From my newsletter: Top Ten Yogis!

Top Ten Yogis of 2009

Congratulations!

1. Elizabeth (62 Classes)

2. Ann (52)

3. Lori (44)

4. tie: Carol* & Ruth (42)

5. Sheree (38)

6. John (34)

7. Tracy (31)

8. Lily & Philippe** (23)

9. tie: Mark & Mary (22)

10. Lindsey*** (21)

~

*Carol took some classes at World Gym that weren't registered. ** Lily & Philippe did not start classes until September ***Lindsey did not start classes until October

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Where will YOU be next year? Set your intention now to be on the top of this list in 2010--you'll be glad you did.
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It is said that whatever you do on New Year's Day is what you will repeat most during the year. Join us at CCPC New Year's Day at 11am for a Free Yoga Class. Bring your friends. Happy Healthy New Year! ~

Congratulations and Namaste' to ALL my yogis, no matter how many classes you made it to! Linna

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Register for 4 & 8 weeks sessions for the New Year Here.

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Restorative Yoga Day Jan. 2nd has a few spaces left, join us for a relaxing day, Register Here. If you haven't confirmed your spot, let me know ASAP so we know how much food to make! We look forward to starting the New Year peacefully with you :)

~

Shanti Shanti Shanti...(Peace, Peace, Peace)

Silence

A day of Silence

Can be a pilgrimage in itself.

A day of Silence

Can help you listen

To the Soul play

Its marvelous lute and drum.

Is not most talking

A crazed defense of a crumbling fort?

I thought we came here

To surrender in Silence,

To yield to Light and Happiness,

To Dance within

In Celebration of Love's Victory!

~Hafiz

Quiet!

Got to do Reiki yesterday. Not teach. Do. It was beautiful. Christmas music softly playing in the background, snow outside my windows, quiet and warm. I've been teaching so much, I haven't had a chance to just sit and give Reiki quietly... missed it. Get another opportunity today. Yay!

The whole family has been home together. It hasn't exactly been Norman Rockwell, if you know what I mean. It's been... noisy. And messy. And sometimes smelly. I locked myself in my spirit room yesterday afternoon. It was quiet. And clean. And smelled of patchouli... mmmm.

At the height of the snowstorm, we took our little eskimo dog for a walk. She was "drowning" in our back yard, needed to stretch her little legs. Used to be, this was the favorite part of a snowstorm for us. A quiet walk down the middle of the street with the snow falling silently around us, all activity at a standstill, a winter wonderland. Not exactly this time.

Between the snow blowers, the 4 wheeled drivers and the silly fool driving a motorcycle down Belair Drive being chased by a Bowie police car, causing my daughter to freak out about our little dog being killed as the driver swerved out of control heading right for us, it was again, not exactly Norman Rockwell. Especially as we extricated ourself from the snow bank we had to throw ourselves into to save our lives. And while I'm at it... what the hell? Seriously? It was 7pm Saturday night, we were at about 18 inches of snow at that point, visability was extremely limited and the roads were completely covered... you mean to tell me people could not just quietly enjoy it? We only saw 2 other people walking the whole time we were out, but there was a line of cars consistently driving up and down the streets. What happened to the old days of life stopping, people walking and being friendly, helping each other out?

Ugh. I'm geezing... but really. Unless you were driving a nurse or doctor to the hospital with your 4 wheeled drive, park it. No one is impressed. Use your feet, that's why you have them.

Don't get me started on the snow blowers... Unless you are 70 years old with a bad back, there is no need to make all that noise... Specially at night when the snow hadn't even begun to let up. Sheesh. It's as bad as those generators...and leaf blowers. No wonder our country has such high obesity rates.

Ooops, so now that I have pissed off all my macho friends... Have a Merry QUIET Christmas!

Christmas? Bring it on!

Yesterday was the last day of my marathon stretch of beautiful, blessed, exhausting work. Now don't get me wrong-- I love my work. But I have been doing an awful lot of it :) I'm ready for a bit of a break. Barry & I always take the week between Christmas and New Years off as an end the old year and begin the new connecting, remembering who you really are and what's important. Only thing is, this year Barry can't take off because he lost his 5 weeks of vacation when he got laid off from his job. He has a great new job but it takes awhile to build up to that much vacation again. He had been forever at the other job so was able to pretty much take off whenever he wanted.

But I'm not complaining--truly I'm not. He (we) were soooo lucky that he found a job at all, let alone with a better company and more stability. When I think of what could have happened, and what is happening with so many souls who can't find work, I realize that we were majorly blessed. It will be weird this year to have him working while we are home is all.

Rhia is home. The tree and decorations are up. (trick to getting it all done: host an open house the first weekend of December LOL) Most of the Christmas shopping is done... Thank God for Amazon! Got one last event, SoulCollage on Friday night, and then nothing but yoga til Christmas eve.... I will cease to be Yolinna, Reiki Master, Yoga Teacher & SoulCollage Facilitator and will try and remember who Linda, wife & mother of 2, lover of great books and comfy covers is. Will laze about on the couch, thinking deep thoughts like "now, where is that tv remote?" and "should I have another bon bon or see if someone will hold grapes over my head and fan me?"

Right. "Someone". Barry won't be home. He'd be the only one likely to help me find the remote. And I don't think he would fan me and hold grapes over my head but he would get me some bon bons. Rhia will be having the same fantasy so the likelihood of both of us lying on the couch staring at the empty tv screen because we will bicker for an hour over who should get up and get the remote is more like the reality of "vacation". LOL Cory will be coming in from work and give us the ole, "sheesh is this all you do? Some of us have to WORK!" to which we will giggle because even if we can't watch tv and are lazy as could be, it's better than having to go to work during the holidays....

Poor Barry & Cory. Lucky me & Rhia. I suppose we could occasionally get off the couch and make them a nice meal. Shaaaaaaaaaaa---right! We're on vacation!. But I will order them a pizza.

It's the least I can do.

revelations

In preparing for my open house, I decided it would be a good idea to put new herbs in and sew an extra seam on my remaining eye pillows. While doing so, I had a major revelation:

I HATE TO SEW!!!

And not only that, but:

I DON'T HAVE TO SEW IF I DON'T WANT TO!!

And then:

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?

Over and over, people have patiently and generously offered to sew my products for me since I am feeble at it. I pooh pooh them away, most martyr like-- "oh no, I will do it, I'll get better, don't worry about me".

And then like a double fool, tell folks, "so if anything happens to your eye pillow, like the seams rip out since I am so feeble, just bring it back and I will fix it for you" Because it's not bad enough to sew it once... I like to do it 4 or 5 times. Arrrrrgh!

So, I'm in the middle of cursing and ripping out the fabric that's stuck in that little place where the stupid bobbin thingy wants to grab it and tangle everything up, causing me to get out my vacuum cleaner to try and suck out all the fibers cause I'm not patient enough to take the whole freaking thing apart AGAIN, I mean really, who needs 6 screws to hold down one little plate to cover some stupid thread???? And it occurs to me:

BOINNNNGGGGG!!! I DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS!

Like who cares if I can't sew? I am really good at lots of things-- why do I feel the need to torture myself? Like, I don't win acceptance to the freakin June Cleaver school if I can't sew.

WELL GOOD! I don't want to be June Cleaver anyways. This is interfering with my application to the Mother Teresa school anyway, all this cursing.

So there you have it. I am going out of business!!! From now on, I will grow the herbs and put the concoctions together and if anyone wants to put them in a pillow, go for it. Not me!

Sheesh. Now I understand why my mother always told me I was hardheaded.

Whoa. Ummm. I don't even know where to start. I would have to say that November 2009 is going to go down as one of the most powerful, legendary months of my life. I can't even wrap my mind around it all. I think maybe December is gonna be one of the nappiest months of my life.

