Am I Insane?

I turn on the tv this morning and am assaulted with images of a man being hung, people dancing in the street and tales of more bombings and people being killed. I find this appalling. Isn't killing wrong on any level?

My father (the republican marine) would say I am naive'. He would logically explain the necessity of hanging a human. He would use the population explosion to justify many Iraqis and Americans being slaughtered. He would shake his head sadly and say, "well, it is what it is".

I suppose on some level he's right. Being raised American means we accept that sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.
What about being raised Christian? How can we justify creating death on any level? What about being raised a human being? Ugh.

I know there are no answers. I do not presume to have any. All the appalling issues: war, abortion, capital punishment, poverty, Darfur, global warming, it just goes on and on and on. The only thing that is clear is that we do not live in a perfect world.
But, I can't help but feel that killing is wrong. On any level. For any reason. And that sometimes there are other ways to approach evil and ugliness.

Course I didn't lose any relatives or friends on Sept. 11th. And I am blessed that my nephew made it home safely from Iraq. And I've never been in a situation where I've had to make a horrible decision regarding life or death.
I guess I am naive'. Thank God.

Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me,

Let there be peace on earth, the peace that was meant to be.

With God as our Father, brothers all are we,

Let me walk with my brother, in perfect harmony.
Let peace begin with me, let this be the moment now,

With every step I take, let this be my solemn vow,

To take each moment and live each moment in peace eternally.

Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me!

Tree Part Three

Ahhh. The time of year where it all starts closing in. And we start wondering, "why on earth would you put a tree IN your house?"

I think the world is divided into 2 types of people. Those who think it's really important to follow ALL the traditions of Christmas whether they have any idea of why they are even tradtions in the first place and then there's me.

Ugh. I feel as if I am the Staypuff Marshmallow woman trying to navigate a hamster's cage.

I need this and I need it now. I just can't decide if it's for me or for the tree......

Calgon take me away!!!!!!!

Best Christmas Ever!

Yesterday was the Christmas Families gift wrapping at our church. Would you think I was a total nut if I said this is my most favorite thing I do at Christmas time? As far as I'm concerned Christmas is done now. Seriously, I look forward to it all year long and not just the wrapping, the picking the name of our children we buy for, the shopping (it's the only shopping I LIKE to do), the gathering and anticipating and then taking it to the church, putting it all on their chair and getting there early so we can be the ones to wrap OUR kids presents.

What a great thing it is! I think this year they said there were 85 kids our church bought clothes and toys for. 85! How sad that there are 85 kids in need.....that we even know of in our community....How blessed we are to have the opportunity to give even a bit of joy to those kids. I know, I am a total sap.

I used to work in the Therapeutic Nursery at our church. The best Christmas family year was when I secretly knew the kids I was buying for because they were in my class. (You aren't supposed to know them and they don't know you) I would be playing with them and just casually ask them for their hearts desire....and then go buy it! They were so thrilled when I saw them in January, raving about how Santa brought them just what they wanted!!! Too cool!

This year was a very meaningful one for Barry and I. Our 16 year old daughter picked her very own kid to buy for. She works now and not only did she pick a toy but she picked out a whole outfit for her little one....Aliyah. She spent a tremendous amount of money for a 16 year old with a part time job. She took a long time picking out just the right thing for "her" girl, it was a beautiful thing to watch, I am so proud of her.

While we were wrapping yesterday, I came upon a chair with a little boy's name who didn't have a 'top'. Each child has someone sign up to buy a top and/or a bottom and/or a toy. Apparently whoever had his name picked out the wrong size and so the Elder in charge of Missions was trying to find something that would fit this boy. She had been running around all day--rushing to the store for batteries for kids toys without them and clothes for ones whose donators didn't show up. She is a very beautiful woman, filled with light, but right now she looked very tired and a bit dismayed at the prospect of having to run out again. Who could blame her? I told her to just wait a sec and let me see what I could do. So my daughter calls my 20 year old son who was at home nursing a very swollen shoulder injury (he is delivering packages for UPS this season trying to raise money for college) and asks him to look around to see if he has a errant shirt with tags in his room sized 12.

Would you believe he ran right out to the store and bought a great warm sweater for this child he'd never heard of? And then rushed right over to the church so it could be wrapped and included in the delivery today. AND refused to be reimbursed for it---wanted to just donate it?

Ahhhh....I had Christmas yesterday. It was the best Christmas I've ever had.

