revelations

In preparing for my open house, I decided it would be a good idea to put new herbs in and sew an extra seam on my remaining eye pillows. While doing so, I had a major revelation:

I HATE TO SEW!!!

And not only that, but:

I DON'T HAVE TO SEW IF I DON'T WANT TO!!

And then:

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?

Over and over, people have patiently and generously offered to sew my products for me since I am feeble at it. I pooh pooh them away, most martyr like-- "oh no, I will do it, I'll get better, don't worry about me".

And then like a double fool, tell folks, "so if anything happens to your eye pillow, like the seams rip out since I am so feeble, just bring it back and I will fix it for you" Because it's not bad enough to sew it once... I like to do it 4 or 5 times. Arrrrrgh!

So, I'm in the middle of cursing and ripping out the fabric that's stuck in that little place where the stupid bobbin thingy wants to grab it and tangle everything up, causing me to get out my vacuum cleaner to try and suck out all the fibers cause I'm not patient enough to take the whole freaking thing apart AGAIN, I mean really, who needs 6 screws to hold down one little plate to cover some stupid thread???? And it occurs to me:

BOINNNNGGGGG!!! I DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS!

Like who cares if I can't sew? I am really good at lots of things-- why do I feel the need to torture myself? Like, I don't win acceptance to the freakin June Cleaver school if I can't sew.

WELL GOOD! I don't want to be June Cleaver anyways. This is interfering with my application to the Mother Teresa school anyway, all this cursing.

So there you have it. I am going out of business!!! From now on, I will grow the herbs and put the concoctions together and if anyone wants to put them in a pillow, go for it. Not me!

Sheesh. Now I understand why my mother always told me I was hardheaded.

Whoa. Ummm. I don't even know where to start. I would have to say that November 2009 is going to go down as one of the most powerful, legendary months of my life. I can't even wrap my mind around it all. I think maybe December is gonna be one of the nappiest months of my life.

I am blissfully exhausted. I am going to need a lot of deep breaths to absorb it all. Becoming a Reiki Master Teacher... learning and teaching... and witnessing new Reiki Healers finding their heat and giving their love. Whoa. I wonder if they know how amazing they are? I had many times where I was watching them work on one another where I was astonished by the light surrounding them, and the genuine care they took to be gentle and thorough. Pretty spectacular. Sights I will never forget. I have a sense that I will see this again. And again.

Is it possible to be so lucky? Over the last couple of years, the tarot card called Star has come up for me over and over again. This weekend it came up again in a reading I did where you pick three cards, representing:

1. Where you are right now.

2. Where you are going.

3. How will you get there?

It was #3... How will I get there? By riding a lucky star.

I wish I could make more sense right now but I really do need some silence and to go deep within for a bit. I'll write again later when I can be more coherent.

Congratulations New Reiki Healers! Remember....

Just for today, do not worry.
Just for today, do not anger.
Be kind to all living creatures.
Do your work honestly.
Give thanks for everything.

Namaste'

Thankfulness

Last year some of us did a blog stating 25 things we were thankful for at Thanksgiving. This year, lots of folks are writing one thing each day on facebook that they are thankful for. It's been really uplifting to see what others are thankful for. I've been keeping a gratitude journal for years and whenever I get the "poor me's" I go to it and physically count my blessings. I started out doing the prescribed 5 things a day, very orderly, but as is usually the case with me, threw out the structure and did whatever felt right for the time.

Some days there's just one entry. Some days 10. Some days it's just a prayer. Other days it's a commentary on what's going on, good or bad, and how to make the most of it.

I've mentioned before that my friend Jenny uses the "at least I didn't have a headache" technique when things are going poorly in her world. In my gratitude journal there are definitely days like that... "I am thankful for not taking that attack personally" "I am thankful that I walked away" "I am thankful for the insight that the (painful experience) brought me and will be really thankful when I figure out what it is".

