Sick

Sick, sick, sick.

I rarely get sick. And I hate it. But not as much as I hate whining about it. Especially when there are others with far worse problems. So enough.

Sorry to everyone who came to my classes. Extra relaxation for you next time!

As Mom Sue said, maybe God was giving me a day off. Which is unfortunately about to turn into 2....I don't think I can teach tonight either. My voice is gruesome.

And my family keeps yelling at me to rest. Rhia's been so sweet, taking care of me. Even Cory made me tea yesterday.

So all in all, could be worse. Could have a broken foot. Poor AM, wish I could make her tea that makes it all better....

Enough rambling.

Lost My Voice

Oh dear. Last night during my second class, my throat started tickling and I had a little coughing fit during relaxation. Had to go out of the room and get water. Thought maybe it was perfume that someone was wearing--I tend to be a bit sensitive to that--or maybe dust. But no. I'm sick. Woke up this morning achy and yucky. And have no voice.

How can you teach yoga without a voice? I think the universe is playing some big cosmic joke on me right now. Got so many impressions coming at me.....really not sure of the significance of any of it. Or if any of it is significant?

Frantically sucking on ColdEaze and Echinacea.....I HATE to miss a class. I HATE to let people down. Keep your fingers crossed.

Stampin'

Some of you may know that my good friend Lori is starting her own business. Lori is a stampin' fanatic. It is her passion, the thing she loves to do. She finally decided it was time to take the leap and start selling it. She had her first Spirit Group Stampin' Class Sunday. We made really cute little potpourri envelopes filled with cards with sayings on them.

Now most of you know that I can go either way on this kind of stuff. Just like with music, one day I can think it's the greatest thing in the world and others just think it's unrelenting sap. Sunday was one of those unrelenting sap days. So I'm trudging around....muttering...."....stamping, .....humpf, ......gotta go make some cutsie sentimental sappy thing that smells....I like to do my OWN thing...don't need no stampin' book to tell me what to do....humpf..." But she's my good buddy, so I have to go support her. That's what friends are for. So, reluctantly, I make my way to her house.

Once again, I was wrong. It was delightful. Lori is a born teacher with great insights. She had everything laid out perfectly and labeled. Printed step by step directions. And most important, she left plenty of room for improvisation and quirkiness. She even had stamps with John Lennon quotes on them! Rainbow ribbon and magpie beads! It was really fun.

Funniest thing of all, she had that dreadful Christian contemporary music playing in the background. At one point I heard someone singing along.....and realized it was me. Me, sitting there happily stamping, singing Christian music.

What is this woman doing to me? And they call me a witch....

Flying Bird

I've been kinda out of sorts lately. I thought I had planned my time wisely but somehow ended up teaching 23 classes in 19 days plus a myriad of other things and found myself stressing and combative. I used all my tools to make the decisions and then promptly figured I had it all worked out so I didn't use any tools. My tools? Meditation, Self Reiki, Prayer, ZenCards, gratitude journal, Time alone, etc. I am just so much better when I spend a bit of time every day at my altar centering. Ugh. When will I get it through my monkey mind? Answer: Again and again and again.

Yesterday I dusted off my altar, sent Reiki to my people, prayed for guidance and then decided to do a reading on myself. Flying bird. You start with a card in the middle and place the "wings" on either side, one at a time, each card with a different meaning. As I lay each card down, I just shook my head and smiled. Duh. That's what I like about this deck. It doesn't do some voodoo look into the future nonsense, it simply tells you where you are and what you don't want to see. Once you can see the present, you instinctively know where to go. Sort of puts you back on your path. I mean face it, we all know the truth....we just don't want it to be the truth, so we rationalize and let our monkey mind tell us it's false. That's just called begin human. Here's a brief (haha, yeah right) synopsis of my reading:

1. Where I'm at: Possibilities
This is a beautiful card of an eagle soaring over a varied landscape with deserts and flowers and mountains. It represents being in a position of having unlimited choices and soaring over considering the next choice. "because of all the work you've done, you are at a point where a world of possibilities is open to you".... It's all about not limiting yourself.

2. Fear of flying (what's holding me back): The Burden
This is a wretched card of a man trying to climb a mountain with a bunch of tyrants and roosters and a lists of shoulds and oughts on his back. Oh dear. It's all about carrying other's burdens and expectations, not just people you know but society's demands as well. "If life seems like a struggle, it's time to shrug your shoulders and drop these characters off--you have your own mountains to conquer & dreams to fulfill, but you'll never have the energy if you keep carrying these expectations of other's that you think are your own."

3. The response to the fear: Rebirth
Great card. It's a dull, sleepy camel who has a lion standing on him and a child playing the lute coming out of the lion's belly. It's about how we get lulled into submission trying to get along with others by pleasing and saying yes to everything and then one day we wake up and "roar" our truth, with a loud "NO" to all the shoulds and oughts and the worrying over other's opinions. "but this is not the end, Finally the child emerges, neither acquiescent nor rebellious but innocent and spontaneous and true to his own being"

4. Inner Support: MIND
I hate this card. It is exactly what it says, it's your monkey mind. It's an ugly, grey Medusa worms crawling all over head representing all the twists and turns your mind takes when it finally gets your attention. Bleech. Like tell me something I don't know. "the head is filled with mechanisms, the mouth is ranting and raving, and the whole surrounding atmosphere is being polluted by this factory of arguments and opinions....somebody, somewhere, is stuck in a head trip. Take a look and make sure it isn't you". Sigh. It's me.

