Perhaps the most amazing thing about this trip was the revelations it brought. With the exception of some business trips for a day or two, I have never been away from home without some member of my family. My whole life. I have never been on a plane by myself. I've never had a week without my parents, or my husband or my children. I've never had a week where I haven't been Mom or wife or daughter. It was mind blowing to be me.
I got to see what I am like when I am not in charge. When there isn't anyone looking to me to give them the answers or take care of them. I had no control, I simply got to go with the flow and be taken care of. This has never happened since I was a small child. My mother has issues so from a young age I was expected to take care of her. Because I am smart and capable (and conditioned), I tend to create a network of people who like someone else to be in charge--especially my family. So to have a break, a true rest and vacation, this was tremendous. I really liked that person! That "me" was relaxed and kind and nurturing and positive and awe struck and very, very grateful. About the 3rd day, my Reiki energy turned on and just stayed on for most of the trip. I was buzzing and filled with spirit, felt cocooned in God's Light, in the Universe's wonder.
I've never had that after Christmas let down that I've heard about. Or after vacation. Until now. As slowly but surely, I am expected to go back to my "real" life and make decisions and take control and be smart and capable when I have a sneaking suspicion that the vacation Linna was in fact the "real" one.....It's like I have a bird's eye view of my world and can see how manipulated I can be and how easily it happens and how enabling it is to those who don't want to take charge of their world anyway. Wow.
This would not be a large problem if I wasn't so tired. It's been awhile since I've traveled across time zones. Man. Jet Lag. It's a bitch. I actually slept til 10:00 yesterday. This is a humongous deal--I never sleep that long. I had gone to bed at 11:00pm! And I'm still tired. Had to force myself awake today---at 8:30! Course I was up til 1:00am waiting for Cory to get home from Ithica. But still. I'm dragging. And I have a ton of stuff to do.
Sigh. You would have really liked the real me. I'm a pretty laid back, fun kind of girl.
Reiki is still on though :)
1 comment:
I'm so glad you had a chance to meet that you. You have been too long away from that cool chick.
I count my relationships as a blessing, but it is sure nice to take a step away when possible.
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