The Nativity Story

We went to see "The Nativity Story" yesterday with the spirit group. It was enchanting. What a beautiful movie! It's not your 'let's see if we can modern this ole story up' that you usually see nowadays. It was very true to the times and story found in Luke. The actors were amazing, they said more with their eyes then I could say in a year of blogs. It was very moving, as my friend Lori says, "I almost went into the ugly cry there, had to really bite my lip to stop from sobbing out loud". Not because it was sad, quite the contrary, it was because they portrayed the reaction people would have had to the idea of a savior being born to rescue them from years of oppression so well. It was just done so beautifully.

I heard it got bad reviews and I imagine if people go into it expecting the usual tripe we get, the fast, smash em up, yelling in your face and laughing at fart jokes, they probably won't like it. It's slow, doesn't have a whole lot of dialog, requires you to put yourself in their positions and empathize with what they actually went through. It's authentic looking, really doesn't embellish too much, just puts you there. In a peaceful, thoughtful awareness place. And when you go back and read Luke (I am researching a new project) it changes the way you see it. In a good ALIVE kind of way.

I highly recommend it.

Scattered

Had a student send me an email about a new form of yoga called "Laughter Yoga". It's where students walk around squawking like chickens until they dissolve into giggles. http://www.comcast.net/news/health/index.jsp?cat=HEALTHWELLNESS&fn=/2006/11/30/531683.html&cvqh=why_yoga
Anyone who takes my classes knows that this is not a new fad. In fact, we must be extremely trendy as we have doing this for years. Just mention "releasing your toxins" to any of my students and they will instantly turn 12 and start giggling.

Last night before yoga, my family and I were watching Rachel Ray. If you don't know who she is, she has some kind of cooking show where she talks incessantly. She has a real grating voice, like someone from the Bronx who has smoked for 50 years and a deviated septum. Anyway, we begin mocking her (I can't believe how un PC this post is!) laughing and joking about how funny it would be if she was a yoga teacher. "NOW! GATHER ALL THE LOVE IN THE ROOM!!! NAMASTE'!!! PEOPLE!"

I guess you had to be there. So I'm closing my class last night, my people are all peaceful, soft Christmas music letting them float and you guessed it.....I can't stop laughing.....and it's one of those 'not supposed to be laughing in church' things so of course it won't stop. And I'm keeping my head bowed so they can't see it but I'm sure they thought I was having some kind of seizure.

After class I was telling some of them what was up and my good buddy Johnny Chaturunga says, "You really are just a big kid, aren't you?"

And I thought about sticking my tongue out at him.

That would have confirmed it, huh? Instead I put my hand up, wiggled it back and forth and said, "I'm 5 years old". That was mature.

Can you tell I'm a bit scattered lately? Feel like a chicken pecking around the yard. Gotta go shop. Ugh. I am so not a shopper. Sensory overload. Linda. Stop typing and just do it!

I'm 5 years old.

Welcome Snow?

I was browsing the pictures I can put on my web site and I found one called "Welcome Snow". I thought "wow, how beautiful" and then "ugh, how ugly it gets" and then "wow, how nice it feels to watch a snow storm" and then "ugh, I HATE driving in the snow around this lunatic town". Such a conflict over one little picture.....

Wouldn't it be cool if the minute it snowed, the whole town just shut down? Everyone go home and sip hot chocolate and watch it fall? We'd walk along the roads, smiling at one another, knowing that snow was just a major gift from God to give us a time to pause and reflect on the majesty of nature,,, ahhh. Was it like that when I was a kid? Or did I just not have to drive?

It seems like the minute it snows around here, everyone jumps in their SUV's and frantically drive all over town, pushing little cars out of the way, throwing their heads back and laughing hysterically as their big honking tires splash black road slush on poor innocent sledders just trying to enjoy the freakin' wonders of nature.

It doesn't help that my husband is a snow fanatic.

I love snow. When did it become a suicide mission? Why is it that people will go to work when there's 10 feet of snow to prove their macho-ness but will call in sick for "an upset tummy"?

People! If it snows....STAY HOME! Love your family and your solitude. And whatever you do, don't put the TV on! Crazy news people are only trying to challenge you with their don't drive smirking while they are standing on the interstate. Hee hee, where's the black slush SUV's when you need them?

