No Whining Zone.

You know how a thought gets stuck in your head? Like the same thought keeps coming up over and over until it becomes your own personal mantra? Two days ago I came home from work, locked myself in my room, took a shower and laid down on my bed for 2 minutes to try and gain some perspective and peace. ~~knock, knock, knock on the door~~ My first thought?:

I just want my life back.

Rut roh. Not a good statement. Full of self pity. And seriously not anything I could really control or do much about at this point. But there it is. And it keeps coming up.

I just want my life back.

And worse.... in unguarded moments, it turns into reverie. Remember when? (which is one of the most damaging statements to maintaining presence) Remember when your house was quiet and you could think a thought, meditate, breathe? Remember when you didn't have to worry about every penny and you could just do your work joyously without worrying about results? Remember when you had time to literally smell the roses? Remember when the house was clean, you could make dinner.... remember when you could take a walk everyday? Remember when you were losing weight and eating healthy? Remember when you had time (and joyous presence of mind) to write enlightening helpful blogs?

You see why this is so damaging? It begins a total spiral into what's wrong with NOW.

I often tell my students in relaxation pose to breathe in and relax, knowing that this moment is perfect. There is nothing wrong, nothing to change in this moment. It's a powerful meditation. Creates awareness and acceptance. Unless you've convinced yourself that this moment sucks. Even if it's a moment spent quietly laying on the floor of the Sanctuary with soft music and the sound of rain pounding on the ceiling of the "ark." How could that suck? But the thought intruding takes the moment away....

I just want my life back. Whine, whine, wine. Sigh.

I got a great link in my email today that I actually took the time to go to and read. It was about a gentleman going through a divorce, broken and empty, who got to spend time watching Tibetan Monks creating a Sanskrit Mandala out of sand. It took them 6 days to complete, long full days hunched over, having to stay completely alert, watching their breath so they don't blow the sand in the wrong place and ruin their work. Hmmmm. When it is completed, they sweep it away into the ocean. It's a very powerful reminder of acceptance of the moment. Understanding the journey is the point.... not the destination. Letting go, not holding on. Yeah. Not trying to hold on to what you HAD. Staying creative with what IS.

I get it. Now, if only I had time to go buy some sand and 6 days by the ocean to create a mandala......

Namaste'