Bluebirds

Had an amazing thing happen the last day of vacation. I've been really trying to think everything through, trying to decide whether to stay at the studio, stay partners, move, quit my job, start all over, blah, blah, blah. The closer it got to today, the more I was dreading coming back. Been arguing with Barry, money, car issues, just everything, you know?

The night before, I was dreaming of my job, nothing spectacular, just different scenarios, Reiki, Yoga, SoulCollage, etc. But the thing that stood out was that at each scenario, Carol, my dear friend who just passed, was there. I would be stewing about something trivial and then look over in the dream and she was just sitting there, smiling. Saying it was ok. I woke up thinking that was really nice, to at least be able to see her in my dreams.

But I sorta forgot about it in my dread and doom and gloom of having to go home. I was sitting on the deck, staring at the water, just feeling real sorry for myself when out of nowhere a bluebird flew right into my face! It completely took my breath away! I've only ever seen a bluebird once before, about 30 years ago, briefly, when driving through Virginia with Barry. I was stunned and excited, then it hit me: right before Carol passed, she gave me an unusual birthday gift. A beautiful, little bluebird statue! At the time, I thought it was odd but I really liked it and put it on a shelf in my spirit room. As I sat there realizing the connection, I realized what it meant... she was telling me to choose happiness. Just like she always had. Find my joy. Do it.

Carol was an amazing woman, she never backed down from a challenge, she just kept trudging on, searching for happiness. I feel like that was a total affirmation that she is still with me, guiding me and helping me keep perspective. I don't know what the future holds in so many aspects of my life right now but I do know that I will be on the lookout  for bluebirds!

Blue Bird People are learning to embrace the beauty, Love and happiness that lives within themselves. Bluebirds are considered a sign of spring and a symbol of happiness and Love.

Questions

After all the twists and turns of the last month.. 6 months... year?... I have decided it's time for a break.  Fortunately, we have friends with just the place to do that.  We've been coming to a modest trailer right on the water for at least 20 years, it belongs to my best friend's family, has switched hands and lots a few times and has now even switched houses.  It has landed in the best spot in the subdivision, with the best unobstructed view and it's an actual house now, beautiful! New furniture, new things to look at, but enough of the old touches to keep the kitschy charm. 

Rhia and I are here for a week, Barry will join us mid-week.  It seems like a long, delicious stretch of time... until I think about all that awaits me when I have to leave.  I feel a sense of panic at the thought, strong enough to make me start actually noticing how much the hated townhouses across the bay cost.  I bet people up here would love low cost Yoga-- Reiki Healing--SoulCollage.  Or maybe I just will pack it up, let it go and apply for a job at 7/11.  Or maybe I will just leave this area all together and go south to my family's roots.  Edenton, NC looks mighty good right now.  What to do?

Feels like I've been fighting for years, ready to lay down my arms and just give in.  Give in to the status quo, give in to the mindlessness, give up on trying to make the world better.  Join the fray of let's be miserable and find people to blame it on.  Make money be the most important thing in life, instead of people... and Spirit.  Check the box on Sunday so I can do whatever I want with the rest of the days, including trashing the box.  I'm just so tired.  Music, worship, theater, yoga, it's all been one big character assassination, and usually by a bunch of characters that haven't a clue about mine.  Don't want to have a pity party in this beautiful spot so I'm just meditating, watching the water flow, waiting for the answers to come and being patient when they don't.  I've learned enough through all my years of study to know that you can't force wisdom, it comes when we are quiet, when we stop asking, when we just listen.

In meditation, I often tell people to drop their questions into water, wait for the ripples to subside and sometimes the answers are in the stillness. I hope I have enough time to wait, feel like I am at a major crossroads with a slight sense of urgency... as if time is running out.  How do I start over at 50? What does God want? What do I want? The only thing I am absolutely sure of is that I am meant to be a Reiki Master, a Yoga Teacher, a helper of lost spirits... only, if that's the case, why has it been so hard?  Maybe I'm not absolutely sure of anything...

Toss it into the water... wait for the ripples to fade and listen for the still, small voice.... it's gotta be in there somewhere. 

Future of Imagine.

It is with great shock and sadness that I report that Imagine Yoga & Wellness Center has been asked to vacate the premises of the community building at Christian Community Presbyterian Church. 

The session for the church has decided that it has become too complicated to navigate the twists and turns of our occupancy. They would need to hire a tax accountant that will work with the Attorney General's recommendation that the 2 rooms we are occupying be taxed accordingly, as we are a for profit, not a non profit. Although Imagine is willing to cover the costs of  the taxes and said accountant, the session still voted to ask us to leave, which we will do as soon as possible. Although we are not privy to the private meetings of the session, we understand that there has been great controversy over people's opinions about whether a for profit should be allowed to operate out of a non profit building. Although Ann & I donate many hours of our time and resources to CCPC, we were advised by our accountant & lawyer to form an LLC and not become a non profit even though we fit many of the requirements. We decided to strike a balance between fee paid and free offerings to permit us to continue to use our gifts wisely in the future.

The church is allowing us a grace period to figure out what we will do with all the many friends and students who look forward to our classes and services. Ann & I have agreed that we will not let you down; we will do everything in our power to find a space to hold classes and appointments, shares and workshops.  We are willing to rent by the hour or by the month, if possible.  If anyone knows of shared office space, or reasonable hourly rent at a school or church, we would be very appreciative for any help or information you can give. We will definitely hold all scheduled classes until we get re-settled elsewhere.

We are committed to retaining our mission of providing low cost, welcoming spiritual wellness to all, regardless of religious affiliation, and are deeply saddened by CCPC's decision. We are very grateful for those of you that supported our mission and did so much to try to bring different forms of worship to our church.

Namaste', Linda

Curling up for a long summers nap

I'm done.

What a stretch of craziness, exhaustion and down right HUH???? the last few months have been.  Feel as if the Universe is pounding me on the head, "Can you hear me now? CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?" Ugh.  I don't get it, I hear it.... but I'm not sure what it's saying.

I thought I did that menopause thing pretty well.  I'm all... "oooh, see I'm a yogi... menopause jumped on me and I flicked it right off!" But dang... is the reason I am just. so. done. cause of the menopause?  Or cause of the lunatics in my mind? Or the lunatics in my life?

Need a break. And fortunately, I'm just about to get one.  And unfortunately, maybe an even longer one.

Cryptic? Hells yes.  You wouldn't believe it all if I told you anyway.

The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head....

Update

It's been a tough couple of weeks.

I still can't believe she's gone. She would have been thrilled with today, with the Reiki Share.  With this weekend and my Crystals class.  I stretched myself amazingly beyond any comfort zone and came out blessed. I can see her now, smiling and nodding her head, refraining from saying "I told you so" but knowing that I know she told me so.

I feel so grateful that she remains in my head. And in my heart, not a surprise.

So much has changed, it feels.  I must carry on but I know she gave me the tools to do so.  In this last couple of weeks I have let people see me cry.  I have said what I needed to say. I have given myself permission to be afraid and to do what needed to be done in spite of it.

Carol would be proud.