Personal Truths

Well, seems as if this week has been all about confronting my personal truths. Like:

I don't mind getting old. I really enjoy the wisdom it brings.

Needs to change to:

I don't mind getting old as long as I can still move as quick as when I was young and don't have any pain or "issues" of aging.

Ugh. My back. I am a really bad "patient". I have no patience for it. And I complain and get pissed off about it. For all my preaching about problems being opportunities for growth and learning to bear what you have to with grace and dignity, I would really prefer to choose when, where and how long my opportunity exists.

I just don't get it. I believe that pain and illness can sometimes be a indicator or metaphor for things you need to learn in life. For example, if you have a pain in the neck, chances are you have someone in your life who is a pain in the neck. Deal with them and the pain goes away. Shoulder pain comes from "shouldering" too much responsibility. Knee issues come from not having your needs met, get it? K-nee-ds. I also believe that there are never any real rules so don't write me and tell me the theory is wrong. Chaos theory always over-rides any other theory, that's the only real rule. We're not supposed to know everything....

But anyway, according to the body metaphor charts, my problem(s )are telling me:

Lower back is all about support and flexibility, a pulled muscle is indicating being overwhelmed, straining, feeling not good enough. Acute Pain means pay attention now!, Itching (I have a daggone scalp eruption happening at the same time) is about trying, struggling, confused and the hot flashes are about fear. The injury is on my right side so it represents yang (male) energy.

Wow. But here's the thing. I had none of those problems until I hurt my freaking back! And then, Hell Yeah, I'm worried about my flexibility and feeling overwhelmed and paying attention! I AM confused about my stupid scalp and I have to admit to having some fear that I will incinerate during a hot flash.

Sigh. It makes me a bit grumpy to be in pain. And then it makes me feel bad because I know many, many people who live with pain their whole life. So then I feel like I suck cause I complain so much. But I really kinda have alot going on right now that I really need to take care of.

Perhaps that's the real message.

Unless you can come up with some other theory that doesn't require me to think that the world can revolve without my important self.