The knowledge that you are loved.

I first met Carol many years ago when her mother was in hospice.  A friend had told her about yoga in the Sanctuary and she quietly came in one night.  She had been caring for both of her parents, in fact, had remodeled her home to accommodate them.  They both passed within months of each other, Carol by their side.  She had many health issues of her own, cancer, open heart surgery and a rare disease called Myasthenia gravis, MG for short, that created muscle weakness and fatigue.  Most people would have never dreamed Carol was sick, even I had trouble remembering, she was so strong.

She started coming to yoga regularly, once then twice, then whenever yoga was, Carol was there.  One night, Divine Spirit whispered in my ear and spoke through me saying, "May you be blessed with the knowledge of how much you are loved." Carol looked right at me and I could see she was very touched.  I went and sat down by her and she shared her story. From that moment on, we were spiritually bonded, that phrase repeating through our lives, sharing our destinies, helping each other cope.  I am who I am because of Carol.

When Carol started coming to yoga, there was no Yolinna Spirit or Imagine.  Yoga was free, I was insecure about charging for anything... or I guess I could have just stopped at I was insecure.  I wasn't Reiki. Or SoulCollage.  I was just a person feeling like I had something that I needed to share. Carol recognized that something and helped me figure out what it was. And more importantly, what to do with it. She guided me every step of the way, encouraging me, advising me, and even doing a lot of it for me.  Whenever there was an event, people were used to seeing Carol there.

Carol LOVED SoulCollage.  She volunteered to be our official SoulCollage helper. She was a retired psychologist, having worked for many years with addicted moms, multiple personalities, you name it, she did it.  Some of the stories she shared with me over many, many lunches were hair raising.  She never flinched, just did what was needed, that's who Carol is.  She started programs for saving the children, served on many boards, including the local MG chapter, even being the Charter President... she did so many amazing, huge things that I couldn't even begin to name them.  And I won't have to, many others will.  But she took all these life skills and she shared them with me, coming to every SoulCollage event, working up her own "script" to get people to try it out, sharing her cards with every new person and most importantly, gently guiding reluctant psyches to "open up, take a look, it's not that scary, we are with you..."

She was so proud of her cards.  They were amazing gifts for her, someone who did so much for others, they gave her the ability to counsel herself.  They gave her the ability to mark her journey.  She had a heart attack last year that scared the bejesus out of us all... the first thing she did when all was well was make a card about it.  People would come in, she would proudly show it "this is my heart attack card!"  and gently guide us through all the positivity the card showed.  Once again, teaching us that all of life is precious, and that everything has a message that can be used for growth.  Carol is such a wonderful teacher.

When I became a Reiki Master/Teacher, Carol decided she wanted to be Reiki too.  I was thrilled to have her join our Reiki circle, had been doing Reiki on her for years and I knew she would be an amazing healer.  I will never forget the delight in her voice when she worked on a child for the first time, "The energy is so LIGHT, so PURE, what a joy!"  She had been slowly becoming .... slower, I guess... at that time.  She had developed diabetes, she wasn't feeling as energetic, she hadn't been coming to yoga as frequently but she would still go sailing with her husband and most important to her, take care of her daughters.  In fact, Carol became a Level II Healer for one reason only:  to be able to send healing to her daughter who lived in Oregon. Carol is such a wonderful mother.

When Carol's daughter was getting married in Oregon, Carol went right to work, flying to Oregon, helping her daughter who was somewhat "loose" with her wedding plans :) Carol gently helped her with stuff like silverware-- lol, the comical stories she shared after still make me chuckle.  I can see her face so clearly, "so, I told her that although we are all free spirits, most of us don't like to get pate' on our hands." or something to that effect.  Later, much later when I had been asked to officiate my first wedding, Carol, once again guided me through, even bringing me her precious DVD copy of her daughters wedding to show how great the officiant was.  I was brought to tears watching it, at one point the officiant offered the crowd a chance to share a blessing... Carol stood right up: "May you be blessed with the knowledge of how much you are loved."

Carol really wanted to be a grandmother. When her daughter got pregnant, Carol was elated.  She would come into yoga, grab my hand and excitedly share the latest.  When I didn't see her for a couple of days, I called and she shared the sad news that her daughter suffered a miscarriage.  We went to lunch and I tried my best to comfort her, she was devastated. After some time passed, she asked me to attune her to Level II because her daughter was trying again, going through fertility treatments.  "I have to make myself not fly out there and impose myself on them so I need to have something I can do to help."  I have no doubt that everyday Carol sent Reiki to her family.  Once again, she was elated when her daughter was pregnant and very sadly, devastated when it wasn't meant to be, flying out to be by her side and try to help her through.

This was less than a month ago. I saw Carol the day before she left and then not again until I gave her Reiki in the ICU last Weds. Never, ever in a million years did I think that would be the last time I would see her.  Carol was so strong, guiding me every step of my journey, I would not be who I am today without her gentle loving care.  I only wish I could have done more, but I really think God decided it was time for His precious soul to get some much needed rest.

May you be blessed, dear Carol, with the knowledge of how much you are loved and how important you are to so many people who's hearts are heavy with sadness at your passing.  I will miss you, my friend.