Paparazzi

A newspaper reporter from the Bowie Blade has been following me around for the last week. Her kid is in my play and she signed on to do publicity and decided that I would be a good "angle" for her story.

I don't mind telling you this has made me extremely uncomfortable. I can't imagine that anyone would invite this type of scrutiny. Her photographer is IN the play and it's been sort of comical watching her come out of the middle of a scene to "catch" the action and then pop back in and start singing. Trouble is, she sometimes thinks I'm the action.

I've been really soul searching to figure out why this has made me so uncomfortable. I don't feel as if I have anything to hide and I do feel like I'm at a point in my life where it really doesn't matter so much what other's think of me. I'm pretty secure with the knowledge of who my friends are and know that no matter what, they will love me as I love them. I don't really make any apologies for who I am, I know I'm not perfect but for the most part my intentions are good. So what is it? Other people welcome this attention, it made me want to hide in a hole.

This morning I woke up from a dream with the image of a hand throwing seeds in the wind.

And I understood.

In the Osho Zen Tarot deck (since she spilled the beans in the article about my tarot reading, I may as well tell you :)) There is a card called "Flowering". I've posted a picture of it before, it's on my web site. When you do a reading, sometimes it is helpful to pick a card to be your Significator, a card that represents you. That is my card, The Queen of Rainbows, my Significator. It's a beautiful card, a woman with flowers all around, colorful and happy.

"The sleeves of her garment contain an abundance of seeds, and as the wind blows the seeds will be scattered to take root where they may. She is not concerned whether they land on the soil or on the rocks--she is just spreading them everywhere in sheer celebration of life and love"

I want you to look at the seeds. Not me.

I am only significant as a vessel, just "letting my life reach out to others. My blissfulness, my benediction, my ecstasy is not contained within me like a seed. It is open like a flower and spreading it's fragrance to all, sharing my dance of enlightenment"

Come see the play. Not because I "wrote" it, but because it's a damn good story. It's a really great "seed".

Hmmm. Mustard, I believe......