A while back, I wrote a blog detailing my vision of my intended Spiritual Center. I described in detail what I wanted it to look like and what would be happening there. I had a moment Monday night where I realized I was living my vision. Meditation Night is a special indulgence of mine. I have wanted to form a meditation group for a long time. Trouble is/was, it is an extremely unpopular idea. Meditating is hard. Most people try it and think they can't do it or that they are not doing it right and they give up. We think that if we can't make our minds go blank that we are not meditating. I wrote on my website:
"How many times have you heard how important, even life changing, learning to meditate can be? But every time you try that crazy ole' monkey mind takes over and you find yourself skipping happily after it? Be kind to yourself. It's a process. One that take practice. That's why Buddhist Monks take years and years to reach a level where there have been actual documented brain wave changes that occur when they meditate. They didn't get there from a 5 minute relaxation after a yoga class. Or a 2 minute (if that) silent confession time in church.
They practiced. Together. Being guided, being silent, chanting....together. Practice. It cannot make us perfect, but it can bring us peace. Let's gather, once a month, and devote a couple hours to learning this ancient gift. I think you may be surprised at how quickly that monkey will move on down the road. Even if it's just for a moment."
Much to my delight, I had some takers. And it was WONDERFUL!!! We discussed why we wanted to meditate....and why we don't do it....what we were afraid of....and what we have experienced. We chanted, we learned to focus on a flame, I led them through a chakra meditation and we were silent. Afterwards, we drank tea and we bonded. On a deep level. I barely knew each of them and they had never met but there is power in group meditation. The most meaningful thing to me? One of the ladies shared a deep part of her soul and the lady closest to her looked her deep in the eyes and affirmed her and blessed her. We felt safe. We each had a different experience and learned that there is NO right way to meditate. We will practice. And we will continue to gather. Together.
It was amazing. Can't wait for the next 2 events this weekend. Card Building is always just a rockin' good time and I have high hopes for the Spirit Center Open Door. It's like a party with meaning....
Can I say again? My cup runneth over.....
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Monday, February 25, 2008
Jenny's Place
Barry & I got outta town this past weekend. It was our 28th anniversary so we went to Jenny's place in Fenwick Island. We've been going to Jenny's place for......help me out here Jenny.....the kid's were little, maybe even before we had kids....let's just say a really long time. It's neat to travel to a place that you've been to a hundred times. You know where everything is. You know where the best restaurants and shops are. We meandered our way there through Rehobeth and the Coldwater Creek outlet and got there at night. Came in, plopped down on the couch and chilled. Our little home away from home. Much needed break.
`We did discover that there is a drawback to going to the same restaurants each time. Our favorite little place "The Cottage Cafe" (we generally say it with a british accent) has been less than satisfying the past few times we've been there. We keep going because we always have--the kids love it---we have a zillion of their glasses from the Koala Koladas that Rhia loves but it really isn't that good anymore. Such a bummer. So we are trying to find a new favorite place. Harpoon Hannah's? Crabby Dick's? We love BJ's on the Water but it's way up the road in OC. We generally stay around the Rehobeth/Fenwick area. Since our 'slam the shooters' days are a bit behind us, the Frogg Pond is a bit much to breathe in now, if you know what I mean.
`Where's your home away from home? Do you have any favorite restaurants in the Fenwick Island area?
`
Thanks Jenny for giving us a get away! Love You!
`
And look what we came home to:
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Our dear friend, Ms. England the Artist, painted us this lovely addition to the Spirit Room. Isn't it gorgeous? I just love the colors and the movement of the yin/yang fish and the pure Lotus. She's amazing!
`
We are so blessed to have such wonderful friends looking out for us. Once again, my cup runneth over....
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Birth....Death
I made this card almost a month ago. I hadn't scanned it in, didn't include it in my readings, felt like maybe it wasn't done. If you've come to any of our gatherings in the last month, you may remember it. I've been asking everyone else what they thought it was. It didn't make any sense to me. Why would there be a baby resting in a pumpkin against a sunset? Wouldn't a baby symbolize birth? And a sunset symbolize death? Why in the world would they both be on one card? I kept thinking it wasn't done. That maybe there was some magic image that would finish it and make it all clear.
