Church Today

I went to church today. Twice.

I was a bit worried since that silly article came out that people would be thinking ill of me.

I was wrong.

Some of the people that I respect most, that I look up to, that I aspire to be like, made a point of showing me that they supported me. Even from very unexpected sources. It was amazing. I came home between services and just lost it in my back yard, I just felt completely overwhelmed with the depth of feeling I received from people.

The really neat thing was that the feeling really wasn't for ME, it was for what I am bringing. It's for this amazing story. It's for the seeds. And people really let me know that they are excited. And that they care. Our church is so filled with truly spiritual souls, people who feel the love of God, not just "talk the talk".

My cup runneth over. And over.

Thank you Kevin. And Gary. And Sue. And Carrie. And Doris. And Jan. And Lara. And Judy. And Allison. And Debbie. And Lori. And Martha Sue. And Amanda, Alaina, Grace, Lauren, Sara, Katie, Katie, Nolan, Karen, Kurtis, Sean, Sydney, Kyra, Becca, & Emily, thanks for sharing your talents! And Sheree, mmm, Reiki, what a glorious gift we share. Thank you.

What a beautiful body of Christ you all are! I really understand the meaning of "blessed" after today.

Paparazzi

A newspaper reporter from the Bowie Blade has been following me around for the last week. Her kid is in my play and she signed on to do publicity and decided that I would be a good "angle" for her story.

I don't mind telling you this has made me extremely uncomfortable. I can't imagine that anyone would invite this type of scrutiny. Her photographer is IN the play and it's been sort of comical watching her come out of the middle of a scene to "catch" the action and then pop back in and start singing. Trouble is, she sometimes thinks I'm the action.

I've been really soul searching to figure out why this has made me so uncomfortable. I don't feel as if I have anything to hide and I do feel like I'm at a point in my life where it really doesn't matter so much what other's think of me. I'm pretty secure with the knowledge of who my friends are and know that no matter what, they will love me as I love them. I don't really make any apologies for who I am, I know I'm not perfect but for the most part my intentions are good. So what is it? Other people welcome this attention, it made me want to hide in a hole.

This morning I woke up from a dream with the image of a hand throwing seeds in the wind.

And I understood.

In the Osho Zen Tarot deck (since she spilled the beans in the article about my tarot reading, I may as well tell you :)) There is a card called "Flowering". I've posted a picture of it before, it's on my web site. When you do a reading, sometimes it is helpful to pick a card to be your Significator, a card that represents you. That is my card, The Queen of Rainbows, my Significator. It's a beautiful card, a woman with flowers all around, colorful and happy.

"The sleeves of her garment contain an abundance of seeds, and as the wind blows the seeds will be scattered to take root where they may. She is not concerned whether they land on the soil or on the rocks--she is just spreading them everywhere in sheer celebration of life and love"

I want you to look at the seeds. Not me.

I am only significant as a vessel, just "letting my life reach out to others. My blissfulness, my benediction, my ecstasy is not contained within me like a seed. It is open like a flower and spreading it's fragrance to all, sharing my dance of enlightenment"

Come see the play. Not because I "wrote" it, but because it's a damn good story. It's a really great "seed".

Hmmm. Mustard, I believe......

Truth Pilgrimage

"the pilgrimage is true,

it's the pilgrim who's false"

Let it sink in. If we are to understand that it is the journey that's important, not the destination, we must begin to think about what the journey is.

If the journey is to be about anything other than merely living your life and I deeply believe it is, what is the journey? Is it a search for truth? Or is it the truth? And can we find it inside of us? Or is it us....?

I think you know the answer. I think I "know" the answer. I don't think I can tell you.

"the Tao that can be told is not the Tao"

Deep in the fiber of your being, is your being. It's elusive, bogged down in shoulds and oughts that must be peeled, layer by layer, with outrageous thinking, outside of society's box and inside the core of non-thinking.