5. External support (what to do) SILENCE
Duh. Like who didn't see that coming? LOL! "Now is the time to come home to yourself, to seek out those who can resonate with your silence or to just enjoy your aloneness. " The card is a deep night sky with a face with closed eyes barely visible. In the middle of her forehead (3rd eye chakra) is the moon and stars are all around the top, a cloud on the bottom. The card makes you breathe a little slower...........be still ....and know .....that I am..... God Psalm 46

6. Relaxation and Acceptance: Fighting
This is a guy dressed in armor with his fists clenched and buttons all over the armor "just waiting to be detonated if someone so much as brushes up against them". Oh dear. And yeah. That's the acceptance--gotta stop the fighting. "we think that if we frighten people away, we can avoid being hurt even more.....there is so much love available to you if you just stop fighting and let it in...." Double sigh.

7. New level of awareness: HARMONY!!!
I love this card! It's a beautiful, serene person with 2 dolphins coming from her heart to jump over 3rd eye, representing playfulness and intelligence that comes when we are able to connect with the heart and move from there. (instead of that crazy ole monkey mind) "Let yourself be softer and more receptive now, because an inexpressible joy is waiting for you just around the corner." YAY!

So there you go. What a great reading. Makes so much sense to me and makes me remember that I do know the truth, just have to remember it.

Master Jeff

Last night a woman who I admire very much came to my yoga class. I have done Reiki on her with Jan and she is just one of the most amazing people you would ever meet. I have been intrigued by her for a while, she just has such light about her. So needless to say, when she walked in the door I was pretty excited and grateful for the opportunity to get to know her a little better. After the class, we were chatting and the subject of Tai Chi came up. Turns out that she took Tai Chi from my master Jeff! She knew him quite well, we must have passed each other many times since it was around the same time. Of course, she is so sweet, when I said, "Maybe we were in the same class!" She said with a very sweet smile, "oh no Linda, I would have remembered you." I love this lady.

In reminiscing about the class, I got to thinking what an impact Master Jeff has had on my life. He was the very first truly spiritual man I had ever met. I had never heard of the Tao or knew anything about Buddhism or any eastern philosophy before I met him. He studied in Taiwan under a great Master. He knew so much. He was a great teacher, just the right amount of detachment and attachment. He knew when to be firm and when to back off. He introduced a whole new world to me. He would wink at me and say, "I'm going to teach you the physical but I know some of you would like the magical mystery tour so I'll teach you that too." I loved him, absolutely worshipped the ground he walked on. His voice rings in my head to this day, his touch, his gentle wisdom. He was that once in a lifetime teacher that some of us are lucky enough to stumble across that you realize is one of the main reasons you are who you are today.

Tai Chi is very beautiful and very frustrating. Especially if you are as type A as I was when I found him. Believe it or not, I used to work about 70 hours a week as a Operations Manager for a Mortgage Broker. High stress, fast paced, hit the ground running butt kisser. I worked on the high end builder accounts, had about 30 employees to oversee and train and set up new offices, computers, million dollar deals and schmoozed with the big boys on a regular basis. I was 27 years old, diagnosed with a bleeding ulcer, and had doctors prescribe tranquilizers and codeine for the migraines. I was the youngest officer the company had ever had. I made a ton of money. I was also on the verge of a divorce and a nervous breakdown. Crazy.

The very first class I ever went to, I asked some inane question and Jeff said, "so, can you talk with your shoulders away from your ears or is that brick a permanent fixture?" I had no clue what he was talking about. He came over and smoothed my shoulders down and it actually HURT to relax. I spent many, many months just trying to get the shoulders down, the more I "tried" the worse it got. Month after month I get one area to finally smooth, only for him to identify another. It was maddening. And it saved my life. I would confront him, "maybe some people just aren't meant to do Tai Chi, maybe it's just for old people, maybe the world needs tense people, and so on". He would smile. And he would start doing the postures. And he would say, "well, then why are you here?" Why indeed.....

I stayed with him for 3 years. Twice a week, every week. Quit my job, rearranged my world, owned my life. Studied, studied, studied, read everything I could get my hands on, became a Taoist, learned to breathe and relax. Towards the end of my classes, Jeff was having a really hard time with the "Y", he would come in so frustrated and so sad, I just couldn't take it. I didn't know that I was an empath then, I only knew that I would come out of his classes angry and upset, not knowing that it was his frustration I was picking up on and not knowing how to clear it. Mary told me that he finally gave up about a year after I left. I tried to find another teacher, and years later, tried to find him again to no avail. Went on to yoga and was blessed with another mentor but I have always thought of him in everything I do. I could not teach yoga if I hadn't learned Tai Chi.

I am so grateful for Jeff's presence in my life. Have you ever had a teacher like that? One that just quietly changed everything you ever knew to be true and helped you find the answers that were best for you? What a great spirit he has. I wish him the best that this world has to offer, he brought so much to all he did. Namaste' Master Jeff and Thank You!