Well, it's here. Christmas Eve. We just got done wrapping the presents. It's been a busy, busy day... sort of like the whole year. We're getting ready to go to church because *gasp* Cory & Rhia are lighting the advent candles. Yes, you read that right, Cory. I don't believe Cory has set foot in church for at least 5 years. But this means the world to his sister so he's going to do it. We were asked to light the candles the first year we officially joined the church. They wanted us to light them Christmas Eve. Unfortunately, they wanted us to light them there... and not in California, which is where we were. Ugh, we were devastated. We had gotten baptised together, all four of us, at the beginning of that December. It would have been lovely to also light the candles but it was also lovely that someone else had the honor that year.
Trouble is, they never asked again. Until this year. The Youth Director sent an email to Rhia asking for her and Cory. Cory. Oh dear. Now it's not that Cory isn't a believer, quite the contrary. He has a natural faith that is remarkable. Unfortunately, it's not in church or Christianity. He really turned against organized religion a few years ago due to a succession of what he considered hypocritical Christians... don't get him started. It's sad because although I have trouble with organized religion and/or the church, I love for our family to go to church together. Especially at Christmas.
Long before we officially joined the church, we would bundle up our little sweethearts and take them to church Christmas Eve to get a piece of Jesus' birthday cake. I would love to hear them sing the Christmas carols, they knew every word. We had taught them about Jesus, God... and Buddha, Karma, Taoism... we wanted them to decide what they believed. And so they did. But as I tell my wonderful son over and over, I never expected him to throw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak. In other words, you cannot judge Jesus by Christian's actions. Unfortunately, the reflection is not always accurate. We are human.
But tonight he will come to church. And he will light the candles. And he will make his family very, very happy.
It's a lovely Christmas eve. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!
Friday, December 24, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
Wanting...
You ever really want something so much that you are afraid to want it? Law of attraction folks would have a heyday with that.
Feel like laying my burdens down and resting my cares and singing an old African spiritual.
I never cease to be amazed at the twists and turns and full circles of my life. What fun it is to be a witness. Not so much being the star of the show. Ugh.
Sometimes I forget who I am. And then I remember.
Thank God for deep breath.
I don't know about you but I am not thrilled with this cold weather. Stupid story: Yesterday Barry & I decided we hadn't gone up to our meditation shack since my operation. We got the grand idea that we should put plastic over the screens to keep the wind out and in our morning Christmas shopping, picked up a small heater. (He put Christmas Lights on the silly thing so there's forbidden electric up there so I figure we may as well use it for something useful... OH SNAP!) Anyways, so we're fighting with the plastic cause it's windy and cold and the adhesive won't stick. We're grumpy cause we've been working REALLY hard lately and have had no time to just chill (literally in this case) So we're sort of getting agitated but we perservere and get the plastic up, turn the heater on and sit.
Nothing. Freezing. We forgot that the floor is a deck. Ugh. We need to carpet. Suddenly it dawns on us how ridiculous this is. We are looking down at our warm, cozy new windowed house. On the way to the warm, cozy new windowed house is a freaking HOT tub. What the heck is wrong with us?
Yesterday turned out to be a really good day. Once we put our brains back in our heads.
Lordy.
Feel like laying my burdens down and resting my cares and singing an old African spiritual.
I never cease to be amazed at the twists and turns and full circles of my life. What fun it is to be a witness. Not so much being the star of the show. Ugh.
Sometimes I forget who I am. And then I remember.
Thank God for deep breath.
I don't know about you but I am not thrilled with this cold weather. Stupid story: Yesterday Barry & I decided we hadn't gone up to our meditation shack since my operation. We got the grand idea that we should put plastic over the screens to keep the wind out and in our morning Christmas shopping, picked up a small heater. (He put Christmas Lights on the silly thing so there's forbidden electric up there so I figure we may as well use it for something useful... OH SNAP!) Anyways, so we're fighting with the plastic cause it's windy and cold and the adhesive won't stick. We're grumpy cause we've been working REALLY hard lately and have had no time to just chill (literally in this case) So we're sort of getting agitated but we perservere and get the plastic up, turn the heater on and sit.
Nothing. Freezing. We forgot that the floor is a deck. Ugh. We need to carpet. Suddenly it dawns on us how ridiculous this is. We are looking down at our warm, cozy new windowed house. On the way to the warm, cozy new windowed house is a freaking HOT tub. What the heck is wrong with us?
Yesterday turned out to be a really good day. Once we put our brains back in our heads.
Lordy.
Friday, December 10, 2010
I'm Baaaaaack...
Whew. After a large hiatus, I can now blog again. I had business stuff to attend to, which made me unable to blog honestly... and if I can't say what I want without censoring, it's just too damn hard to let it flow. But the grand announcement has been made, I have an "official" business blog now and I can get back to this personal blog.. just letting it all hang out, warts and all.
Where would I even start? I'm totally exhausted. I'm feeling a bit rebellious. I'm agitated. But it's all good. I think. Just Christmas time in the city... ring a ling...
Anyways, I will be moving my business posts to my new combined business blog of which I will insert a link to here or you can just look to your right and see the link. It's Imagine Yoga & Wellness. This blog will contain my ramblings that may or may not be uplifting.. sort of like an accident scene.. you may move along, nothing to see here... unless you appreciate the wild ravings of a lunatic mind.
Wishing you glad tidings of comfort and joy. For real.
Where would I even start? I'm totally exhausted. I'm feeling a bit rebellious. I'm agitated. But it's all good. I think. Just Christmas time in the city... ring a ling...
Anyways, I will be moving my business posts to my new combined business blog of which I will insert a link to here or you can just look to your right and see the link. It's Imagine Yoga & Wellness. This blog will contain my ramblings that may or may not be uplifting.. sort of like an accident scene.. you may move along, nothing to see here... unless you appreciate the wild ravings of a lunatic mind.
Wishing you glad tidings of comfort and joy. For real.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Restorative Yoga
Years ago I started learning restorative yoga. I was fascinated by the mechanics of it, how many different ways could you fold a blanket and drape yourself over it? I went to some great classes with some really great teachers, I got books and studied, I bought dvd's and practiced. I loved the idea of bringing this to people, planned all day retreats with the main event being restorative yoga.
As I continued to explore this unique style of yoga, I started experimenting with cushions, cutting up an old couch into large triangles. I bought pillow forms and sewed them into rolls. I started making eye pillows with the herbs from my garden, all to create this amazing restorative yoga for others to enjoy.
Personally, it wasn't my thing. I was way too much of an over achiever to spend an hour just laying around on a bunch of pillows. I liked good, old, sweaty "power" yoga. I liked strength; handstands, chatuarunga, crow, I loved balance; half moon, brave warrior, the longer I could hold it, the better. Restorative Yoga was something I could give to others, not something I would "waste" time doing. Sigh.
Today was the last class of a six week restorative session. Usually I would have all day retreats a few times a year, but over the summer I was asked to have a shorter, more frequent class so as an experiment, I hosted a once a month 2 hour class. That was so popular that I decided to hold a every week session for 6 weeks to see if anyone was interested. Much to my surprise, it sold out! Now what was I gonna do? How was I going to keep it interesting 6 weeks in a row? I mean, seriously, how many ways can you drape yourself over cushions?
I learned so much. I learned that it wasn't about how many ways... it was about relaxation. Pure and simple. The best class was one where we only did 6 poses. For 15 minutes each. It was amazing. I joined them. I would quietly explain how to arrange the cushions, we would lay back and breathe. That's all. I didn't try to do alot of guided meditations, I didn't sit looking at them, worrying whether they were okay, I laid back and breathed. I found out that restorative yoga was my "thing". In preparing each week, I found myself attaining deeper and deeper meditative states. I discovered yoga nidra-- a sort of sleep while being completely alert. I have meditated for years. I have done yoga for years. I've done tai chi, chi gong, biospiritual focusing... you name it, I've done it.
This has been a very stressful 6 weeks of my life. I have been more relaxed through it than I would have thought possible. I've breathed deeper, I've let go of deep stress and strain, I've seen amazing things in my meditations. I'm so grateful that my beautiful friends and students gave me this opportunity. We'll do it again real soon!
As I continued to explore this unique style of yoga, I started experimenting with cushions, cutting up an old couch into large triangles. I bought pillow forms and sewed them into rolls. I started making eye pillows with the herbs from my garden, all to create this amazing restorative yoga for others to enjoy.
Personally, it wasn't my thing. I was way too much of an over achiever to spend an hour just laying around on a bunch of pillows. I liked good, old, sweaty "power" yoga. I liked strength; handstands, chatuarunga, crow, I loved balance; half moon, brave warrior, the longer I could hold it, the better. Restorative Yoga was something I could give to others, not something I would "waste" time doing. Sigh.
Today was the last class of a six week restorative session. Usually I would have all day retreats a few times a year, but over the summer I was asked to have a shorter, more frequent class so as an experiment, I hosted a once a month 2 hour class. That was so popular that I decided to hold a every week session for 6 weeks to see if anyone was interested. Much to my surprise, it sold out! Now what was I gonna do? How was I going to keep it interesting 6 weeks in a row? I mean, seriously, how many ways can you drape yourself over cushions?
I learned so much. I learned that it wasn't about how many ways... it was about relaxation. Pure and simple. The best class was one where we only did 6 poses. For 15 minutes each. It was amazing. I joined them. I would quietly explain how to arrange the cushions, we would lay back and breathe. That's all. I didn't try to do alot of guided meditations, I didn't sit looking at them, worrying whether they were okay, I laid back and breathed. I found out that restorative yoga was my "thing". In preparing each week, I found myself attaining deeper and deeper meditative states. I discovered yoga nidra-- a sort of sleep while being completely alert. I have meditated for years. I have done yoga for years. I've done tai chi, chi gong, biospiritual focusing... you name it, I've done it.
This has been a very stressful 6 weeks of my life. I have been more relaxed through it than I would have thought possible. I've breathed deeper, I've let go of deep stress and strain, I've seen amazing things in my meditations. I'm so grateful that my beautiful friends and students gave me this opportunity. We'll do it again real soon!
Monday, November 08, 2010
I can see clearly now...
We've been putting new windows in our house. Our old windows are/were 49 years old. Our house was born the same year as I. We are both getting ready to celebrate a half century... gulp. The windows are making us feel like we are living in a new house. We are looking at our yard, the sky, the trees, the world with fresh eyes, seeing clearly for the first time in many, many years. For the last 10 years, we had pretty much given up on attempting to keep our old windows clean & painted, you can only scrape, wash and re-caulk so much... alot of the windows were broken, replaced with cardboard or plastic.. the excuse was that we were going to get new windows... eventually.
It's stunning to see the difference. It's amazing to feel the difference. What's really freaking us out though is hearing the difference. We can look outside and see the wind but we can no longer hear it. It's quite disconcerting, it's so quiet in here. I'm not sure I like it. I can't hear the traffic or the children playing. We haven't put them in the upstairs rooms yet so it's so weird going up and hearing the outdoors and coming down and hearing the indoors, which is fairly silent. Weird.
So much of life is spent doing the same things over and over. Living in the same place, listening to the same sounds, breathing the same air. Every now and then something comes along to shake us out of our usual and then suddenly everything seems unusual. And you look around and realize things are COMPLETELY different. When did THAT happen? In the last 5 years my life has once again radically changed. And somehow remained the same.
I wonder what I will replace in my personal 50 year old "house" that will make everything seem fresh and new? Where could I put new windows? On my friends? my family? my career? Hmmm, sometimes the choices are made for us, I guess.. although we put the wheels in motion. Sometimes we have to look at relationships through new windows and realize that maybe they aren't the best for us, maybe they never were but we kept refusing to clean them out, letting them get dirtier and patched until maybe the only thing to do is to replace them. Sad. But sometimes necessary. Same with careers... structures... and even family... things change.. we have to change with them or run the risk of letting them breakdown all together.
But with each change comes a bit of regret... I do miss the sound of the wind. But I can still faintly hear the wind chimes. :-) And I LOVE the sunshine!
Namaste'
It's stunning to see the difference. It's amazing to feel the difference. What's really freaking us out though is hearing the difference. We can look outside and see the wind but we can no longer hear it. It's quite disconcerting, it's so quiet in here. I'm not sure I like it. I can't hear the traffic or the children playing. We haven't put them in the upstairs rooms yet so it's so weird going up and hearing the outdoors and coming down and hearing the indoors, which is fairly silent. Weird.
So much of life is spent doing the same things over and over. Living in the same place, listening to the same sounds, breathing the same air. Every now and then something comes along to shake us out of our usual and then suddenly everything seems unusual. And you look around and realize things are COMPLETELY different. When did THAT happen? In the last 5 years my life has once again radically changed. And somehow remained the same.
I wonder what I will replace in my personal 50 year old "house" that will make everything seem fresh and new? Where could I put new windows? On my friends? my family? my career? Hmmm, sometimes the choices are made for us, I guess.. although we put the wheels in motion. Sometimes we have to look at relationships through new windows and realize that maybe they aren't the best for us, maybe they never were but we kept refusing to clean them out, letting them get dirtier and patched until maybe the only thing to do is to replace them. Sad. But sometimes necessary. Same with careers... structures... and even family... things change.. we have to change with them or run the risk of letting them breakdown all together.
But with each change comes a bit of regret... I do miss the sound of the wind. But I can still faintly hear the wind chimes. :-) And I LOVE the sunshine!
Namaste'
Tuesday, November 02, 2010
The secret of the ring
To think that "I am the mind," is unawareness. To know that mind is only a mechanism just as the body is, to know that the mind is separate.... The night comes, the morning comes: you don't get identified with the night. You don't say, "I am night," you don't say, "I am morning." The night comes, the morning comes, the day comes, again the night comes; the wheel goes on moving, but you remain alert that you are not these things.
The same is the case with the mind. Anger comes, but you forget--you become anger. Greed comes, you forget--you become greed. Hate comes, you forget--you become hate. This is unawareness.
Awareness is watching that the mind is full of greed, full of anger, full of hate or full of lust, but you are simply a watcher. Then you can see greed arising, becoming a great, dark cloud, then dispersing--and you remain untouched. How long can it remain? Your anger is momentary, your greed is momentary, your lust is momentary. Just watch a little and you will be surprised: it comes and it goes. And you are remaining there unaffected, cool, calm.
The most basic thing to remember is that when you are feeling good, in a mood of ecstasy, don't start thinking that it is going to be your permanent state. Live the moment as joyfully, as cheerfully as possible, knowing perfectly well that it has come and it will go--just like a breeze comes in your house, with all its fragrance and freshness, and goes out from the other door.