So many will roll their eyes, giggle a bit uncomfortably and negate it with a "oh that crazy Linda, there she goes again". Or a legitimate "this hurts my brain too much to try and figure out". You just can't touch it, it slips away like mercury....you have to just keep circling it and letting it settle. It will settle in the place without words, without description, without the pilgrim.

We will all come to it on our pilgrimage, sooner or later, when we stop looking for it. Like Buddha, when we give up the search, it will find us....

"and ten thousand doors will open all at once and you will see in all directions"



Jesus said, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

The pilgrim is the mountain. Faith is the pilgrimage. Truth is the Way.

Journeys take time. And patience. And focus. And practice.

Godspeed.

9 minutes

Only have 9 minutes and then I have to go get ready for work।

Had a very busy, exhausting, stimulating, aggravating, productive weekend।

Drove 5-6 hours on Friday, saw the ocean and made it home in time to meet friends for dinner, to very loud hard rock mini concert, then a crazy rehearsal, a productive rehearsal, a strange rehearsal। Blocked and re-blocked entire show, choreographed and taught rest of songs. Watched "Howards End" with people who just didn't 'get it'.....LOL!

Broke up a husband/wife fight and then became engaged in one। wt?

Smiled, cried, drummed, yelled, whispered & laughed......alot......

I could use a weekend now. Deep breath....

Reiki

Had one of my best friends ask me to do a Reiki on her the other day। I was very excited because I hadn't really had a chance to do Reiki on other people since the Lenten night a few weeks ago. That morning before she called, I went to do my self Reiki and felt very ambivalent and decided to skip it for the day and then she called. When you do Reiki on someone, your own Reiki energy increases so the opportunity is a blessing for both.

So we made an appointment for later in the day and of course, I got bogged down in a million details and completely lost track of time।Fortunately she is a kindred spirit so she understood completely and waited patiently for me to set up. I decided to set up in front of my altar in my bedroom. Now normally, I would not bring people up there--just the dust alone......but as I said, she's a kindred spirit. And the altar is probably the cleanest thing in my house so as long as she faced that direction LOL!

My friend is a dear sweet soul। She's a Pisces and very intuitive and open. All her emotions are right on the surface, much to her dismay, she cries at the drop of a hat and feels things very deeply. I love her, her exuberance and lack of deception are such a blessing. She's so fun to be around cause she gets very excited about things and will start sputtering and waving her arms around and she reminds me so much of Pooh Bear and Rabbit combined. (She just read The Tao of Pooh and of course, understood it completely) She cracks me up. I have had conversations on the phone with her that consisted of nothing but loud giggles and snorting for minutes on end.

Anyway, doing Reiki on her was amazing। When I called upon the energy it was like a shot from Heaven. Instantaneous and Fiery Hot. Her comment, "Did it hurt when you put your hands in the microwave?" Normally I don't feel the heat from my own hands, I've had all my clients comment on it but I usually just break out in a heat flash when I hit one of their "spots" that needs work. With her my hands were so hot that when I put them in the position with one on top of the other it became almost too much too bear. It was unreal. When I did my initial scanning to see where she needed work, it felt like her solar plexus just reached up and grabbed my hands HERE LINDA, START HERE. The whole session was like that.

At one point, I was having some trouble getting a spot to clear so I reached behind me and took a crystal from my altar। I placed it in my palm and gently put her hand on mine and then my other hand on top of hers. When I need extra Reiki energy, I just focus on the love I feel for my client and allow the love of God to pour through me to them. Of course, with someone you know well this is a bit easier but we all have a Universal Love for all mankind that exists so it always works. But on my friend! I have never felt that much energy! When I pulled my hand away, I looked at my palm and hers because I was sure there had to be burn marks and an outline from the crystal. There wasn't....but wow.

