Perpetually Busy

Hi, my name is Linda and I am a workaholic. Hi Linda!

It's been 3 years since I quit working obsessively and started recovery.  Lately, I've been finding myself slipping off the wagon... feeling as if I don't have enough hours in the day to get everything done. Feeling guilty if I catch myself gazing at the cherry blossoms blowing against the deep blue sky.

I've caught myself feeling grumpy about all there is to do.  I've felt "put upon", like I'm the only one that can see all there is to do.. I've caught myself dragging the proverbial overloaded trash can murmuring "oh no, don't worry about me, I've got it" as I wince outwardly and sigh dramatically. All the martyrs of the past haunt me, "SEE? Now you know what we've gone through!".

I've started the comparison shuffle, thinking that I have to be the winner. Well, first I have to do this, then that, than that, than that, that, that and maybe even put the icing on the cake and do a play! I WIN! I caught myself lugging a 25 x 40 foot tarp over my gazebo roof yesterday, climbing up and down a ladder repeatedly, pulling and tugging, sweating and swearing, being pissed at my sleeping son for not reading my mind and KNOWING I needed help, "OH NO, DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME, I'VE GOT IT!" Oh Mrs. Abercrombie, how you haunt me. Next thing you know I'll be dragging my leg along side the trash cans...drooling.

Too over the top? Yeah. Time to go back to the serenity prayer for workaholics.

Dear Lord, Give me the serenity to accept that Rome wasn't built in a day.  Give me the courage to admit that other people are capable of doing work too, even if they don't see or know what needs to be done. Help me to accept that the world is not full of slackers, that it's me with the problem even if its clear to me that this problem should've been taken care of yesterday.... Help me to accept the amount of hours in a day, do what I can and never, ever hesitate to stop to admire the cherry blossoms blowing in the wind. Amen.