`
I put it in the deck after the last workshop with the encouragement of the attendees. It came up in the very next reading (of course!) Still..... I wasn't sure.... I wrote:
`
I am the one nestled in the gourd. I rest comfortably, not worrying. I rest as the sky changes. The sky, the trees and the water support me as I rest.
`
My heart is heavy right now. I hate to see my friends in pain. I hate thinking I will never see a friend again. Why didn't I go hear him play? Busy, busy, busy. My dad and I were talking yesterday-- he went to the viewing and found it very difficult. He's had 2 heart attacks, congestive heart failure, has insulin dependent diabetes & still smokes. He said he looked down on 'this young kid' and could not comprehend how he just had one heart attack and he's gone. My dad said it should have been him in the casket, not Dave. I can't even begin to tell you on how many levels this hurts my heart.
`
This morning as I was washing my face, trying to pull myself together, to get moving, to get over this wretched cold which struck me big time yesterday (yes, I know, don't even go there.....) this card popped into my head. And the answer just came pouring out....
`
I am the one who is here to let you know that there is no difference between birth and death. At the beginning of your life and at the end of your life you are supported. You can rest, you will be held comfortably, nestled in the loving care of your creator. Do not worry, do not fear, I am with you. Always. The passing of the sun is as beautiful as the beginning of a life. It matters not to your creator, he will hold you up either way. Close your eyes and rest.
`
And so it is. Amen.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Couple's Yoga was really fun. Afterwards we went out with 2 of our best friends. I wake up to the dreadful news that a dear childhood friend/next door neighbor died of a heart attack while we were out laughing and having fun. It is astonishing that one minute everything is great and then in the blink of an eye it's gone. He was 50. Barry turns 50 this year. We are stunned. His sister's are devastated. I talked to one who was a bridesmaid in my wedding....."Linda, I lost my best friend, what will I do?" What do you say? I murmurred words like "you're strong, you're blessed, you will get through this" True but somehow ineffective when your heart is breaking. Sigh. This sucks.
Barry & I were just sitting holding onto one another Friday night. The gentleman and his wife were split after 29 years of marriage. Barry & I celebrate our 28th this weekend. "Linda, how can people split up after all those years of being married?" It happens. When you are raising kids...you go one of two ways, you grow together or you grow apart. It's dicey--Lord knows there were many years I wasn't too sure Barry & I wouldn't become yet another statistic. Thank God we didn't. We danced at Dave's wedding reception, we listened to the first woman reverend I'd ever heard at his wedding at St. Matthews. Where his funeral is this week. This just feels like a really bad dream.
It's weird when someone who was such a huge part of your childhood passes. I haven't seen Dave much in the last 20 years, last time I saw him was at his mother's funeral a year ago. We used to follow him and his band around when Barry & I were first married but then we had kids and spent the last 20 years focused on them. His band broke up, he stopped playing for awhile. I hear he had recently begun playing and doing really well, cutting records. I wish we had gone and heard him. I sort of feel surreal right now, like I'm a teenager again, lost in the memories of when we were a part of each other's life, it's hard to think of us all being old and of one of us dying, aren't we going to live forever?
If you are the praying type, will you please hold his family in prayer? He has 2 kids, a girl Rhia's age and a boy a bit younger. I am sending his sister's as much Reiki and healing light as I can-- will you please add to it if you can? They are strong, wonderful women with loving families-- I have faith they will get through this, as all will, and hopefully find the blessings within the tragedy. We will all gather our families a little bit closer, and be grateful for the time we have.
Hear my cry, O God;
Barry & I were just sitting holding onto one another Friday night. The gentleman and his wife were split after 29 years of marriage. Barry & I celebrate our 28th this weekend. "Linda, how can people split up after all those years of being married?" It happens. When you are raising kids...you go one of two ways, you grow together or you grow apart. It's dicey--Lord knows there were many years I wasn't too sure Barry & I wouldn't become yet another statistic. Thank God we didn't. We danced at Dave's wedding reception, we listened to the first woman reverend I'd ever heard at his wedding at St. Matthews. Where his funeral is this week. This just feels like a really bad dream.
