Monday, December 29, 2008

I lost the game.

Warning: this blog entry will show my age.

The title of this blog is going to cause a large cry of "DANGIT!!" to those who are playing the game. And that will be all of you because apparently once you know about the game you are playing it whether you like it or not. At least that is what I am told.

Have you heard of this?

First I heard of it, we were sitting quietly watching something on tv with Rhia and a group of her friends. Out of nowhere, one the kids says, "I just lost the game." All the kids start yelling at the kid, "thanks alot! now I just lost the game!" Barry & I were baffled. There was no game.

The next thing I see is on Facebook. There was a great picture of one of the kids that I clicked on. I can't remember the picture but the caption read I JUST LOST THE GAME. 25 comments with varying degrees of profanity insulting the kid because he made everyone lose the game. Next thing you know there are all kinds of status posts (where you tell everyone what you are doing) that say, yep, you guessed it I JUST LOST THE GAME. What game? I just didn't get it.

So I go to Rhia, what the heck is the game? Here's her explanation: If you think of the game you lose it, you can't explain the game because by explaining you lose it. Like, you just made me lose the game. But now you lost the game cause you are thinking about the game. I'm going to have to go do something else so I stop thinking about the game.

Me: HUH????? I'm not playing the game. I don't even know what the game is.

Rhia: Doesn't matter, the game is always being played and once you know about it you are playing it and you just lost.

Me: Well, how do you win this game?

Rhia: You can't win because by winning you are thinking about the game. Which, by the way, you just lost.

Now, I have to admit that the game tickles me. I mean, who thought this up? And, by thinking it up didn't they instantly lose the game? Imagine the heartbreak of coming up with this great game but not being able to tell anyone because if you tell them you lose? Course, by telling you create them to lose as well... and then they have to walk around for the rest of their life trying to not think of the game. How bizarre. And diabolically clever.

This generation scares me.

PS. Oh.... and I just lost the game. Again.
PSS. So did you.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Christmas Eve

Home from church. Presents wrapped. Glass of wine. Cory home from work. We are all in for the night. This is Christmas. Quiet music. Watching Christmas cooking shows on mute. This is Christmas. Watching Cory and Rhia exchange their Christmas eve present. Christmas. Waiting for Barry to come down from wrapping his presents... this is Christmas.

Tomorrow we have Barry's family for breakfast (hope they taste good-- ba dum dummm) and then quiet. A bit of sadness that we are not with my family but over the years have learned acceptance. Vacation starts Christmas night. Maybe we'll go to the beach. Maybe we'll stay home.

Oh and best news of all, I am really on vacation. Thought I was going to have to at least teach at WG but Missy agreed to take my classes. I am excited about getting a rest for a bit and rejuvenating. I am excited about my free New Year's Day class.

Had people come by and buy some bracelets, earrings and eye pillows today. So blessed. This has been an amazing year. I feel more like I do now than I did when I first got here.

My hope? I hope that in some small way I have brought a bit of peace and joy to my students, my family and the people I don't know that read my blog, buy my stuff at Fabian House and smile at me on the street.

Merry Christmas. Love and Joy to all. Yolinna aka Linna aka Linda

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Child's Pose

I just did a meditation where I stayed in the corresponding chakra pose for the length of the chakra song from Chakra Healing Chants by Sophia. Some were 5 minutes, some were 9 minutes... it was very interesting. Before you get too impressed, I was doing restorative yoga so it's not like I was killing myself, you know? I just really felt the need for some deeeeep relaxation. Gathering perspective, so to speak.

The 3rd Eye Chakra Chant was 8 minutes long. I was in child's pose supported with my belly on the bolster, bolster on my heels and small pillow on my forehead. Sort of like this but without as much pillowing:



Can I just tell you that was just a little bit of heaven? I mean, honestly, I just kept sinking deeper... and deeper... it was amazing. When I got up to do my crown chakra, I felt as if I was replenished, fresh & clean with bright shiny eyes. It was lovely. In fact, it was tough to stay focused for my crown chakra which was seated meditation. I wanted to skip and dance.

Have I ever mentioned that I love yoga?

