No Whining Zone.

You know how a thought gets stuck in your head? Like the same thought keeps coming up over and over until it becomes your own personal mantra? Two days ago I came home from work, locked myself in my room, took a shower and laid down on my bed for 2 minutes to try and gain some perspective and peace. ~~knock, knock, knock on the door~~ My first thought?:

I just want my life back.

Rut roh. Not a good statement. Full of self pity. And seriously not anything I could really control or do much about at this point. But there it is. And it keeps coming up.

I just want my life back.

And worse.... in unguarded moments, it turns into reverie. Remember when? (which is one of the most damaging statements to maintaining presence) Remember when your house was quiet and you could think a thought, meditate, breathe? Remember when you didn't have to worry about every penny and you could just do your work joyously without worrying about results? Remember when you had time to literally smell the roses? Remember when the house was clean, you could make dinner.... remember when you could take a walk everyday? Remember when you were losing weight and eating healthy? Remember when you had time (and joyous presence of mind) to write enlightening helpful blogs?

You see why this is so damaging? It begins a total spiral into what's wrong with NOW.

I often tell my students in relaxation pose to breathe in and relax, knowing that this moment is perfect. There is nothing wrong, nothing to change in this moment. It's a powerful meditation. Creates awareness and acceptance. Unless you've convinced yourself that this moment sucks. Even if it's a moment spent quietly laying on the floor of the Sanctuary with soft music and the sound of rain pounding on the ceiling of the "ark." How could that suck? But the thought intruding takes the moment away....

I just want my life back. Whine, whine, wine. Sigh.

I got a great link in my email today that I actually took the time to go to and read. It was about a gentleman going through a divorce, broken and empty, who got to spend time watching Tibetan Monks creating a Sanskrit Mandala out of sand. It took them 6 days to complete, long full days hunched over, having to stay completely alert, watching their breath so they don't blow the sand in the wrong place and ruin their work. Hmmmm. When it is completed, they sweep it away into the ocean. It's a very powerful reminder of acceptance of the moment. Understanding the journey is the point.... not the destination. Letting go, not holding on. Yeah. Not trying to hold on to what you HAD. Staying creative with what IS.

I get it. Now, if only I had time to go buy some sand and 6 days by the ocean to create a mandala......

Namaste'

Hell Breaking Loose

So, yeah. I'm all ... oh I'm handling everything really well... blah, blah, blah... I'm so much better... blah, blah, blah... and then it hits. The storm of the century, the blizzard to end all blizzards...

And no Rudolph in sight.

So now I got a 5, 6, 7, 8 in my head, paintbrush in my hand, burns on my fingers from the glue gun and notes spilling out all over the place but we are getting there.

My life be not me own.

But my yoga classes have been good, even so.

And Reiki is marvelous. See Sue's blog-- What a love she is.

So all is not lost. And not all that wander are... well you know.

A 5, 6, 7, 8... Oompa, Loompa... Doo Pa Dee Doooooo OMG, what a cameo we have for you.....

This blog is kinda going nowhere. Sorry. BBS.

Surreal Time Warp

In the space of a month I have been instantly transported back to my old life. It's weird. Rhia's home, we're doing a play, it's like nothing ever changed. I don't have any time to do anything like exercise, cook a meal, think a thought. I can't get Rhia to clean her room. I am consumed with making sure to remember everything and have lists upon lists all over the place and can't seem to find them all. The only thing that seems different is me.

I'm not as good at handling stress as I used to be.

I'm not as quick or as efficient or as good at remembering everything.

Biggest change? I'm not that worried about it. I used to feel like I had to be perfect at everything, would get really upset when I saw people judging me when I would try to work out a dance or teach some blocking... you know, when they are passing each other looks like they could do it better... but now I just feel like that says a whole lot more about them than me. You know those naysayers? They just gotta have someone to criticize.

I've realized I'm not perfect. I can't be. And the effort to even get close to it is not one I want to make. I'm enjoying myself more, I'm having fun. I'm just doing what I can and hopefully that will be enough. And the remarkable thing? I'm accepting the help that is being offered to me. I'm not as caught up in the whole "if I want it done right, I have to do it myself" thing. I just can't do it all. And I am really, really blessed this time with people who WANT to help and not to be weird but they really seem to like me and let me do my job. It's so cool.

Not that there aren't challenges. Not that I don't get pissed. Not that we have it all (or anything) under control. But we have a really, really great team working together watching each others back and holding each other up. Like, you can feel it. I am being held up, lifted and people have my back. Glory Be! By finally conceeding my imperfection, I no longer have to do it alone. I am even ASKING FOR HELP. OMG! How did this happen?

I'm still feeling really stressed but I don't feel alone. Big difference.

Now, about Rhia cleaning her room....

Just for today....

When you become Reiki attuned you learn a marvelous touchstone for your life. You can use it for your clients, it is basically a promise how to let go...

Just for today I will not anger--Anger. It's interesting to me that anger never really harms the person that created it as much as the person experiencing it. Some would say that anger is necessary because it creates action and maybe on one level that is so. But anger is usually when we haven't taken the action we know we should have. It's almost always anger at ourselves that we project on another. Unless of course you are cut off in traffic. But once again, who is the anger harming? Think about how many times your blood pressure went up and you spouted words of hatred for someone you never saw again. Frightening, isn't it? The anger did no good, there's nothing to change. Except your reaction. Just for today, do not anger.