It's weird when someone who was such a huge part of your childhood passes. I haven't seen Dave much in the last 20 years, last time I saw him was at his mother's funeral a year ago. We used to follow him and his band around when Barry & I were first married but then we had kids and spent the last 20 years focused on them. His band broke up, he stopped playing for awhile. I hear he had recently begun playing and doing really well, cutting records. I wish we had gone and heard him. I sort of feel surreal right now, like I'm a teenager again, lost in the memories of when we were a part of each other's life, it's hard to think of us all being old and of one of us dying, aren't we going to live forever?
If you are the praying type, will you please hold his family in prayer? He has 2 kids, a girl Rhia's age and a boy a bit younger. I am sending his sister's as much Reiki and healing light as I can-- will you please add to it if you can? They are strong, wonderful women with loving families-- I have faith they will get through this, as all will, and hopefully find the blessings within the tragedy. We will all gather our families a little bit closer, and be grateful for the time we have.
Hear my cry, O God;
listen to my prayer.
From the ends of the earth I call to you,
I call as my heart grows faint;
lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
For you have been my refuge,
a strong tower against the foe
I long to dwell in your tent forever
and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.
psalm of david - psalms 61.1-4
psalm of david - psalms 61.1-4
Friday, February 15, 2008
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Scholarships
So we have dropped back to earth and the reality is dawning on us "How in the heck are we going to pay for Rhia to go to Montreat!!!!" We have realized that we are insane. We have realized that this leap of faith that started with the room is going to get a whole lot bigger cause if she wants to go....we will make it happen. With a whole lot of help from God. And scholarships. Which are really entertaining...
I know a lot of you have already done this but I am amazed at the things you can get a scholarship for! Right now Rhia is in the process of applying for dozens of places giving out money for all kinds of reasons. Such as:
Did you know you can get a scholarship for being right handed?
or Left handed?
For abstinance? From sex or alcohol or smoking or gossiping?
For peacekeeping?
You can get a scholarship if you can come up with a new cruise route.
Or if you were a beautiful baby. Which she was.
If you have a nice smile. And you don't even have to have a picture of it-- you can draw it.
They give scholarships for writing an essay on discovering a new sea creature and naming it. Or telling what you would do if you had a "do over". Or having your parents write one on how fiscally responsible their kid is... (that's a tough one!) Or writing in 250 words or less why you don't believe in capital punishment-- who gives this money?
It's a little overwhelming. All this time we thought she needed good grades. I told her she should write to Oprah. or Kelly Clarkson. Did you know there's a scholarship for best picture taken with a celebrity?
Keep your fingers crossed. Do you think there's a scholarship for that?
I know a lot of you have already done this but I am amazed at the things you can get a scholarship for! Right now Rhia is in the process of applying for dozens of places giving out money for all kinds of reasons. Such as:
Did you know you can get a scholarship for being right handed?
or Left handed?
For abstinance? From sex or alcohol or smoking or gossiping?
For peacekeeping?
You can get a scholarship if you can come up with a new cruise route.
Or if you were a beautiful baby. Which she was.
If you have a nice smile. And you don't even have to have a picture of it-- you can draw it.
They give scholarships for writing an essay on discovering a new sea creature and naming it. Or telling what you would do if you had a "do over". Or having your parents write one on how fiscally responsible their kid is... (that's a tough one!) Or writing in 250 words or less why you don't believe in capital punishment-- who gives this money?
It's a little overwhelming. All this time we thought she needed good grades. I told her she should write to Oprah. or Kelly Clarkson. Did you know there's a scholarship for best picture taken with a celebrity?
Keep your fingers crossed. Do you think there's a scholarship for that?
Monday, February 11, 2008
Roller Coaster
Is it just me or is the world just careeening up, up, up and then down, down, down? I am hanging on for dear life but it's got me ready to collapse into a heap which is what I did yesterday. Watched 4 Jane Austen's in a row... ooooohhhhh, how I love Jane Austen and especially the ones on Masterpiece Theater.... I was just in a heavenly oooze of romantic dreaming... don't know why my real world kept interferring. "Honey, where's the toilet brush?" just as the heroine finally lets the hero know with just her eyes that yes, she does return his affection after all. Toilet Brush??? You have to be kidding me....
Course no one would ever be looking for a toilet brush around here, at least voluntarily, but you sort of catch my drift, right? The last couple of days of my life (or years) have been just a case study of manic depression. Things go way up and then come crashing down in a matter of minutes. Fortunately, they then go way back up again. My new year started (Chinese New Year, that is) with a great class-- 400 people in the sanctuary! or 14, same difference. But then my ipod wouldn't work. So we did the class in silence. Which was really great! Even had everyone chanting-- so awesome.
