Crossroads

Been feeling like I'm at a crossroads. My life is peaceful, I'm doing what I love to do, I feel like I've worked through and come to terms with many things I needed to. It's almost like I've reached that make believe destination I was working toward, the "if I just get through this, then I'll....."

It's that "then I'll" thing. I guess vaguely I thought it would be rest. Then I'll rest. Then I'll relax. Hmmm. Summertime....and the livin's easy. I've never been really good at that rest and relax thing. Hence the yoga. I guess it's really comprehending that it is okay to rest and relax. And then really wanting to.

I'm weird. I like work. I like a project. I love learning and stretching my boundaries. Then why do I complain so much in the thick of it? It's balancing it all--working and resting---in the same month! Wow, what a concept.

It's picking the next direction that's the thing. I'd really like to take the next step with the spiritual stuff. Since that seems soooo unattainable, I just keep plodding along. I keep making bad choices to distract myself from my unattainable future which makes my future all the more unattainable.

I just want my own studio/spiritual center, is that so wrong?

Sigh. Hence the restlessness......