I am blissfully exhausted. I am going to need a lot of deep breaths to absorb it all. Becoming a Reiki Master Teacher... learning and teaching... and witnessing new Reiki Healers finding their heat and giving their love. Whoa. I wonder if they know how amazing they are? I had many times where I was watching them work on one another where I was astonished by the light surrounding them, and the genuine care they took to be gentle and thorough. Pretty spectacular. Sights I will never forget. I have a sense that I will see this again. And again.

Is it possible to be so lucky? Over the last couple of years, the tarot card called Star has come up for me over and over again. This weekend it came up again in a reading I did where you pick three cards, representing:

1. Where you are right now.

2. Where you are going.

3. How will you get there?

It was #3... How will I get there? By riding a lucky star.

I wish I could make more sense right now but I really do need some silence and to go deep within for a bit. I'll write again later when I can be more coherent.

Congratulations New Reiki Healers! Remember....

Just for today, do not worry.
Just for today, do not anger.
Be kind to all living creatures.
Do your work honestly.
Give thanks for everything.

Namaste'

Thankfulness

Last year some of us did a blog stating 25 things we were thankful for at Thanksgiving. This year, lots of folks are writing one thing each day on facebook that they are thankful for. It's been really uplifting to see what others are thankful for. I've been keeping a gratitude journal for years and whenever I get the "poor me's" I go to it and physically count my blessings. I started out doing the prescribed 5 things a day, very orderly, but as is usually the case with me, threw out the structure and did whatever felt right for the time.

Some days there's just one entry. Some days 10. Some days it's just a prayer. Other days it's a commentary on what's going on, good or bad, and how to make the most of it.

I've mentioned before that my friend Jenny uses the "at least I didn't have a headache" technique when things are going poorly in her world. In my gratitude journal there are definitely days like that... "I am thankful for not taking that attack personally" "I am thankful that I walked away" "I am thankful for the insight that the (painful experience) brought me and will be really thankful when I figure out what it is".

When I was younger, I suffered from depression. I would fall into a black hole and decide it was easier to just hang out there than to crawl my way back up. I still did what I had to do, was a functional depressed soul but I had no joy and the effort was exhausting. I spent so much time trying to prove I had worth, that my existence had meaning, that I would collapse into a numb ball at times just wishing for it all to go away. One of the things that helped was what I called "developing a well of compassion".

When I was really low, I would drag myself to the first place I could think of to help those who really needed it. I worked with the school's k-3 kids who couldn't read, spending one on one time helping them. I would go to the local church yard and weed their gardens (this was long before I worked there and joined the church) I would take long walks around my neighborhood and talk to the old man around the corner who sat there alone all day, every day. I never really made the connection between developing a well of compassion and opening my heart. Or how that compassion helped me understand how much I had to be thankful for.

Today and Everyday, I am thankful for compassion. I am thankful for the Light that showed me the way out of my black hole. I am thankful for the tools I found to put the lid & lock on that hole; Yoga, Reiki, Prayer, Joy & Gratitude. And I am thankful that I can help show others the way out.

"There is a wonderful mythical law of nature that the three things we crave most in life - happiness, freedom and peace of mind - are always attained by giving them to someone else."
~Peyton Conway March

Namaste'

Reiki... Reiki... Reiki...

When I became attuned level one, the energy was filled with nervousness. Am I good enough? Do I have it? Did I do it right?

When I became attuned level two, the energy became like fire. I would have to dress in tank tops because I was burning up. It was cool.

When I became attuned level three, I didn't think the energy could be stronger. But it did. Stronger and steadier. Like a mountain.

When I became a Master, I found it highly unlikely that the energy could be stronger or hotter or more powerful.

Oh ye of little faith.

My goodness. It's not hotter. Or stronger. Or steadier. It IS. Flowing, constant, amazing. Like, where my hands touch, light radiates. Pure golden white light. So there's an imprint of my hand and it spreads... like water. Only brighter. And bigger. It's a constant prayer, a vibrating mantra, sound, light, the Universe.

I step back from the table and just watch it surround my client's whole body. Whoa. And the coolest thing of all?

It has nothing to do with me. I ground. I open. I get out of the way. I think of it and it's there. I ask for it and it races ahead of me before the end of the sentence. I feel it on my shoulders guiding me. And on my hands working through me. My Hands. God's Hands. Yeah.

It's good to be a Master. I can't wait to share. And stand back and watch. I'm not gonna lie, I'm just tickled. And in awe. What a gift!

Thank You God. Sat Nam.

Fall Back

When I was a kid I made up a dance to the Fall Back time switch... Spring Forward! Fall Back! Yeah. I still have impulses to perform this dance whenever the time changes. Usually in front of my yoga classes. Fortunately I have developed self control. Unless I am home alone. The animals just stare at me. Which is probably what my yoga students would do. Right before they roll up their mats, deciding that maybe Crofton Yoga wasn't that far away.

I was confused this month. Kept complaining about the time switch, thinking I was losing an hour of sleep. Turns out I was only losing my mind.

Been walking around with a big exclamation point in my head. Probably should cut back on the Kundalini Yoga for awhile since I'm already over the top excited about NOvember.

I used to HATE NOvember. Really thought it was NO- vember. But this one is filled with exciting things to look forward to. My Reiki Master Training, My Osho Zen Tarot Training, Maybe my first Reiki Healers to guide... My head is gonna be crammed with new thoughts and insights, just how I like it. Maybe I should call this YESvember. Tee Hee.

So I had a little Luke Skywalker/Obi Wan day the other day. I won't go into too much detail but Obi Wan called and I instantly thought I may be an impetuous fool. (May? Hussssshhhhhh!) Turns out I was not as out there as I could have been. Playing life by ear. Blessed. And yeah. Too much to type. You know?

Alright. Having made very little sense but trying to get used to having an extra hour before I go to class, I will sign off.

May the force be with you.

Glorious Fall

Man, is it gorgeous out or what? Everything is in shades of orange and yellow and red, even the sky looks luminous, like the sun has been replaced by the moon. I look out back and just get frozen in place, taking it in, absorbing the colors and the multitude of activity at my bird feeder. Fall is the perfect season to practice staying in the present. It seems like just a tiny slip of a time... before you know it the leaves will be gone and it will be cold, but if you treasure this moment, really stay in it, it will last much longer.

If you know anything about chakras, those energy centers that store and spin our physical, mental and emotional drives, it is interesting to think about how the colors correspond to the seasons. How subconsciously we are led to heal ourselves based on the specific chakras being activated by the colors around us. It's hard not to notice the abundance of orange around us right now. Orange is the color of the sacral chakra, located just below the navel, the guardian of creativity and ancestral knowledge. It's the one that feeds our sensuality, our desires and our appetites. Been hungrier than usual lately? Feeling more creative? Worrying about your parents? Or grandparents? That's just your sacral chakra at work.

Of course, the big culmination of the fall season is Thanksgiving where we finally feed the sacral til saturation and it releases its hold on us. On to Christmas, the season of red and green, which is root and heart. Perfect! Who makes this stuff up? Red for rooting, staying put, keeping our feet steady on the earth. Green for hearts coming home to their roots. Amazing.

Anne noticed on facebook the other day that purple has been added into the Halloween season and was asking why. Great question, it doesn't make any sense for purple to be there. Purple is the color of the crown chakra or even the 3rd eye, God & Intuition are not even close to sacral. It's fairly ridiculous since Halloween is all about ghosts and goblins. Except people tend to be afraid of black, the original Halloween color. We want to sugar coat everything, pretend it doesn't exist, silly really... it's just a color. Oh, the metaphors in just that sentence. But let's not get political.

I find myself very excited about all the new & old changes about to culminate in my world. I'm hoping that the creativity will feed my chakra so I will finally take off this weight. I have all kinds of new plans, feel like I've been sluggish and stagnant, sort of stuck in a summer heat flush and now new energy is pouring through and the summer (yellow) gave me the courage and self esteem to branch into new areas. Yellow, the solar chakra, place of power & yes & no. I'm saying yes to what I need and no to what I don't. It's thrilling really.

