... great for kids and adults... See:

6. I have reworked all my eye pillows so now they open at the side with velcro to re-up the scents and created all kinds of essential oils, fragrance mists and flower essences and am preparing for the Christmas rush. LOL!

7. We found a monarch butterfly that had just emerged from its chrysalis and a ba-dozen monarch caterpillars all over the milkweed in our gardens. See:

8. My mother turned 65.

9. We cleared out a bunch of old stuff. (not my mom ha ha)

10. We are getting used to using a webcam and messenger to communicate and my typing has increased dramatically. Plus! I've started writing again. (as opposed to blogging)

Hope you enjoyed this not about Rhia post LOL!