Hawks

The other day I was sitting in the living room chit-chatting with my son and husband. C, my son, goes into the kitchen and exclaims, "Holy Crap!" (he's 20, sigh) Right away I'm thinking the dishwasher exploded or something expensive like that but he gets very excited and starts yelling for us to "come here!" Reluctantly I get up and look to where he is pointing outside and there on my dogwood tree, not 20 feet from my house is the biggest hawk I've ever seen.

So we start yelling for his sister and father, running for the camera, sssshing the very excited dog and of course in all the excitement the hawk flies away to the next door neighbors trees. We go outside, disgruntled, he thinks it's our fault, the rest of the family starts bickering about whether it was a hawk or a peregrine falcon and I sit down on the stoop near the hot tub and just contemplate the whole thing.

I'm just sort of watching it (like a hawk) and the next thing I know, it takes off and heads right for me! It swoops down and flies directly over my head. I watch it open mouthed as it flies by.(thank goodness THAT didn't backfire on me, if you know what I mean) I thought maybe it may have a message but I sort of forgot about it and moved on to other things.

So, 2 nights later, I dream about it. I see the hawk clearly, in color. Still I think nothing about it. I was very tired from all the yoga/Thanksgiving Day festivities so I was sort of on auto-pilot, plus I was very filled with the promise of my sureness of the right path for me.

On Tuesday, I went to http://Peacefulrivers.homestead.com/ to pick my animal medicine card. I hadn't been there for awhile and just on a whim, clicked on it. Well, of course the card was Hawk. I just laughed out loud. Of course it was.

"Hawk is akin to Mercury, the messenger of the gods. Hawk medicine teaches you to be observant, to look at your surroundings. Observe the obvious in everything that you do. Life is sending you signals.

Life is the initiation. If you have pulled the Hawk card, then right now a clue about the magic of life is being brought to you. This magic can imbue you with the power to overcome a currently stressful or difficult situation. The test is your ability to observe the nuances of power lurking nearby. Is power the talent you have and are not using? Are solutions always hard to find because you have lost the broader vision of Hawk? Or is the Great Spirit displaying a gift that you need only to receive? Have the colors of the morning inspired you to create? Or has the gloominess of a present situation left you earthbound, unable to hear the voice within the raindrops splashing on your window? Pay attention! You are only as powerful as your capacity to perceive, receive, and use your abilities.
If Hawk has circled and landed in your card spread, you are to be aware of signals in your life-- so notice and receive them. Hawk may be teaching you to grab an opportunity which is coming your way. On the other hand, Hawk may be bringing you the message that you should circle over your life, and examine it from a higher perspective. From this vantage point you may be able to discern the hazards which bar you from freedom of flight. Remember: Hawk has a keen eye and a bold heart, for Hawk flies close to the light of Grandfather Sun.

I just went there this morning and would you believe I pulled it AGAIN? Okay, Universe, I Get It!!! You got my attention! I am watching the skies, circling my day, noticing the cues and I will follow..... Isn't the Universe funny? Go to quotes and links to see the message I got today. I think it's pretty clear

Bed and Breakfast?

The last couple of months (after the play) I have been getting on with my life. Not that I wasn't living before, quite on the contrary, but I kept revisiting the same issues with the same results. Who was it that said, "the real definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and then expecting different results"? I realized there were things I was attracting just by wondering why I kept attracting them. There was a multitude of ugliness that I was creating with my subconscious need to recreate my childhood victim-ness. Wait a minute, that's probably TMI.

So in moving on, I had to first start figuring out what I really wanted to move towards. Always a good place to start. Much more powerful than moving away from what you don't want. Spin it positive.

I have known that I have a gift. The yoga truly just comes through me. It has nothing to do with me really, I am just lucky enough to be blessed with it. Now, don't get me wrong, I have studied and studied and studied all sorts of wonderful things that guide me in my teaching and I do understand that really helps my confidence and my 'this world' guidance but the bottom line is that the ability to get up in front of a group of people and 'feel' what they need and then give it to them is a gift from God. No question.

I have a deep need to serve others. It used to be a selfish, "people will like me if I give them what they want", but it has evolved into need to create happiness and healing with no thought other than to bring joy. Ahhh, Flowering......"The Queen of Rainbows is like a fantastic plant that has reached the apex of its flowering and its colors. The sleeves of her garment contain an abundance of seeds, and as the wind blows the seeds will be scattered to take root where they may. She is not concerned whether they land on the soil or on the rocks - she is just spreading them everywhere in sheer celebration of life and love. Flowers fall on her from above, in harmony with her own flowering, and the waters of emotion swirl playfully beneath the flower on which she sits.