I know, I know... of course.

Feeling low? Trust me-- 8 minutes in Child's Pose is all you need.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

One of those weeks

I am amazed that my head is fitting through the front door right now. It has just been one of those weeks.

No, not those weeks.

It's been one of those weeks where the kindness of others have left me speechless. So many wonderful emails, messages and even a whole blog post giving me praise and making me feel like it really is all worthwhile. It reminds me of when I first started on this path.

I had been working at the therapeutic nursery near my home. It was sort of a job going nowhere some days because although I loved the children and most of the people I worked with, I did not have a college degree so I was not eligible to be anything other than an aide. At a bit above minimum wage. The money and the title didn't mean a lot to me but I have to admit to feeling less than important compared to the college degreed people. I had been studying tai chi, yoga and eastern philosophy for quite some time and knew that my path was not one that would lead to 4 years of college... plus, my kids were getting closer to that being their path so financially... nuff said.

There was a teacher there I who had been close to when our children were little. She was very encouraging, knew that I had been studying yoga and really felt that I could teach that to the little ones and make a difference. With her constant gentle push, I found the courage to do so. Along the road I ended up getting certified and grown ups kept asking me to teach them. I was terrified. It was one thing to have a bunch of 4 year olds agree to play downdog with me but adults....yikes.

The kids had gotten very involved in plays and the youth group at the church associated with the nursery school. One of the requirements of my certification was that I give free classes to a population of people who wouldn't normally step into a yoga studio. Now, although my church congregation could definitely afford yoga... it was not something they would really think they could do or would want to. But again, that little push came... in the form of the Interim Reverend and the Youth Director at the time. They encouraged and when the Session of the church balked at us "desecrating" the Sanctuary, they fought. And I got approved. But was still terrified.

Along came the beautiful women in my life, my women's circle, my church family, my friends... they encouraged, they wrote me wonderful emails and letters letting me know that I had value. I have them still. I would not have found the courage without them. I would not be who I am today, hopefully someone who has returned that gift to many, if they had not gently pushed.

The secret to that push? It was no accident that at the same time I began to understand the concept of the Holy Spirit.... no, not religiously. But that little encouragement you get when you need it most, gently turning you to the right path, coming in whatever form you need, through whoever it can use who is open to it... That's Spirit. And it's always there. And it always leads you to where you are destined to be.

Thank you to so many of you who allow that Spirit to work through you. Peace be with you.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Quiet

I find myself in that time and space where quiet is resonating deep within. It's a little window before the noise. It's like a physical presence enveloping me, almost like angel wings around my shoulders. My ears are almost ringing with the loudness of the quiet. It is only broken by the tapping of my fingers on the keys and today, even that is sporadic.

Last night at yoga it occurred to me that this is the time of year when the only quiet some people have is at yoga. It may be the only part of their life, besides sleep, where there are no cell phones ringing, no tv, no computer, shopping, children, parents, cars, nothing to disturb the sound of their own breath and heart beating. For some, it is hard to go from the hustle and bustle into that quiet. It can be deafening. And it's not just the quiet. It's the constant go go go. To actually take the time to settle deep into a pose and just stay there long enough to find that tiny adjustment that opens the window to a new revelation is really hard. But very worthwhile.

Relax.....Breathe.....Feel......Watch.....Allow.....

My yoga last night felt like a prayer, a trance, a meditation. I had to keep lifting my consciousness enough to remember I was teaching. Sometimes the mind, body and spirit connect so seamlessly that it becomes difficult to know where one begins and one lets off... or if they even do. I hope my students felt it too. It felt like that was what was needed. Quiet. Deep going within.

For some, who haven't practiced for long or been able to keep up their practice, I could see it was difficult at first. That monkey mind takes time to settle down. But by the end it seemed as if all were breathing a bit slower, their movements were more fluid, there was a sureness about them that they didn't walk in with.

Until relaxation. I got the bright idea to do relaxation in silence, which is usually really powerful. Unless the Chorale is practicing in the next room. Very, very loudly. But oh well, practice means finding the quiet within ... no matter how high the sopranos go.

Namaste'