Blank Head with Air

So I've been thinking about reinstating my old Facebook page and limiting it to my business contacts and using my current ones for friends but alot of my friends are yogis and Reiki clients and then there's the whole theater crowd which is REALLY intense right now but after next weekend will, sadly, start to dissipate and then there's the whole random I don't know people from twitter and my mailing list and even weirder some family and school friends from looooooong ago.

My brain cannot comprehend it all. But I feel bad that my peaceful souls are having their news feed crowded with all my excited theater buddies. But I LOVE my theater buddies as much as my peaceful souls and just worry that.................

Sheesh. Is this just ridiculous or what?

When I stopped working a full time high stress manager job, one of the biggest reasons was that I felt like I had to split myself in 2. And then when Cory was born, 3. I never felt like I could talk to my friends about my job because it would take too long to explain and I felt like my business friends could not possibly equate the real me with the boss me. When I started my own business (not really knowing that's what I was doing) one of the things that I loved was that I was me. Totally. All the time. I never had to separate clients/friends/family because all were one.

Theater on the other hand is different. First of all, it's ten million kids and their parents. Secondly, it's heavy on church people which isn't an issue with my church cause they know about my woo woo-ness and for the most part, accept me. But others get a bit shocked when they see who they are leaving their children with or should I say what their director does in her real life. Not that I've had anyone say anything but a few years back when a reporter wrote about my tarot cards there were many raised eyebrows. And quite a few of those kids belonging to those eyebrows haven't auditioned since. I was worried that having to use a page of my website so people could buy tickets would be a conflict of interest but most seem ok with it.

I never try and hide who I am. I pride myself on not really having secrets. I am who I am. But I certainly try and avoid upsetting folks if I can. Most people just don't know what Reiki or SoulCollage is and it scares them. If they come and ask, or read my website, they have a better understanding and seem to accept that I am NOT a witch.... Course in theater they may have other words for me that rhyme with that one.... being a director requires a certain un-yogalike stance sometimes.

Again, isn't this post just ridiculous? My head just feels like it's full of air and I am blowing crud through it instead of just enjoying the lack of having to think. It's almost as if ego is saying, "QUICK! come up with a problem! You are too happy and relaxed!"

We are in a bizarre place right now. On Monday, the very things we have put into the Universe come true:

1. Barry starts a new job.
2. The play ends.
3. I get my life back.

The anticipation is palatable. And a bit overwhelming. The old "be careful what you wish for" adage can be scary if you let it bother you.

Which of course I won't.

It's just the limbo... or more the anticipation of the lack of limbo. One of the things I've learned through theater is it gives you an excuse to not have to do the things you don't want to anyway. It's the ultimate trump card, you really can't do anything cause you are nutty busy. And it's okay because you know there's an end, instead of real life busy which is just, well, real life. The problem is, it ends.

And now I'll have to clean the damn toilet. And get a machete to cut back the garden. And help Rhia & Cory figure out the rest of their lives. And re-train the dog. And think a quiet thought...mmmmm... yeah. Not so bad, huh?