Your life should reach to others. Your blissfulness, your benediction, your ecstasy should not be contained within you like a seed. It should open like a flower and spread its fragrance to all and sundry - not only to the friends but to the strangers too. This is real compassion, this is real love: sharing your enlightenment, sharing your dance of the beyond." http://www.osho.com/

I had this as a poster on my bedroom wall for the longest time. It speaks to me--tossing my seeds, not concerned with where they land.....

Barry and I are talking about buying a bed and breakfast/healing center. He discovered this weekend that there may be a different path for us. We are starting to research it, kinda narrowing it down to where and how and what and possibilities. I know down in my bones that it is the right path for me. Or at least some variation of it. I feel as if I am meant to create a sanctuary for healing, a place for people to let down their every day selves and be held in warmth and comfort. Mmmm, yoga and energy healing and warm tea and fire....I can see it all. Stay tuned.....

Strength

So a month or so ago, I made a vision board. I put magazine cut outs of the things I am visualizing for my future--a yoga studio, a bed and breakfast with a beautiful garden, health, bringing others happiness, trees, etc. I put it on the wall next to the bed and every morning when I wake up I roll over and smile at it (still being a bit skeptical about the whole law of attraction)

Yesterday was the Restorative Yoga Day. It was lovely. I have never felt so 'in my element'. I was joyous and wanting to give and peaceful and calm all day. When people came in to register, we had angel cards at the table where they could pick one to give them a word to focus on for their day. During the first yoga session, I had everyone move their mats to the wall so they could do 'legs up the wall' for relaxation. Someone had left their angel card on their mat and it turned rightside up and stayed at my feet for the rest of the day. STRENGTH was the word on the card. I occasionally glanced down and noticed it throughout the day, not really thinking anything of it (as I mentioned, I was totally in my element, no thoughts, just everything coming through me, I was just a conduit for healing)

Last night, as I was exhaustedly turning in to bed, completely content and happy, I rolled toward the wall and saw this:

(I can't get the picture to upload, will add it later. It's a picture of my vision board. Right across the middle in big bold letters is the word STRENGTH)

The universe is so funny. The 'law of attraction': you will attract those feelings you visualize, that you bring to your focus. I have been visualizing peace, how my yoga makes me feel, how teaching and serving others feels.

There's a quote from one of the scientists in "What the Bleep?" where he says he starts each day setting his intention. I don't remember the whole thing but it ends with a prayer to God to let him know that he is on the right path and if he is, that God should give him a sign so he will know without a doubt that he is doing the right thing. I always thought that was a bit presumptous of him to demand that God give him a sign and figured he must get disappointed a lot.

I thank God for letting me know without a doubt that I am doing the right thing. And that I am on the right path. And I didn't even really need the sign. But I am oh so grateful to have it!

Namaste'

Thanksgiving

I was searching for something interesting to say about Thanksgiving and found the most pathetic stories of how we abused the Indians and then gave thanks for our prosperity and act like it's our God given right.

Ugh. Dreadful.

And then we have the nerve to cheapen it further by calling it Turkey Day. What the heck are we worshipping really?

Sorry. Gonna walk it off. Did you know that my maternal grandfather was full blooded Cherokee? humpf. Turkey Day my butt. Should call it Thank the Indians for the Fact You Survived Day.

Water

In the movie "What the Bleep?" there is a part where the main character learns about the power of suggestion on water. It is based on Dr. Masaru Emoto's scientific studies where he taped words onto water sources and magnified the results to see if there were any changes. The results are amazing, here is a link to his web site and the water crystal of the month. http://www.masaru-emoto.net/english/ephoto.html It is astonishing the power that words have on water, one of the best lines in the movie is "If words can do that to water, imagine what they can do to us".

I personally tend toward skepticism whenever it comes to woo woo stuff, which is actually quite interesting considering my profession but I really have to experience things myself to believe them. So the whole idea that you can change the chemistry of water and yourself with words is a bit far fetched in my opinion. But I decided to try and keep an open mind and do a bit of experimenting on my own. It was actually quite spontaneous.