The wildest thing of all: When I was attuned, my Reiki Master encouraged me to find my own Enlightened Being or Spirit Guide to be able to call upon when I feel like I need guidance। In meditations, this Guide has come to me and many times I feel His arms around my shoulders and I feel like the energy is pouring from Him down my arms into my hands and to my client. I feel a strong sense of healing at the same time. It's one of those woo woo things that I have never told anyone about. While I was sitting at my friend's feet, with a hand on each one, I felt the presence of my Guide hands on mine and I just kinda settled in, let it pour through and relaxed in the energy.

Out of nowhere my friend says, "wow, I just had the most amazingly clear image of Jesus laying his hands over yours and helping the healing coming through"

3 guesses on who my Spirit Guide is.

procrastinating....again....

From my chair I can see my perpetual calendar. It's a whiteboard that I have marked off 28 blocks with colored tape so I can keep track of what is going on. Each member of the family is a different color marker and we write down our appointments and each Monday I erase the last week and start the next.

I get very excited when you can see a lot of white--that means we are not really all that booked। Believe me, there have been times you could hardly see any white at all and each block had 4 different colors and we were nuts। We have tried really hard to prevent that from happening, we try and make better choices so we spend more time together and to have time alone so we can be better people and not stressed out messes. Get rid of the "who's the busiest" competition and just be happy.

When we are doing a show, there's always that point in the calendar when you can see the yellow stars and know you are down to the wire. Less than a month away.

We are at that point. So I know it's time to step it up. Turn the yikes into action.

Rut roh.....well, at least we finally have decided on the songs.....lol!

My board is gonna be so beautifully white after this. For a whole summer! And I get 2 vacations! Both with my bestest friends. I am so pysched. You just have no idea. I feel so blessed.

Right now my board is not white. I really should be getting to work, I am in way over my head. But I am in a summer frame of mind....sigh....

My greatest wish for mankind today: May you all start to see more white in your board--Amen!

Church part 2

Yesterday I really debated with myself. I wanted to go to church. I just didn't know if I wanted to go to my church. But I love the people in my church and my husband and my best friends were singing 3 times starting at 6:30AM. (crazy) The music director is a really good friend of mine--She's the Martha Sue to my Marthinda. Don't ask.

I had been invited to attend the local Catholic church services. Have you ever been to a Catholic Church High Mass? Quite a sight. It's so meditative--chanting, back and forth praying, every move loaded with ritual, some responses are sung, it is beautiful. Especially communion. The priest smudges the area with incense and they believe the wine and bread are actually transformed, it is a very hushed, respectful ceremony.

Yesterday I watched the Catholic mass on tv. Chanted the responses back. Then I watched a Baptist Born Again service. Arms in the air, AMEN!!! Hallelujah! He is Risen!. The preacher spoke of letting go of our mistakes and being the best we could be, knowing that we are children of God and it is never over until God says it is. Very inspiring.

Our church is much more sedate. They pride themselves on their control. Outward displays of emotion are frowned upon. Even clapping after the choir sings (or God forbid, during their singing) is met with raised eyebrows and glances to see if it's okay with the Elders of the church. Every now and then, new people come to our church and actually RAISE THEIR HANDS when they are moved by the spirit.....shudder the thought.

We are the educated Christians. We don't believe in public displays--we do our Ash Wednesday services at night (or not at all) so we aren't walking around all day advertising our faith. We believe in the bible passage:

Matthew 6: 6 But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 7And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

So us "frozen Chosen" got that going for us.....

Course the danger is feeling superior to those other religions. Or the people who actually feel the spirit and allow themselves to be moved. Or worse yet, explore other religions and watch tv shows on other people's theories and then actually discuss them. Oh dear. We are above all that, aren't we?

Easter.....I just think one day a year it should be okay to let all that superiority go and really celebrate what we are all about. But that's me. I'm not as educated as most. I tend to be a bit simple. And free. And I get really moved and have a hard time pretending I'm not--I like to smile.

Especially on such a monumentous occasion.

The music was really good. The bell choir was a delight. I felt comforted and cared for by all the wonderful people over there--they are just beautiful, caring souls. So intensely nurturing. And the children were the cutest things I've ever seen! They got to sing a real song and they were fabulous. I'm glad I went. I even got a chance to meditate.....