This is the most fundamental thing. If you start thinking in terms of making your ecstatic moments permanent, you have already started destroying them. When they come, be grateful; when they leave, be thankful to existence. Remain open. It will happen many times--don't be judgmental, don't be a chooser. Remain choiceless. Yes, there will be moments when you will be miserable. So what? There are people who are miserable and who have not even known a single moment of ecstasy; you are fortunate. Even in your misery, remember that it is not going to be permanent; it will also pass away, so don't get too much disturbed by it. Remain at ease.
Just like day and night, there are moments of joy and there are moments of sadness; accept them as part of the duality of nature, as the very way things are. And you are simply a watcher: neither you become happiness nor you become misery. Happiness comes and goes, misery comes and goes. One thing remains always there--always and always--and that is the watcher, one who witnesses.
Slowly, slowly get more and more centered into the watcher. Days will come and nights will come... lives will come and deaths will come... success will come, failure will come. But if you are centered in the watcher--because that is the only reality in you--everything is a passing phenomenon.
Just for a moment, try to feel what I am saying: just be a watcher....
Do not cling to any moment because it is beautiful, and do not push any moment because it is miserable. Stop doing that. That you have been doing for lives. You have not been successful yet and you will never be successful ever. The only way to go beyond, to remain beyond, is to find a place from where you can watch all these changing phenomena without getting identified.
I will tell you an ancient Sufi story...
A king asked his wise men in the court, "I am making a very beautiful ring for myself. I have got one of the best diamonds possible. I want to keep hidden inside the ring some message that may be helpful to me in a time of utter despair. It has to be very small so that it can be hidden underneath the diamond in the ring."
They were all wise men, they all were great scholars; they could have written great treatises. But to give him a message of not more than two or three words which would help him in moments of utter despair... They thought, they looked into their books, but they could not find anything.
The king had an old servant who was almost like his father--he had been his father's servant. The king's mother had died early and this servant had taken care of him, so he was not treated like a servant. The king had immense respect for him. The old man said, "I am not a wise man, knowledgeable, scholarly; but I know the message--because there is only one message. And these people cannot give it to you; it can be given only by a mystic, by a man who has realized himself.
"In my long life in the palace I have come across all kinds of people, and once, a mystic. He had also been a guest of your father and I was put into his service. When he was departing, as a gesture of thankfulness for all my services he gave me this message"--and he wrote it on a small piece of paper, folded it and told the king, "Don't read it, just keep it hidden in the ring. Only open it when everything else has failed--when there is no way out."
And the time came soon. The country was invaded and the king lost his kingdom. He was running away on his horse just to save his life and the enemy horses were following him. He was alone; they were many. And he came to a place where the path stopped, came to a dead end; there was a cliff and a deep valley. To fall into it was to be finished. He could not go back, the enemy was there and he could hear the sounds of the hooves of the horses. He could not go forward, and there was no other way....
Suddenly he remembered the ring. He opened it, took out the paper, and there was a small message of tremendous value: it simply said, "This too will pass."
A great silence came over him as he read the sentence, "This too will pass." And it passed. Everything passes away; nothing remains in this world. The enemies who were following him must have got lost in the forest, must have moved on a wrong way; the hooves slowly, slowly were not heard any more.
The king was immensely grateful to the servant and to the unknown mystic. Those words proved miraculous. He folded the paper, put it back into the ring, gathered his armies again and conquered his kingdom back. And the day he was entering his capital, victorious, there was great celebration all over the capital, music, dance--and he was feeling very proud of himself. The old man was walking by the side of his chariot. He said, "This time is also right: look again at the message."
The king said, "What do you mean? Now I am victorious, people are celebrating. I am not in despair, I am not in a situation where there is no way out."
The old man said, "Listen. This is what the saint has said to me: this message is not only for despair, it is also for pleasure. This is not only for when you are defeated; it is also for when you are victorious--not only when you are the last, but also when you are the first."
And the king opened the ring, read the message, "This too will pass," and suddenly the same peace, the same silence, amidst the crowds, jubilating, celebrating, dancing... but the pride, the ego was gone. Everything passes away.
He asked his old servant to come on the chariot and sit with him. He asked, "Is there anything more? Everything passes away... Your message has been immensely helpful."
The old man said, "The third thing the saint said, 'Remember, everything passes. Only you remain; you remain forever as a witness.'"
Everything passes, but you remain. You are the reality; everything else is just a dream. Beautiful dreams are there, nightmares are there... But it does not matter whether it is a beautiful dream or a nightmare; what matters is the one who is seeing the dream. That seer is the only reality.
Thank you Osho.
The same is the case with the mind. Anger comes, but you forget--you become anger. Greed comes, you forget--you become greed. Hate comes, you forget--you become hate. This is unawareness.
Awareness is watching that the mind is full of greed, full of anger, full of hate or full of lust, but you are simply a watcher. Then you can see greed arising, becoming a great, dark cloud, then dispersing--and you remain untouched. How long can it remain? Your anger is momentary, your greed is momentary, your lust is momentary. Just watch a little and you will be surprised: it comes and it goes. And you are remaining there unaffected, cool, calm.
The most basic thing to remember is that when you are feeling good, in a mood of ecstasy, don't start thinking that it is going to be your permanent state. Live the moment as joyfully, as cheerfully as possible, knowing perfectly well that it has come and it will go--just like a breeze comes in your house, with all its fragrance and freshness, and goes out from the other door.
This is the most fundamental thing. If you start thinking in terms of making your ecstatic moments permanent, you have already started destroying them. When they come, be grateful; when they leave, be thankful to existence. Remain open. It will happen many times--don't be judgmental, don't be a chooser. Remain choiceless. Yes, there will be moments when you will be miserable. So what? There are people who are miserable and who have not even known a single moment of ecstasy; you are fortunate. Even in your misery, remember that it is not going to be permanent; it will also pass away, so don't get too much disturbed by it. Remain at ease.
Just like day and night, there are moments of joy and there are moments of sadness; accept them as part of the duality of nature, as the very way things are. And you are simply a watcher: neither you become happiness nor you become misery. Happiness comes and goes, misery comes and goes. One thing remains always there--always and always--and that is the watcher, one who witnesses.
Slowly, slowly get more and more centered into the watcher. Days will come and nights will come... lives will come and deaths will come... success will come, failure will come. But if you are centered in the watcher--because that is the only reality in you--everything is a passing phenomenon.
Just for a moment, try to feel what I am saying: just be a watcher....
Do not cling to any moment because it is beautiful, and do not push any moment because it is miserable. Stop doing that. That you have been doing for lives. You have not been successful yet and you will never be successful ever. The only way to go beyond, to remain beyond, is to find a place from where you can watch all these changing phenomena without getting identified.
I will tell you an ancient Sufi story...
A king asked his wise men in the court, "I am making a very beautiful ring for myself. I have got one of the best diamonds possible. I want to keep hidden inside the ring some message that may be helpful to me in a time of utter despair. It has to be very small so that it can be hidden underneath the diamond in the ring."
They were all wise men, they all were great scholars; they could have written great treatises. But to give him a message of not more than two or three words which would help him in moments of utter despair... They thought, they looked into their books, but they could not find anything.
The king had an old servant who was almost like his father--he had been his father's servant. The king's mother had died early and this servant had taken care of him, so he was not treated like a servant. The king had immense respect for him. The old man said, "I am not a wise man, knowledgeable, scholarly; but I know the message--because there is only one message. And these people cannot give it to you; it can be given only by a mystic, by a man who has realized himself.
"In my long life in the palace I have come across all kinds of people, and once, a mystic. He had also been a guest of your father and I was put into his service. When he was departing, as a gesture of thankfulness for all my services he gave me this message"--and he wrote it on a small piece of paper, folded it and told the king, "Don't read it, just keep it hidden in the ring. Only open it when everything else has failed--when there is no way out."
And the time came soon. The country was invaded and the king lost his kingdom. He was running away on his horse just to save his life and the enemy horses were following him. He was alone; they were many. And he came to a place where the path stopped, came to a dead end; there was a cliff and a deep valley. To fall into it was to be finished. He could not go back, the enemy was there and he could hear the sounds of the hooves of the horses. He could not go forward, and there was no other way....
Suddenly he remembered the ring. He opened it, took out the paper, and there was a small message of tremendous value: it simply said, "This too will pass."
A great silence came over him as he read the sentence, "This too will pass." And it passed. Everything passes away; nothing remains in this world. The enemies who were following him must have got lost in the forest, must have moved on a wrong way; the hooves slowly, slowly were not heard any more.
The king was immensely grateful to the servant and to the unknown mystic. Those words proved miraculous. He folded the paper, put it back into the ring, gathered his armies again and conquered his kingdom back. And the day he was entering his capital, victorious, there was great celebration all over the capital, music, dance--and he was feeling very proud of himself. The old man was walking by the side of his chariot. He said, "This time is also right: look again at the message."
The king said, "What do you mean? Now I am victorious, people are celebrating. I am not in despair, I am not in a situation where there is no way out."
The old man said, "Listen. This is what the saint has said to me: this message is not only for despair, it is also for pleasure. This is not only for when you are defeated; it is also for when you are victorious--not only when you are the last, but also when you are the first."
And the king opened the ring, read the message, "This too will pass," and suddenly the same peace, the same silence, amidst the crowds, jubilating, celebrating, dancing... but the pride, the ego was gone. Everything passes away.
He asked his old servant to come on the chariot and sit with him. He asked, "Is there anything more? Everything passes away... Your message has been immensely helpful."
The old man said, "The third thing the saint said, 'Remember, everything passes. Only you remain; you remain forever as a witness.'"
Everything passes, but you remain. You are the reality; everything else is just a dream. Beautiful dreams are there, nightmares are there... But it does not matter whether it is a beautiful dream or a nightmare; what matters is the one who is seeing the dream. That seer is the only reality.
Thank you Osho.
Monday, November 01, 2010
"the rules"
When I was in the corporate world I was constantly being called to the principal's... oops I mean, department head's office. I would alternately be praised, given promotions & bonus's for being innovative and taking risks or be called on the carpet for taking risks and not following the rules. I found this confusing, albeit amusing. It was like they wanted me to follow their rules but still somehow make the deals that required breaking the rules. I'm not talking about real rules, I'm talking about the unspoken social rules of not standing out... following the crowd... not speaking the obvious... keeping secrets. I SUCK at social rules. Which is why I am a person that folks love to be around who scares them half to death.
It's a recurrent theme. People are drawn to me cause they like my light and my fresh approach. Then they want me to fit their mold. When I don't, they want to control me. Which brings out the worst in me. I can't be anything other than what I am. I've tried to fit the norm. It ain't happening. It makes me depressed and anxious and puts out my light. Then I become like everyone else who is afraid to take risks, who won't take chances, who would rather stay on the path then create their own.
I could've been rich. If I had buried my enthusiastic, rebellious, idealistic side I would have a ton of money. I would be safe. I wouldn't have the day to day not knowing if anyone is coming to my class or how I'm gonna get it all done and not be a crazy person. I'd have a retirement plan and wear a business suit. I probably wouldn't be able to actually use my retirement plan as I would've probably beaten myself to death with my briefcase.
I'm not saying the safe path is a bad one. I think we all know our own limitations and what makes us thrive. It's the disregard of what we "know" that causes problems. If you know you would rather not put your energy into re-inventing the wheel, if your focus is on other things, then the safe path is a great choice. If you know the safe path makes you feel stagnant then you create your own. This is a very important life lesson.
Such a strange society we live in when enthusiasm is something to be contained.
It's a recurrent theme. People are drawn to me cause they like my light and my fresh approach. Then they want me to fit their mold. When I don't, they want to control me. Which brings out the worst in me. I can't be anything other than what I am. I've tried to fit the norm. It ain't happening. It makes me depressed and anxious and puts out my light. Then I become like everyone else who is afraid to take risks, who won't take chances, who would rather stay on the path then create their own.
I could've been rich. If I had buried my enthusiastic, rebellious, idealistic side I would have a ton of money. I would be safe. I wouldn't have the day to day not knowing if anyone is coming to my class or how I'm gonna get it all done and not be a crazy person. I'd have a retirement plan and wear a business suit. I probably wouldn't be able to actually use my retirement plan as I would've probably beaten myself to death with my briefcase.
I'm not saying the safe path is a bad one. I think we all know our own limitations and what makes us thrive. It's the disregard of what we "know" that causes problems. If you know you would rather not put your energy into re-inventing the wheel, if your focus is on other things, then the safe path is a great choice. If you know the safe path makes you feel stagnant then you create your own. This is a very important life lesson.
Such a strange society we live in when enthusiasm is something to be contained.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Go Ask Linda
When I was a kid I used to re-read my books over and over. One of the books I read over and over was Go Ask Alice, which, if I read it now, would seem like a really depressing book since it's about a girl who ultimately dies of a drug overdose. But there was a part in it that fascinated me, that I still remember vividly. Alice runs away from home... I can't remember whether she was on drugs at the time or not, but she hooks up with this group of kids who are renting out a store and fixing it up for a snack shop/soda bar. They paint the walls, they paint the floors, they get big cushy pillows and funky chairs, Alice is happy, working hard for the first time in her life and she manages to stay free of drugs for the duration. Eventually her parents find her and she has to go back to her home where she eventually overdoses, end of story.
I don't remember the rest of the book much but I was always captivated by the thought of opening your own place, decorating it, dreaming and seeing the dream become a reality. When my BP & I were looking at all the spaces, I kept feeling this sort of disconnect until I saw the space we are both really excited about. I've had this vague feeling about it... couldn't put my finger on it... until this morning. The floors are painted. It's totally vintage and funky. There's a great possibility that all the furnishings will be unique, no cookie cutter matching chairs and tables here. Each room will have a different flair. I can see them all, quite clearly in my mind. I am positively giddy at the prospects and potential.
I realized that there was a feeling I kept having about the place that was alternately exciting and terrifying. When I was a young girl, re-reading my books over and over again, my mother would get very frustrated with me. Not being a reader herself, she couldn't understand the glory of getting lost in your imagination, she was(is) a practical survivor, if it's not real then why bother with it? She would yell at me, "there you are with your nose stuck in a book-- and then you start acting like the characters you like in the book, who are you now? Scarlett? Jane Eyre? Alice?"
It was quite disconcerting to then try and figure out what was real and what WAS imagination. Was I acting out my fantasy of being the heroine in the book? Am I now? Or was this something I really believed to be true, a dream? When I was 15 I couldn't always tell the difference. But now that I'm almost 50 I have learned that that's because there really isn't any difference. The part of the heroine that I loved was the part I identified with, the parts of me that I loved. (thank you SoulCollage!) The parts of the story that I connected to the most were the road maps to my future dreams. Dreams consist of equal parts of reality and imagination in order to come true.
