Thankfulness

Last year some of us did a blog stating 25 things we were thankful for at Thanksgiving. This year, lots of folks are writing one thing each day on facebook that they are thankful for. It's been really uplifting to see what others are thankful for. I've been keeping a gratitude journal for years and whenever I get the "poor me's" I go to it and physically count my blessings. I started out doing the prescribed 5 things a day, very orderly, but as is usually the case with me, threw out the structure and did whatever felt right for the time.

Some days there's just one entry. Some days 10. Some days it's just a prayer. Other days it's a commentary on what's going on, good or bad, and how to make the most of it.

I've mentioned before that my friend Jenny uses the "at least I didn't have a headache" technique when things are going poorly in her world. In my gratitude journal there are definitely days like that... "I am thankful for not taking that attack personally" "I am thankful that I walked away" "I am thankful for the insight that the (painful experience) brought me and will be really thankful when I figure out what it is".

When I was younger, I suffered from depression. I would fall into a black hole and decide it was easier to just hang out there than to crawl my way back up. I still did what I had to do, was a functional depressed soul but I had no joy and the effort was exhausting. I spent so much time trying to prove I had worth, that my existence had meaning, that I would collapse into a numb ball at times just wishing for it all to go away. One of the things that helped was what I called "developing a well of compassion".

When I was really low, I would drag myself to the first place I could think of to help those who really needed it. I worked with the school's k-3 kids who couldn't read, spending one on one time helping them. I would go to the local church yard and weed their gardens (this was long before I worked there and joined the church) I would take long walks around my neighborhood and talk to the old man around the corner who sat there alone all day, every day. I never really made the connection between developing a well of compassion and opening my heart. Or how that compassion helped me understand how much I had to be thankful for.

Today and Everyday, I am thankful for compassion. I am thankful for the Light that showed me the way out of my black hole. I am thankful for the tools I found to put the lid & lock on that hole; Yoga, Reiki, Prayer, Joy & Gratitude. And I am thankful that I can help show others the way out.

"There is a wonderful mythical law of nature that the three things we crave most in life - happiness, freedom and peace of mind - are always attained by giving them to someone else."
~Peyton Conway March

Namaste'