Antici...............pation

I have a lottery ticket!!! I've only ever had a lottery ticket twice before and I have to say it's the most exciting thing ever! I gave C the money and he went and got me $10 worth! He got himself one too so our house is just abuzz with planning.

So here's what we are doing when we win:

We will buy 4 houses side by side in Topsail Island, NC oceanfront. Each of us have very different plans. Mine of course, will have a spiritual center attached with a huge yoga deck overlooking the ocean. It'll be all woo woo with soothing colors and a doorbell that rings "Ommmmmmmmm". My husband's will be right next door and will have all kinds of modern wind sculptures and weather devices and many, many dogs. My son's will have a recording studio and he has already decided he's inviting Z & N (the two 11 year olds we do plays with) to come cut a record. R, my daughter, will have a tropical theme with a dolphin mural across the living room wall and a doorbell that plays "aloha--oy". She will have a small theater training school.

We will no longer argue about who's supposed to clean what. We will have a common area that we will meet at that a maid will clean.

I will have a personal trainer, a masseuse, a hair do person and a cook. I will still teach yoga and do my spirit retreats and will do all the things I want to do that I never have time for....

Ahhhh. In just a few hours, my whole life will change!!!! It's just so exciting! We decided to just give our house away with all the contents and the blue car & truck.

Now here's the fun part---we have cast the new play with John Travolta and Leo DeCaprio and all kinds of amazing actors. Our singers will sing on a track and we will film it and I will win the Oscar for best adapted screenplay.

Don't worry--we won't forget you! Free tickets for all!

"cause I got a golden ticket"

March 4th!

Okay, just in case you are suffering from any disillusionment over my geekiness, I have a new secret for you.

I get really excited about March 4th!!! It's like the calendar is giving us instructions! March Forth! And Conquer! It has to be followed up with "and conquer" because why else would you March Forth? I don't think there's any other day of the year where just saying the day tells you what to do. Without question.... I mean, March first is sort of an instruction but without explanation. March first.....and then what? The simple word 'first' implies something will follow and really all there is would be March second.....and then what? See my point, it never ends.

But March forth! Can't you just hear the parade? The big tubas, see the streams of confetti? Hup, two, three, four! It's big, it's wonderful....and as my friend Jenny will tell you, I love a parade!

It's time to March forth! Moving on! Facing forward, ATTENTION! Forward, MARCH!

Hey, this isn't any weirder than the secret another friend divulged yesterday of her ice skating fantasy.....you know who you are! LOL!

hup, two, three, four.....

Peaceful

For those of you that saw my last "emo" post that I deleted, rest assured, I am fine. I needed to work through some things and I am blessed with the clarity and insights that come from pain and disillusionment. So, it's all good. I'm sorry if I worried anyone.

In fact, it's better than good. Funny how when things seem at their lowest, if you really allow yourself to feel them without judging and denying or justifying, you can really begin to find out how you really feel about things.

This is what I try and teach at yoga. When a pose begins to get challenging, that is when the real work begins. How do you handle it? Do you bail out? Do you clench all your muscles and 'dig in', holding on for dear life? Do you keep popping in and out, trying to find a comfortable spot without really staying long enough to discover what the real problem is?

Ahhh, yoga. Just a reflection of life.

I have actually lost students by making this connection. So hard to face. So hard to do. We all want to judge ourselves and others so harshly. The truth of the matter is that all responses are correct given the energy of the day. Sometimes we don't have the energy to hold on, so we have to bail out. Recognizing that is a good thing. Sometimes we need to tough it out, hanging on til clarity comes, learning from our mistakes. Sometimes the insights are so great that we can only take a bit at a time, so we pop in and out until we are ready to really sit with what it is that God wants us to know.

As we continue to practice, we become more comfortable with discomfort and we realize that sometimes just a small adjustment or two can help us settle in enough that we can begin to find the message that we are looking for. Or that is looking for us.....We figure out that sometimes life is uncomfortable and that if we approach it from an observation point without judgement and self recriminations we can achieve incredible things we never dreamed of.

Like a really great peaceful warrior. Pose. Or life.