I think Alice painted her floor rainbow colors. Perhaps I'll paint mine the color of the earth. Imagination grounded in reality. Or maybe I'll take a flight of fancy and paint it chakra colors... The best part of the dream is the dreaming, right?
I don't remember the rest of the book much but I was always captivated by the thought of opening your own place, decorating it, dreaming and seeing the dream become a reality. When my BP & I were looking at all the spaces, I kept feeling this sort of disconnect until I saw the space we are both really excited about. I've had this vague feeling about it... couldn't put my finger on it... until this morning. The floors are painted. It's totally vintage and funky. There's a great possibility that all the furnishings will be unique, no cookie cutter matching chairs and tables here. Each room will have a different flair. I can see them all, quite clearly in my mind. I am positively giddy at the prospects and potential.
I realized that there was a feeling I kept having about the place that was alternately exciting and terrifying. When I was a young girl, re-reading my books over and over again, my mother would get very frustrated with me. Not being a reader herself, she couldn't understand the glory of getting lost in your imagination, she was(is) a practical survivor, if it's not real then why bother with it? She would yell at me, "there you are with your nose stuck in a book-- and then you start acting like the characters you like in the book, who are you now? Scarlett? Jane Eyre? Alice?"
It was quite disconcerting to then try and figure out what was real and what WAS imagination. Was I acting out my fantasy of being the heroine in the book? Am I now? Or was this something I really believed to be true, a dream? When I was 15 I couldn't always tell the difference. But now that I'm almost 50 I have learned that that's because there really isn't any difference. The part of the heroine that I loved was the part I identified with, the parts of me that I loved. (thank you SoulCollage!) The parts of the story that I connected to the most were the road maps to my future dreams. Dreams consist of equal parts of reality and imagination in order to come true.
I think Alice painted her floor rainbow colors. Perhaps I'll paint mine the color of the earth. Imagination grounded in reality. Or maybe I'll take a flight of fancy and paint it chakra colors... The best part of the dream is the dreaming, right?
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
A Serious Post... for a change
I get up in the morning, pour my coffee, do my morning pages if I am so inclined and start my day. Used to be a slow start, maybe blog a bit, get ready for my first class or begin to clean the wreckage. A long while ago I would spend time "putzing", my favorite thing to do; make some jewelry, cut some herbs and rubber band them for drying, rearrange my furniture... whatever struck my fancy. Seems like life has taken a dramatic turn in the last year, and I'm not sure exactly why.
You ever have that happen? Like, you wake up and you realize that you have drifted far from normal? So far from normal that you are not sure what it was? How did I have time before to make tons of stuff, do my classes, give my Reiki healing and squeeze in a play here and there? Seriously, I am looking at my regular calendar and trying to figure out what changed... I'm still teaching 7 classes a week, doing SoulCollage once a month, averaging 1-2 Reiki clients a week, hosting a Reiki Share once a month. The only new things are the girls SoulCollage which is just once a month and an occasional tarot party or attunement workshop, not anything large.
I know in the last couple months there have been some extraordinary events that have added stuff to my schedule- my surgery for example. That ate up a ton of time with drs. appts. and tests, and I am really stunned at how low my energy level is. I feel fine, no pain, but I am dragging. I find that by my 3rd class I am ready to sleep, my poor old body feels like just that.... old. But it's only been 2 weeks, I'm certain that will improve dramatically with time. Of course, while this was going on I had the other out of the ordinary task of trying to find a location to open a yoga and wellness center... no big deal, right?
Oh my word. What a shock this little curve on my journey has been. Talk about eating up time. Lawyers, accountants and realtors, oh my! Zoning and covenants, rules and regulations, fees and deposits... it's crazy out there! You have to have nerves of steel, a mind that can be focused and a heart that will keep fueling your passion even when you are discouraged. We found one place that we LOVED, but the covenants didn't allow us, we saw another place that was ok but the realtor refused to call back with the info... another place that seemed like it would work great even though it would cost 4 times the amount we budgeted, until there was a murder across the street. Another place smelled bad and seemed shady. Many places want over $10,000.00 a month... even though they have sat vacant for YEARS. One shopping center had 6 places to offer, the only real attractive one has a corporation paying a $35 a sq. ft. rent on it... even though they no longer live there. The most reasonable one has a greasy fast food place right next door..not exactly yoga friendly. Discouraged and on a whim, I call a place I looked at 3 years ago... with a different partner.
We LOVED, LOVED, LOVED it. Great deal. Reasonable rent and landlord. Love the location, love the space, full of possibilities but not for the faint of heart. Perfect for our vision but not exactly practical. (Cuz, yeah, my vision would be practical.. ha!) Would be perfect for building community, hosting lots of practitioners, creating a place to relax and put your feet up, after a ton of work of course. Yesterday, our realtor brought us to the perfect place for a practical vision. Very professional. Rent is fine. Location is safe. Lots of glass. But we didn't love it. What a predicament. I'm thinking we should settle for it. But it would be that. Settling. The other place seems crazy by comparison. Why would you go there when this is just sitting here, ripe for the taking. Requires no up front work, can open by Jan. 1, no new skill sets to learn.. just teach and heal, don't even need to make a lot of new stuff as retail would be insignificant.
The other place will be a HUGE challenge. We'd have to have a big retail. We'd want to have a coffee/tea shop. We have to build walls and put in new plumbing. The work is daunting. And exciting. Ugh. This will not be the first time I wished to be more Melanie than Scarlett. It's so hard for me to work hard for something regular.... but put a challenge in front of me and the fire comes out. The scary part is that I am figuring out that my partner is just as crazy as I am. I thought she was the voice of reason-- ha! Last night I looked deep in her eyes and saw that same fire, oh dear. If we pull this off, it will be the most amazing feat ever. If we don't, the crash and burn will be fierce. Any normal person would not get excited bout that. But oh.. the dreams! Everything I (we) have dreamed of! It's crazy...
CRAZY GOOD.
Right?
Yikes.
You ever have that happen? Like, you wake up and you realize that you have drifted far from normal? So far from normal that you are not sure what it was? How did I have time before to make tons of stuff, do my classes, give my Reiki healing and squeeze in a play here and there? Seriously, I am looking at my regular calendar and trying to figure out what changed... I'm still teaching 7 classes a week, doing SoulCollage once a month, averaging 1-2 Reiki clients a week, hosting a Reiki Share once a month. The only new things are the girls SoulCollage which is just once a month and an occasional tarot party or attunement workshop, not anything large.
I know in the last couple months there have been some extraordinary events that have added stuff to my schedule- my surgery for example. That ate up a ton of time with drs. appts. and tests, and I am really stunned at how low my energy level is. I feel fine, no pain, but I am dragging. I find that by my 3rd class I am ready to sleep, my poor old body feels like just that.... old. But it's only been 2 weeks, I'm certain that will improve dramatically with time. Of course, while this was going on I had the other out of the ordinary task of trying to find a location to open a yoga and wellness center... no big deal, right?
Oh my word. What a shock this little curve on my journey has been. Talk about eating up time. Lawyers, accountants and realtors, oh my! Zoning and covenants, rules and regulations, fees and deposits... it's crazy out there! You have to have nerves of steel, a mind that can be focused and a heart that will keep fueling your passion even when you are discouraged. We found one place that we LOVED, but the covenants didn't allow us, we saw another place that was ok but the realtor refused to call back with the info... another place that seemed like it would work great even though it would cost 4 times the amount we budgeted, until there was a murder across the street. Another place smelled bad and seemed shady. Many places want over $10,000.00 a month... even though they have sat vacant for YEARS. One shopping center had 6 places to offer, the only real attractive one has a corporation paying a $35 a sq. ft. rent on it... even though they no longer live there. The most reasonable one has a greasy fast food place right next door..not exactly yoga friendly. Discouraged and on a whim, I call a place I looked at 3 years ago... with a different partner.
We LOVED, LOVED, LOVED it. Great deal. Reasonable rent and landlord. Love the location, love the space, full of possibilities but not for the faint of heart. Perfect for our vision but not exactly practical. (Cuz, yeah, my vision would be practical.. ha!) Would be perfect for building community, hosting lots of practitioners, creating a place to relax and put your feet up, after a ton of work of course. Yesterday, our realtor brought us to the perfect place for a practical vision. Very professional. Rent is fine. Location is safe. Lots of glass. But we didn't love it. What a predicament. I'm thinking we should settle for it. But it would be that. Settling. The other place seems crazy by comparison. Why would you go there when this is just sitting here, ripe for the taking. Requires no up front work, can open by Jan. 1, no new skill sets to learn.. just teach and heal, don't even need to make a lot of new stuff as retail would be insignificant.
The other place will be a HUGE challenge. We'd have to have a big retail. We'd want to have a coffee/tea shop. We have to build walls and put in new plumbing. The work is daunting. And exciting. Ugh. This will not be the first time I wished to be more Melanie than Scarlett. It's so hard for me to work hard for something regular.... but put a challenge in front of me and the fire comes out. The scary part is that I am figuring out that my partner is just as crazy as I am. I thought she was the voice of reason-- ha! Last night I looked deep in her eyes and saw that same fire, oh dear. If we pull this off, it will be the most amazing feat ever. If we don't, the crash and burn will be fierce. Any normal person would not get excited bout that. But oh.. the dreams! Everything I (we) have dreamed of! It's crazy...
CRAZY GOOD.
Right?
Yikes.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Surgery, Studios & Moonpies
One would think that recovering from surgery would give you time to blog. But alas.
One would think that if you were an honest soul trying to bring peace & happiness to the masses, that LandLords would be lining up at your door saying, "pick me! pick me!". But alas.
One would think that if you tell a dog a hundred times to stop picking on the cat, she would stop. But alas.
One would think that if you tell a boy to pick his clothes up a hundred times or the cat will pee on them, he would. but alas.
One would think that Moonpies would taste better since they have such a great name. But alas.
Isn't alas a silly word when you put it too many times on a page? But alas? What the heck does it really mean? One would think if you were writing something repeatedly you would know what it really means. But alas. I digress.
You ever start to blog and you know you only have a few minutes and you've started to blog a hundred times but since you never have time to finish it, it becomes outdated and too complicated to fix, so you have to keep deleting and starting again but you never have time to finish it so it becomes outdated and too complicated to fix so you have to keep deleting it and starting.... you get the idea, right?
Gotta go. Sorry, real post soon...!
One would think that if you were an honest soul trying to bring peace & happiness to the masses, that LandLords would be lining up at your door saying, "pick me! pick me!". But alas.
One would think that if you tell a dog a hundred times to stop picking on the cat, she would stop. But alas.
One would think that if you tell a boy to pick his clothes up a hundred times or the cat will pee on them, he would. but alas.
One would think that Moonpies would taste better since they have such a great name. But alas.
Isn't alas a silly word when you put it too many times on a page? But alas? What the heck does it really mean? One would think if you were writing something repeatedly you would know what it really means. But alas. I digress.
You ever start to blog and you know you only have a few minutes and you've started to blog a hundred times but since you never have time to finish it, it becomes outdated and too complicated to fix, so you have to keep deleting and starting again but you never have time to finish it so it becomes outdated and too complicated to fix so you have to keep deleting it and starting.... you get the idea, right?
Gotta go. Sorry, real post soon...!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Up and down, round and round...
What a crazy whirlwind. But I think I got it all figured out. All the hoopla la la was simply a distraction. Isn't it always? The more I could be driven to distraction by crazy ups and downs, the less I would think about my surgery tomorrow. Sort of like that last year of high school when your kid is behaving so badly college doesn't seem like it could be far enough away.
So tomorrow at 6:50am I embark upon a enforced vacation. It's kind of weird to think that I'm electing to be cut open and possibly be in pain and/or sick. Feels unnatural to sign forms that say, oh yes, please cut me open and remove that silly old body part that's not working anyway.
I woke up this morning breathing heavy from a bad dream. I dreamt I went to the hospital for my surgery and they said they couldn't take the gallbladder til I took a stress test. I had to ride on a bike to show that I was fit. I had no problem doing it and they put me on the table for the surgery. As the anesthesiologist is putting me under, the doctor tells me I have to have heart surgery while they are at it cause I flunked the stress test. I woke up yelling, "are you KIDDING me? what's next?"
Crazy things, dreams. Then I get my daily message from God:
On this day of your life, Linda, I believe God wants you to know...
...that there is a family reunion awaiting you, and you will be more overjoyed than you can now begin to imagine.
On the day you leave your body -- what I like to call your Continuation Day -- you will be greeted by everyone you have ever loved in any way for any reason...and, standing in front of the group, every person who has been so very dear to you. It will be a grand and glorious reunion, with joy and laughter and pure wonderment filling every heart and soul!
This has also been experienced by everyone who has ever left here -- all those who have gone before you -- of course. So do not grieve for them. They are so very happy! I'm not sure why you were meant to hear this on this particular day...but I bet you are...
Ummm... WTH? You ever think God just has the greatest sense of humor ever? Like, stroking His beard chuckling, "oh that Linda, she thinks she's so in control, so great with that Reiki energy stuff... let's mess with her a bit... she can take it" Sigh.
I'm ready to go to quiet time mode. No decisions, no talking, no thinking... just blissful no-thingness. Hope I don't throw up. Just sayin'
TTYS,L
So tomorrow at 6:50am I embark upon a enforced vacation. It's kind of weird to think that I'm electing to be cut open and possibly be in pain and/or sick. Feels unnatural to sign forms that say, oh yes, please cut me open and remove that silly old body part that's not working anyway.
I woke up this morning breathing heavy from a bad dream. I dreamt I went to the hospital for my surgery and they said they couldn't take the gallbladder til I took a stress test. I had to ride on a bike to show that I was fit. I had no problem doing it and they put me on the table for the surgery. As the anesthesiologist is putting me under, the doctor tells me I have to have heart surgery while they are at it cause I flunked the stress test. I woke up yelling, "are you KIDDING me? what's next?"
Crazy things, dreams. Then I get my daily message from God:
On this day of your life, Linda, I believe God wants you to know...
...that there is a family reunion awaiting you, and you will be more overjoyed than you can now begin to imagine.
On the day you leave your body -- what I like to call your Continuation Day -- you will be greeted by everyone you have ever loved in any way for any reason...and, standing in front of the group, every person who has been so very dear to you. It will be a grand and glorious reunion, with joy and laughter and pure wonderment filling every heart and soul!
This has also been experienced by everyone who has ever left here -- all those who have gone before you -- of course. So do not grieve for them. They are so very happy! I'm not sure why you were meant to hear this on this particular day...but I bet you are...
Ummm... WTH? You ever think God just has the greatest sense of humor ever? Like, stroking His beard chuckling, "oh that Linda, she thinks she's so in control, so great with that Reiki energy stuff... let's mess with her a bit... she can take it" Sigh.