Friday was nuts. Had to go grocery shopping for stuff for the open house. End up with a full cart at the checkout and go to pay and realize I didn't have my check card. Or enough cash. Or my cell phone. Ugh. How embarassing. Fortunately, I was at Safeway where they know us quite well so they let me go in the back to call home. And more fortunately, Cory had already showered and was ready to go to work so he dropped Rhia off on his way with minimal protest. If he hadn't showered, this could have been much worse. He will not leave the house without at least a half hour shower. Anyway....
Get home, put the groceries away, and then it's off to the party store. Rhia & I had a great time, she got to pick the balloons and insisted on mice since we were hiding them in the attic and that's where the mice live (or hopefully, lived.) Blew them up--they were lopsided and strangely reminiscent of .... well, let's just say they looked like Mother mice.... started cooking and cutting vegies (which you may recall is one of my favorite activities in the world) listening to music and then I got a phone call from my brother who was I very happy to hear from. Until I heard what he had to say. I won't go into details but it was extremely upsetting. I hung up the phone, really shaken and the phone rang again. I wasn't going to answer since I didn't recognize the number and I really did not want to hear anymore from my brother but on a whim answered. Turned out to be a lovely woman wanting to advertise Yolinna Spirit to her email base of 600 readers. For free. Well, in exchange for me advertising her event to my readers. Which I will do as soon as I get done with this.
Barry comes home, most upset with things at his work and then more upset when I tell him what my brother had to say. We decide to just put it aside, and end up having a very nice evening together in our new room. Life is great. Until the next morning when he decides to put the shingles on the outside of the house instead of helping me with the last minute preparations for the open house. I am frantic (cause this is how silly I am) trying to run around and thinking I'm not going to get it all done and getting more and more angry with him and then he comes in and we have a bit of a to do about it.
Me: this is the last party ever, I swear!
Him: Ummm, you've said that the last 10 parties.
Me: Well, I really mean it this time.
Him: But you really like having people over. And the house is beautiful.
Me: well..... well.... you need to shave!
Insert continued pointless arguing to just let off nervous anticipation of party steam.... and in walks Rhia. With a very strange look on her face. She just stands there. We both turn to her and say WHAT?
"Mom, Dad, I got accepted into Montreat!"
WHAT???!!!!
Rhia got accepted not only into college but into the college she desparately wanted to get into, dreamed of, didn't think there was any way possible. She got into Montreat. Wow. Hugs all around. She is bubbling over, walks away to call Lori (who is her mentor and really encouraged her to go for it) she makes one last turn around and says wistfully, "I guess I really am smart, after all."
Big smile plastered on my face, "of course you are, honey, I told you I believed in you. I knew you could do it." Turn around, walk into another room, disolve into sobs..... my baby is going away to college! OMG! My baby is going away into college! Where will I go? What will I do? Barry comes in, quite teary-eyed himself, Our baby is going away to college!!! We hug, holding each other up, she comes back in-- we pull it rapidly together. "This is wonderful! I can't wait to tell everyone!!!" She skips off... to post it all over her blogs and facebook...
And people start showing up for the party.
They probably thought I was insane. Blithering, blubbery nuts. What else is new?
Great party. John was surprised. Everyone seemed to have fun. Everyone was very excited for Rhia, made her feel so special, especially her Home-schooling Coordinator who really is the only reason this was even possible.... wait, I have to start blubbering again....
We stay up way too late, had way too much food and drink, laughed way too much, had great conversations, even played a rousing game of spoons which I haven't played in years, all in all great time.
I woke up yesterday sick as a dog. Earache, body aches, sniffling, sneezing. Ugh. I never get sick. Unless I get sick. Cleaned up all the after party mess and just collapsed. On the couch. With Jane Austen. Ahhh. Cept I got a boatload of stuff going on this week. Take every medication known to man...
Still sick today. Dangit. I've always said that if you don't take care of yourself, God will give you the opportunity. Thanks God! Seriously, I need a day off. Or two.
Cory came home yesterday and told me that one of the party goers told him something that has made him decide to go into the Coast Guard sooner rather than later. There is a possibility that both of my kids are going away this year.
