Glad I got that outta my system...

So, back to our regularly scheduled programming....my son and I had an interesting conversation the other day.  He (lets just call him Negative Nathan) was saying that he didn't believe in the idea of soul-mates and that you should only be in a relationship when it's good and if the person starts to become really annoying, you should just break it off. Like, it's okay to argue a bit, but if you get to the "I don't like you" stage, it's time to throw in the towel and move on to the next.

Having been married for 32 years, I strongly disagree.  In fact, his mere existence is proof of the error of his thinking.  We didn't have Nathan until we'd been married 7 years.  We probably would not have lasted 1 year if we followed his philosophy.  Hell, we probably wouldn't have gotten married in the first place.  I tried to explain to him that relationships are how we attain the biggest growth in our lives, they act as a mirror to reflect the things about ourselves that we don't want to see... that when the relationship gets tough is the time that you actually begin to even HAVE a relationship.. up til that time it's just a fantasy. Or Lust. Not that there's anything wrong with that...

He, being Nathan, disagreed. Of course.  He said it applied to all relationships, not just marriage, so when friendships get tough, get out. I thought about my true friends-- you know, not the "Hi! How Are You? Let's Have Lunch Someday" ones.. My best friend who has been my best friend for at least 30 years.  We had a rip roaring fight in the first year or two of our friendship. I refused to be in her wedding for goodness sakes-- it was a crazy time. We got through. We worked it through. And we discovered a true kinship.  She is closer to me than any exterior family member I have. That would have never happened if we followed the Nathan rule.

I got to thinking about my business partner slash great friend.  When we formed this business relationship, I idolized her (I have a tendency to do that). I thought she was the smartest, most brilliant person I'd ever met.  We'd have long philosophical conversations that I'd walk away from in awe.  I really liked her.  As the business unfolded, and troubles set in, life got very stressful. We started bickering. We even had a point where we thought we may have to walk away in order to maintain any semblance of friendship. It was a TOUGH year.  As Rev. James says, "People behave badly when they get stressed." I think we would both agree that we made some assumptions about each other that weren't entirely accurate based on the high level of stress we were feeling.

The cool thing is what's on the other side of that craziness.  I no longer idolize her.  But I really admire and love her.  She's real. Not a fantasy.  I've seen her warts, so to speak, and I feel much closer to her on a completely different level than before.  I miss our big conversations, for sure.  But I like the way we work together, I think we really complement each others strengths. And weaknesses. Now that we know what they are.  Sometimes I think we irritate the heck out of one another. Cause that's what family does occasionally-- our training ground for relationships. I'll take a deep realistic love for someone over a fantasy any day.

The people that we allow to push our buttons are the ones we know will always have our back.  You won't know that if you don't stick in for the tough parts.