I'm ready to go to quiet time mode. No decisions, no talking, no thinking... just blissful no-thingness. Hope I don't throw up. Just sayin'
TTYS,L
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
My Muse
The other day I read something, somewhere about someone and their muse. I remember thinking, "hmmm, do I have a muse? Why don't they talk to me?" I was not amused. Ba Dum Dum! Ching! I'll be here all night!
Things are moving rapidly in my world. I'm getting to really understand holding to the center while around me life is spinning crazily, personally... professionally.. and globally. Crazy times. Exciting times. Feel like all the practice, all the studying, all the wisdom is being put to the test. My BFF said to me yesterday, "after so many hours doing so much in so many places, why would you stop now? Everything has led to this point... here it is, what you've been dreaming of." She's so right. Do you think she's my muse? Or my daughter, who has suddenly become so wise... showing me things that I am not seeing, who is really my friend... and who isn't? Helping soothe my hurt feelings... Is she my muse?
My other BFF, my husband, has been constantly sending me Reiki... sometimes I start to feel warm and I look over on the couch and he's got one hand up, smiling... "Oh, you felt that?" He's so cute, learning to use his new found Reiki gift to help heal his wifey, the Reiki Master... it's wild. My head spins when I start to realize all the events that have led to this time and all the specifics that had to fall into place for everyone to be where they need to be for everything that is to happen... I have to stop and take a full belly breath to absorb the magnitude of that. Is the breath the muse? Or my husband? Or the Reiki?
I can't believe the support system I have. I never knew it was there. I mean, I guess I always thought I was the support system (how egotistical is THAT?) I mean, I always thought that it was my job to help others... and knew that there were many, many kind souls helping me to help others, teaching me and believing in me but I never realized how much they have been holding me up. As I begin to leap... or fall back.. many hands are there to catch me. It brings tears to my eyes just absorbing that fact. So many souls offering to bring me food, offering help and prayers during my surgery... I am blown away.
But the Muse.... ahhh, the Muse has the biggest hands of all. My partner, the lady I respect most and am joining in a venture that will change both of our lives forever, who is as terrified and excited as I, said, "there are times when I get overwhelmed and want to curl up in a ball and hide, but then I think, hey, we're like the blues brothers here... we're on a Mission from God! How can we fail?" Ahhhh, God. The real Muse. Working through me, through everyone with a dream, through everyone overcoming obstacles, through everyone working for change, for peace, for the highest intentions of the highest good.
I bow my head in gratitude. All shall be well.
Things are moving rapidly in my world. I'm getting to really understand holding to the center while around me life is spinning crazily, personally... professionally.. and globally. Crazy times. Exciting times. Feel like all the practice, all the studying, all the wisdom is being put to the test. My BFF said to me yesterday, "after so many hours doing so much in so many places, why would you stop now? Everything has led to this point... here it is, what you've been dreaming of." She's so right. Do you think she's my muse? Or my daughter, who has suddenly become so wise... showing me things that I am not seeing, who is really my friend... and who isn't? Helping soothe my hurt feelings... Is she my muse?
My other BFF, my husband, has been constantly sending me Reiki... sometimes I start to feel warm and I look over on the couch and he's got one hand up, smiling... "Oh, you felt that?" He's so cute, learning to use his new found Reiki gift to help heal his wifey, the Reiki Master... it's wild. My head spins when I start to realize all the events that have led to this time and all the specifics that had to fall into place for everyone to be where they need to be for everything that is to happen... I have to stop and take a full belly breath to absorb the magnitude of that. Is the breath the muse? Or my husband? Or the Reiki?
I can't believe the support system I have. I never knew it was there. I mean, I guess I always thought I was the support system (how egotistical is THAT?) I mean, I always thought that it was my job to help others... and knew that there were many, many kind souls helping me to help others, teaching me and believing in me but I never realized how much they have been holding me up. As I begin to leap... or fall back.. many hands are there to catch me. It brings tears to my eyes just absorbing that fact. So many souls offering to bring me food, offering help and prayers during my surgery... I am blown away.
But the Muse.... ahhh, the Muse has the biggest hands of all. My partner, the lady I respect most and am joining in a venture that will change both of our lives forever, who is as terrified and excited as I, said, "there are times when I get overwhelmed and want to curl up in a ball and hide, but then I think, hey, we're like the blues brothers here... we're on a Mission from God! How can we fail?" Ahhhh, God. The real Muse. Working through me, through everyone with a dream, through everyone overcoming obstacles, through everyone working for change, for peace, for the highest intentions of the highest good.
I bow my head in gratitude. All shall be well.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Cracking Myself Up.
I totally lost it in yoga class this morning. Just started giggling and couldn't stop. It felt SO good! Now, my students might have seen it different... but I am blessed with wonderful souls who don't mind me indulging myself now and then.
I'm still chuckling. The class was moving through a really tough sequence that ended in half moon:
I'm still chuckling. The class was moving through a really tough sequence that ended in half moon:
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| www.zazzle.com/halfmoon_ |
Folks were getting tired. Some were having trouble balancing. I began getting those "sheesh Linna, enough already, can't we lay down?" glares. Half moon tends to bring that out. So as I'm going around adjusting and soothing, I am talking "now, don't take yourself so seriously here, even if you just raise your back leg a bit... or open your rib cage a bit more to the beautiful sky.. or take a deep breath and feel the pose, only for a moment it really doesn't matter if you fall out... I mean, really, we've all fallen out of this pose, right Ladies? Let's see, if you've fallen out of this pose RAISE YOUR HAND..."
Hahhahahahahaha. Get it?
They all already had their paw... I mean hand raised. So everyone in the room had their hand raised. LOL! I started laughing out loud. I started snorting and guffawing. I folded over and slapped my knee. "Raise your hand!" Hahahaha.
Yoga humor is funnier in the moment. For some. Most of my students were trying hard not to laugh AT me... and not succeeding. Their "enough Linna" glares turned to indulgent "Linna is nuts" sideway glances at each other.
I love yoga. I think yoga is funny. I think its enlightening and spiritual and life affirming and health restoring too. After all the latest business with my health issues, my yoga practice has become a lifeline and my deepest joy. Nothing makes you feel better faster than a wide open half moon....
I think I'll stop there. Before I start making silly 12 year old jokes...
Namaste' dawgs.
Wednesday, September 08, 2010
Going Public
Okay. Well. I am now ready to say out loud my diagnosis.
Here's me sitting up tall believing in the power of change and the beauty of my self... not letting my ego make me feel bad about something I cannot do anything about now...
No, no, no I can't do it... I can't say it out loud... what will people think?
Dude, who cares?
Okay. Here it is. I have gallstones. And kidney stones. And horrible misconceptions about who gets them. And worse, horrible thoughts about being exempt and above it all. Oh the shame. What kind of yogi am I?
A human one.
Someone who gets to keep learning deeper lessons about herself. Yep. I somehow thought that I could eat whatever I wanted, drink :( whatever and whenever I wanted and get closer to 50 and would never have any of the normal stuff that I treat others for all the time. What a shock. I have GALLSTONES? The horror! What a horrible name-- the GALL of it all. Ugh. And kidney stones? Seriously? Where the heck did this all come from? And what the heck does it all mean? Metaphorically of course.
So first I'm belligerent-- how can a quasi-vegetarian have gallstones? Do you know how much yoga I teach? And Wait-- I'm a Reiki Master... don't I get an exemption? Oh what a silly girl I am. Then, I'm terrified-- what do you mean I need a surgeon??? What if I can't WORK? What if I become.....shudder... old? Is this what 50 is? I was loving my crone-atude.... looking forward to it all... wisdom... freedom... gallstones? Lordy and oh no... and then I'm embarrassed. How dare I feel sorry for myself when so many others have so much worse to deal with? What right do I have to freak out? I had a good 50 years, how dare I complain? Or whine? Or be scared? I'm a healer.... I don't want to be the healee.... but here it is. And I want to curl up in a little ball... and go away... and never let anyone know that I need...
Help. Help. Help... Little by little I start to say it...feeling ashamed that this time it's me, not really sure the words are coming from my lips... Am I going to be okay?
Have I ever mentioned that I am the luckiest woman on earth? I open my heart and even through my silliness, my beautiful Calvary comes. Never judging me... even though they have every right. Holding me up, telling me it's gonna be okay, offering support, letting me know what to expect, what they went through and mostly, that they don't expect me to be immortal and perfect. That once again, I am loved not because of what I give them... but because they love me.
Whew. And thanks. I needed that. I'm going to be okay. No matter what. I could really feel all the prayers and energy being sent my way... which makes me realize that what I do is really more powerful than I have ever known. It was a good lesson.
Going to the surgeon tomorrow. Breathing and calm. Much better.
Love & Peace, L
Here's me sitting up tall believing in the power of change and the beauty of my self... not letting my ego make me feel bad about something I cannot do anything about now...
No, no, no I can't do it... I can't say it out loud... what will people think?
Dude, who cares?
Okay. Here it is. I have gallstones. And kidney stones. And horrible misconceptions about who gets them. And worse, horrible thoughts about being exempt and above it all. Oh the shame. What kind of yogi am I?
A human one.
Someone who gets to keep learning deeper lessons about herself. Yep. I somehow thought that I could eat whatever I wanted, drink :( whatever and whenever I wanted and get closer to 50 and would never have any of the normal stuff that I treat others for all the time. What a shock. I have GALLSTONES? The horror! What a horrible name-- the GALL of it all. Ugh. And kidney stones? Seriously? Where the heck did this all come from? And what the heck does it all mean? Metaphorically of course.
So first I'm belligerent-- how can a quasi-vegetarian have gallstones? Do you know how much yoga I teach? And Wait-- I'm a Reiki Master... don't I get an exemption? Oh what a silly girl I am. Then, I'm terrified-- what do you mean I need a surgeon??? What if I can't WORK? What if I become.....shudder... old? Is this what 50 is? I was loving my crone-atude.... looking forward to it all... wisdom... freedom... gallstones? Lordy and oh no... and then I'm embarrassed. How dare I feel sorry for myself when so many others have so much worse to deal with? What right do I have to freak out? I had a good 50 years, how dare I complain? Or whine? Or be scared? I'm a healer.... I don't want to be the healee.... but here it is. And I want to curl up in a little ball... and go away... and never let anyone know that I need...
Help. Help. Help... Little by little I start to say it...feeling ashamed that this time it's me, not really sure the words are coming from my lips... Am I going to be okay?
Have I ever mentioned that I am the luckiest woman on earth? I open my heart and even through my silliness, my beautiful Calvary comes. Never judging me... even though they have every right. Holding me up, telling me it's gonna be okay, offering support, letting me know what to expect, what they went through and mostly, that they don't expect me to be immortal and perfect. That once again, I am loved not because of what I give them... but because they love me.
Whew. And thanks. I needed that. I'm going to be okay. No matter what. I could really feel all the prayers and energy being sent my way... which makes me realize that what I do is really more powerful than I have ever known. It was a good lesson.
Going to the surgeon tomorrow. Breathing and calm. Much better.
Love & Peace, L
Thursday, September 02, 2010
bleecccchhhh.
I am sitting here drinking a berry smoothie. Sounds yummy, right? Unless you read the words under the title: Readi-Cat 2 Barium Sulfate Suspension. I'm sure it's not organic. It doesn't taste that bad, just sort of blecchhy once you swallow. I have to go get a CT Scan cause I have a stupid stomach pain that refuses to go away. And it's at that stupid place that makes doctors and husbands think you need to take care of it in case it might be appendicitis. Which, as I keep telling them, I am way too old for. But then the doc starts mentioning all kinds of other itis's that seem extremely unpleasant. So fine. I'll go. But I think it's probably a waste of time. And I'm not overly thrilled with the side effects of this "smoothie". I think I'm beginning to actually understand the words my churning stomach is screaming at me. Like, "what the heck are you sending down here? that stuff is NASTY! let's see if we can get it out of here real quick!" If you know what I mean.
The worst is that I am worrying my friends and family. I'm the healer, the one who loves to take care of everyone else. I HATE being sick and having people worry about me. And then I realize how ridiculous that is. And I feel bad for even complaining at all. Other folks have this as their daily life. I have this isolated incident and become grumpy and petulant. And in denial. And irritated. Sorry, sorry, sorry!
Anyways, I have finished my second bottle of berry smoothie and can now get ready to go relax in a large metal drum. And be thankful that this is just a blip in my life and that soon it will pass.
No 10 year old jokes please.
And don't worry!
The worst is that I am worrying my friends and family. I'm the healer, the one who loves to take care of everyone else. I HATE being sick and having people worry about me. And then I realize how ridiculous that is. And I feel bad for even complaining at all. Other folks have this as their daily life. I have this isolated incident and become grumpy and petulant. And in denial. And irritated. Sorry, sorry, sorry!
Anyways, I have finished my second bottle of berry smoothie and can now get ready to go relax in a large metal drum. And be thankful that this is just a blip in my life and that soon it will pass.
No 10 year old jokes please.
And don't worry!
Monday, August 30, 2010
Monteat, NC...errr.... sike.
August 22nd:
I'm sitting in the Grand Lobby at the Assembly Inn in Montreat. We got here Saturday. It has been a very different trip than all the other ones. We're here bringing my daughter and her stuff for her 3rd year of college. We're here on time, early even. All the arrangements have been worked out... far in advance. She is happy, smiling, even went out with her friends the first night we were here, leaving us to our own room and what not.
Today:
Whoops! Never got back to that post. Quick Recap: Rhia is back at school... little sadness when we were leaving but basically overjoyed to be back. What a difference 2 years make~ who da thunk it?
There has been so much going on I feel like I will never have the time to blog it all. Plus, so much of it is un-bloggable, too private and certainly not uplifting like I try and make it sound. Have had some incredible Reiki experiences lately, had a marvelous time being a gypsy wench on the streets of Rock Hall, have some very intriguing irons in my fire and have some very tough issues circling...
So, here's my questions for the day:
Why is it so hard sometimes to speak gently and kindly and make people understand?
In other words, must I pound you in the head with a lead balloon?
Why are we all so overwhelmed and tired?
Did I really need a new washer or is it just the Mercury Retrograde?
Is there something occurring in the Universe or is it just the September 11th thing... again?
And will that always be the case?
If you have a pain on your right side that is tender to the touch, does it have to be appendicitis?
Why is hummingbird nectar so expensive when you can make it so easily with sugar?
Is it really so hard to get good help these days?
Does anyone read all the info I am sending or is this a supreme time waster?
Why does the weather continually suck? Well, cept the last couple days... but now it's back to suckitude.
