When I was a teenage girl I was a big flirt. It was very important to me that ALL the boys like me, even if I didn't like them. I had ScarlettOHaraitis and there was no support group for that. "Why a girl's only got 2 sides at a table....let's all sit under this tree" Even in Kindergarten I had to be the most liked...Queen of the Playground...they even made me a "throne" in between 2 trees with a stick as my chair. I couldn't bear the thought of anyone not liking me, would go out of my way to be nice to them and convince them of my wonderfulness, even if I didn't like them and they were not so wonderful.
I still struggle with this. I am floored if I think someone doesn't like me, I mean really, I'm such a nice person, how could they not like me? It's probably that attitude alone that turns people off LOL! That or the Queen of the Playground thing.... I've gotten over the flirting or shall I say I'm not 98 pounds anymore so maybe the flirting has gotten over me?
It's very rare that I find someone I don't like, it usually takes alot to get me to not like you. I can usually find some good in everyone I meet if I look hard enough. I don't think so much in terms of like or dislike as I do energy... positive energy vs. negative energy. Of course when I sense a lot of negative energy I want to fix it so yeah....
One of the things I have discovered is that if you expect someone's or something's energy to be bad, it will be. Anytime you look for negativity you will find it. There's plenty out there. Sometimes there are places that so many negative events have happened that it becomes really difficult to try and find the positive. Just the statement alone "try and find" implies difficulty. That's when I realize that it's my problem. Not the person or place. It's not that there's all that wrong with the place, person or even me. It's just that I anticipate bad so the Universe provides. Over and over. Even when I think I'm tricking myself into expecting good, the slightest thing can happen and I see it as proof of the bad. So when you realize that, the only thing you can do is cut your losses. Take a break. See if you can let the issues simmer to the point of becoming non issues. Sometimes this takes time. Sometimes you have to look deep into yourself and see how you are creating the problem. Sometimes it's inevitable that you just need to completely disassociate, "pull up your big girl pants" and go home.
Barry & I are about to celebrate our 28th anniversary. One of the things that marriage has taught me is that even when you think you cannot stand another day with a person or you think you may be done or you think there's no hope for a situation, something happens that will completely reverse how you feel. It has taught me that 'never say never' is an extremely profound rule to live by. It has taught me that no one is all good or all bad and that you can dislike something about someone and still love them with all you have. It has taught me that the wind can shift in any direction at a moment's notice so there's no point in thinking it's forever or it's over.
It has taught me that love really can conquer all. And make you really, really angry and alternately really, really happy. So yeah, nothing lasts for never. So I never say I'll never talk to this person or that or never go to that place again because I never know whether that is true or not. Who knows what never is?
This post has just rambled all over the place. If you made it to the end, I'm sorry. I'll never do it again. Tee Hee.
4 comments:
I think we all want everyone to like us. It takes a few bad experiences to really learn that this is an unrealistic expectation. I figure if Jesus couldn't "make everyone like him", then I don't stand a chance. Some energy spent just seems to be unproductive. It takes enough energy to appreciate this moment without worrying about forever.
It still makes us feel bad, though, when someone doesn't like us. That's hard, even for adults.
It's a growing point.
I don't think I can add anything better than AM and Anne's comments.
But turning 40 was a turning point too, in that respect. I sure care a lot less than I used to because I just don't have time for useless energy spent. Unless it's a situation with a friend. Then I'm all in until it's rectified.
Great post, Yolinna.
Greeny, you are so right. Turning 40 really makes you able to put it more into perspective.
And Anne & AM, you have really showed both ends of the spectrum, it does hurt when someone doesn't like you but it is inevitable and a growing point.
Thanks so much for your insights. I really like you!
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