Easter Finery

My family's family is from the South. Edenton, North Carolina is where the majority of my father's side of the family is. I was raised Southern Baptist. Can I get an "Amen"?

Every Easter my mother would dress me in 400 crinolines and mary jane patent leather shoes and my easter bonnet and white gloves. My brothers had little suits and shiny dress shoes that would make their feet hurt. Have you seen Steel Magnolias? Yep. That's Easter from my childhood.

All the grown ups had fancy dresses and suits and the women wore elaborate hats with flowers all over them. And gloves and white shoes.....

I miss that. Not the other crazy stuff but that.

Seems like in the last few years, people don't dress up so much. Even the older ladies. It's a shame. I miss the pastels and flowers. And the decorating/blossoming of the cross.

Sigh. Cynicism should have nothing to do with Easter.

Easter is HUGE! As Heather would say, Christmas has got nothing on Easter....

Can I get an "Amen"? Just one?

The music was really good though! Hallelujah! He is Risen!

Meditation

When I am busy, I think it is indulgent for me to take the time in the morning to do my usual meditation. Sometimes I do Reiki, sometimes I read cards, sometimes I just pray, sometimes I listen to a meditation and sometimes I just sit there putzing around with my crystals and candles rearranging and tidying.

This play I am working on is very challenging. I rarely really give a full glimpse of myself and my faith and beliefs to anyone to any degree. Even to those who know me well. I prefer to let others feel good, not really scaring them with the depth of my feelings, I learned a long time ago that feeling things as deeply as I do is frightening to others. Particularly that uncomfortable stuff. Particularly if you say it out loud.

So putting myself on the line this way is a bit stressful. Anytime you open yourself up to criticism you need to be careful to keep perspective. As a wise friend once said, "you can sit there and do nothing or you can open yourself to the chance you'll be criticized". Ahhh, very true. I choose the latter.

I have found that the only way to really stay sane and rational through the process is to MAKE myself stay with my practice. When I find myself straying, I notice that right away I get swept up in the agendas of others and begin feeling persecuted and worse, second guessing myself.

Today I did a bit of everything. Prayed, tidied, read my cards, lit my candles, prayed some more.

It was a good day. No matter what. No matter who. No matter why.

Even though the week was just downright silly.

I do have a new theory however, as to why there were a bunch of men folk in my world just being downright ridiculous and over-reactive.

Red Full Moon....Duh!

Too much yin to threaten their yang.

Ha ha....back to woo woo......anyway...

Happy Easter! Remember to take a quiet moment and think about what this day is really all about....Hallelujah! Imagine.....

Prior to this day there was no hope. Think of how this day felt to those who had no hope and then received the greatest hope of all.....eternity. Life everlasting.....imagine!

Wow. And we thought it was about what dress to wear.....or bunnies.

Peace be with you.

Maundy Thursday

When I first started going to church regularly, I felt very clueless and out of place. When they said the kids were going to Montreat (a youth conference in North Carolina) I thought they mis-spelled it and were actually going to Montreal. Lots of things like that. And this Maundy Thursday thing just stymied me.

Maundy? What is Maundy? Did they mis-spell Monday? I'm really sorry to say I still don't have a firm grasp on what it is. I know what they do at the church though. A wonderful woman and her team of volunteers set up stations representing all the different stages of Jesus' life.

The first time I went to Maundy Thursday services was when the church had an interim pastor named Heather. Heather is a remarkable woman with a flair for the dramatic. I loved and still love her. (regardless of what anyone says) She created a hushed, introspective enviroment where you could really soak in what was going on, what had happened and what was going to happen. Very little noise, quiet monk chanting, every now and then she would come up to the mic and read scripture in a soft gentle voice. It was and is the most powerful service I have ever been to. My whole family came and we stayed and we prayed and we felt. There was just a handful of us there most of the time. Since then, we have gone to every one and still, most times there's only a few of us there for any length of time. Same for her Taize' services. I appreciate her efforts, she dealt with strong opposition and still kept trying....

