Life stills seems kinda surreal. Like things appear normal but it's like I'm looking through a car's side mirror. Or maybe how everything looked to Eve after she bit into the apple. Or how I imagine one would feel upon waking from a year long coma.
Everything seems bigger than it is. Simple things like a quiet afternoon alone, going to Target and buying luxuries like a new scrubby for the pots and pans or taking time on a Saturday to paint my rocking chair all seems like HUGE events, not just the normal daily routine. Being able to blog twice in one week without interruption... well, maybe a little but pretty much the ability to think an entire thought through. Amazing.
I'm realizing that things round here have been way more stressful for way longer than I realized. Barry's pay cuts, Rhia's college stuff, my business start up, Cory's dilemmas, the play, the whole space shuttle limbo land, coming home to Barry losing his job, Rhia coming home and not sure where to go next, the loss of friends literally and emotionally, all of it has been going on and on and I just keep plugging away, taking on the world and not really noticing that I'm getting a bit loo loo in the process.
I've always been like that. When the crisis hits, I jump in, both feet, calm and collected and take charge (part of being the oldest) Afterwards, I fall apart. Sometimes I don't notice that there hasn't been an afterwards for a very long time. I didn't really notice it this time until the other day when I heard myself saying horrible things about myself in my head. Whoa! Hadn't heard that wretch's voice for awhile. You know, the one who tells you you're not good enough, no one likes you, you should go eat worms.... yeah, that one.
eeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrchhhhhhhhhhh! Brakes came on. Fortunately, I know how to get rid of that wretched negative person. I've fought her before and decimated her... each time. I have the tools and Thank God, now I have the time.
So, I'm off to the beach. Gonna stare at some liquid light for awhile. Let the breeze blow through my hair, shake the cobwebs out of my mind. I think I'll leave Saturday and come back when I freaking feel like it.... Gosh! Fortunately, the rational one reserved me a spot a month or so ago but the wretched one was convincing me I couldn't go cause I have to work cause when people miss yoga it's hard for them to start back up and blahdeblahde....
I'll still teach Tuesday & Thursday... cept it will be in Fenwick on the deck overlooking the water. Come on up! See you there! I'll be the relaxed one with the smile on my face.... :)
3 comments:
oh, i'd love to come to fenwick for yoga on a breezy deck, thanks, but i'll have to miss this.
A little beach time is a wonderful antidote.
I think that if you roll the worms in a little cornmeal and deep fry them they might taste good with enough wine to wash them down.
Is that a serious invitation?
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