I was washing my face the other day, just like every morning, and suddenly I started speaking to the water. I know? How weird.... Not like a conversation but just a word or two that came to mind as I was splashing the water onto my face. Words like healing....love....energy. Just whatever came to mind. Silly right? I completely forgot about it until the next morning when it just started naturally happening again. Compassion....peace.....wisdom.

Okay. Call it the power of suggestion (duh) but I feel so much better, so much happier, sort of clearer. More upbeat. Even with all the hoopla going on in my world right now. (trust me, you don't want to know) Is it possible that this stuff is true? Or is it just the thought that it may be true? Or is that the point?

Try it. Let me know how it works for you.

What's the worst that could happen? People might think you are nuts? Ha ha, I guess it's too late for me, huh?

Bring it!

Anyone who knows my family knows that we are totally strange about the weather. My husband is a total weather geek, will go on and on about what's gonna happen, what happened in 1908 in Europe, you get the picture. A simple "what's the weather gonna be like tomorrow?" will provide you with an hour of head lolling "uh huhs" trying to be polite. But he's cute and it is free entertainment so we ask him regularly just to amuse ourselves.

If they ever predict a big storm (and well really, aren't they always predicting the 'big one'?) you can find us all out on the porch watching the skies waiting for the "real wrath of God-type stuff" as Barry puts it. When the storm starts we all are yelling, "BRING IT!!" waiting for the big one that the weather forecasters have been predicting with their wild eyed dire threats for years.

Of course, with that kind of build up it would take a real act of God, total devastation, trees falling, cows flying by, to really live up to our wild imagination of what a REAL storm would be like. And we would probably then be screaming, "JUST KIDDING!!! Don't you know a joke when you hear one? A ha ha ha?"

There's always a moment in the storm when the lightening gets just a little too close for comfort and I always think that the idea that you should be careful what you wish for is good advice.

Today. Not so much. Sigh. Guess we'll have to wait for the first 10 foot snow storm. Bring it!!!! Sha-right..

Hurry Up and Wait
One of the most radical concepts to accept is the idea that a minute or two really isn't going to make a difference when you are late or in a rush. Sometimes we get sooo frantic that we think we can't waste a second, we must go, go, go, now, now, now! I see this a lot in my yoga classes. People screeching into the parking space, prodding and pushing their children into the daycare, running into the classroom, throwing down their mats and laying down panting like "OKAY NOW IT'S TIME TO RELAX!!!!!" It always makes me chuckle. Poor things, I just wonder if the amount of time saved is really worth the amount of time it will take them to chill back down again. Seems like an even exchange to me.

It's the same with traffic. We've all seen those frantic white knuckled drivers (and I'm sure we've all been them too) weaving in and out of traffic, cutting people off, riding too closely to the car ahead only to end up at the same spotlight. Depending on which side of the driver day you're having, you are either gleeful that 'they' didn't get anywhere or rationalizing that at least I'm ahead of YOU.

My daughter and I have a private joke as we are driving that the world has just become a mess of screaming, frantic, waving arms in the air roller coaster drivers. Watch them sometimes. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

It is really hard when you are in a hurry to stop and realize that one minute will not make a difference. I used to say to my husband (who is quite an aggressive driver) "Better late than dead" Not that it has any impact on his driving but I thought it quite clever. The point is what difference does it make if you are 5 minutes late or 6 minutes? Late is late. If you are really that worried about it, use the anxiety to make the changes you need to not be late in the first place.

Or don't worry about it. Or figure out why you are late. For most people it's habitual. You'll notice it's always the same people who are always late. This is not coincidental. I'm sure there are whole books devoted to this in pysch 101. "so, do you enjoy controlling the situations you create? were your parents early everywhere? or do you just thrive on anxiety?"

Waves hands over head screaming, "AHHHHHHHH!" Tee hee! Next time you drive, look around--it's really quite entertaining. As long as you steer clear and take your time. Be pass-ive , let "them" go by. I'm sure it's much more important to "them" to be first.

Remember Jesus said, "But many people who are first will be last, and those who are last will be first.' Matthew 19:30

And don't worry about being late to yoga, take your time....we all end up in the same place anyway. Hmmmmm. Namaste'

Trees Part Two

So, in the Fall the place to be is my backyard. I have the most beautiful red maple that just lights up the entire space. It's another one of those trees, like my cherry tree in the spring, that commands the attention and has provided countless hours of support for children hanging upside down, been the backdrop for many pictures and has held any number of bird feeders and whirl a gigs and never complained a bit.