I better get better at plastering that smile.
Course no one would ever be looking for a toilet brush around here, at least voluntarily, but you sort of catch my drift, right? The last couple of days of my life (or years) have been just a case study of manic depression. Things go way up and then come crashing down in a matter of minutes. Fortunately, they then go way back up again. My new year started (Chinese New Year, that is) with a great class-- 400 people in the sanctuary! or 14, same difference. But then my ipod wouldn't work. So we did the class in silence. Which was really great! Even had everyone chanting-- so awesome.
Friday was nuts. Had to go grocery shopping for stuff for the open house. End up with a full cart at the checkout and go to pay and realize I didn't have my check card. Or enough cash. Or my cell phone. Ugh. How embarassing. Fortunately, I was at Safeway where they know us quite well so they let me go in the back to call home. And more fortunately, Cory had already showered and was ready to go to work so he dropped Rhia off on his way with minimal protest. If he hadn't showered, this could have been much worse. He will not leave the house without at least a half hour shower. Anyway....
Get home, put the groceries away, and then it's off to the party store. Rhia & I had a great time, she got to pick the balloons and insisted on mice since we were hiding them in the attic and that's where the mice live (or hopefully, lived.) Blew them up--they were lopsided and strangely reminiscent of .... well, let's just say they looked like Mother mice.... started cooking and cutting vegies (which you may recall is one of my favorite activities in the world) listening to music and then I got a phone call from my brother who was I very happy to hear from. Until I heard what he had to say. I won't go into details but it was extremely upsetting. I hung up the phone, really shaken and the phone rang again. I wasn't going to answer since I didn't recognize the number and I really did not want to hear anymore from my brother but on a whim answered. Turned out to be a lovely woman wanting to advertise Yolinna Spirit to her email base of 600 readers. For free. Well, in exchange for me advertising her event to my readers. Which I will do as soon as I get done with this.
Barry comes home, most upset with things at his work and then more upset when I tell him what my brother had to say. We decide to just put it aside, and end up having a very nice evening together in our new room. Life is great. Until the next morning when he decides to put the shingles on the outside of the house instead of helping me with the last minute preparations for the open house. I am frantic (cause this is how silly I am) trying to run around and thinking I'm not going to get it all done and getting more and more angry with him and then he comes in and we have a bit of a to do about it.
Me: this is the last party ever, I swear!
Him: Ummm, you've said that the last 10 parties.
Me: Well, I really mean it this time.
Him: But you really like having people over. And the house is beautiful.
Me: well..... well.... you need to shave!
Insert continued pointless arguing to just let off nervous anticipation of party steam.... and in walks Rhia. With a very strange look on her face. She just stands there. We both turn to her and say WHAT?
"Mom, Dad, I got accepted into Montreat!"
WHAT???!!!!
Rhia got accepted not only into college but into the college she desparately wanted to get into, dreamed of, didn't think there was any way possible. She got into Montreat. Wow. Hugs all around. She is bubbling over, walks away to call Lori (who is her mentor and really encouraged her to go for it) she makes one last turn around and says wistfully, "I guess I really am smart, after all."
Big smile plastered on my face, "of course you are, honey, I told you I believed in you. I knew you could do it." Turn around, walk into another room, disolve into sobs..... my baby is going away to college! OMG! My baby is going away into college! Where will I go? What will I do? Barry comes in, quite teary-eyed himself, Our baby is going away to college!!! We hug, holding each other up, she comes back in-- we pull it rapidly together. "This is wonderful! I can't wait to tell everyone!!!" She skips off... to post it all over her blogs and facebook...
And people start showing up for the party.
They probably thought I was insane. Blithering, blubbery nuts. What else is new?
Great party. John was surprised. Everyone seemed to have fun. Everyone was very excited for Rhia, made her feel so special, especially her Home-schooling Coordinator who really is the only reason this was even possible.... wait, I have to start blubbering again....
We stay up way too late, had way too much food and drink, laughed way too much, had great conversations, even played a rousing game of spoons which I haven't played in years, all in all great time.
I woke up yesterday sick as a dog. Earache, body aches, sniffling, sneezing. Ugh. I never get sick. Unless I get sick. Cleaned up all the after party mess and just collapsed. On the couch. With Jane Austen. Ahhh. Cept I got a boatload of stuff going on this week. Take every medication known to man...