Can you tell I need yoga?
Why can't my son let me know when he's gonna be later than 2am so I don't worry? And why do I worry anyway? I mean, just for today people! Honestly, practice what you preach Linda!
Will this post ever end?
I'm sitting in the Grand Lobby at the Assembly Inn in Montreat. We got here Saturday. It has been a very different trip than all the other ones. We're here bringing my daughter and her stuff for her 3rd year of college. We're here on time, early even. All the arrangements have been worked out... far in advance. She is happy, smiling, even went out with her friends the first night we were here, leaving us to our own room and what not.
Today:
Whoops! Never got back to that post. Quick Recap: Rhia is back at school... little sadness when we were leaving but basically overjoyed to be back. What a difference 2 years make~ who da thunk it?
There has been so much going on I feel like I will never have the time to blog it all. Plus, so much of it is un-bloggable, too private and certainly not uplifting like I try and make it sound. Have had some incredible Reiki experiences lately, had a marvelous time being a gypsy wench on the streets of Rock Hall, have some very intriguing irons in my fire and have some very tough issues circling...
So, here's my questions for the day:
Why is it so hard sometimes to speak gently and kindly and make people understand?
In other words, must I pound you in the head with a lead balloon?
Why are we all so overwhelmed and tired?
Did I really need a new washer or is it just the Mercury Retrograde?
Is there something occurring in the Universe or is it just the September 11th thing... again?
And will that always be the case?
If you have a pain on your right side that is tender to the touch, does it have to be appendicitis?
Why is hummingbird nectar so expensive when you can make it so easily with sugar?
Is it really so hard to get good help these days?
Does anyone read all the info I am sending or is this a supreme time waster?
Why does the weather continually suck? Well, cept the last couple days... but now it's back to suckitude.
Can you tell I need yoga?
Why can't my son let me know when he's gonna be later than 2am so I don't worry? And why do I worry anyway? I mean, just for today people! Honestly, practice what you preach Linda!
Will this post ever end?
Friday, August 27, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Feng Shui Again
Got 5 minutes before a client gets here for Reiki... just thought I'd share something very interesting. (to me, anyway) I don't know if you believe in Feng Shui or that I do but I have slowly been working with the basics and re-doing my house. Most of it is just common sense... get rid of clutter... don't put blocks in your path.. yada yada.
I think I blogged about this before, will go back and catch the link when I get time. So the far left side of any room as you enter it is your power corner. When the kids were young, I had their pictures in the power corner and felt like they were controlling the roost so one day in a fit, I removed them. Put a picture of my husband and I. Felt like the house rebalanced.
Over the years, I have put different things in that corner, not really worrying too much about it until recently. I had a fountain in the career section of my home that a friend needed to borrow the other day. When I got it back, I wasn't sure I wanted to keep it in the same place-- there was a much better spot aesthetically, which just so happened to be in my power corner (which had a vase of dried flowers there). I couldn't remember whether water was auspicious there so I went to my trusty manual.
Best thing for your power corner: running water.
Worst thing for your power corner: dried (dead) flowers.
Ohhhh! So that's why my appointments and yoga classes have dried up! Put the fountain there and turned it on.... you guessed it-- my phone has been ringing off the hook and my email is full! Coincidence? I think not.
What's in your power corner?
I think I blogged about this before, will go back and catch the link when I get time. So the far left side of any room as you enter it is your power corner. When the kids were young, I had their pictures in the power corner and felt like they were controlling the roost so one day in a fit, I removed them. Put a picture of my husband and I. Felt like the house rebalanced.
Over the years, I have put different things in that corner, not really worrying too much about it until recently. I had a fountain in the career section of my home that a friend needed to borrow the other day. When I got it back, I wasn't sure I wanted to keep it in the same place-- there was a much better spot aesthetically, which just so happened to be in my power corner (which had a vase of dried flowers there). I couldn't remember whether water was auspicious there so I went to my trusty manual.
Best thing for your power corner: running water.
Worst thing for your power corner: dried (dead) flowers.
Ohhhh! So that's why my appointments and yoga classes have dried up! Put the fountain there and turned it on.... you guessed it-- my phone has been ringing off the hook and my email is full! Coincidence? I think not.
What's in your power corner?
Monday, August 09, 2010
Reiki Attunements
When I first became a Reiki Master/Teacher, I had a backlog of people waiting to become Reiki Healers, waiting for me to get my final certification so I could train them. Within the space of a couple months I had attuned everyone waiting, a couple more months I attuned a bunch more and then after a few more, brought some of them to level two, held quite a few Reiki Practioner's Shares, it was heavenly. I was so busy teaching new Healers I began to miss just doing Reiki on them... and the paradox was that most of the people I attuned were my Reiki clients so my beautiful private sessions with them sort of ended too. (Big lesson to Reiki Master Teachers: make it clear to your students that they can still come to you for Reiki healing, just because you are attuned doesn't mean you don't need to get Reiki yourselves sometime...)
I hadn't held a workshop since April, until last Thursday. However, my Reiki appointments have picked back up. But I can't seem to find a "class" full of souls that want to become Healers. I had a woman waiting... and waiting... until I finally decided to just do her workshop with just her. It was heavenly! I realized how much I missed sharing the gift of Reiki and watching someone feel the energy in their hands for the very first time.
It was so relaxing to just sit quietly, teaching the story of Dr. Usui, the founder of Reiki. The Attunement was very powerful, I felt so connected to my new student, she had an amazing experience. We brought my daughter in for the actual hands on teaching-- watching my students face light up when she realized that she could feel the heat and changes in the energy field was beautiful! "I can feel it!!! Already!!!", she said. I chuckled, "yep, once you got it, you got it... there's no building up to it necessary!" I might just do some more one on one workshops-- it was that relaxing.
I guess this is all just a lesson in balance. (Isn't everything?) I need an equal amount of private Reiki appointments, private & group Reiki workshops and group Reiki shares to feel completely fulfilled LOL... Oh yeah, and an equal amount of self Reiki meditation to round it all out. Sometimes I get so busy with yoga and SoulCollage that I feel like I don't spend enough time with Reiki, and I can tell when I do it, how much I miss it.
Wanna be a Healer? Want Reiki? Let me know-- I'd love to help you out :)
I hadn't held a workshop since April, until last Thursday. However, my Reiki appointments have picked back up. But I can't seem to find a "class" full of souls that want to become Healers. I had a woman waiting... and waiting... until I finally decided to just do her workshop with just her. It was heavenly! I realized how much I missed sharing the gift of Reiki and watching someone feel the energy in their hands for the very first time.
It was so relaxing to just sit quietly, teaching the story of Dr. Usui, the founder of Reiki. The Attunement was very powerful, I felt so connected to my new student, she had an amazing experience. We brought my daughter in for the actual hands on teaching-- watching my students face light up when she realized that she could feel the heat and changes in the energy field was beautiful! "I can feel it!!! Already!!!", she said. I chuckled, "yep, once you got it, you got it... there's no building up to it necessary!" I might just do some more one on one workshops-- it was that relaxing.
I guess this is all just a lesson in balance. (Isn't everything?) I need an equal amount of private Reiki appointments, private & group Reiki workshops and group Reiki shares to feel completely fulfilled LOL... Oh yeah, and an equal amount of self Reiki meditation to round it all out. Sometimes I get so busy with yoga and SoulCollage that I feel like I don't spend enough time with Reiki, and I can tell when I do it, how much I miss it.
Wanna be a Healer? Want Reiki? Let me know-- I'd love to help you out :)
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Feed my Sheep
Yesterday while I was showering (where I do my best revelation thinking) a revelation occurred to me. When Jesus told Peter to feed his sheep, he was not only speaking of physical food... he was also speaking metaphorically. This makes perfect sense because Jesus was really good at that.
This may have occurred to many folks before me but I have always taken the text literally. In fact, it is one of the texts I live my life by and try to follow as a follower of Christ. (note I did not say Christian.. that would imply religion which is not something I choose to follow.) I'm also a follower of Buddha and Lao Tze and all that is Light and Truth and Goodness. Not that you asked.
If you consider the habits of sheep this is a true revelation. Sheep cannot be described as deep thinkers. They kinda huddle together in a mass, waiting for someone (or some dog) to come along and tell them what to do. They don't question the one telling them to move. They occasionally get sheared and are powerless to say no even if they wanted to. They seem very frightened if confronted and will hurry to get out of the way, whether they were feeding themselves or taking care of their young, they stop everything and run. It's easy to feel sorry for a sheep. It's also easy to feel like maybe they are quite dumb since they can't speak for themselves.
When Jesus said, "If you love me, feed my sheep" He knew that humans are easily drawn to sheep mentality. Think about the humans during His time. His whole message was about doing what was right and loving, regardless of what the rulers say. He repeatedly broke and questioned the rules laid down before him... even the ones supposedly set by the followers of his Father. He told folks over and over to THINK. Why shouldn't you wash your feet if they are dirty? Why can't I eat when I am hungry? What difference does your religion make if you are hurting and I can heal you? Or what day it is? Brilliant man, Christ.
He never spelled anything out to his followers. He spoke in parables. Why wouldn't he just say, "Dude, I'm the son of God and you need to do what I tell you?" Why? Because He wanted us to THINK. He knew if He told us what to do He would just be laying down a new set of rules for the sheep to blindly follow. (which, unfortunately came to pass for many who claimed to follow Him) The reason He said there was really only one "rule" and that was to love your God and your neighbors as yourself, with all your heart and all of your mind and all of your spirit, was that he knew you couldn't go wrong if you were acting in love. If you think about love when you have a dilemma, you will never choose stupidly. If you live in love, you won't make choices that hurt others because you need to follow the status quo. If you engage all your senses in love you won't have room for other petty concerns, like who has more money or better hair.
If you read or study any text from any religion, you will see this message stated over and over. And it truely is the only real message. And it really is that simple. All the rest is crazy nonsense designed to confuse you and make you become a stupid sheep so you will blindly follow. If you love, feed the sheep. Feed them love and wisdom. Feed them acceptance and the right to question. Feed them with possibilities and with example. And don't treat them like sheep.
Amen.
This may have occurred to many folks before me but I have always taken the text literally. In fact, it is one of the texts I live my life by and try to follow as a follower of Christ. (note I did not say Christian.. that would imply religion which is not something I choose to follow.) I'm also a follower of Buddha and Lao Tze and all that is Light and Truth and Goodness. Not that you asked.
If you consider the habits of sheep this is a true revelation. Sheep cannot be described as deep thinkers. They kinda huddle together in a mass, waiting for someone (or some dog) to come along and tell them what to do. They don't question the one telling them to move. They occasionally get sheared and are powerless to say no even if they wanted to. They seem very frightened if confronted and will hurry to get out of the way, whether they were feeding themselves or taking care of their young, they stop everything and run. It's easy to feel sorry for a sheep. It's also easy to feel like maybe they are quite dumb since they can't speak for themselves.
When Jesus said, "If you love me, feed my sheep" He knew that humans are easily drawn to sheep mentality. Think about the humans during His time. His whole message was about doing what was right and loving, regardless of what the rulers say. He repeatedly broke and questioned the rules laid down before him... even the ones supposedly set by the followers of his Father. He told folks over and over to THINK. Why shouldn't you wash your feet if they are dirty? Why can't I eat when I am hungry? What difference does your religion make if you are hurting and I can heal you? Or what day it is? Brilliant man, Christ.
He never spelled anything out to his followers. He spoke in parables. Why wouldn't he just say, "Dude, I'm the son of God and you need to do what I tell you?" Why? Because He wanted us to THINK. He knew if He told us what to do He would just be laying down a new set of rules for the sheep to blindly follow. (which, unfortunately came to pass for many who claimed to follow Him) The reason He said there was really only one "rule" and that was to love your God and your neighbors as yourself, with all your heart and all of your mind and all of your spirit, was that he knew you couldn't go wrong if you were acting in love. If you think about love when you have a dilemma, you will never choose stupidly. If you live in love, you won't make choices that hurt others because you need to follow the status quo. If you engage all your senses in love you won't have room for other petty concerns, like who has more money or better hair.
If you read or study any text from any religion, you will see this message stated over and over. And it truely is the only real message. And it really is that simple. All the rest is crazy nonsense designed to confuse you and make you become a stupid sheep so you will blindly follow. If you love, feed the sheep. Feed them love and wisdom. Feed them acceptance and the right to question. Feed them with possibilities and with example. And don't treat them like sheep.
Amen.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Just the facts...
Life has been filled with unusual twists and turns lately. (lately? ha.) So far this summer:
I have been asked to officiate a funeral for a perfectly healthy friend.
I officiated a wedding at the beach.
I co-hosted a tarot party that went swimmingly.
I have been entertaining the idea of a new, very exciting change to my business.
I have started teaching yoga where I began teaching yoga. (you can't go back)
I have had an extremely bizarre request for a negative entity removal.
I've taught my first water yoga class. (does the irony of returning to my roots and starting something completely new occur to you too?)
My daughter came home, we annoyed one another, she went back to Montreat and now we miss one another...
I hosted a great party for my old theater friends without being able to answer the question, "what's the next play?"
I was very pleasantly surprised with who came. And not so pleasantly amazed at who didn't.
I began teaching young girls SoulCollage.
I bound and boxed a ton of shoes for Soles4Souls.
I attended church 5 times. A miracle.
I got to hang with my best friend twice, which is more than we've hung in years.. the irony? She now lives in Florida.
My husband built a house in my back yard.
I was furious with my neighbors for cutting down all their trees and now I'm happy because they put up a privacy fence so I don't have to look at it.
I read a whole book about a kooky dead girl. For fun.
I read a book on Jungian pyschology and one on Zen Buddhism. For fun.
I stopped subscribing to the Washington Post and watching the news. For sanity.
I went to my first midnight grand opening movie and screeched along with a bunch of teenage girls. And learned a secret ritual involving fangs.
I have been asked to officiate a funeral for a perfectly healthy friend.
I officiated a wedding at the beach.
I co-hosted a tarot party that went swimmingly.
I have been entertaining the idea of a new, very exciting change to my business.
I have started teaching yoga where I began teaching yoga. (you can't go back)
I have had an extremely bizarre request for a negative entity removal.
I've taught my first water yoga class. (does the irony of returning to my roots and starting something completely new occur to you too?)
My daughter came home, we annoyed one another, she went back to Montreat and now we miss one another...
I hosted a great party for my old theater friends without being able to answer the question, "what's the next play?"
I was very pleasantly surprised with who came. And not so pleasantly amazed at who didn't.
I began teaching young girls SoulCollage.
I bound and boxed a ton of shoes for Soles4Souls.
I attended church 5 times. A miracle.