It's right outside my bathroom window so every morning and night I just watch it, waiting for the change and marveling at the color. This morning I was brushing my teeth and I had this random thought that maybe the tree was symbolic of our relationship to God. Or maybe how God sees us. We may think that we are the tree but really truly, we are the leaves. And each one of us is very important to the tree. We each have a job to do, birth, life, thrive, change and ultimately let go and fly away to allow the new crop to form, leaving our legacy to support the growth of the future.

And maybe some leaves go too early and some are taken too quick and some refuse to let go. Some are bigger and some are smaller but each one is it's own creation. I bet each leaf sometimes thinks they are the most important in the bunch and some may think it doesn't matter whether they are there or not but I'm sure there's a reason for each one to be there. Exactly that many, no more, no less.

Who's to say that any of these leaves are more or less important than the others?

You could learn a lot about life from watching a tree.

Don't tell anyone, but it's my private belief that the real reason for animals, plants and trees are to help us learn about ourselves. And maybe vice versa. See, the Genesis thing? Metaphor. Symbolic. Very, very powerful. Like yoga poses. Hmmmm.

Thanksgiving Altar

This is my Thanksgiving Altar. And no, I am not a witch. (most days) Everyday I sit on a little stool and light a candle and think about what I am thankful for. There's a beautiful window just overhead and I can see the birds and the sky and I remember what's really important. There's a little dish with paper to write what I am thankful for or the red book is my gratitude journal and I can write in more detail. Sometimes I pick a Zen card if I am looking for direction, most days I figure out what "color" needs some work and I'll light a corresponding candle. Red for roots, Orange for change, Yellow for wisdom, Green for heart, Blue for communication, Indigo for intuition and Purple for connecting with God. Chakras for my non-yogi readers.

I love my little altar. C & R sometimes sit at it and light their candle and write what they are thankful for too. That makes me really happy. I think it's important to remember that although it sometimes seems easier to dwell on all the badness (especially during elections) it doesn't really serve your spirit. It's kinda like eating cheese fries. It feels good initially but when you step away from the table it's not so pretty. That's why an altar is a good thing. When you step away from it, you feel peaceful and joyful.

I highly recommend it. Helps with that 'inner peace' thing.....

These are some of the most common symptoms of 'inner peace'... if you are experiencing any or all of these symptoms.... you're doing something right!
- A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experiences.
- An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.
- A loss of interest in judging other people.
- A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.
- A loss of interest in conflict.
- A loss of the ability to worry.
- Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation.
- Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature.
- Frequent attacks of smiling.
- An increased susceptibility to the love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it. Peace Pilgrim, 1908-1981

Blogs from my web site

The Way
Listen closely and you can hear them...
the great spirits of every tribe the ones who were here before us
Listen to what they are saying
There is one who calls himself Gandhi and another who calls himself King
They know that the way is not easy
There is a woman named Teresa and many who are simply known as Grandmothers and Grandfathers and all of them whisper into our ear..
'Don't give up' they tell us...
'Don't become cynical...
' 'Take one more step...'
'There is a reason...'
(May this day bring you joy!
Ron Atchison The Mayor of Inspiration Peak http://www.inspirationpeak.com/

Ramtha says "The only bad days I ever have are ones where I allow myself to feel sorry for myself" What do you do when you went to bed angry and you wake up noticing the gorgeous colors of the trees outside your bathroom window and you come downstairs determined to have a great day, get back on your track but you can't even find a place to sit because of other people's messes left behind, so you reach to pick up a pillow that's been thrown onto the floor and your hand goes into something cold and gooey and you realize it's dog doo doo and you scream and fling it but you only have to then find it so you can clean it up but first you have to get it out from underneath your fingernails which is about the most disgusting thing you can imagine?

Hmmm. What would you do?

In Conversations With God, God says, "Whenever you don't know what to do, ask yourself, 'what would love do?' and the Way will be made clear" The Way. Hmmm, I suppose it's no accident that Tao is literally translated to "The Way". Or that when Jesus came He said, "I am the Way, the Truth and the Light"

What would Gandhi do? What would Mother Teresa do?

Yeah, I laughed, cleaned it up, blogged about it and now I think I'll make a Thanksgiving altar. I'll start with I'm thankful I don't have dog doo doo on my hands anymore.......