Love to all--Namaste'

Procrastinating...

I have too much stuff to do. I have to create the newsletter for March, prepare all the paperwork for auditions, do the laundry, take a shower, send about 50 emails, update the web site and make about 10 phone calls. That's just this morning. Why am I blogging? Oh like you've never procrastinated? hahaha....typical hostility from one who knows better.

So I finished "writing" the script for the new play yesterday. I actually should have put the finished in quotation marks since I don't think it will ever really be finished. M said we should call it "Work in Progress" since that's what it really is. The writing is in quotes because it's all adapted from the Bible and from lyrics to the songs in it so I can't really say I wrote it. I adapted it. Although that seems odd as well. Whatever I did, it was heart wrenching. It was powerful. It was a cleansing.

The interesting thing is that I really wanted to explore the human relationships and really showcase them and did so. So, last night after the family read it and we all discussed it, a news flash comes on TV about the recent controversy about Jesus and Mary Magdeleine and the possibility that their tombs had been found. And that **gasp** they may have had a baby! Oooo aaaah.....and how that just throws the whole Christian religion off and proves that Jesus wasn't the Messiah and bladey blah blah....

Am I the only one who thinks this is much ado about nothing? I mean really, does it really matter all that much if Jesus was "involved" with Mary Mag? And how in the heck can your faith be ruined if He did? I mean, is faith dependent on celibacy? Personally, the only reason I returned to Christianity after my long search for other answers was because of Jesus' humanness. I just can't possibly believe in that kind of unattainable perfection that the Old Testament requires--I am human too. I LIKE the humanness of Jesus--I think God knew just what He was doing when He decided to go another way with us and actually give us an attainable idea of how we should behave. I can't believe He would require celibacy as well, considering the whole end to the human race thing. And quite obviously there were some flaws to the whole Old Testament wars and more wars tactics. In my opinion.

Now this whole finding the body thing.... this is interesting because the argument is that if there was a body, there was no resurrection and therefore no "miracle" to prove that He was the Messiah. Well, other than the 500 miracles He performed in front of thousands of people before His death. "Whaaa, those don't count? Oy gevelt!"
Is it sacriligious of me to find the whole idea of God removing Jesus from the tomb and fixing his poor broken body up for Him to return to His true love, Mary Mag and let them live happy ever after with their son? Sort of a biblical Elvis isn't really dead fairy tale..... How delicious! I mean, think of all the Mary sightings since then. Why not Jesus? And why is this so hard to believe? Does it not say "with God ALL things are possible"? Why not this? Who would be more deserving of a "happy ever after" than the poor MAN we refused to believe in and then crucified and have been fighting in the name of for two thousand years?
I love it. It may be based on nothing and frankly it's just my own little fantasy but how wonderful it would be if it were true.

Get over the 'losing your faith' people!!! "if you have faith as small as a mustard seed" you cannot lose it over crazy media hyperness--
LOOK INSIDE

Worship

We had such a beautiful worship service last night. There were just a few of us and we shared our spirits in such a powerful, quiet way that I am still feeling filled with grace and love. We sat in a circle and prepared our minds by listening to the sounds in the sanctuary. We sang a simple Taize' style song and then shared what part of the gospels really "spoke" to each of us personally.

We shared communion. I don't know if you've ever done communion in a small group but it is an amazing experience. Our Pastor was particularly insightful last night, he talked about how the disciples must have really felt when Jesus shared communion with them the first time. All the anxiety and fear, all the not knowing what was to come, all the love they all shared together and how it was true communion--they were all in it together. We all looked at one another, we all made that connection, we all felt great love for one another. I am blessed to have this memory.

We then anointed each other, lit candles and walked to light a cross made out of votives. While each of us took turns lighting the candles, we began singing "Holy One, O Holy One, dwelling within me" I put my arm around my good friend and soon we all became a huddled group singing and rocking together.

It doesn't get any more spiritual than that.

After we blew out our candles, some of us went to put together a puzzle of the nativity that I had brought to keep in the Sanctuary throughout Lent. We were giddy and joyful.

I love these people. They are my family.

I feel more like I do now than I did when I first got here.