Wandrin' Star

...I was born under a wandrin' star......

Don't know why, just woke up with that song in my head. It's from Paint Your Wagon, one of my favorite musicals. Course the song itself has nothing to do with me, in fact, the lyrics are fairly depressing....

...I was born under a wandrin' star, I was born under a wandrin' star, Wheels are made for rolling, mules are made to pack, I've never seen a sight that didn't look better looking back. I was born under a wandrin' star... Life can make you prisoner and the plains can bake you dry, Snow can burn your eyes, but only people make you cry. Home is made for coming from, for dreams of going to... Which with any luck will never come true. I was born under a wandrin' star, I was born under a wandrin' star ...

I really like the image of the wandrin' star. In the movie, Lee Marvin sings the song under his breath as he is leaving the love of his life so that she can be happy with his best friend. Deep heavy sigh.

I've been feeling like a lucky star has landed on my heart. Course the only lucky star lyrics I know are Madonna's and sometimes I prefer Lee Marvin's voice to hers....Oh SNAP!

I had a beautiful lunch yesterday with a beautiful, wise woman. There's a card in the Osho deck called The Master. Part of the text is: Masters don't teach the truth, there is no way to teach it. It is a transmission beyond scriptures, beyond words. It is energy evoking energy to you. It is a kind of synchronicity....I awoke this morning feeling so blessed to find so many Masters in my life, always just when I need them. She reminded me who I am, which is what Masters tend to do. And she reminded me in such a way that I was able to embrace who I am....warts and all. And she reminded me of my path. No matter what. For as long as it takes.

When I first got my Osho deck, I remember pulling that card and wailing over the fact that I didn't know any Masters, I didn't have anyone in my life to learn from. So I read. And read. And read. And then they came. And they keep coming. Just when I need them.

Sort of like Wandrin' Stars.

Flying Bird

I've been kinda out of sorts lately. I thought I had planned my time wisely but somehow ended up teaching 23 classes in 19 days plus a myriad of other things and found myself stressing and combative. I used all my tools to make the decisions and then promptly figured I had it all worked out so I didn't use any tools. My tools? Meditation, Self Reiki, Prayer, ZenCards, gratitude journal, Time alone, etc. I am just so much better when I spend a bit of time every day at my altar centering. Ugh. When will I get it through my monkey mind? Answer: Again and again and again.

Yesterday I dusted off my altar, sent Reiki to my people, prayed for guidance and then decided to do a reading on myself. Flying bird. You start with a card in the middle and place the "wings" on either side, one at a time, each card with a different meaning. As I lay each card down, I just shook my head and smiled. Duh. That's what I like about this deck. It doesn't do some voodoo look into the future nonsense, it simply tells you where you are and what you don't want to see. Once you can see the present, you instinctively know where to go. Sort of puts you back on your path. I mean face it, we all know the truth....we just don't want it to be the truth, so we rationalize and let our monkey mind tell us it's false. That's just called begin human. Here's a brief (haha, yeah right) synopsis of my reading:

1. Where I'm at: Possibilities
This is a beautiful card of an eagle soaring over a varied landscape with deserts and flowers and mountains. It represents being in a position of having unlimited choices and soaring over considering the next choice. "because of all the work you've done, you are at a point where a world of possibilities is open to you".... It's all about not limiting yourself.

2. Fear of flying (what's holding me back): The Burden
This is a wretched card of a man trying to climb a mountain with a bunch of tyrants and roosters and a lists of shoulds and oughts on his back. Oh dear. It's all about carrying other's burdens and expectations, not just people you know but society's demands as well. "If life seems like a struggle, it's time to shrug your shoulders and drop these characters off--you have your own mountains to conquer & dreams to fulfill, but you'll never have the energy if you keep carrying these expectations of other's that you think are your own."

3. The response to the fear: Rebirth
Great card. It's a dull, sleepy camel who has a lion standing on him and a child playing the lute coming out of the lion's belly. It's about how we get lulled into submission trying to get along with others by pleasing and saying yes to everything and then one day we wake up and "roar" our truth, with a loud "NO" to all the shoulds and oughts and the worrying over other's opinions. "but this is not the end, Finally the child emerges, neither acquiescent nor rebellious but innocent and spontaneous and true to his own being"

4. Inner Support: MIND
I hate this card. It is exactly what it says, it's your monkey mind. It's an ugly, grey Medusa worms crawling all over head representing all the twists and turns your mind takes when it finally gets your attention. Bleech. Like tell me something I don't know. "the head is filled with mechanisms, the mouth is ranting and raving, and the whole surrounding atmosphere is being polluted by this factory of arguments and opinions....somebody, somewhere, is stuck in a head trip. Take a look and make sure it isn't you". Sigh. It's me.

5. External support (what to do) SILENCE
Duh. Like who didn't see that coming? LOL! "Now is the time to come home to yourself, to seek out those who can resonate with your silence or to just enjoy your aloneness. " The card is a deep night sky with a face with closed eyes barely visible. In the middle of her forehead (3rd eye chakra) is the moon and stars are all around the top, a cloud on the bottom. The card makes you breathe a little slower...........be still ....and know .....that I am..... God Psalm 46

6. Relaxation and Acceptance: Fighting
This is a guy dressed in armor with his fists clenched and buttons all over the armor "just waiting to be detonated if someone so much as brushes up against them". Oh dear. And yeah. That's the acceptance--gotta stop the fighting. "we think that if we frighten people away, we can avoid being hurt even more.....there is so much love available to you if you just stop fighting and let it in...." Double sigh.

7. New level of awareness: HARMONY!!!
I love this card! It's a beautiful, serene person with 2 dolphins coming from her heart to jump over 3rd eye, representing playfulness and intelligence that comes when we are able to connect with the heart and move from there. (instead of that crazy ole monkey mind) "Let yourself be softer and more receptive now, because an inexpressible joy is waiting for you just around the corner." YAY!

So there you go. What a great reading. Makes so much sense to me and makes me remember that I do know the truth, just have to remember it.