It isn't really a quiet introspective time any more except for after the service. Our church seems very uncomfortable with silence. The regular worship services are very busy with activity and tradition, they run like a well oiled train, same thing each week in the same order with the same people mostly. Our spirit group has sponsored many an event, put in many hours planning and executing but other than a few smattering of people here and there we are not very popular. Our Lenten contemplative activities only had a few people every week even though there were many already in the church for dinners, they were not interested in exploring any other spiritual activities. My spiritual sisters and I just continue to provide the opportunities, gently reminding each other that we are just casting our seeds to the wind, we needn't worry about where they land.

The current pastor says that only 7% of the church population in a Protestant church are interested in "spiritual" activities.

It is very hard to keep perspective at a church where you feel so weird and out of place. There is nothing wrong with the church, 93% of the people there find real meaning in the services, I think they are wonderful. The problem is being part of that 7%. I have a really hard time sitting through worship. One of the wives of one of the long standing elders of the church said to me once that she couldn't come to church cause the energy was just too frenetic to her. She hit the nail on the head.

I really like the current pastor, I really love the people in the church. They are my family. They gently tease me about not attending worship regularly. Even though I am a member and I put in countless hours volunteering, I understand that the hour on Sunday is very important. I know I need to bite the bullet and go, just look at the flowers like my buddies tell me they do but it just feels like it brings out the worst in me.

I know I just don't get it. I need to try harder.

Maundy Thursday was the day of the Last Supper।

The word "Maundy" comes from the Latin for 'command' (mandatum). It refers to the command given by Jesus at the Last Supper, that his disciples should love one another.

Wow

Wow. That's it. Wow.

I think it's time for me to take a bit of a sabbatical. I am getting some weird stuff coming my way.

I'm sending friendly email and getting back strange decidedly not friendly replies.

I'm hearing from very strange folk. No really. Strange.

My classes are bizarre. Seriously. Funny, but bizarre.

I have raised my eyebrows so many times I'm afraid I'm gonna be stuck like a face lift gone bad.

Apparently there was a full red moon last night. Thank God. Cause I seriously thought I may be in a twilight zone.

I'm saying things out loud and it seems like they are drifting out into a tunnel and coming back garbled. Things are clear to me, crystal clear, but communication is a challenge.

I have quite a few email saved in my drafts folder cause I'm scared to send them until the karma shifts, so if you haven't heard from me it's cause I'm protecting you from myself and all the weirdness around me.

Jeez. If you could see things the way I'm seeing them......

When you think the rest of the world is nuts, it could be you. Oh dear, is it me? Rut Roh....

A Multitude of Heavenly Hosts

Do you ever have a day where the insights are coming fast and furious but you don't have time to really process them other than to notice and go "hmmm"? That'd be today. Got soooo much to do and so much wisdom coming my way that I'm about on information overload. Will put them out there and ponder them later:

Just because your going through a hard time doesn't give you the right to put others through it too.

Support and comfort from others is something to hope for, not demand.

The love you get is equal to the love you give...

Faith is not an eggshell to tread lightly on...it should be broken open and examined at every opportunity.

Even Jesus got down with OPP. (other people's problem's)

Doesn't matter WHAT was resurrected, only that He was.

When you think you can't take a minute to reflect and catch your breath is when you really need to.

Computers will make you nuts. Back away slowly.

Sunshine on your shoulder may make you happy but sunshine on your face will give you strength.

Birds do not really get along all that well.

Neither do people.

It is very important to see beyond your own desk. Or problems.

Other people have desks too.

And they don't need your stuff on theirs.....

The wisteria is going to bloom this year!

If you are very quiet and close your eyes and pay attention to your shoulders, sometimes you can feel the hands supporting you....

All you can do is all you can do.

If you have time to process any of this for me, please let me know....I'm going to follow my own advice for right now.

Love to YOU!