Thanks for listening to my musings this morning. I encourage you to go explore your own desires.... Fall into the season... notice the leaves gently swaying before they tenderly let go, shedding the baggage for the tree to rejuvenate... What do you need to let go of so you can rejuvenate?

I love Fall.

Next Month...

I have discovered my mantra. What's a mantra? Nothing, what's a mantra with you?

Sorry.

A mantra is a word or phrase you can use during meditation to keep the mind from wandering too far down the road. You tie it to your inhale and exhale and repeat it over and over. It gives you a place to come back to when you start planning your grocery list when you are attempting to find inner peace and enlightenment.

The ancient yogis believed that each person had their own personal mantra but they needed an ancient yogi to give it to them. They let you borrow the Universal "Om" in the meantime. Since I have yet to meet an ancient yogi (cept myself of course), I decided to wait for my own to appear and one day it did. Or so I thought. I thought it was "shine". Very simple. Breathe in light, breathe out ssshhiiiinnnnne... It's worked for me for years.

I have discovered lately that I have another mantra that I actually use much more often. I've been watching myself talk to people lately. (another ancient yogi practice aka witnessing) I have been shocked at how often I repeat the phrase "next month". As in:

Next month I'll have more time.

Next month we can go/do/have/etc.

Next month I will get my house clean/that work done.

Usually I use it with my second most used mantra "after this month". As in "After this month, everything in the Universe will conspire to create perfection in my world and I will cease to have to do anything to make it happen." Right.

Yesterday I pulled a tarot card that snapped me back into reality. It's one I rarely get but it comes up quite frequently for others. It's called Laziness. It shows a man sitting back drinking a pina colada, wearing a bathrobe, and there are mirrors cracking all around him. The essential meaning of the card is that there is never a time where you are done. Done as in, there are no more mountains to climb, no more work for you to do, no more attempts at enlightenment. Boiiing! Even next month.

One of my favorite sayings of all time is the Zen:

Before enlightenment, I picked cabbages.
After enlightenment, I picked cabbages.

Yeah, time for me to quite thinking the cabbages will pick themselves and I'll get to drink the pina colada. I don't even LIKE pina coladas. Sheesh.

I do have one "next month" that I really like though:

Next month I become a Reiki Master Teacher. Yes, indeedy. That is my mantra this month.

Feng Shui

Every now and then my life gets cluttered. My house gets cluttered. My website and blog gets cluttered. And my desk...

You know what they say about clutter being a reflection of your mind? "A cluttered desk is a cluttered mind?" Do they say that or did I make it up? And who are they? I digress.

Anyway, when I start to feel cluttered I pull out my trusty Feng Shui bible and rearrange. Feng Shui is cool because it works based on common sense that you forget when you are cluttered. Stuff like-- if you keep your desk cluttered, you won't be about to relax and your mind will find it hard to let go. Duh! Why do we need to let go of mind? So we can act through heart and soul... ahhh, grasshopper, now I understand. Actually an added benefit of cleaning your desk is being able to find stuff which will also free your mind for other stuff like "where should I put all this crap I took off my desk?"

So, I started with my website. Now, believe or not, my Feng Shui bible does not cover feng shui-ing websites. I was forced to create Linda Shui rules such as:

1. Remove a third of the clutter.
2. Make things match. (this was sorta tedious as I had to do each page)
3. Simplify.
4. Stay with one color & one font. (this was REALLY hard, I was feeling very stifled)
5. Say what you have to say and move on.

I'm not so sure I succeeded at the last one, as you know, I tend to get a bit wordy but I did my best. Anyway, I moved on to my house. One of the best Feng Shui rules is to walk around your house and anything you do not like or that has bad energy or reminds you of bad times must go. This is not the first time I've feng shui-ed, in fact, I've been doing it for years but it's amazing how much stuff we accumulate every single day. This is a great way to get your house clean because you don't have to agonize over your Great Aunt twice removed precious gravy ladle with the chipped goose neck as a handle... gravy is bad for you so out it goes.

One of the biggest thing to go this time was the piano that no one wanted (cept Cory, who is still not speaking to us, another added Feng Shui benefit LOL JK) When Cory was little, he took piano lessons and needed a piano so the Universe provided because the nursery school was trying to get rid of one so we wheeled it up the road. Considering it had been in a nursery school for 400 years, you can imagine the condition of it. But we were grateful to have it and it served us well. As Cory and Rhia got older and their pitch became more critical, they would complain about how out of tune it was. Trouble was, we couldn't get it tuned because it needed a minor repair that would have taken 400 hours. Bottom line: we needed to get rid of the piano.

You ever try and get rid of a piano? Over the last year, I have had many people interested, coming by (requiring me to dust the damn thing since no one was playing it) and saying they wanted it, only to never see them again. Finally, I get very cranky about it (menopause? BITE YOUR TONGUE!) and insist that it leaves my house this very minute! I call the City of Bowie and they say they will be happy to take it-- if we chop it into 12 inch pieces. All of it. Ugh. This would hurt our musical souls. But our feng shui was sooo bad with it here. What to do?

Saturday, We wheeled it down to the end of our driveway. Put a sign that says YOURS! Take it! We make our way back into the house and no lie-- before we even made it to the kitchen we hear it being played. In our front yard. LOL, that's something you don't hear everyday. Barry goes out and this lovely Oriental (coincidence? Ha grasshopper) man from around the corner says he wants it. Comes back to pick it up and even brings me a gift of tea he picked up on his last trip to Taiwan.

Now our hearts are happy. Our living room is clearer. The energy is flowing.

See? Feng Shui Works!

Abundance of Time

Now
That
All your worry
Has proved such an
Unlucrative
Business,
Why Not
Find a better
Job.
~Hafiz

I love Hafiz. He has such a way... he kinda reminds me of my Dad in a strange way. Sort of drops a word out of the side of a smile and the impact of it slowly dawns on you. Infinite wisdom out of a wino (Hafiz, not my Dad) My favorite poem of all time:

What Should We Do about that Moon ?

A wine bottle fell from a wagon
And broke open in a field.
That night hundred beetles and all their cousins
Gathered
And did some serious binge drinking.
They even found some seed husks nearby
And began to play them like drums and whirl.

This made God very happy.

Then the 'night candle' rose into the sky
And one drunk creature, laying down his instrument
Said to his friend - for no apparent
Reason,

"What should we do about that moon?"

Seems to Hafiz
Most everyone has laid aside the music
Tackling such profoundly useless
Questions.

Yep. Hafiz is a genius. My week has been all about putting down worry and letting go of thinking what I should do about that moon.

Off to a massage. We'll chat soon.

Pics

Bride and Groom Pre-Wedding Cleansing

The First CeremonyWe Did It!

Pot Luck Party AfterWedding Number 2My Beautiful Daughter

Wedding number 2

This week was stressful. One of the most stressful. Having to get Rhia home from NC and keep her from freaking over all the work she had to do to make up the time she was missing, get my classes covered and rewriting and rewriting the vows, finding purple shoes for Rhia, figuring out what I was gonna wear, and worst of all, getting Rhia's dress hemmed in one day... ugh.

See, Rhia was supposed to be home going to school in Maryland. For those of you reading, you may recall she decided at the last minute to go to school in North Carolina. Since she was gonna be around, we figured we had plenty of time to get her dress taken care of. And her shoes. Alas. I've been emailing and begging all my friends/students who I know could sew to see if they could help me out. Trying to find someone who would be available Thurs. morning, who could get the dress sewn and back by Friday morning, not easy. We were worried a tailor wouldn't be able to rush it and all my experts said we could not guesstimate a hem.

Tuesday morning I decided to just hem it myself. Stop laughing.

Tuesday night my yoga students begged me not to.