Just for today I will not worry--Worry. This one has been a bit tougher lately. I find that it's helpful to really consider not only what I am worrying about, but what will happen if it comes true. I realize the law of attraction says you shouldn't think about what you don't want to attract but it's already attracted. It's here. What's the Worse? becomes a mantra. And sometimes leads to a What's the Best? if I've had enough sleep. I try to remember what Jesus said "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' ...Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Just for today, do not worry.

Just for today, I will be grateful: Ohhh! This one always comes easily. It's so easy to be grateful when you look outside, see the beautiful colors of the flowers and the green everywhere. I am so blessed, lovely children, husband who loves me, great little yappy dog. I have wonderful friends, I am strong and healthy, how can you possibly feel sorry for yourself? Unfortunately, sometimes I do. But this one always brings me back to reality. Everyday. 5 Things I am grateful for. Do it. It will change your life. Just for today, be grateful.

Just for today, I will do my work honestly: Another easy one. I have great work. I get to live my dream and my passion. It's impossible to lie in my job. I worked in the mortgage industry for years and learned how easy it is to stretch the truth to seal a deal. I learned how easy it is to use your talents for bad. And I seen the results of using your talents for good. When you do your work honestly, you will be surrounded with honest people seeking truth. The honest truth? All are one. The light in me is the light in you. Why lie to yourself? Just for today, do your work honestly.

Just for today, I will treat everyone with kindness. Oh what a broken group of people we all are. How much better we feel when someone is kind to us. It's so easy to be kind to strangers. It's sometimes very hard to be kind to those that have disappointed us or been unkind to us. In fact, it sometimes feels downright impossible. But it goes along with number one. If you take a moment to really notice how you feel when you are unkind, whether the intended victim knows it or not, you will see who it really hurts. That pain in your heart? It comes from going against who you really are... deep down, you are light. Why would you surround that light with darkness? Let it go, show your light, allow it to shine. You'll surprise yourself with the energy you gain. Just for today, treat everyone with kindness.

Ooops. Snuck a sermon in, huh? Don't worry, I was talking to myself as much as any reader. Been a tough couple weeks. Sometimes we need a reminder of what's important.

Namaste'. For real.

Life as I know it.

Warning: Woo Woo Post

Wow. It's kinda freaking me out that there's a Mercury Retrograde starting tomorrow. The last month has been like Mercury RetroHell, I can't imagine... I mean, it's one thing for Barry to get laid off but do we need Cory's car breaking down to the tune of $2800? Seriously, is this some kind of a cosmic joke?

I don't even want to begin to tell you the whole script dilemma. It's a nightmare, hopefully one that ends today but I'm not counting out a hurricane rapidly appearing over the FedEx truck and blowing the scripts and music to smithereens. How do you lose a $1500 check? "oh, we must have put it in the recyclables" Yeah, that's what I do with my checks....

And my email? fuggedaboutit!!! Half the time it's not working, I can't access it. Then it decides to work over time. I open it. I read and delete it. It comes back. Over and over. I think it has swine flu.

Some of you that have facebook have gotten to enjoy my whining about rehearsal schedules. Sorry! But *more whining* I no sooner get the whole calendar worked up and get an email that wipes the whole thing out. It took 4 hours yesterday to try and fix it, in the meantime I got 15 emails asking about the rehearsal schedule... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! It's completely insane. I mean, just look at the conflicts:

And that doesn't include the joys of scheduling around church events. Which I was sternly admonished for. By someone no longer speaking to me. Aye che wa wa... see beyond your own desk, you know?

Ooops, this is starting to be less a woo woo post and more of a wah wah post...

Good Stuff... quickly!

Reiki has been tremendous, beautiful, healing and strong. So many wonderful healing breakthroughs! I have been blessed with lots of interesting spirits helping out, it's been really wild. I would never have believed in any of this but they are definitely making themselves known. The more I just get out of the way and become a conduit, the more light that comes our way. I am so grateful for this gift.

Yoga is as always, the backbone of sanity. We've been outside on the last 2 Fridays-- what a great session we had last Friday! A triple dancer pose, we were like Grecian urns LOL! If only we could have spouted water! Ha ha ha...

I got a chance to make some new bracelets and OHHH best of all! A good friend of mine is in Honduras scouting for a mission trip. The people there are poor, very poor. They love jewelry, little trinkets and what not. She took some of my bracelets to give to them! I can't tell you how wonderful it feels that even though I'm not there, I am still sending light and love to people that desperately need it. Pretty amazing.

So, there you go. Balance. I hope. I had a client tell me that Mercury RetroHell is a week coming on and then the actual retrograde is to fix the problems. I don't know how/where we will come up with $2800 but maybe someone would like to buy Cory's car who knows how to fix cars and that will take care of the problem.....

It helps to dream big. And Barry? Maybe that first nibble yesterday will turn into a big bite. *fingers crossed*

Be careful! Maintain your appliances and make sure you over communicate--don't take any chances! Good Luck!