Surreal Time Warp

In the space of a month I have been instantly transported back to my old life. It's weird. Rhia's home, we're doing a play, it's like nothing ever changed. I don't have any time to do anything like exercise, cook a meal, think a thought. I can't get Rhia to clean her room. I am consumed with making sure to remember everything and have lists upon lists all over the place and can't seem to find them all. The only thing that seems different is me.

I'm not as good at handling stress as I used to be.

I'm not as quick or as efficient or as good at remembering everything.

Biggest change? I'm not that worried about it. I used to feel like I had to be perfect at everything, would get really upset when I saw people judging me when I would try to work out a dance or teach some blocking... you know, when they are passing each other looks like they could do it better... but now I just feel like that says a whole lot more about them than me. You know those naysayers? They just gotta have someone to criticize.

I've realized I'm not perfect. I can't be. And the effort to even get close to it is not one I want to make. I'm enjoying myself more, I'm having fun. I'm just doing what I can and hopefully that will be enough. And the remarkable thing? I'm accepting the help that is being offered to me. I'm not as caught up in the whole "if I want it done right, I have to do it myself" thing. I just can't do it all. And I am really, really blessed this time with people who WANT to help and not to be weird but they really seem to like me and let me do my job. It's so cool.

Not that there aren't challenges. Not that I don't get pissed. Not that we have it all (or anything) under control. But we have a really, really great team working together watching each others back and holding each other up. Like, you can feel it. I am being held up, lifted and people have my back. Glory Be! By finally conceeding my imperfection, I no longer have to do it alone. I am even ASKING FOR HELP. OMG! How did this happen?

I'm still feeling really stressed but I don't feel alone. Big difference.

Now, about Rhia cleaning her room....