I got to hang with my best friend twice, which is more than we've hung in years.. the irony? She now lives in Florida.
My husband built a house in my back yard.
I was furious with my neighbors for cutting down all their trees and now I'm happy because they put up a privacy fence so I don't have to look at it.
I read a whole book about a kooky dead girl. For fun.
I read a book on Jungian pyschology and one on Zen Buddhism. For fun.
I stopped subscribing to the Washington Post and watching the news. For sanity.
I went to my first midnight grand opening movie and screeched along with a bunch of teenage girls. And learned a secret ritual involving fangs.
Does this seem like a lot to you? Esp. when summers only half over? I'm thinking of taking August off.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Oh Summer.
I can always tell when the weather is hot and muggy by my blog. I start writing snarky posts about insignificant silliness. I start keeping a professional and personal blog. Eventually when my pitta gets back in whack I'll combine them again but you know blogs that are only perfect entries are boring so I'll stay snarky for a bit, I suppose.
I mean, I think it's important to be real. And being real means you occasionally get your pitta out of whack and become snarky. Can you tell I'm loving that word? Is it a new one? I never heard the word snarky til a few years ago, not sure if it's slang or not but it feels perfect for that feeling of... well... snarkyness.
Anyway. Summer. The wonderful season where the whole world starts taking crazy pills. Seriously, if I were completely honest in my blog... well, if I wasn't worried about hurting the feelings of people who may recognize themselves.. I could tell you some stories of total insanity that have crossed my path lately. Folks blaming folks for their own issues. People who just can't be pleased.. or be quiet about it. Folks wanting others to do their work for them, even their inner work, which, REALLY? How can someone else do YOUR inner work? Wouldn't that then be outer work? Or, their inner work? How do you suppose you'll be healed by that? Lordy, it's enough to make one snarky.
Trouble is, when my pitta gets out of whack I'm supposed to make everything in my word cooling and bland. I HATE cooling and bland.
Oh wait. Definition of Pitta: What is Pitta? Pitta is a a Dosha. What's a Dosha? A dosha is one of three bodily humors that make up one's constitution according to Ayurveda. These teachings are also known as the Tridosha system. The central concept of Ayurvedic medicine is the theory that health exists when there is a balance between three fundamental bodily humours or doshas called Vata, Pitta and Kapha. Vata is Air, Pitta is Fire, Kapha is Water.
Signs that you need to balance Pitta
Are you constantly critical, impatient, irritable? yes.
Do you feel obsessed by work or a project, unable to stop for a break? yes.
Do you wake up in the very early hours of the morning and then find it difficult to get back to sleep? yes.
Is your skin feeling irritated or more sensitive than usual, breaking out or feeling inflamed? yes.
Is your hair falling when you shampoo or comb it? yes.
Do you have problems with heartburn or excess stomach acid? meh.
Is your tolerance of other people or provoking situations lower than usual? Do you have temper outbursts over minor aggravations? Do you often feel frustrated? Yes. YES, YESSSSSSSSSS
Do you feel hot even when you are indoors? Do you feel thirsty all the time? Are your eyes red? Yes, sheesh.
Is your speech often biting and sarcastic? Do you find yourself getting into arguments easily? WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT???? HOW RUDE.
If you answered yes to many of the questions above, following a Pitta-balancing diet and lifestyle can help restore balance to Pitta.
So there you have it. Pitta diet: Favor Cool or warm but not steaming hot foods
Bitter, sweet, and astringent tastes
As far as practical use less butter and added fat. Consume food with moderately heavy textures.
Since Pittas have strong efficient digestion, they can generally eat just about everything. Most Pittas get into trouble by continued use of too much salt, overuse of sour and spicy food and overeating.
Take cool, refreshing food in summer. Reduce the consumption of salt, oil, and spices, all of which are "heating" to the body. Salads are good, so is milk and ice cream.
Avoid pickles, yogurt, sour cream, and cheese. Avoid vinegar in salad dressing; use lemon juice instead. Alcoholic and fermented foods should be avoided. Their sour Rasa aggravates Pitta. Coffee is also pitta aggravating due to the acid in coffee. Herb tea is good. Prefer mint, licorice root or other pitta pacifying tea.
Breakfast: Cold cereals, cinnamon toast, and apple tea is a good breakfast for Pitta. Avoid coffee, orange juice and doughnuts - they aggravate pitta.
The vegetarian foods are the best for pitta. Consuming red meat tend to heat the body from the fat. Consume abundant amounts of milk, grains and vegetables.
Avoid oily, hot, salty, and heavy foods such as fried food. Instead consume starchy foods such as vegetables, grains and beans. Avoid the tendency to overeat under stress.
Avoid processed and fast foods as they tend to be heavy on salt and sour tastes. Japanese and Chinese food are good choices. Avoid highly spicy food such as is found in Mexican restaurants.
To bring down aggravated Pitta, take two teaspoons of ghee (clarified butter) in a glass of warm milk. (Avoid taking the ghee if you have problem with high cholesterol). http://www.holisticonline.com/ayurveda/
Yuck. What the heck is Ghee? Whatever.
Anyways. That's why I have stupid posts right now.
I mean, I think it's important to be real. And being real means you occasionally get your pitta out of whack and become snarky. Can you tell I'm loving that word? Is it a new one? I never heard the word snarky til a few years ago, not sure if it's slang or not but it feels perfect for that feeling of... well... snarkyness.
Anyway. Summer. The wonderful season where the whole world starts taking crazy pills. Seriously, if I were completely honest in my blog... well, if I wasn't worried about hurting the feelings of people who may recognize themselves.. I could tell you some stories of total insanity that have crossed my path lately. Folks blaming folks for their own issues. People who just can't be pleased.. or be quiet about it. Folks wanting others to do their work for them, even their inner work, which, REALLY? How can someone else do YOUR inner work? Wouldn't that then be outer work? Or, their inner work? How do you suppose you'll be healed by that? Lordy, it's enough to make one snarky.
Trouble is, when my pitta gets out of whack I'm supposed to make everything in my word cooling and bland. I HATE cooling and bland.
Oh wait. Definition of Pitta: What is Pitta? Pitta is a a Dosha. What's a Dosha? A dosha is one of three bodily humors that make up one's constitution according to Ayurveda. These teachings are also known as the Tridosha system. The central concept of Ayurvedic medicine is the theory that health exists when there is a balance between three fundamental bodily humours or doshas called Vata, Pitta and Kapha. Vata is Air, Pitta is Fire, Kapha is Water.
Signs that you need to balance Pitta
Are you constantly critical, impatient, irritable? yes.
Do you feel obsessed by work or a project, unable to stop for a break? yes.
Do you wake up in the very early hours of the morning and then find it difficult to get back to sleep? yes.
Is your skin feeling irritated or more sensitive than usual, breaking out or feeling inflamed? yes.
Is your hair falling when you shampoo or comb it? yes.
Do you have problems with heartburn or excess stomach acid? meh.
Is your tolerance of other people or provoking situations lower than usual? Do you have temper outbursts over minor aggravations? Do you often feel frustrated? Yes. YES, YESSSSSSSSSS
Do you feel hot even when you are indoors? Do you feel thirsty all the time? Are your eyes red? Yes, sheesh.
Is your speech often biting and sarcastic? Do you find yourself getting into arguments easily? WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT???? HOW RUDE.
If you answered yes to many of the questions above, following a Pitta-balancing diet and lifestyle can help restore balance to Pitta.
So there you have it. Pitta diet: Favor Cool or warm but not steaming hot foods
Bitter, sweet, and astringent tastes
As far as practical use less butter and added fat. Consume food with moderately heavy textures.
Since Pittas have strong efficient digestion, they can generally eat just about everything. Most Pittas get into trouble by continued use of too much salt, overuse of sour and spicy food and overeating.
Take cool, refreshing food in summer. Reduce the consumption of salt, oil, and spices, all of which are "heating" to the body. Salads are good, so is milk and ice cream.
Avoid pickles, yogurt, sour cream, and cheese. Avoid vinegar in salad dressing; use lemon juice instead. Alcoholic and fermented foods should be avoided. Their sour Rasa aggravates Pitta. Coffee is also pitta aggravating due to the acid in coffee. Herb tea is good. Prefer mint, licorice root or other pitta pacifying tea.
Breakfast: Cold cereals, cinnamon toast, and apple tea is a good breakfast for Pitta. Avoid coffee, orange juice and doughnuts - they aggravate pitta.
The vegetarian foods are the best for pitta. Consuming red meat tend to heat the body from the fat. Consume abundant amounts of milk, grains and vegetables.
Avoid oily, hot, salty, and heavy foods such as fried food. Instead consume starchy foods such as vegetables, grains and beans. Avoid the tendency to overeat under stress.
Avoid processed and fast foods as they tend to be heavy on salt and sour tastes. Japanese and Chinese food are good choices. Avoid highly spicy food such as is found in Mexican restaurants.
To bring down aggravated Pitta, take two teaspoons of ghee (clarified butter) in a glass of warm milk. (Avoid taking the ghee if you have problem with high cholesterol). http://www.holisticonline.com/ayurveda/
Yuck. What the heck is Ghee? Whatever.
Anyways. That's why I have stupid posts right now.
Friday, July 09, 2010
A List
Pet Peeves:
Folks who sign up for stuff and don't show. Personally & Professionally.
Folks who say, "anywho" and "long story short".
Folks who lean forward in triangle.
Mosquitos
Store names with Airs like Tar-g'et.
Tree Haters
Folks who use constant busyness as their excuse for letting folks down.
Glasses and Clothes that are too tight.
Freaking Hot.
And Freaking Cold.
Top Joys:
Yoga
Meditation
Reiki
Trees
Sunshine
Having a bed to myself. (sorry honey)
Frozen Eye Pillows
Wind... and lots of it.
Real Conversations with Real People
Quiet
A Great Book
Truth
Courage
Love
Folks who sign up for stuff and don't show. Personally & Professionally.
Folks who say, "anywho" and "long story short".
Folks who lean forward in triangle.
Mosquitos
Store names with Airs like Tar-g'et.
Tree Haters
Folks who use constant busyness as their excuse for letting folks down.
Glasses and Clothes that are too tight.
Freaking Hot.
And Freaking Cold.
Top Joys:
Yoga
Meditation
Reiki
Trees
Sunshine
Having a bed to myself. (sorry honey)
Frozen Eye Pillows
Wind... and lots of it.
Real Conversations with Real People
Quiet
A Great Book
Truth
Courage
Love
Sunday, July 04, 2010
In French, Le Chapeau...
In the space of 2 weeks I have been a yoga teacher to adults and to kids at a therapeutic pre school , reiki master, soulcollage facilitator for young girls, party planner, director, wedding officiant, counselor, best friend, mother, wife, maid, writer, website coordinator, decorator for vacation bible school, church closet organizer, secretary, nurse and small business owner and boy, are my arms tired!
Not to mention my brain.
You know how when the heat is on, the tough get going? Yeah, that's been me. One thing after another, after another and then some more. Today I crashed. Like, became incoherent. Slept til 10!!! Sat in the Spirit Shack.... then the Spirit Room... then outside in the gazebo.. then in the living room... yep, that's pretty much it. Biggest decision of the day: where shall I sit next? Still worked a bit, updated my yoga page and set some Reiki appts. but lordy.. what a whirlwind!
Trouble is I LOVED all of it! I loved doing Kim & Carl's wedding! I loved having my theater buddies over for a party! I love doing SoulCollage with the girls, I loved teaching the crazy kids at BTN! Yoga is awesome, decorating the Sanctuary for VBS was fun, I love helping my friends and I love doing Reiki! Why is that trouble? Well... I've had a headache for a week and I keep forgetting things... and I feel a little nutty. Perhaps I just need to space it out better.
I don't know. Whatever. One of my favorite quotes of all time is:
I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time."
Jack London
So what's the problem? Nothing.... just a little tired.
Happy 4th of July!
Time to go try and find a secret place to watch the fireworks where there is no traffic! Shaaaa--- right!
Not to mention my brain.
You know how when the heat is on, the tough get going? Yeah, that's been me. One thing after another, after another and then some more. Today I crashed. Like, became incoherent. Slept til 10!!! Sat in the Spirit Shack.... then the Spirit Room... then outside in the gazebo.. then in the living room... yep, that's pretty much it. Biggest decision of the day: where shall I sit next? Still worked a bit, updated my yoga page and set some Reiki appts. but lordy.. what a whirlwind!
Trouble is I LOVED all of it! I loved doing Kim & Carl's wedding! I loved having my theater buddies over for a party! I love doing SoulCollage with the girls, I loved teaching the crazy kids at BTN! Yoga is awesome, decorating the Sanctuary for VBS was fun, I love helping my friends and I love doing Reiki! Why is that trouble? Well... I've had a headache for a week and I keep forgetting things... and I feel a little nutty. Perhaps I just need to space it out better.
I don't know. Whatever. One of my favorite quotes of all time is:
I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time."
Jack London
So what's the problem? Nothing.... just a little tired.
Happy 4th of July!
Time to go try and find a secret place to watch the fireworks where there is no traffic! Shaaaa--- right!
Monday, June 21, 2010
Summer!
This morning we did 7 sun salutations to honor the summer solstice. Rhia came home Saturday so it really does feel like summer. We're going to the beach Thursday for a wedding-- can't wait to smell the Coppertone and Sea Breeze!
If I were rich I would live at the beach. I would be ocean front and watch the waves as the sun changes. I wouldn't work... or at least charge for it... I would do yoga on the beach and invite everyone around to join me. Even the seagulls. I would sip my coffe in the morning on the deck overlooking the beach... and I would eat my dinner on the deck watching the sunset...
My whole life I have wanted to live at the beach. When I was 10, my dad was building condominiums in Sea Isle City, NJ and we got to spend entire summers there. I body surfed and had water battles and made sand castles til my heart's content.
I can't believe I'm almost 50 and I still live here. I may have to make it a goal to not spend another year without seeing the ocean waves everyday.
If I were rich I would live at the beach. I would be ocean front and watch the waves as the sun changes. I wouldn't work... or at least charge for it... I would do yoga on the beach and invite everyone around to join me. Even the seagulls. I would sip my coffe in the morning on the deck overlooking the beach... and I would eat my dinner on the deck watching the sunset...
My whole life I have wanted to live at the beach. When I was 10, my dad was building condominiums in Sea Isle City, NJ and we got to spend entire summers there. I body surfed and had water battles and made sand castles til my heart's content.
I can't believe I'm almost 50 and I still live here. I may have to make it a goal to not spend another year without seeing the ocean waves everyday.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Watching and waiting
We've been a bit topsy turvy. Which is a cute way of saying we are emotionally insane. It's interesting to me how one minute your singing "O What a beautiful Morning...." and the next plotting ways of egging your neighbors house. Like that would help. I don't want to be emo here but we did sort of have the wind taken out of our sails.