Wednesday morning, in desperation, I announce my dilemma to my class and throw myself on the mercy of the Universe. The Universe responds immediately with a beautiful angel of sewing who cheerfully says, "I CAN DO IT!!!" Course she proly didn't yell or exclaim even but it felt like bells ringing. Ok, maybe I exaggerate. But I felt saved. We make arrangements for her to come the next day, exactly at the same time as my Reiki client. Sigh. No worries, it's one of my favorite people in the world who I knew would understand. Plus, she was subbing for me at my yoga class that night so we had to get together to plan the routine.

Now, at this point I realize that I was making things much harder than they needed to be in so many ways but whatever. I didn't want to stop the momentum that my business has been experiencing and blah, blah...

Anyways. Nancy comes and measures and pins Rhia. She happily takes the dress to get done before 4pm Friday. We go to the rehearsal dinner and they inform us that Rhia is supposed to be at the wedding place at 1:30pm Friday. At that point, we realize that we don't know Nancy's phone number.

I can't talk about this anymore, I will need another tranquilizer.

All's well that ends well, somehow we all make it to the wedding place on time (unlike the night before when we were over a half hour late, where in the heck did all that traffic come from?) The wedding was fine, more formal and showy, less intimate and meaningful. Even though her mom did her hair and make up and not a professional, Rhia looked gorgeous, "stunning" was the word people kept saying. All the girls and guys looked wonderful. Bride and Groom looked lovely. The music was awesome --MARIOOOO!!!!. The service was short, no voice cracking. Lots of people I didn't know came up to me and told me I did a great job. I wasn't a bit nervous, was looking forward to my empty calendar in October ha ha.

The only snafu was the bride sprained her ankle walking back down the aisle. Her mom wrapped it and I gave it Reiki and she was dancing in no time. They had bubbles everywhere, lots of little kiddies looking cute, everyone danced and sang and had fun.

So there you have it. 18 months later, they are married. Twice. I really enjoyed being the Officiant, would do it again in a heartbeat, in fact.

But only if Rhia isn't in the wedding.

Congratulations Matt and Jaime. May you live long and prosper.

Wedding 1 part 2...

So we get onto the bridge where there are people fishing. Jaime's mom informs them that we are having a wedding there... and they run. (Men, so silly) Me, Matt & Jaime go to one end of the bridge and everyone informally gathers around. I begin with a greeting and a prayer and then to the part I was most worried about: The Two Hands Reading. My voice cracked a bit but we all giggled together and just went with it. I love this reading, I remember being a young bride with all the hopes and dreams ahead of me, stars in your eyes. Yeah. Plus there's a part about letting go of your babies when they grow up... good thing Rhia wasn't at this first one. Here it is:

These are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and vibrant with love, that are holding yours on your wedding day, as he promises to love you all the days of his life.

These are the hands that will work along side yours, as together you build your future, as you laugh and cry, as you share your innermost secrets and dreams.

These are the hands you will place with expectant joy against your stomach, until he too, feels his child stir within you.

These are the hands that look so large and strong, yet will be so gentle as he holds your baby for the first time.

These are the hands that will work long hours for you and your new family

These are that hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, for a lifetime of happiness.

These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes: tears of sorrow and tears of joy

These are the hands that will comfort you in illness, and hold you when fear or grief wrack your mind.

These are the hands that will tenderly lift your chin and brush your cheek as they raise your face to look into his eyes: eyes that are filled completely with his overwhelming love and desire for you.

Isn't that beautiful? There's a whole second half for the woman but I'll give you a moment to collect yourself. We all were enveloped in a cocoon of joy, it was very nice. Then I gave the guests a chance to give their own blessings to the couple. Jaime's mom was first, she had brought a family heirloom, the tree of life pendant that Jaime didn't know she was going to give her. She bestowed it upon her with a beautiful blessing which then stopped the wedding as the bride needed a few moments to pull herself back together, it was so touching. Needless to say, no one else wanted to follow.

Vows, Rings, Prayers and a special Rose & Vase Ceremony, it was really, really a great wedding. We cheered and hugged and all made our way joyfully back to the park and to the potluck party after.

Ready for the rest? Here's the women's part:

These are the hands of your best friend, smooth, young and carefree, that are holding yours on your wedding day, as she pledges her love and commitment to you all the days of her life.

These are the hands that will hold each child in tender love, soothing them through illness and hurt, supporting and encouraging them along the way, and knowing when it is time to let go

These are the hands that will massage tension from you neck and back in the evenings after you’ve both had a long hard day.

These are the hands that will hold you tight as you struggle through difficult times

These are the hands that will comfort you when you are sick, or console you when you are grieving.

They are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, for a lifetime of happiness.

These are the hands that will hold you in joy and excitement and hope, each time she tells you that you are to have another child, that together you have created a new life.

These are the hands that will give you support as she encourages you to chase down your dreams. Together as a team, everything you wish for can be realized.

Yeah. Unfortunately, I guess the bride and groom must've gotten some questions about the whole baby thing so they elected to take it out of wedding part 2. And the rose/vase ceremony would have been redundant so...

will finish with part 2 soon...

The Wedding

Well, one down, one to go. I really think I may have found a cool new niche. This was such a marvelous experience.

We started at my house, just the 3 of us. Matt & Jaime were open to some cleansing rituals so I had planned a variety of things for them before we actually went to the wedding. Since marriage is a new beginning, I thought we could do some of what my family does on New Year's Day. I had them write down things they wanted to let go of, to start fresh in their new life together. They went into separate rooms and wrote their "letting gos" on small pieces of paper. We then went outside (it was gorgeous weather, Thank God!) and I put sage and sweetgrass into a clay pot and one by one they burned their papers, smiling and holding hands. Afterwards, I lit a smudge stick and smudged them, signifying the cleansing act of smoke, purifying and making fresh.

We came back inside to a table where I had their rose and vase for the ceremony, a white candle for purity and an amethyst quartz for intuition. I did a mirror tarot reading for them so they could see what individually they were each bringing to the marriage and what the power and strength of their union would bring. It was very cool... unbelievably insightful. We were amazed. After that, I encouraged them to do Reiki on one another. Matt went first. I put my hands on his shoulders, prayed and called up the energy and he began to place his hands on Jaime's head, shoulders, where ever he felt led to send her love and energy. It was so powerful, you could almost hear the energy crackling whenever he moved his hands. Jaime went next. I am humbled to witness the love they share, it was beautiful watching and feeling the care they were taking with one another.

After many hugs, and sharing our excitement for the next part, we all needed to get ready for the wedding. Jaime's attendants had plans for her so they left only to meet up an hour later at the park. It was so cool driving up and seeing everyone with nice clothes on, just casually waiting for the big event. There were about 20 of us there. Together we made the trek to the bridge over Fox Hill pond, laughing and chatting about how we should have tambourines and ribbons as we danced and sang wedding chants. It was really fun.

I'll have to continue this later... work calls...

Whirling Dervishes

Crazy week, well, crazy month to be exact. This is 'let's make Linda get outside her box in a big way' month. My first step outside my box was on Saturday. One of my yogis, and member of my Spirit Board, Carol, has asked me to speak at her annual myasthenia gravis conference for the last 3 years. Now, this may come as a shock to some of you but I am terrified of public speaking. Well, maybe terrified is too strong a word but I wouldn't have known since I avoided any opportunity that came along that asked me to speak in public.

I can just hear you now: Linda, do you not realize that every time you teach yoga you are speaking publicly?

Let me explain: When I teach yoga, it's coming through me... not from me... I don't have to plan, I don't have to think, I just take a deep breath of gratitude and let it pour. Sort of like the cup running over, you know? It's a completely different thing to have to talk about it. I'd rather do. Trying to explain yoga... or Reiki... or anything else I feel really deeply about is extremely difficult. Seriously, how do you explain breath? You just do it. You don't say "well, I open my nasal/throat passage and try and pull air up through them by .... what? thinking about it?" By the time I figure out how to describe it 3 breaths have gone by and I missed them. I like to pay attention to them when I can, you know?

