Head Hammering

You ever feel like you are being hammered over the head with insights and the reason you have to be hammered is because you don't really want to see the truth? Nah, me neither....

In an attempt to get myself into some semblance of organization with regards to my world and my new self image I post the following:

I don't wanna do that. I really like that. That works but that doesn't. I never want to go there again. That is where you are being hammered, get it through your head. You don't have to do that if you don't want. Stop worrying about where you will do it, trust. That is who you are and what you are meant to do, the rest is distractions from aforementioned hammering. Jeesh.

I'm glad we got that settled.

Did I tell you about my interesting experience in a store in Oregon? It was a metaphysical store (my favorite) and I walked right in and went directly to a counter that was filled with large crystals and stopped dead in my tracks. The energy washed over me and almost made me dizzy it was so strong. I turned around slowly just kind of taking it all in and suddenly the owner was by my side. She smiles, puts her hand on my shoulder and says, "yeah, I know. The energy here is overwhelming, isn't it. So positive!"

There was another store above hers that I kept being drawn to a corner of. Lori kept calling me to see this and see that! (she was cute as a button in Oregon--you should see her in her element) and I just kept wanting to go a different way. I get there and my Reiki turns on immediately. I look down and there is a Karuna section. Karuna is a type of Reiki. As I stand there smiling, the owner comes up, puts her hand on my shoulder and hands me a card to open.

"You never grow old until you've lost all your marvels."
Merry Browne

True dat, huh? There was a poster there in that corner that brought me to tears and I'm really kinda mad at myself for not buying it. I just wasted about 15 minutes trying to recall and find it to no avail....

See that hammering thing? What is my deal? Listen to the small, still voice. You know. You absolutely know. Why you act like you don't?

Did I mention that lavender grows like weeds there? In front of Lori's sister Sheri's house was a big ole clump that she let me cut a bit from. It is sitting on my desk right in front of me. Mmmmm, Oregon smells really good! Lavender and pine and fir and roses, yummm.

________________________________this is me restraining myself from comparing the smells outside my door........

Yoga. Good. Reiki. Good. Me. Blessed. And don't me forget it!

Restraint

I refuse to complain any more about the weather. This week.

Looking on the bright side:

My wine is here! All the way from Eola Hills Winery in Oregon! Can't wait to have my own little tasting....

3 more days to the party event of the season.

I don't have a headache.

Cory is cleaning the bathroom!!! Look out Chicken Little!

I finished the newsletter.

I have been blessed with back to back vacations of a lifetime.

I have a roof over my head, food for my table and clothes that don't suck.

My future is bright.

I had a ton of people in my class last night. How fun!

I really like my unpolitically correct tiny suv.

I am a healer and have the power of Reiki in my hands.

I'm kinda smart. So I should know better than to get upset over one tiny little 100 degree day with 400% humidity. Right?

Now Linda. Get over yourself :)

Hot enough for ya?

Yesterday I led my class through a mediation that was really a description of one of the falls I went to in Oregon. I closed my eyes and just shared my experience of the sights and smells and sounds of the forest and the delight of the waterfall....mmmmmm......they loved it. Had a long time student share a similar experience with me that she had in Hawaii and her feelings of being where she was meant to be for the first time in her life. Not geographically, spiritually. She soooo "got it."

Then I walked outside. Ugh. Maybe it was geographically. (Is that even a word?) I am experiencing climate shock. There are 2 times a year where I have a tendency to throw a major hissy fit over something I can't control. This being one. This weather sucks, why would anyone choose to live here, it's like wet soup laying on your arms the minute you walk outside but of course you are trapped inside with cabin fever because the asian tigers will suck your blood the minute you go out in the hell that is known as the dc area...I HATE IT HERE!!!!

The other is when I am scraping 3 inches of ice off my car with bleeding knuckles. Wishing for spring. Like I (and many others) are wishing for fall. Maybe longing would be a better word. Ugh.

So the question is: Is it worse to go somewhere beautiful and have an amazing experience completely unlike your reality? Or to just stay in your reality and have to suck it up? In other words, do you do more harm to your psyche by finding out there really are better worlds (geographically and spiritually) then just staying put and working on your world? Even though there is so much you cannot control?

I know what the Zen masters would say. "the only reality there is rests inside your head/heart"

The Taoists say, "we are all the Way, even the humidity" well, maybe they wouldn't have put it like that exactly.

The Buddhists would say, "comparison is one of the truest paths to suffering"

Did they live in Washington? Do any truly enlightened beings live here? Or are they enlightened enough to leave?

Just wondering......

Jet Lag--it's not for sissies!

Perhaps the most amazing thing about this trip was the revelations it brought. With the exception of some business trips for a day or two, I have never been away from home without some member of my family. My whole life. I have never been on a plane by myself. I've never had a week without my parents, or my husband or my children. I've never had a week where I haven't been Mom or wife or daughter. It was mind blowing to be me.

I got to see what I am like when I am not in charge. When there isn't anyone looking to me to give them the answers or take care of them. I had no control, I simply got to go with the flow and be taken care of. This has never happened since I was a small child. My mother has issues so from a young age I was expected to take care of her. Because I am smart and capable (and conditioned), I tend to create a network of people who like someone else to be in charge--especially my family. So to have a break, a true rest and vacation, this was tremendous. I really liked that person! That "me" was relaxed and kind and nurturing and positive and awe struck and very, very grateful. About the 3rd day, my Reiki energy turned on and just stayed on for most of the trip. I was buzzing and filled with spirit, felt cocooned in God's Light, in the Universe's wonder.

I've never had that after Christmas let down that I've heard about. Or after vacation. Until now. As slowly but surely, I am expected to go back to my "real" life and make decisions and take control and be smart and capable when I have a sneaking suspicion that the vacation Linna was in fact the "real" one.....It's like I have a bird's eye view of my world and can see how manipulated I can be and how easily it happens and how enabling it is to those who don't want to take charge of their world anyway. Wow.

This would not be a large problem if I wasn't so tired. It's been awhile since I've traveled across time zones. Man. Jet Lag. It's a bitch. I actually slept til 10:00 yesterday. This is a humongous deal--I never sleep that long. I had gone to bed at 11:00pm! And I'm still tired. Had to force myself awake today---at 8:30! Course I was up til 1:00am waiting for Cory to get home from Ithica. But still. I'm dragging. And I have a ton of stuff to do.

Sigh. You would have really liked the real me. I'm a pretty laid back, fun kind of girl.

Reiki is still on though :)

Oregon

Blogger makes me load each picture individually so....

For a full recap of my trip with pictures go to:

http://mysite.verizon.net/vze3hvnp/blog.html