Last week I was trying to come to terms with our neighbors decimating their hill. I was trying to make light of it, joking about whup-ass and what not, realizing there was nothing I could really do about it cept plant the heck out of my fence, which, if you've seen my yard, is not really a problem. Saturday everything changed. I came home from SoulCollage Lunch Bunch to complete devastation. Seriously. They went from clearing the small trees/bushes/flowers off their hill to removing the huge, 150 year old Tulip Poplars off the top of the hill. And the Maples. And the Oaks. Wanton, willy nilly, their mammoth carcasses strewn across the land.
I couldn't catch my breath at first. Like, seriously. Kept wiping my eyes to make sure I was actually seeing what I was seeing. Ran up my hill. Ran to the fence. Ran out front... I had no idea what to do. I couldn't believe it. I began to cry, "WHYYYYY????" Why would anyone DO THAT??? Did you not see Avatar? WHO DOES THAT? I won't elaborate on all that I said... fortunately Barry came home and let me cry it out before I completely lost all my yoga training and busted down their door.
I was devastated. Now, look, I understand we are just crazy tree huggers. Not everyone feels this way about trees... that they are sacred... they are monuments to perseverance and beautiful reminders of balance and rooting. I get that maybe we are a bit over the top about trees, I have been known to go nuts on the electricity gods when they come to 'trim'. But this was not like anything I have seen here in Bowie before. Not even with the swath of destruction by BGE recently that everyone (except apparently my neighbors) was so upset about. That was nothing compared to the raping of the landscape that my neighbors did.
There is nothing green left in their yard except for the very tippy tops of the remaining trees. Not only did they cut down huge trees but they cut all the branches up as far as they could on the remaining ones. The afternoon sun is hot and horrible hitting my poor plants that are used to shade. I feel so bad for the people on the other side who's homes are now in complete blazing sun as they watch their hostas, impatiens and coral bells shrivel up and die. WHO DOES THAT?? We have all lived here for 20-30, even 40 years. These people came 3 years ago. WHY? Why would they move to a neighborhood surrounded by huge trees, lush landscaping and of course, our house which is an over the top, certified natural wildlife refuge... why come here?
The hardest part was telling my daughter. She is currently on a trip to all the major National Parks out west. She's an Environmental Science Major specifically to learn how to protect the environment. She's been studying all the beauty of the Grand Canyon, Sequoia, Redwoods, Yellowstone... you name it, she's been there. And she's coming back to this craziness. I feel like we are living next door to BP. In fact, I keep thinking this is a huge statement that maybe the world isn't as enlightened as I think... I think we are all the same, we are all one... I'm sad to think there is this much disrespect for God's creation, I always thought that was just ignorance. In this age of technology, no one can claim ignorance anymore. Again.. did you not see Avatar?
I realize in the grand scheme of things this is just a bubble. I realize there are people out there with real problems, far greater than their neighbors cutting down trees. I know we will recover, we will make the best of it, we will plant more :) It's just right now, while it's still raw, that we are asking how we could possibly live next door to folks with such blatant disregard for nature. We've been looking at real estate elsewhere. I've also been joking (sort of) with all my woo woo friends about having a ceremony on the Solstice (Sunday) to clear the negative energy, send Reiki Healing to the trees and pray to Mother Earth for forgiveness. Rhia will be here! Join us :)
Last week I was trying to come to terms with our neighbors decimating their hill. I was trying to make light of it, joking about whup-ass and what not, realizing there was nothing I could really do about it cept plant the heck out of my fence, which, if you've seen my yard, is not really a problem. Saturday everything changed. I came home from SoulCollage Lunch Bunch to complete devastation. Seriously. They went from clearing the small trees/bushes/flowers off their hill to removing the huge, 150 year old Tulip Poplars off the top of the hill. And the Maples. And the Oaks. Wanton, willy nilly, their mammoth carcasses strewn across the land.
I couldn't catch my breath at first. Like, seriously. Kept wiping my eyes to make sure I was actually seeing what I was seeing. Ran up my hill. Ran to the fence. Ran out front... I had no idea what to do. I couldn't believe it. I began to cry, "WHYYYYY????" Why would anyone DO THAT??? Did you not see Avatar? WHO DOES THAT? I won't elaborate on all that I said... fortunately Barry came home and let me cry it out before I completely lost all my yoga training and busted down their door.
I was devastated. Now, look, I understand we are just crazy tree huggers. Not everyone feels this way about trees... that they are sacred... they are monuments to perseverance and beautiful reminders of balance and rooting. I get that maybe we are a bit over the top about trees, I have been known to go nuts on the electricity gods when they come to 'trim'. But this was not like anything I have seen here in Bowie before. Not even with the swath of destruction by BGE recently that everyone (except apparently my neighbors) was so upset about. That was nothing compared to the raping of the landscape that my neighbors did.
There is nothing green left in their yard except for the very tippy tops of the remaining trees. Not only did they cut down huge trees but they cut all the branches up as far as they could on the remaining ones. The afternoon sun is hot and horrible hitting my poor plants that are used to shade. I feel so bad for the people on the other side who's homes are now in complete blazing sun as they watch their hostas, impatiens and coral bells shrivel up and die. WHO DOES THAT?? We have all lived here for 20-30, even 40 years. These people came 3 years ago. WHY? Why would they move to a neighborhood surrounded by huge trees, lush landscaping and of course, our house which is an over the top, certified natural wildlife refuge... why come here?
The hardest part was telling my daughter. She is currently on a trip to all the major National Parks out west. She's an Environmental Science Major specifically to learn how to protect the environment. She's been studying all the beauty of the Grand Canyon, Sequoia, Redwoods, Yellowstone... you name it, she's been there. And she's coming back to this craziness. I feel like we are living next door to BP. In fact, I keep thinking this is a huge statement that maybe the world isn't as enlightened as I think... I think we are all the same, we are all one... I'm sad to think there is this much disrespect for God's creation, I always thought that was just ignorance. In this age of technology, no one can claim ignorance anymore. Again.. did you not see Avatar?
I realize in the grand scheme of things this is just a bubble. I realize there are people out there with real problems, far greater than their neighbors cutting down trees. I know we will recover, we will make the best of it, we will plant more :) It's just right now, while it's still raw, that we are asking how we could possibly live next door to folks with such blatant disregard for nature. We've been looking at real estate elsewhere. I've also been joking (sort of) with all my woo woo friends about having a ceremony on the Solstice (Sunday) to clear the negative energy, send Reiki Healing to the trees and pray to Mother Earth for forgiveness. Rhia will be here! Join us :)
Wednesday, June 09, 2010
the best of times, the worst of times...
Life feels like a constant paradox right now. Or maybe it's a lesson on staying to the middle.... or not being attached to results... or maybe it's the age old 'life's a bitch and then you die' syndrome. Just kidding... kinda.
Last weekend we sat on the new deck remarking on how private our hill was. We couldn't see the neighbors, they couldn't see us. Perfect Feng Shui. The very next day, as Barry was buying all the lumber to make a little meditation house, bulldozers arrived next door. They ripped out every tree, every bush, every flower on their hill, intending to build a series of 10 foot walls for .... what? We can't fathom. It was heartbreaking, we've been here for 25 years, we watched the little old lady plant all those daffodils and tend to her azaleas.. sigh. Even worse, for the first time ever, we have a clear view of their entire house and vice versa. They even cut all the branches on our trees that hung into their yard! Take paradise.....
This past weekend we finished 'Spirit Shack', our little house project on our hill. It's beautiful, it's peaceful, it's brilliantly filled with energy. It was sooo hot all weekend while we were building and clearing and staining the wood. All we could hear was the constant grinding of trees and beeping of bulldozers. During our Reiki Share Sunday afternoon, the blessed thunderstorms finally came and the weather cooled (and the killers of nature had to go inside). Barry and I sat up in our little house, sharing some wine, breathing in the breeze, it was so lovely.
I switched my yoga schedule this week to one that I think is much more pleasing to my students and is great for me. I stacked my classes so I could be home Tues/Weds afternoons & evenings, giving me the chance to actually cook dinner for my family and get some of my much delayed projects done. I was so excited Tuesday after a great yoga class to begin some overdue gardening in my back yard and to decorate my new little house. The weather was gorgeous, breezy, low humidity and cool, I was elated! I opened all the windows in the house, gathered my supplies and ventured out. Into a cloud of exhaust, dust and horrendous sound. All day. Until 7:30pm. Around 6pm, after a wonderful dinner, Barry and I went up to our little house to try and relax. To the smell of exhaust and the constant beeping and grinding of their machines. I finally lost my cool and started spouting profanity.
Now, I'm not saying my neighbors don't have the right to decimate their back yard if they want to. And I'm sure they must have some master plan that isn't evident. But after 10 days of this I am ready to forget all my yoga training and go open a can of whup-ass on them. I mean, honestly... I feel like I'm living next to a freaking construction zone. And to add insult to injury, when the construction workers finally left, their little brat fired up their overly big, overly loud and smelly riding lawn mower (in Bowie, I mean, who does that?) to ride around their dirt filled yard. I could just scream over and over and over and over. This morning 8am... it starts again. They are probably not even a third of the way done. I can't listen to this every day, I will go completely nuts. What to do?
We have worked for 25 years to create a beautiful, serene sanctuary for the wildlife, for our friends, for our family. The contrast between our yards is shocking. Why would people move next door to a home obviously lived in by nature lovers if they hate nature? But as I have learned in my life, I can't control others... only my reaction to them. And since my nature doesn't really allow me to open a can of whup-ass, I mean, I don't even know where you would buy a can of whup-ass, I must go within.
So, God? What's the deal? What's the lesson here I'm missing? I didn't accidentally pray for tolerance did I? Cause if I did, I was just kidding....
Last weekend we sat on the new deck remarking on how private our hill was. We couldn't see the neighbors, they couldn't see us. Perfect Feng Shui. The very next day, as Barry was buying all the lumber to make a little meditation house, bulldozers arrived next door. They ripped out every tree, every bush, every flower on their hill, intending to build a series of 10 foot walls for .... what? We can't fathom. It was heartbreaking, we've been here for 25 years, we watched the little old lady plant all those daffodils and tend to her azaleas.. sigh. Even worse, for the first time ever, we have a clear view of their entire house and vice versa. They even cut all the branches on our trees that hung into their yard! Take paradise.....
This past weekend we finished 'Spirit Shack', our little house project on our hill. It's beautiful, it's peaceful, it's brilliantly filled with energy. It was sooo hot all weekend while we were building and clearing and staining the wood. All we could hear was the constant grinding of trees and beeping of bulldozers. During our Reiki Share Sunday afternoon, the blessed thunderstorms finally came and the weather cooled (and the killers of nature had to go inside). Barry and I sat up in our little house, sharing some wine, breathing in the breeze, it was so lovely.
I switched my yoga schedule this week to one that I think is much more pleasing to my students and is great for me. I stacked my classes so I could be home Tues/Weds afternoons & evenings, giving me the chance to actually cook dinner for my family and get some of my much delayed projects done. I was so excited Tuesday after a great yoga class to begin some overdue gardening in my back yard and to decorate my new little house. The weather was gorgeous, breezy, low humidity and cool, I was elated! I opened all the windows in the house, gathered my supplies and ventured out. Into a cloud of exhaust, dust and horrendous sound. All day. Until 7:30pm. Around 6pm, after a wonderful dinner, Barry and I went up to our little house to try and relax. To the smell of exhaust and the constant beeping and grinding of their machines. I finally lost my cool and started spouting profanity.
Now, I'm not saying my neighbors don't have the right to decimate their back yard if they want to. And I'm sure they must have some master plan that isn't evident. But after 10 days of this I am ready to forget all my yoga training and go open a can of whup-ass on them. I mean, honestly... I feel like I'm living next to a freaking construction zone. And to add insult to injury, when the construction workers finally left, their little brat fired up their overly big, overly loud and smelly riding lawn mower (in Bowie, I mean, who does that?) to ride around their dirt filled yard. I could just scream over and over and over and over. This morning 8am... it starts again. They are probably not even a third of the way done. I can't listen to this every day, I will go completely nuts. What to do?
We have worked for 25 years to create a beautiful, serene sanctuary for the wildlife, for our friends, for our family. The contrast between our yards is shocking. Why would people move next door to a home obviously lived in by nature lovers if they hate nature? But as I have learned in my life, I can't control others... only my reaction to them. And since my nature doesn't really allow me to open a can of whup-ass, I mean, I don't even know where you would buy a can of whup-ass, I must go within.
So, God? What's the deal? What's the lesson here I'm missing? I didn't accidentally pray for tolerance did I? Cause if I did, I was just kidding....
Tuesday, June 01, 2010
Prayer Flags
I wish.
Barry and I just let ourselves be completely ridiculous this weekend. He decided to be Builder Guy while I was being Creation Girl. There is no logic to building an extra house behind your house. And certainly not to making a ton of stuff to hang and decorate it with. But that's exactly what we did. It's crazy.
He wanted a deck. I wanted a place I could go to meditate that I didn't have to move a bunch of furniture and create the world over and over. A space dedicated just to one thing. He wanted to sit on our hill and dangle his feet over a deck and contemplate life.
It's humongous. I thought it would be a tiny crawl around structure. He didn't feel like cutting the 8 foot lumber... so everything is in eights. Like the eightfold path. I can't really say anything though cause I was just as excessive. I couldn't make one set of flags... I made 4. Whatever. So we're nuts. Can't wait to see the finished project!Monday, May 24, 2010
Growth
We just got back from being the pack mules for my daughter. She just completed her second year of college. That seems like such a simple sentence... and probably is for most people. But in our world it should be written like this: RHIA JUST COMPLETED HER SECOND YEAR OF COLLEGE!!!!!!!!! Those of you that have been following my blog for a length of time know how difficult this process was and how astonishing it is that she is even THERE, let alone THRIVING... and thriving she is. When we got there this time, in the place of a sobbing, anxious little girl there was a beautiful, self assured woman who showed us around her apartment, took us to great coffee shops and restaurants and had all kinds of friends that were happy to see her where ever we went. What a joy!
At one point, sitting and listening to her telling me about some scientific fact or another, I was stunned to realize that she grew up. Like, really. grew. up. She is an environmental science major, she is on the trip of a lifetime right now, that's why we had to go bring her supplies and pack up her apartment and bring her stuff home. Again, that should be written like this: RHIA IS ON THE TRIP OF A LIFETIME SEEING 25 NATIONAL PARKS!!!! That's kinda unreal, don't you think? My little girl, who suffers tremendously from homesickness is currently on a bus traveling across the United States visiting all the places we have only dreamed of...