Anyways, I felt like I had to do this for Carol. Not to say I didn't silently think bad things about her or come up with 15 different excuses every day. But I did it. And some may say I ROCKED THE HOUSE!!! Others may say I was aiiiight. Personally, I think I was somewhere in between. People seemed to like it, I didn't say hardly anything that I planned but I was comfortable and didn't sound like an idiot, maybe a little woo woo but these days who isn't? It was a tough group, 60 folks in varying stages of illness, not necessarily open to woo woo, but anyone can breathe so they were willing to do that. I did a little yoga, a little meditation, a lot of breathing and sending Reiki. I was accosted in the bathroom after by a group of ladies telling me they loved me so yeah.. I guess I was aiight.

It was a crazy weekend. Went to a great party soon after getting home from prior, then to church on Sunday (I KNOW RIGHT?) ran home frantically preparing for my open house cause I sort of had a crazy week too. Had a lovely Open House... so many beautiful ladies showed! I was most excited, at one point sitting around the table in the back yard (wasn't it great weather yesterday?) I noticed that I had yogis from every place I've ever taught there: Slim & Tone, World Gym, CCPC, Yolinna's Spirit Room... very, very cool. I had a lady there who was with me my very first grown up class at Bowie Athletic Club and 2 ladies who just started this week, 1 at CCPC, 1 at my house. Had dear friends there and a lady I never met before who a mutual friend sent. It was neat getting to know new and old friends and watching them get to know each other.

Can I just pause here and say a big WOOOOO HOOOOOO!!!! I love my life.

Anyway, step 2 out of my box comes Friday when I get to marry my first couple. My son keeps saying, "who do you think you are, what right do you have to marry people?" A reasonable question, if somewhat belligerent. Answer: I am a terrified of public speaking woman with 29 years of marriage experience who can send a great deal of positive energy to a beautiful couple just starting out. That usually sets him on a rant about how marriage is not religious and.... well I don't know cause I go to the land of breath in, breath out.

I love my son. He's not the most nurturing type though. Especially when I'm taking big steps out of my box. I'm excited. But I gotta keep breathing so I can do this. I'm just thinking that this Friday is the dress rehearsal for the big one next Friday.

I think I'm gonna be aiiiight.

A Witch?

I think maybe I was a witch in another life. I know, some of you may say ANOTHER LIFE?... and some of you may use a different word LOL but I can't tell you how much fun I had at my Restorative Yoga Day today. Last night, I got the bright idea that since it was a small group of loyal ladies that have come to just about every RYD I've ever had, I would give them a special treat.

So I pulled out my potion book...err.. herbal recipe book and found some great concoctions to give them a facial! What fun I had pulling out my mortar and pestle (seriously!), going to the garden for fresh thyme and crushing dried fennel seed for cleanser... cutting and pureeing cucumbers, mixing with chamomile and other secret ingredients for a special mask... and then creating a simmering aromatic green tea/lavender potion in my little crock pot filled with washcloths.... mmmm. I was ridiculously happy.

Well, cept when it came time to put the glop on their faces it got a bit messy. And, note to self, large cucumbers do not fit perfectly over eyes... smaller ones work better, I suppose. Thank goodness for eye pillows to hold the cukes in place!

But oh... after a 20 minute relaxation, handing them a steaming cloth to rinse off and seeing their beautiful shining faces looking so rested and lovely made it all worth it. It was soooo cool! And the cucumbers really did the trick, their eyes were all open and well, bright eyed and bushy tailed! Course, when I said to eat the cucumbers... ummm yeah. Silly wabbits.

It was just too much fun. And to think, this is my job... crazy!

Thanks again ladies for being such good sports and guinea pigs for my potions-- it was a great day and I am blessed to have spent it with you!

Namaste' and ABRA-CA-DABRA!!!

Random Thought Day

September. Seriously? Wasn't it just June?

You gotta admire spiders. What amazing creatures.. how does all that silky web fit inside that little body?

I have had the longest stretch of happy days I think I have ever had in my whole life. Why can't I just accept it and not worry about the storm clouds brewing?

Paradise: Having the windows open, hearing the birds and then watching the sheers gently billowing. I don't think billowing can be used in any other sentence btw.

I was reading a book on writing and was bored to tears. Does this mean that the author was a bad writer? If so, why is she telling me what to do?

Paradise x 2: An air bed facing the window in my spirit room. And time.

You can have a mercury retrograde without all hell breaking loose. Repeat.

My relatives are starting to crawl out of the woodwork. Hence the storm clouds a brewin'

September is a busy month. REALLY busy month. I will miss my air bed.

Barry & I are thinking of coming to church more regularly (more regularly than not at all). Maybe if he sings in the choir again?

I have had a survey for people to fill out on my email program. It has been the most enlightening fun. Educational too since now I don't have to offer programs that people really aren't interested in. Who knew?

Today's schedule: Reiki, Tarot, Yoga, Yoga... why am I blogging?

Have I told you lately how much I love you? Yes, you.

Kiss a teacher today!

Michelle Obama's Shorts

I have been avoiding the news and reading only the Metro & Style portions of the paper. I can't stand the way our country builds people up and then systematically tries to destroy them. Even at the expense of ourselves. It's one thing when it's celebrities... but it's quite another when it's our president. Or his wife.

I really don't care which party you voted for or who you back but there does come a time when concern for your fellow man or woman should outweigh your need to win. When Obama was elected, our country was in the worst shape it has ever been in my lifetime. Even though it seems the news is trying to recreate history (as usual) and act like things were hunky dory until January of this year, I will not be lulled into believing crap. I know exactly how things were... ask my husband who lost his job of 100 years... or take a look at my stocks that went from $100 a share to $3.17.

I felt like maybe our country was going to come together for a change. While I did not have that Obama is the Messiah belief, I did feel like there was more good that could come out of the election than bad. The fact that he won by the popular vote seemed significant to me. Unlike the prior election. The fact that he is an extremely intelligent man seemed like a big plus. The fact that so many people of all walks of life seemed to understand that it was time for us to put our political, economic and racial differences aside and start to come together to make the future right for our children and their children seemed like a HUGE step in the right direction.

But ahhh, the RIGHT direction. Soon after the honeymoon wore off, we begin to hear murmuring from that direction. I thought, okay, I understand how it feels when your party doesn't win, been there, done that, more times than not, but surely we are beyond that right now. Surely EVERYONE knows how important it is that we provide the means for EVERYONE to live a dignified life, regardless of income. Surely everyone knows how important the environment is to our survival. Surely everyone knows how important health care is... for EVERYONE. How can we face ourselves in the mirror if we think "others" are expendable?

But now when I turn on the news or read the front page I see words like "death panel". WTF? Are you serious? And today, in the Style section, Michele Obama has let the public down by wearing shorts. I am not kidding. Seems as if on vacation to the Grand Canyon, Mrs. Obama dressed appropriate for the weather and wore shorts. And tennis shoes since she was hiking. First of all, this is NEWS? Secondly, what the hell would you wear? A tiara? Direct quote: "Ultimately, the first lady can't be- nor should she be- just like everyone else. Hers is a life of responsibilities and privileges. She gets the fancy jet. She has to dress for the ride.... It does American culture no favors if a first lady tries so hard to be average that she winds up looking common." Robin Givhan, for the Washington Post. Seriously.

OMG. This is outrageous. On so many levels that it is hard to even find a place to start. Like, to even stop sputtering and find words is difficult... believe it or not, this rendered me speechless. For a moment.

Personally, I want a president and first lady that GET it. If it's hot, and you are on vacation AND not at a state dinner entertaining the Queen, it shows a hell of a lot of common sense to wear shorts. And common sense, not lofty, out of touch ideas are what will ultimately save this planet. Not proper attire. In fact, proper attire is damn close to politics as usual. And we saw where that got us. Open your mind people! Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Like 107 degree in the shade calls for shorts, the shorter the better. And if you got the legs (or the brains) for it, flaunt it. Pretending will just give you heat rash.

Sheesh.