Still sick today. Dangit. I've always said that if you don't take care of yourself, God will give you the opportunity. Thanks God! Seriously, I need a day off. Or two.
Cory came home yesterday and told me that one of the party goers told him something that has made him decide to go into the Coast Guard sooner rather than later. There is a possibility that both of my kids are going away this year.
I better get better at plastering that smile.
Friday, February 08, 2008
Accident
There was an accident right outside my window yesterday morning. 2 women, not bad, little fender bender. They both got out of their cars, apologized, "are you okay?" and started exchanging their information. They were both reassuring one another and after they completed all the necessary insurance, phone number stuff, they did something amazing. They hugged. Patted each other on the back and I could hear them tell each other to not worry, have a good day, everything would be okay.
The only thought running through my mind as I watched this amazing display of negotiation and conflict resolution was, "and you don't want a woman president because why???"
Imagine if all our conflicts could be solved with a smile, a hug and attending to business without blame or macho-ness.
The only thought running through my mind as I watched this amazing display of negotiation and conflict resolution was, "and you don't want a woman president because why???"
Imagine if all our conflicts could be solved with a smile, a hug and attending to business without blame or macho-ness.
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Inevitability
When I was a teenage girl I was a big flirt. It was very important to me that ALL the boys like me, even if I didn't like them. I had ScarlettOHaraitis and there was no support group for that. "Why a girl's only got 2 sides at a table....let's all sit under this tree" Even in Kindergarten I had to be the most liked...Queen of the Playground...they even made me a "throne" in between 2 trees with a stick as my chair. I couldn't bear the thought of anyone not liking me, would go out of my way to be nice to them and convince them of my wonderfulness, even if I didn't like them and they were not so wonderful.
I still struggle with this. I am floored if I think someone doesn't like me, I mean really, I'm such a nice person, how could they not like me? It's probably that attitude alone that turns people off LOL! That or the Queen of the Playground thing.... I've gotten over the flirting or shall I say I'm not 98 pounds anymore so maybe the flirting has gotten over me?
It's very rare that I find someone I don't like, it usually takes alot to get me to not like you. I can usually find some good in everyone I meet if I look hard enough. I don't think so much in terms of like or dislike as I do energy... positive energy vs. negative energy. Of course when I sense a lot of negative energy I want to fix it so yeah....
One of the things I have discovered is that if you expect someone's or something's energy to be bad, it will be. Anytime you look for negativity you will find it. There's plenty out there. Sometimes there are places that so many negative events have happened that it becomes really difficult to try and find the positive. Just the statement alone "try and find" implies difficulty. That's when I realize that it's my problem. Not the person or place. It's not that there's all that wrong with the place, person or even me. It's just that I anticipate bad so the Universe provides. Over and over. Even when I think I'm tricking myself into expecting good, the slightest thing can happen and I see it as proof of the bad. So when you realize that, the only thing you can do is cut your losses. Take a break. See if you can let the issues simmer to the point of becoming non issues. Sometimes this takes time. Sometimes you have to look deep into yourself and see how you are creating the problem. Sometimes it's inevitable that you just need to completely disassociate, "pull up your big girl pants" and go home.
Barry & I are about to celebrate our 28th anniversary. One of the things that marriage has taught me is that even when you think you cannot stand another day with a person or you think you may be done or you think there's no hope for a situation, something happens that will completely reverse how you feel. It has taught me that 'never say never' is an extremely profound rule to live by. It has taught me that no one is all good or all bad and that you can dislike something about someone and still love them with all you have. It has taught me that the wind can shift in any direction at a moment's notice so there's no point in thinking it's forever or it's over.
It has taught me that love really can conquer all. And make you really, really angry and alternately really, really happy. So yeah, nothing lasts for never. So I never say I'll never talk to this person or that or never go to that place again because I never know whether that is true or not. Who knows what never is?
This post has just rambled all over the place. If you made it to the end, I'm sorry. I'll never do it again. Tee Hee.
I still struggle with this. I am floored if I think someone doesn't like me, I mean really, I'm such a nice person, how could they not like me? It's probably that attitude alone that turns people off LOL! That or the Queen of the Playground thing.... I've gotten over the flirting or shall I say I'm not 98 pounds anymore so maybe the flirting has gotten over me?