Wednesday, November 1, 2006

Power

So every now and then I go to a site called My Spirit Oracle http://www.spiritproject.com/oracle/companions/index.htm
It's a fun, pick a card, tell your fortune sort of place. I like it cause it has pretty pictures and makes you wait for the text which forces me to slow down and pay attention to what I think the picture represents.
Today I get:

The Sun
New Powers are growing within you. You don't have to do anything but realizewho you really are and let your personality shine thru.Smile- and the world smiles back at you.

And I realize that's the word that keeps cropping up since I started this web site. Power. Usually I don't really like the word Power. It seems scary, having more to do with others as in "that rich guy has a lot of power" I don't really like to think the word has anything to do with me. Although I realize it may. Just a different definition of Power. As in "that woman realized that all along she held the power of truth, visualization and love right in her heart".

"The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own.
No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame.
The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it.
This is the day your life really begins."
Bob Moawad Inspirational Author, Speaker and Coach

Now that's Power! Knowing who you really are. And I would add, knowing how to get back when you've lost your way. That's the real Power.
Very Cool.

9:21 am est

Monday, October 30, 2006

Yoga

So, my yoga class this morning was heavenly. Had a woman come up afterwards and kiss me on the cheek "this is for you" she says. Had another come up and tell me she never thought she'd be able to lay down for soooo long (we did a 5 minute relaxation) but once she got into it she couldn't believe how quick 5 minutes really is.
Kinda sad that people get anxious about resting for 5 minutes. I understand it, I was once like that....oh, who am I kidding? I still have a really hard time resting. I have to make myself slow down. Sort of like:

Sounds of Silence

Four monks decided to meditate silently without speaking for two weeks. By nightfall on the first day, the candle began to flicker and then went out. The first monk said, "Oh, no! The candle is out."
The second monk said, "Aren't we not suppose to talk?"
The third monk said, "Why must you two break the silence?"
The fourth monk laughed and said, "Ha! I'm the only one who didn't speak."
John Suler, Phd, Zen Stories6:43 pm est

Ahhh Time!

Heh heh, time is a wonderful thing.

I made a website. http://mysite.verizon.net/vze3hvnp

It's pretty amazing what you can do if you have the mind....ooops, I mean the time.

Heh, heh.

Healing

On the bulkhead around my kitchen, my husband and I have written favorite quotes and silly sayings we have come across in our 26 years together. One of them is from a little restaurant we used to hang out at called El Toritos. Around the bar it said, "I feel more like I do now than I did when I first got here." We used to sit around this bar with our friends and try and figure out what it really meant. We would change the emphasis on different words as if that would change the meaning, "I FEEL more like I do now" "I feel more like I do NOW, than I DID when" "I feel more LIKE I do now" on and on we would try and comprehend what it really meant. Of course, after a few margaritas it would just dissolve into complete silliness.

Sometimes we lose ourselves. We get caught up in drama and persecutions, real or imagined. We have the person inside that we are and we have the person outside that we are afraid we are. We walk around with big exclamation marks in our heads, feeling as if we are under attack and the more we try and defend ourselves, the more we lose ourselves.

Care about people's approval and you will be their prisoner. Tao 9

Today I harvested my herbs. The wind was blustery, I am covered with the smell of rosemary, pineapple mint, oregano, thyme and lavender. I am filled with anticipation of the things I can make and give away. I am giddy at the prospect of having time to create what I want to create. I am a cheerful giver once again.

I feel more like I do now, than I did when I first got here.

Wow

It just keeps getting worse and worse. Man, am I getting a message from the Universe or What?

all that matters is the blame......

Into the Woods

Welp, another play is finished. Very bittersweet, this one. I had what I thought was a terrific idea (and I still do) and decided we could do 2 casts, one younger and one older. The older could teach the younger so the little guys would have a mentor and the older could discover their inner nurturer. In some cases that worked. In others it didn't. The play was awesome. The children, old and young, had a wonderful time. They learned so much and really developed some nice self confidence along the way. We made some great new friends and got to spend some joyous time with old ones.

I think I may be done. I cried all afternoon. I just don't know if I can keep doing this. I love the plays, I love the children, I love the parents who volunteer their precious time. I just cannot deal with the ugliness surrounding it. I just don't think I can keep going to a place where there are people who want things like this to fail because it didn't meet their agenda. I am so sad. I feel like everything I know to be true is wrong. This church has hurt me so deeply. How can people look at the smiles on these children faces and find negativity? Why is it that it is more important to criticize than to do?