Starting at Saguaro, way down at the bottom in New Mexico/Arizona and working up to the Grand Canyon and beyond... Yosemite, Death Valley, Redwoods, Crater Lake, Mt. St. Helens, San Juan Islands, Yellowstone, Devils Tower, Badlands... you name it, she's gonna see it. I can't even wrap my mind around this. I can't imagine what this is like. And... I can't imagine who she will be when she gets home.
Her father and I have never been to any of these places. No one in my family has ever been to any of these places. In fact, no one in my family ever graduated HIGH SCHOOL... let alone COLLEGE. I cannot begin to tell you how emotional it makes me feel to think that somehow, someway, Barry & I were able to .... I don't even know what the word is... pull ourselves from where we came from and give our kids a better chance. We thank God everyday for the wonderful friends and mentors that helped us, we are so blessed.
While we were there being pack mules, my beautiful daughter had to sing in her choir for the Montreat Graduating Class of 2010. From the minute they started the procession with a man playing the bagpipes as their leader... to the first note of her small, AMAZING, choir, her father and I were teary. When she came out, we shared with her, laughing, how weepy we were. She starts cracking up, "geez, you don't even know anyone there graduating!!! What the heck are you gonna do when it's me?"
What indeed. I feel an 'ugly cry' coming on.... You know, the one where your face scrunches all up and you blubber? Yeah, that'll be her Dad & I... in the front row.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Mind Dump
Should I peruse Hairspray?
Where could I get a place big enough for a yoga studio and a theater?
Should I stop teaching to adults and go back to teaching kids?
What IS the deal with this weather?
Should I grow out my bangs?
Should we leave Wednesday or Thursday for Montreat?
Why are there so many horrible things happening to my loved ones?
When will these wretched Mercury Retrograde end?
And, does Mercury really go backward? LOL.
Why is it so hard for life/people to remain consistent?
Is it capri or long pants weather?
Which workout should I do today? Awkward Girl or Silly Boy?
Where can I find the motivation to actually do all the crap that's piling up?
Should I get a tattoo?
Or cut off my hair?
Is the pollen ever going to go away?
Esp. that which is IN my house?
Should I cancel my evening classes?
Should I give up wine completely?
Where can I get reasonably priced sandlewood?
Whatever happened to Cybil?
Is Crystal gonna win?
Should I forgo all electronics for a month?
Why?
What is the cat doing staring at the wall?
What should the last question on this entry be?
Where could I get a place big enough for a yoga studio and a theater?
Should I stop teaching to adults and go back to teaching kids?
What IS the deal with this weather?
Should I grow out my bangs?
Should we leave Wednesday or Thursday for Montreat?
Why are there so many horrible things happening to my loved ones?
When will these wretched Mercury Retrograde end?
And, does Mercury really go backward? LOL.
Why is it so hard for life/people to remain consistent?
Is it capri or long pants weather?
Which workout should I do today? Awkward Girl or Silly Boy?
Where can I find the motivation to actually do all the crap that's piling up?
Should I get a tattoo?
Or cut off my hair?
Is the pollen ever going to go away?
Esp. that which is IN my house?
Should I cancel my evening classes?
Should I give up wine completely?
Where can I get reasonably priced sandlewood?
Whatever happened to Cybil?
Is Crystal gonna win?
Should I forgo all electronics for a month?
Why?
What is the cat doing staring at the wall?
What should the last question on this entry be?
Thursday, May 06, 2010
My Updated Spirit Center Dream
In 2007, I wrote a blog detailing my dream of a spiritual center...a place folks could go to relax, that had a variety of activities and rooms to chill. I was sending it to a friend today and in re-reading it, I saw that I had pretty much already created it... only it was my house. So, I am going to re-do my dream and allow myself to dream bigger!
Walking up to this beautiful retreat center is deceiving... it looks small, cozy, even homey but as you open the door you realize the spaciousness. It is bright, with lots of natural light and very colorful, filled with beautiful art pieces made by the creative souls who have passed through the same door you just did. You are greeted warmly by hosts, given a cuppa tea and offered a delicious treat while you sink comfortably into a chair by the fire. There is a "menu" of activities at your side and you are encouraged to take your time deciding what to do first.
Mmmm, a massage? Yoga? Reiki Healing? The list goes on... at 10:00 there's a lively discussion of Religious Styles... at noon a SoulCollage Card Building Lunch Bunch... at 3:00 a 2 hour Restorative Yoga session... at 5:00 an outdoor seminar on gardening... and that's just today. Looking ahead, you realize that everyday is different... drumming circles, Reiki training classes, craft circles, even events for kids involving creativity and theater!
Finding it hard to decide, you are encouraged to wander around a bit, take in the energy and flavor of the place, each room with a different spirit... which will be the one that you connect to?
The yoga studio is large, surrounded with windows that overlook trees and water.. you notice lots of pillows and zafus, places to sit comfortably and meditate, blankets and eye pillows to help you relax. There's another large room with a big table in the center, covered with art supplies... mandalas, magazines, paints and beads. Walking down a hall filled with doors to smaller rooms... a massage therapist, a Reiki Master, an acupuncturist, even a room for Tarot Readings.
Coming to a larger section, you see a little store where you can purchase herbal items, aromatherapy, crystals and local artists jewelry, paintings and handicrafts. You turn to the right and there's a large room with a stage.... lit with windows that you notice have dark shades... Oh! this must be the theater! You see a workshop going on with lots of buzzing activity, dancing, singing... A sign outside the door lists times of not only theater productions but Spiritual Cinema movies too! You jot down the times of your favorites.
You find a winding staircase and find a 2nd floor filled with guest rooms. You can book an overnight stay or even a whole weekend-- what a great retreat this would make. You look out one of the windows and see a clearing with a fire pit, an outdoor cafe and a labyrinth with benches....gardens everywhere... what a beautiful spot. There's a yoga class doing Sun Salutations outside on the deck and you decide that's it! That's where you want to be!
As you lie in relaxation pose with the breeze gently blowing through your hair, you realize this was just what you needed to restore your vitality, your sanity and your sense of well being.... Breathe deep.
Namaste'
PS. Anyone know of a space like this for me? :)
Walking up to this beautiful retreat center is deceiving... it looks small, cozy, even homey but as you open the door you realize the spaciousness. It is bright, with lots of natural light and very colorful, filled with beautiful art pieces made by the creative souls who have passed through the same door you just did. You are greeted warmly by hosts, given a cuppa tea and offered a delicious treat while you sink comfortably into a chair by the fire. There is a "menu" of activities at your side and you are encouraged to take your time deciding what to do first.
Mmmm, a massage? Yoga? Reiki Healing? The list goes on... at 10:00 there's a lively discussion of Religious Styles... at noon a SoulCollage Card Building Lunch Bunch... at 3:00 a 2 hour Restorative Yoga session... at 5:00 an outdoor seminar on gardening... and that's just today. Looking ahead, you realize that everyday is different... drumming circles, Reiki training classes, craft circles, even events for kids involving creativity and theater!
Finding it hard to decide, you are encouraged to wander around a bit, take in the energy and flavor of the place, each room with a different spirit... which will be the one that you connect to?
The yoga studio is large, surrounded with windows that overlook trees and water.. you notice lots of pillows and zafus, places to sit comfortably and meditate, blankets and eye pillows to help you relax. There's another large room with a big table in the center, covered with art supplies... mandalas, magazines, paints and beads. Walking down a hall filled with doors to smaller rooms... a massage therapist, a Reiki Master, an acupuncturist, even a room for Tarot Readings.
Coming to a larger section, you see a little store where you can purchase herbal items, aromatherapy, crystals and local artists jewelry, paintings and handicrafts. You turn to the right and there's a large room with a stage.... lit with windows that you notice have dark shades... Oh! this must be the theater! You see a workshop going on with lots of buzzing activity, dancing, singing... A sign outside the door lists times of not only theater productions but Spiritual Cinema movies too! You jot down the times of your favorites.
You find a winding staircase and find a 2nd floor filled with guest rooms. You can book an overnight stay or even a whole weekend-- what a great retreat this would make. You look out one of the windows and see a clearing with a fire pit, an outdoor cafe and a labyrinth with benches....gardens everywhere... what a beautiful spot. There's a yoga class doing Sun Salutations outside on the deck and you decide that's it! That's where you want to be!
As you lie in relaxation pose with the breeze gently blowing through your hair, you realize this was just what you needed to restore your vitality, your sanity and your sense of well being.... Breathe deep.
Namaste'
PS. Anyone know of a space like this for me? :)
Monday, May 03, 2010
Old Boyfriends
Recently on facebook, I have received a number of friend requests from old boyfriends... and I mean OLD boyfriends... my 5th grade sweetie, 7th grade and so on. It's kinda bizarre, I'm not gonna lie. I am ecstatic to see them, to see how their life turned out, if they are married, have kids and whether they still have hair or not. But it's very strange to think that they are doing the same thing. BTW, I do have my hair still, thanks for asking. I no longer weigh 95 pounds though...in case you are wondering. I see that you do not either :)
When I was a kid, I was a huge flirt. HUGE. No boy could escape, LOL, whether I liked them or not. It was important that they like me... overly important. I was such a silly girl. It's so weird to see their names popping up on my feed and think of who we were... and who I am now. It literally feels like another lifetime. The things that are important to me now have nothing to do with what was important to me then. Thank God. It's interesting to think that my friends who know me now would not recognize the friend that they knew and vice versa. And not just physically... on every level, mentally, spiritually, it's sorta mind blowing.
We were all such great friends. The whole gang is resurrecting, slowly but surely. And I realize how little we actually knew each other. I realize how little I actually knew myself. But these friends, boys and girls, were my lifeline long before Regis Philbin made that popular. I feel great affection for them. I smile seeing their names, remembering...Fox Hill Elementary...Tasker Jr. High...Bowie... seriously, is this what they mean by past lives? Seems like soooo long ago. 40 years ago in fact.
It's funny seeing their profiles though. As much as I treasured them, saw them as family, I am stunned by seeing some of their particulars, who they've become (I'm sure they feel exactly the same about me). Their political affiliations... where they work.. the groups they join... YIKES... really? Never saw that as a kid. In fact, I am surprised that I even dated a couple of them... could we really be THAT different in ideology? Did we even have an ideology? LOL, I'm sure that word never even crossed our minds as we spent hours on the telephone, sneaking cigarettes in the breezeway, giggling and chasing each other... why is that so important now? I guess it's just all states of consciousness... we stopped worrying about who we were and started worrying about the world we live in.
Facebook is a strange world. Sometimes it hurts my wee little brain trying to take it all in... so many lifetimes coming together all at once. I guess it's a beautiful lesson in integration.
But it's Monday. I can't think this hard. Have a great week everyone!
When I was a kid, I was a huge flirt. HUGE. No boy could escape, LOL, whether I liked them or not. It was important that they like me... overly important. I was such a silly girl. It's so weird to see their names popping up on my feed and think of who we were... and who I am now. It literally feels like another lifetime. The things that are important to me now have nothing to do with what was important to me then. Thank God. It's interesting to think that my friends who know me now would not recognize the friend that they knew and vice versa. And not just physically... on every level, mentally, spiritually, it's sorta mind blowing.
We were all such great friends. The whole gang is resurrecting, slowly but surely. And I realize how little we actually knew each other. I realize how little I actually knew myself. But these friends, boys and girls, were my lifeline long before Regis Philbin made that popular. I feel great affection for them. I smile seeing their names, remembering...Fox Hill Elementary...Tasker Jr. High...Bowie... seriously, is this what they mean by past lives? Seems like soooo long ago. 40 years ago in fact.
It's funny seeing their profiles though. As much as I treasured them, saw them as family, I am stunned by seeing some of their particulars, who they've become (I'm sure they feel exactly the same about me). Their political affiliations... where they work.. the groups they join... YIKES... really? Never saw that as a kid. In fact, I am surprised that I even dated a couple of them... could we really be THAT different in ideology? Did we even have an ideology? LOL, I'm sure that word never even crossed our minds as we spent hours on the telephone, sneaking cigarettes in the breezeway, giggling and chasing each other... why is that so important now? I guess it's just all states of consciousness... we stopped worrying about who we were and started worrying about the world we live in.
Facebook is a strange world. Sometimes it hurts my wee little brain trying to take it all in... so many lifetimes coming together all at once. I guess it's a beautiful lesson in integration.
But it's Monday. I can't think this hard. Have a great week everyone!
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Reiki Healing
This weekend we had our Reiki Healer's Share. This is one of my favorite activities, gathering with other healers, caring for one another, relaxing and bonding. Mid point through every share we have a meditation circle where we get comfy around a crystal grid that I use to send Reiki on a regular basis to my clients. We write our concerns, our goals, our needs, on index cards and put them under the grid. This month on facebook, I invited my "friends" to tell me if they wanted Reiki sent to them during this circle and was astonished at the amount of folks with concerns. 
I wrote each name on a separate index card, with my prayer for them. Some for healing, some for peace, some for clarity, etc. Whatever seemed appropriate. We gathered in our circle after we had done 2 complete healing session for those present. By this time, the Reiki energy in the room is almost a separate entity of its own, it's so strong and we are all filled with it, having gived and received so much. This month seemed exceptionally strong to me, my healer husband felt the same. I passed around the cards to all, so they could see who we were sending to, in addition to their own concerns. We all got quiet and comfy. Breathing in and breathing out...
My husband said that at one point, he looked at my friend Ann & I and the way the light was surrounding us, showing the serenity on our faces, made us look like angels. I can't speak for her, but I know I was directly connected to a much bigger light than myself... it was amazing. I felt like we were all encased in a large bubble, the folks with concerns on our cards and those of us present. Several mentioned very powerful experiences, seeing Light and one even spoke of feeling like she met God. It was incredible! Afterwards, we did one last session of Reiki ... some actually giving, some just continuing to soak up this remarkable energy.
I had some wonderful comments from my facebook friends who had asked for healing, one woman who has been suffering for months from a relapse from a lung transplant and has been oxygen dependent, was actually off oxygen the next day! For the first time in 3 months! Amazing... Don't believe me? Ask my cat... She is 17 years old. Every chance she gets after I do private Reiki sessions, she jumps up on the table and lays her head on my crystal grid. We have to keep her locked out during sessions because she knows a good thing when she feels it.. and wants some herself!Although nothing compares to a private healing session for peace and wellbeing... these meditative sessions are plenty powerful too. Having a group of Healers send you energy is bound to help you... and the Healer! Every Reiki Healer in training should make sure they get a chance to join in sometime. Nothing will build your confidence more than a direct jolt of energy :)
Namaste'
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