It's very rare that I find someone I don't like, it usually takes alot to get me to not like you. I can usually find some good in everyone I meet if I look hard enough. I don't think so much in terms of like or dislike as I do energy... positive energy vs. negative energy. Of course when I sense a lot of negative energy I want to fix it so yeah....
One of the things I have discovered is that if you expect someone's or something's energy to be bad, it will be. Anytime you look for negativity you will find it. There's plenty out there. Sometimes there are places that so many negative events have happened that it becomes really difficult to try and find the positive. Just the statement alone "try and find" implies difficulty. That's when I realize that it's my problem. Not the person or place. It's not that there's all that wrong with the place, person or even me. It's just that I anticipate bad so the Universe provides. Over and over. Even when I think I'm tricking myself into expecting good, the slightest thing can happen and I see it as proof of the bad. So when you realize that, the only thing you can do is cut your losses. Take a break. See if you can let the issues simmer to the point of becoming non issues. Sometimes this takes time. Sometimes you have to look deep into yourself and see how you are creating the problem. Sometimes it's inevitable that you just need to completely disassociate, "pull up your big girl pants" and go home.
Barry & I are about to celebrate our 28th anniversary. One of the things that marriage has taught me is that even when you think you cannot stand another day with a person or you think you may be done or you think there's no hope for a situation, something happens that will completely reverse how you feel. It has taught me that 'never say never' is an extremely profound rule to live by. It has taught me that no one is all good or all bad and that you can dislike something about someone and still love them with all you have. It has taught me that the wind can shift in any direction at a moment's notice so there's no point in thinking it's forever or it's over.
It has taught me that love really can conquer all. And make you really, really angry and alternately really, really happy. So yeah, nothing lasts for never. So I never say I'll never talk to this person or that or never go to that place again because I never know whether that is true or not. Who knows what never is?
This post has just rambled all over the place. If you made it to the end, I'm sorry. I'll never do it again. Tee Hee.
Monday, February 04, 2008
Dolphins
Just got in from teaching my class at World Gym. We became dolphins with our breath...the inhale rising us up out of the water, the exhale sliding us deep within the comforting blue....mmmm.....
While my students were laying there breathing, I laid my head on a big ball and looked up at the sky, thinking of the dolphins and how wonderful my life is. When the dolphins enter the deep, they don't worry about whether they'll go too deep or too far. When it's time to come up, they just break the surface, joyfully, without caring that they will have to go back down again.
There's a strong message there.
Yesterday Barry and I were chatting about our wonderful restorative yoga day (thanks to everyone who came, it was lovely!) and how we were a wee bit tired (well, more than a wee bit) and how we still have a whole lot to do before the Open House and I stopped him in mid sentence.... "let's not whine or moan about how busy we are or how tired we are, let's embrace that this is life....our life.... and we have chosen it and we are so blessed to be lucky enough to see our dreams coming true, let's not ruin it by running the familiar track of proving we are worthy because we are busy" As I listened to what I was saying or shall I say the words coming out of my mouth since it seemed to be coming through me as opposed to from me, I was thinking what a powerful insight that really was. So many times we ruin the high by thinking we have to downplay it or prove that we deserve it or that it really isn't all that anyway.
Marianne Williamson (Course in Miracles) said, "Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us." It could just as well be said that your playing overburdened or busier or more stressed is not going to make others feel good about their lives, in fact, it has just the opposite effect... it makes us feel inadequate if we are not stressed or overburdened, when you get a minute to yourself you feel like you have to hide the fact that you relaxed.
The dolphin imagery reminded me of this today. Can you imagine a dolphin feeling over burdened because they have to break the surface of the water to breathe AGAIN? Or being pissy because they have to slice into the deep AGAIN? Would a dolphin say, "Jeez, it just keeps going on and on, I come up to breathe only to have to go back down and swim.....unbelievable!"
I much prefer the option of being so joyous about having to come up and breathe that it keeps getting bigger and bigger til I actually let my whole body rise up out of the water and twist my way back down deep, deep into the depths.
Yeah. That feels good. Big Breath now.....