I am drained and tired. I am wounded. Perhaps church is just not for me. What will I do with my yoga students? And the children and their parents who are hugging me saying they can't wait for the next one? How can I save my sanity when I feel like there are those who wish ill upon me? And what is that about? I don't ever claim to be perfect or even anywhere near it but why do I attract such ugliness? It must be in me and I just don't see it. Sigh. I feel like I have gone out of my way to behave with integrity and compassion but there are always those who cannot see it. And why does it bother me so?

Because I thought these people were my family. The body of Christ.

The children were awesome. Both casts! What a joy to work with them, to see them grow in confidence and develop close friendships and camaraderie. I am blessed to be surrounded by so many wonderful people who support me in my endeavors. I do know this. I do know that I should not allow the very few who oppose everything to control me. I am just tired. I feel like I have been fighting since the day I joined this church. I need to take some time and sort it all out and decide what to do.

I just keep feeling like God is giving me a message about finding Him myself. I was so close to Him before I joined this church. I feel so lost sometimes without Him. I get so caught up in the stupid drama at that building that I forget to just be quiet and listen. Perhaps religion is just truly not my path. I seem to have lost my way somehow. I will take some time to find it again.

"The way is clear, the light is good,
I have no fear and no one should.
The woods are just trees, the trees are just woods
and everything you learn there will help when you return there.

Into the woods--you have to grope,
But that's the way you learn to cope.
Into the woods to find there's hope
Of getting through the journey.
Into the woods, each time you go,
There's more to learn of what you know"

How wonderful the children were!

Take the knowledge and run!

So I have been mostly undercover for the last couple months in a real introspective time. I find that occasionally I have to re-think everything and make sure the path is still a good one. Cut the weeds, so to speak, decide what to plant next. Really can't rush the process, sometimes the bloom takes time.

Vacation was wonderful. Topsail Island is one of the most beautiful places I've ever visited, so charming! Clean, uncrowded beaches, clear emerald water, ahhhh! Came back with a fresh perspective. Isn't vacation just the best? Wonder why we can't just stay on it forever? Oh yeah, money. And lack of perspective. Sigh.

Went instantly into craziness. New play, new spiritual center, new yoga times, new transporting to Scaggsville everyday.

Good thing I renewed my energy because I am surely going to need it.

What a silly wabbitt I can be.

nuttin'

This is my tree. Well, mine and God's. And well, okay, it's everyone's tree but I get to make the decisions on it. I love this tree. I have climbed it, pruned it, decorated it with ghosts and Christmas lights, swung many children on the tire swing on it, posed with it, photographed endless smiles under it, saved my daughter from a certain concussion or broken arm under it, hugged it and fought for it when people have wanted it to go away. I have watched storms blow through it and I have watched it "snow" blossoms across my yard. I have hid in it, prayed under it, meditated and danced beneath it. I have enjoyed the sound of bird's flocking around it and spent many an hour watching them build nests and push their young out for the first flight from it. I love this tree. Every time we talk about moving (every spring for 22 years) the first thought is always "how will I take my tree with me?" After years and years of trying to propagate it to no avail.......Guess what?

It did it itself!!!! I have a small weeping cherry growing on the side of my house! Does this mean I can move now?

It's a beautiful tree. Sways in the wind like it's dancing. Mmmmmm.

Ohhhh! Here's my blog....

So I was chatting with my student about blogs and spent about a minute or two or even three going around and round in my head trying to remember whether I had a blog or blogspot or blogger. I am ashamed to say I still don't know. But it is here, I have found it. Now, will I leave my xanga since now I know real people above the age of 20 here? Or will I prefer to just keep this as an opportunity to stalk my student and her family?

You never can tell. I never can tell. Most times I have no idea what I will do next. I really like it that way. It's called "living in the moment". Course sometimes it's called "clueless". Or "poor planning". I just really like quotation marks.

Went to dinner after yoga with aforementioned stalkee. Gave up my secrets. I EAT CHEESE FRIES! Course I'm sure she had a clue based on the size of my butt. Great yoga dinner, cheese fries and margaritas---transcending all time and space. My butt, that is.

But I digress.

Thought for the day:

Happiness doesn't depend on what we have, but it does depend on how we feel toward what we have. We can be happy with little and miserable with much.

William Dempster Hoard, 1836-1918 Wisconsin Governor

I think I will choose to feel happy towards my big ole butt. I can be happy with much.......