When I was younger, I suffered from depression. I would fall into a black hole and decide it was easier to just hang out there than to crawl my way back up. I still did what I had to do, was a functional depressed soul but I had no joy and the effort was exhausting. I spent so much time trying to prove I had worth, that my existence had meaning, that I would collapse into a numb ball at times just wishing for it all to go away. One of the things that helped was what I called "developing a well of compassion".

When I was really low, I would drag myself to the first place I could think of to help those who really needed it. I worked with the school's k-3 kids who couldn't read, spending one on one time helping them. I would go to the local church yard and weed their gardens (this was long before I worked there and joined the church) I would take long walks around my neighborhood and talk to the old man around the corner who sat there alone all day, every day. I never really made the connection between developing a well of compassion and opening my heart. Or how that compassion helped me understand how much I had to be thankful for.

Today and Everyday, I am thankful for compassion. I am thankful for the Light that showed me the way out of my black hole. I am thankful for the tools I found to put the lid & lock on that hole; Yoga, Reiki, Prayer, Joy & Gratitude. And I am thankful that I can help show others the way out.

"There is a wonderful mythical law of nature that the three things we crave most in life - happiness, freedom and peace of mind - are always attained by giving them to someone else."
~Peyton Conway March

Namaste'

Reiki... Reiki... Reiki...

When I became attuned level one, the energy was filled with nervousness. Am I good enough? Do I have it? Did I do it right?

When I became attuned level two, the energy became like fire. I would have to dress in tank tops because I was burning up. It was cool.

When I became attuned level three, I didn't think the energy could be stronger. But it did. Stronger and steadier. Like a mountain.

When I became a Master, I found it highly unlikely that the energy could be stronger or hotter or more powerful.

Oh ye of little faith.

My goodness. It's not hotter. Or stronger. Or steadier. It IS. Flowing, constant, amazing. Like, where my hands touch, light radiates. Pure golden white light. So there's an imprint of my hand and it spreads... like water. Only brighter. And bigger. It's a constant prayer, a vibrating mantra, sound, light, the Universe.

I step back from the table and just watch it surround my client's whole body. Whoa. And the coolest thing of all?

It has nothing to do with me. I ground. I open. I get out of the way. I think of it and it's there. I ask for it and it races ahead of me before the end of the sentence. I feel it on my shoulders guiding me. And on my hands working through me. My Hands. God's Hands. Yeah.

It's good to be a Master. I can't wait to share. And stand back and watch. I'm not gonna lie, I'm just tickled. And in awe. What a gift!

Thank You God. Sat Nam.

Fall Back

When I was a kid I made up a dance to the Fall Back time switch... Spring Forward! Fall Back! Yeah. I still have impulses to perform this dance whenever the time changes. Usually in front of my yoga classes. Fortunately I have developed self control. Unless I am home alone. The animals just stare at me. Which is probably what my yoga students would do. Right before they roll up their mats, deciding that maybe Crofton Yoga wasn't that far away.

I was confused this month. Kept complaining about the time switch, thinking I was losing an hour of sleep. Turns out I was only losing my mind.

Been walking around with a big exclamation point in my head. Probably should cut back on the Kundalini Yoga for awhile since I'm already over the top excited about NOvember.

I used to HATE NOvember. Really thought it was NO- vember. But this one is filled with exciting things to look forward to. My Reiki Master Training, My Osho Zen Tarot Training, Maybe my first Reiki Healers to guide... My head is gonna be crammed with new thoughts and insights, just how I like it. Maybe I should call this YESvember. Tee Hee.

So I had a little Luke Skywalker/Obi Wan day the other day. I won't go into too much detail but Obi Wan called and I instantly thought I may be an impetuous fool. (May? Hussssshhhhhh!) Turns out I was not as out there as I could have been. Playing life by ear. Blessed. And yeah. Too much to type. You know?

Alright. Having made very little sense but trying to get used to having an extra hour before I go to class, I will sign off.

May the force be with you.