While my students were laying there breathing, I laid my head on a big ball and looked up at the sky, thinking of the dolphins and how wonderful my life is. When the dolphins enter the deep, they don't worry about whether they'll go too deep or too far. When it's time to come up, they just break the surface, joyfully, without caring that they will have to go back down again.
There's a strong message there.
Yesterday Barry and I were chatting about our wonderful restorative yoga day (thanks to everyone who came, it was lovely!) and how we were a wee bit tired (well, more than a wee bit) and how we still have a whole lot to do before the Open House and I stopped him in mid sentence.... "let's not whine or moan about how busy we are or how tired we are, let's embrace that this is life....our life.... and we have chosen it and we are so blessed to be lucky enough to see our dreams coming true, let's not ruin it by running the familiar track of proving we are worthy because we are busy" As I listened to what I was saying or shall I say the words coming out of my mouth since it seemed to be coming through me as opposed to from me, I was thinking what a powerful insight that really was. So many times we ruin the high by thinking we have to downplay it or prove that we deserve it or that it really isn't all that anyway.
Marianne Williamson (Course in Miracles) said, "Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us." It could just as well be said that your playing overburdened or busier or more stressed is not going to make others feel good about their lives, in fact, it has just the opposite effect... it makes us feel inadequate if we are not stressed or overburdened, when you get a minute to yourself you feel like you have to hide the fact that you relaxed.
The dolphin imagery reminded me of this today. Can you imagine a dolphin feeling over burdened because they have to break the surface of the water to breathe AGAIN? Or being pissy because they have to slice into the deep AGAIN? Would a dolphin say, "Jeez, it just keeps going on and on, I come up to breathe only to have to go back down and swim.....unbelievable!"
I much prefer the option of being so joyous about having to come up and breathe that it keeps getting bigger and bigger til I actually let my whole body rise up out of the water and twist my way back down deep, deep into the depths.
Yeah. That feels good. Big Breath now.....
Friday, February 01, 2008
Reflection
I've been working on stuff for my Restorative Yoga Day tomorrow. It dawned on me that I haven't held a full day one since January of last year. Did 2 minis but I don't know what went on last year that made me unable to do this.... Think I was doing a lot of reflection, re-organizing, figuring out what to leave in and what to leave out. Last night Sheree & I were getting ready to leave after yoga and I was gathering my stuff for the yoga day and she was gathering her stuff to do a mandala workshop and we both paused and shared a moment of sadness for what might have been... but alas, things change. And it really is for the good of all but it would have been nice for things to be different.
Have I ever mentioned how much I love working on gifts and planning a retreat day and thinking of wonderful ways for people to relax and find their spirits and enjoy themselves? I love it almost as much as I love yoga so you can imagine I'm way over the top right now. The cool thing is that usually I do these events in other places so I have to carry a whole bunch of stuff and move a whole lot of furniture and am limited to what the rules and limitations of the places I do this at. It's wild because I keep thinking I have to pack stuff up and I realize I don't have to... and when I think of preparing food and storing it, the possibilities are endless cause it's all right here! So there can be many, many more choices... and I don't have to boil the water, put it in a carafe and carry it in my car without spilling it on me... I can make fresh tea. Right on the spot. How cool is that?
It's going to be a beautiful day. And hopefully, the start of a more regular schedule.... so it's not just once a year.
My cup runneth over.
And now I have towels to clean it up. Right here at my fingertips... I can't get over what a relaxing feeling this is.
Have I ever mentioned how much I love working on gifts and planning a retreat day and thinking of wonderful ways for people to relax and find their spirits and enjoy themselves? I love it almost as much as I love yoga so you can imagine I'm way over the top right now. The cool thing is that usually I do these events in other places so I have to carry a whole bunch of stuff and move a whole lot of furniture and am limited to what the rules and limitations of the places I do this at. It's wild because I keep thinking I have to pack stuff up and I realize I don't have to... and when I think of preparing food and storing it, the possibilities are endless cause it's all right here! So there can be many, many more choices... and I don't have to boil the water, put it in a carafe and carry it in my car without spilling it on me... I can make fresh tea. Right on the spot. How cool is that?
It's going to be a beautiful day. And hopefully, the start of a more regular schedule.... so it's not just once a year.
My cup runneth over.
And now I have towels to clean it up. Right here at my fingertips... I can't get over what a relaxing feeling this is.
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