Open House

I think I have missed my calling. I cannot tell you how much fun I had setting up and hosting my Open House yesterday. Not the cleaning part :( but the arranging. The Snow White whistling as I arrange everything just so... tra la la la... Oh I love my pretty little flowers... tra la la..

And the Spirit Room transforms once again.. Friday it was a yoga studio for private clients with a gift certificate, Friday afternoon it became a parlor to play SoulCollage reading games in and then Saturday it became a tranquil spot for Reiki. Sunday it was a little of all three.

Have I mentioned how wonderful this little renovation has been for us? Thanks again Barry, John, Jim, Tracy, Sheree and Dad!

Ahhh, But the funnest part of all was setting up my "wares". Now, if I had that dreamed of store/yoga studio/spiritual center, this is what my store would look like. I had so much fun labeling everything and displaying it and creating brochures and what not.

Although I do have to say I was a bit alarmed at how much stuff I had. Since I took my things from Fabian House, I really hadn't unpacked a lot because I've been really busy with the triple threat: Florida, Wonka, Family so I hadn't seen all of it at once.

The first thing I did when Barry got a job was go out and buy new beads to stoke my habit, not realizing that I had stuff that had been packed away for months... Yes, My name is Linda and I'm a Crystalholic....

At any rate, it was awesome to get my clients and students a chance to meet and greet. My World Gym yogis got to meet some of my CCPC yogis, that was really cool. So many of them have so much in common, I love putting them together. It was very cool for my WG yogis to have a chance to sit down and chat, get to know one another on a more verbal level. It's funny, they spend every week together, you know exactly where they place their mat each time, who has what gifts: great balance, hips, hamstrings etc. but other than the usual "How are you?" it's hard to get to know people on an outside of gym level. Plus, everyone looks REALLY different with clothes and make up on LOL.

Anyways, it was a great time, so happy I am "back in business" again! Now, what do I do with all that leftover stuff? Good thing I have an unused air hockey table....

Don't Read This if You are Pregnant.

Having kids. No one tells you the real truth. Oh yeah, there's a million books on what to expect if you're expecting, the Dr. Spock's and the Penelope Leach's tell you all about babies and toddlers, and even though it does start to dwindle there's still a bunch on the teenage years. But no one ever talks about what's beyond... the young adult moving on (hopefully) and launching into the great unknown. And you know why?

IT SUCKS.

Pure and simple. This is by far the worst part of parenting. It's when every mistake you ever made, all the things you didn't do or tell them or make them do comes back to bite you in the ass. It's the teetering on the edge, wanting to push them off but not sure they'll let go or if they do that they will fly.

Terrible twos? Nothing. Tweeners? Ha! Teens? Peeshawwww, could do it with my eyes closed. This? Holy Mother of God! Help!!!!

Oh and here's the big ironic twist: You get to do it while going through menopause or periomenopause or whatever the hell it is. It's like puberty times 10. And of course it's at the same time as the man's mid life crisis so it's 2, 2, 2x the fun...

My latest theory is that menopause and midlife crisis's are just a figment of the imagination. It's just sort of a mental lobotomy for spending 20 years trying to nail jello to a tree. It's that OH MY GOD I CANNOT TELL YOU ONE MORE TIME TO PICK YOUR DAMN SHOES UP OR I WILL TAKE THE SHOES AND SHOVE THEM WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE... This is why God created dorms.

Course some of you get lucky. At the ripe age of 7, your children announce that they are going to save the world by becoming a rocket scientist and begin their AP classes and go straight through to college, do not pass go, collect $200000000000.....

My darlings? So far they've been veterinarians, paleontologists, marine biologists, rock stars, reverends, air traffic controllers, photographers, lawyers, Broadway stars, secret agents, hippies playing guitar in the fields for the peace corps (never mind that she has never played guitar in her life) Coast Guard Academy applicant (never mind that he hated ROTC with a passion) I can't even remember half of them...

This is what happens when you tell your kids they can be ANYTHING they want. This is what happens when you tell them "ohh, I STILL don't know what I want to be when I grow up, don't worry about it! Take ALL the time you need!" What the hell was I thinking?

I just want to fast forward 10 years and see them happy doing what I want them to do which is give me lots of grandchildren so I can spoil them too. The shoes are much smaller when you trip over them. And if they don't go straight from birth through college it's their fault, not mine.

Take it from me, start early, don't give options, decide at 5 what you want them to be, what college they are going to and find them a job. Make it seem like there are no other choices, that God and the president spoke directly to you and said that's what they HAD to do. You will save yourself and them a lot of time and agony trying to make decisions. Trust me.

And forget about buying them shoes unless you want to turn into a raving lunatic.

Saturday

Hey! Guess what? It's Saturday! And I'm blogging!

So.... how u doing?

Gonna pick a direction soon myself but thought I'd take a moment to notice the moment.

I can do whatever I want.

Told a client this week that should be her mantra "I'll do what I want" preferably while stomping her foot and sticking her tongue out.

Had another client whose cantankerous grandmother showed up. Hey, you don't have to believe it.

Had a yogi with hip congestion. That's gotta be really unpleasant. Cleared it out though.

Belly danced after eating a Black Bean Chipotle Burger. Note to self: ummmm, yeah. Nuff said.

One thought: Why can't we buy a thunderstorm? Like a real one? With booming thunder that makes you remember to be careful what you ask for?

Think my word of the week is cantankerous. As in, my ipod is being cantankerous. Seriously. Like, I don't really want to buy another ipod. You would think that something so expensive would last a few years. Sheesh.

Quick flash to Mario Kart: CHEESE N. RICE!!!!

I only have one window in my whole house that I can actually see out of. Everything else is completely blocked with crazy vegetation. Since when did black eyed susans grow as tall as me? The tomatoes are laying down and the susans are standing up.

Something smells really good as you come up my walkway but I'll be dammed if I know what it is. Course I've been having to walk with my arms high in the air turning sideways to get through so it might be my new anti-perspirant.

K.. that's all for now. Have a great day!

Jenny's Place aka D&D's aka the shore...

Ahhh, I'm sitting in one of my top ten places in the world, watching the water go gently by, breathing deep. Perspective Place is what it really should be called. I've been here for a week, off and on by myself. I've never been anywhere by myself but home. It's very strange. I'm fine during the day, better than fine in fact, but nights have been a little tricky. So silly, I don't believe I have ever had a room to myself in my life. For 29 years I've had a man sleep right beside me-- closest to the door in case anyone tries to get in LOL. Prior to that I shared a room with a revolving door of cousins and of course, my dad was a big strong marine so I never was afraid of anything. It's weird to lay awake listening to the creaks and worry what they are. Ugh. I'm kinda mad at myself for being a silly ninny but it's given me time to really think about what it would be like to be alone.

I've decided that for all the craziness and noise and mess and inconvenience and having to share, I really prefer having my family and my husband. After the last couple months of not having one minute to myself, this was a good lesson to learn. I think every now and then you have to re-choose your choices so you can remind yourself why you chose them to begin with and commit to the fact that they ARE your choices. I'm a lucky woman who has made good choices, glad I got a chance to remember that. Plus, it's a heck of a lot more fun to kayak, go out to dinner, shop and walk on the beach with a friend than alone.

I've spent a lot of time stream of consciousness journaling, meditating by the water, writing in my gratitude journal, reading silly smut books, doing readings, sending and receiving Reiki, and listening to the Great Masters on audio since there is not a working TV here (yay!). I have Rhia's old laptop so computer use is more frustrating than productive and I'm pretty happy about that. Mostly I've listened to the quiet, found my spirit and settled into "me". No titles, nothing to do, nothing to be, no one to tell me who I am, just finding that small, still voice and breathing. I've realized how many voices have been clamoring in my head, loudest of all is that wretched ego one telling me all kinds of horrible things about me and everyone I know. I knew when I woke up this morning feeling love for everything and everyone that I had finally shut that bitch up. Oh, she'll keep trying to talk but I can just take the next breath and watch her dissolve.

Settling into the silence. Not trying to change anything. Just being. That's peace. Ahhh, shoulder's just dropped a little bit more. Barry comes in tonight, I think he'll be happy to find his wife is back.

Thanks D & D, Gramma & Jenny... the ducks, heron, deer, egrets, water and breeze have been a real life saver.

Topsy Turvy Rightside Up

Life stills seems kinda surreal. Like things appear normal but it's like I'm looking through a car's side mirror. Or maybe how everything looked to Eve after she bit into the apple. Or how I imagine one would feel upon waking from a year long coma.

Everything seems bigger than it is. Simple things like a quiet afternoon alone, going to Target and buying luxuries like a new scrubby for the pots and pans or taking time on a Saturday to paint my rocking chair all seems like HUGE events, not just the normal daily routine. Being able to blog twice in one week without interruption... well, maybe a little but pretty much the ability to think an entire thought through. Amazing.

I'm realizing that things round here have been way more stressful for way longer than I realized. Barry's pay cuts, Rhia's college stuff, my business start up, Cory's dilemmas, the play, the whole space shuttle limbo land, coming home to Barry losing his job, Rhia coming home and not sure where to go next, the loss of friends literally and emotionally, all of it has been going on and on and I just keep plugging away, taking on the world and not really noticing that I'm getting a bit loo loo in the process.

I've always been like that. When the crisis hits, I jump in, both feet, calm and collected and take charge (part of being the oldest) Afterwards, I fall apart. Sometimes I don't notice that there hasn't been an afterwards for a very long time. I didn't really notice it this time until the other day when I heard myself saying horrible things about myself in my head. Whoa! Hadn't heard that wretch's voice for awhile. You know, the one who tells you you're not good enough, no one likes you, you should go eat worms.... yeah, that one.

eeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrchhhhhhhhhhh! Brakes came on. Fortunately, I know how to get rid of that wretched negative person. I've fought her before and decimated her... each time. I have the tools and Thank God, now I have the time.

So, I'm off to the beach. Gonna stare at some liquid light for awhile. Let the breeze blow through my hair, shake the cobwebs out of my mind. I think I'll leave Saturday and come back when I freaking feel like it.... Gosh! Fortunately, the rational one reserved me a spot a month or so ago but the wretched one was convincing me I couldn't go cause I have to work cause when people miss yoga it's hard for them to start back up and blahdeblahde....

I'll still teach Tuesday & Thursday... cept it will be in Fenwick on the deck overlooking the water. Come on up! See you there! I'll be the relaxed one with the smile on my face.... :)

Been a tough week

So little to tell. But so much to feel.

My best friend moved to Florida. I'm deliriously happy for her. Even though it feels like the end of an era. We've been best friends for 25? years. She's one of those rare souls you meet in your life that you know you have an instant not only in this life connection. We have gone months without seeing or sometimes even talking to each other but there has never been a moment where one of us couldn't pick up the phone and have a 3 hour conversation where ever we left off. We sometimes don't even need words, it's that kind of "well, you know..." and "yes I do" sort of friendship. There has never been a time in the last 25 years that I didn't always have the idea in my back pocket that if I was ever truly in need, I could pick up the phone and she would be there. Instantly. And I for her. Even if I was afraid to cross the Woodrow Wilson.

I remember humongous, monumental life changing conversations while painting the bathroom, putting on my roof, cleaning out her closets. We never had to say things like, "I'm so sorry I haven't been in touch" or feel guilty because we KNEW, we got each other, we understood that you can love each other and not have to be constantly worried that the other would be mad cause you didn't call. She always said she knew when we needed to talk we would... not cause we had to. Goodbyes were always easy cause there was no need for excuses. "Talk to ya.." "k-bye" Which over the years became "love ya" "yeah, me too" Like somehow we knew our lives would eventually go separate ways, well, more separate than the last few years.

2 Weddings, Miscarriages, Births, Break ups, Breakdowns, Deaths, you name it, we saw each other through it. We used to go to her Mom's trailer every March & October for our birthdays, once her mom allowed it. Ha ha, both of our mother's were not thrilled with our friendship... I think they sensed that we were a united front, no longer at their mercy... like I said, we GOT each other. I have never been closer to another person, never been more REAL than I am with her (cept with Barry of course, but that's different) She's an amazing soul and I have been blessed to have her in my life. STILL.

I know nothings really changed. Intellectually I get it. She's now just a plane ride away, probably quicker than it has been trying to ride the beltway, I like flying better anyhow. It just feels weird to be so many states apart. It's going to be much better cause when she comes up here she will actually stay with me and when I go see her I'll be in Florida, one of my favorite places to be. And she'll be happy. And that makes me really, really, really happy. She deserves it.

Love you!

And then there was quiet.

Have you ever had quiet be so loud you felt like it was pounding in your ears?
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Yeah, that's my house right now :)
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I will be happy to enjoy that... as soon as I clean all the Wonka stuff up.
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Have you ever had the entire contents of your art/clothing/lights/paint/tools/paperwork/christmas decorations moved from your house to the church and then back to your house? If you have, you've done a play. Plus I get to inherit all the random stuff that people forgot. Anyone missing a plum jacket? Or need 20 programs? How bout T-shirts? Got some of those too. And what will I do with the hula hoops?
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Oh how Barry lucked out. And oh how happy I am that he did. He did at least move his office stuff out of my office. LOL, I only knew cause there was a hole in the piles of stuff on the table... curious how every single surface can be completely covered cept the small square where his laptop was.
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Does anyone know who stole all our food? Feel like Mother Hubbard. The only thing in the fridge is a large pizza box... I'm afraid to look inside.
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Oh well, not complaining really. I don't have to feel sad that Wonka is over because it will take me at least a month to get it all straightened out. Just the scraps of paper with hieroglyphics indicating who we owe and what we spent and what was deposited will keep me busy for awhile, not to mention the dreaded returning and accounting of the scripts.
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It was a lovely show. The cast parties were delightful, what a great group of parents and kids and friends. The set was dismantled in a breath-taking amount of time. I could not believe the help and support we had. Everyone, everywhere working diligently, it was marvelous... btw, does anyone know where my vacuum cleaner ended up?
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Have I ever mentioned how much I love these guys?:


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They would say, "yes, Miss Linda...we know..."

One last thing: I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE NEXT PLAY WILL BE!!!!
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Or do I? It may be buried under the Oompa hat supplies...

Blank Head with Air

So I've been thinking about reinstating my old Facebook page and limiting it to my business contacts and using my current ones for friends but alot of my friends are yogis and Reiki clients and then there's the whole theater crowd which is REALLY intense right now but after next weekend will, sadly, start to dissipate and then there's the whole random I don't know people from twitter and my mailing list and even weirder some family and school friends from looooooong ago.

My brain cannot comprehend it all. But I feel bad that my peaceful souls are having their news feed crowded with all my excited theater buddies. But I LOVE my theater buddies as much as my peaceful souls and just worry that.................

Sheesh. Is this just ridiculous or what?

When I stopped working a full time high stress manager job, one of the biggest reasons was that I felt like I had to split myself in 2. And then when Cory was born, 3. I never felt like I could talk to my friends about my job because it would take too long to explain and I felt like my business friends could not possibly equate the real me with the boss me. When I started my own business (not really knowing that's what I was doing) one of the things that I loved was that I was me. Totally. All the time. I never had to separate clients/friends/family because all were one.

Theater on the other hand is different. First of all, it's ten million kids and their parents. Secondly, it's heavy on church people which isn't an issue with my church cause they know about my woo woo-ness and for the most part, accept me. But others get a bit shocked when they see who they are leaving their children with or should I say what their director does in her real life. Not that I've had anyone say anything but a few years back when a reporter wrote about my tarot cards there were many raised eyebrows. And quite a few of those kids belonging to those eyebrows haven't auditioned since. I was worried that having to use a page of my website so people could buy tickets would be a conflict of interest but most seem ok with it.

I never try and hide who I am. I pride myself on not really having secrets. I am who I am. But I certainly try and avoid upsetting folks if I can. Most people just don't know what Reiki or SoulCollage is and it scares them. If they come and ask, or read my website, they have a better understanding and seem to accept that I am NOT a witch.... Course in theater they may have other words for me that rhyme with that one.... being a director requires a certain un-yogalike stance sometimes.

Again, isn't this post just ridiculous? My head just feels like it's full of air and I am blowing crud through it instead of just enjoying the lack of having to think. It's almost as if ego is saying, "QUICK! come up with a problem! You are too happy and relaxed!"

We are in a bizarre place right now. On Monday, the very things we have put into the Universe come true:

1. Barry starts a new job.
2. The play ends.
3. I get my life back.

The anticipation is palatable. And a bit overwhelming. The old "be careful what you wish for" adage can be scary if you let it bother you.

Which of course I won't.

It's just the limbo... or more the anticipation of the lack of limbo. One of the things I've learned through theater is it gives you an excuse to not have to do the things you don't want to anyway. It's the ultimate trump card, you really can't do anything cause you are nutty busy. And it's okay because you know there's an end, instead of real life busy which is just, well, real life. The problem is, it ends.

And now I'll have to clean the damn toilet. And get a machete to cut back the garden. And help Rhia & Cory figure out the rest of their lives. And re-train the dog. And think a quiet thought...mmmmm... yeah. Not so bad, huh?

Turning a Corner

I have been praying big time lately. Feeling like I'm ready to move on to the next chapter of my life. Feel like we had gotten stuck. Were in limbo. Being without a job is a really scary thing. Especially when you are the main bread winner. Especially when your job is dependent on a main bread winner. For the last year and a half/two years we have been living with pay cuts, lay offs and finally unemployment. Being self employed, trying to not spend a penny on advertising or supplies, never knowing if at any point I may have to seek regular normal employment has been quite a challenge. My prayer has been to end this chapter. Whether it be with a definitive answer whether I need to stop teaching and healing or with B getting a job that puts him where he was before all this crazy-ness started.

It's a really bizarre feeling to not know what's coming next. I mean, we never REALLY know what's next but we like to think we do. On the day when B got a terrific job offer, one of our dearest friends found out her father was very, very sick. At church today, one of our members lost their husband unexpectedly, quite shocking. Another member was there who has valiantly been fighting cancer for years, she looked so fragile, my heart broke. How do you make sense of it all? We feel weird being happy.

It seems so topsy turvy. We have been so used to worry that it feels very strange to suddenly be able to go grocery shopping and get a ton of food. The cupboards are full for the first time in a very long time. I am excited about continuing my career, actually sat down and PLANNED the next couple of months... haven't done that for awhile, never knowing if I'd be able to follow through. What a gift.

I wonder if my church family friends ever dreamed they'd be doing what they are doing tonight... I'm sure if wasn't in their plans. My heart goes out to them. You just never really know.

I do know one thing. God is good. We can't possibly compare what we were going through with what they are going through, ours is small peanuts. However, we have learn that this too shall pass. The ups, the downs, they come and go. We learn from them all. Even if it takes years. Whether it was in our plans or not.

Peace and Love to my suffering friends, all my prayers are for you now.

No Whining Zone.

You know how a thought gets stuck in your head? Like the same thought keeps coming up over and over until it becomes your own personal mantra? Two days ago I came home from work, locked myself in my room, took a shower and laid down on my bed for 2 minutes to try and gain some perspective and peace. ~~knock, knock, knock on the door~~ My first thought?:

I just want my life back.

Rut roh. Not a good statement. Full of self pity. And seriously not anything I could really control or do much about at this point. But there it is. And it keeps coming up.

I just want my life back.

And worse.... in unguarded moments, it turns into reverie. Remember when? (which is one of the most damaging statements to maintaining presence) Remember when your house was quiet and you could think a thought, meditate, breathe? Remember when you didn't have to worry about every penny and you could just do your work joyously without worrying about results? Remember when you had time to literally smell the roses? Remember when the house was clean, you could make dinner.... remember when you could take a walk everyday? Remember when you were losing weight and eating healthy? Remember when you had time (and joyous presence of mind) to write enlightening helpful blogs?

You see why this is so damaging? It begins a total spiral into what's wrong with NOW.

I often tell my students in relaxation pose to breathe in and relax, knowing that this moment is perfect. There is nothing wrong, nothing to change in this moment. It's a powerful meditation. Creates awareness and acceptance. Unless you've convinced yourself that this moment sucks. Even if it's a moment spent quietly laying on the floor of the Sanctuary with soft music and the sound of rain pounding on the ceiling of the "ark." How could that suck? But the thought intruding takes the moment away....

I just want my life back. Whine, whine, wine. Sigh.

I got a great link in my email today that I actually took the time to go to and read. It was about a gentleman going through a divorce, broken and empty, who got to spend time watching Tibetan Monks creating a Sanskrit Mandala out of sand. It took them 6 days to complete, long full days hunched over, having to stay completely alert, watching their breath so they don't blow the sand in the wrong place and ruin their work. Hmmmm. When it is completed, they sweep it away into the ocean. It's a very powerful reminder of acceptance of the moment. Understanding the journey is the point.... not the destination. Letting go, not holding on. Yeah. Not trying to hold on to what you HAD. Staying creative with what IS.

I get it. Now, if only I had time to go buy some sand and 6 days by the ocean to create a mandala......

Namaste'

Hell Breaking Loose

So, yeah. I'm all ... oh I'm handling everything really well... blah, blah, blah... I'm so much better... blah, blah, blah... and then it hits. The storm of the century, the blizzard to end all blizzards...

And no Rudolph in sight.

So now I got a 5, 6, 7, 8 in my head, paintbrush in my hand, burns on my fingers from the glue gun and notes spilling out all over the place but we are getting there.

My life be not me own.

But my yoga classes have been good, even so.

And Reiki is marvelous. See Sue's blog-- What a love she is.

So all is not lost. And not all that wander are... well you know.

A 5, 6, 7, 8... Oompa, Loompa... Doo Pa Dee Doooooo OMG, what a cameo we have for you.....

This blog is kinda going nowhere. Sorry. BBS.

Surreal Time Warp

In the space of a month I have been instantly transported back to my old life. It's weird. Rhia's home, we're doing a play, it's like nothing ever changed. I don't have any time to do anything like exercise, cook a meal, think a thought. I can't get Rhia to clean her room. I am consumed with making sure to remember everything and have lists upon lists all over the place and can't seem to find them all. The only thing that seems different is me.

I'm not as good at handling stress as I used to be.

I'm not as quick or as efficient or as good at remembering everything.

Biggest change? I'm not that worried about it. I used to feel like I had to be perfect at everything, would get really upset when I saw people judging me when I would try to work out a dance or teach some blocking... you know, when they are passing each other looks like they could do it better... but now I just feel like that says a whole lot more about them than me. You know those naysayers? They just gotta have someone to criticize.

I've realized I'm not perfect. I can't be. And the effort to even get close to it is not one I want to make. I'm enjoying myself more, I'm having fun. I'm just doing what I can and hopefully that will be enough. And the remarkable thing? I'm accepting the help that is being offered to me. I'm not as caught up in the whole "if I want it done right, I have to do it myself" thing. I just can't do it all. And I am really, really blessed this time with people who WANT to help and not to be weird but they really seem to like me and let me do my job. It's so cool.

Not that there aren't challenges. Not that I don't get pissed. Not that we have it all (or anything) under control. But we have a really, really great team working together watching each others back and holding each other up. Like, you can feel it. I am being held up, lifted and people have my back. Glory Be! By finally conceeding my imperfection, I no longer have to do it alone. I am even ASKING FOR HELP. OMG! How did this happen?

I'm still feeling really stressed but I don't feel alone. Big difference.

Now, about Rhia cleaning her room....