Wow. What a mess.

"We can’t control the world, but we can control our reactions to it." ~ Susan Jeffers

Life seems to be wanting me to learn lessons on control and lack thereof right now. The launch has been postponed indefinitely right now. A large project I was working on is on hold with much chaos surrounding it. I am finding it difficult to control my own thoughts, breathing & emotions because I am stunned at some very controlling behavior of others. The whole world seems to be slowly spinning out of control, which I believe is what is creating so much futile attempts at control.

When my daughter was in middle school, the school received an influx of kids from another district that they were not prepared to handle. In the first week of school, a random sniper shot one of her classmates right in front of her new school, leading to weeks of fear and nightmares that she still sometimes revisits. The strain on the staff and faculty was palpable. After the sniper was caught, there was still massive chaos within the school trying to handle an overage of kids, sometimes 40 kids in a class to 1 teacher. Out of control.

One day towards the end of the year, I got a phone call saying I needed to come pick my daughter up immediately because she was dressed inappropriately and had been pulled out of lunch and publicly humiliated in front of everyone in the cafeteria. I rush to the school, confused, what could she possibly be wearing that was inappropriate? She was in the same style clothes she had worn all year. She was going through a pudgy stage, and the style at the time was low cut shirts and hip hugger jeans, a style that did not suit her budding figure. She tended to wear brightly colored pajama pants which was also the norm for kids her age.

I get to the office only to see my sobbing child sitting alone dressed in her very loose ducky pants and a sweatshirt. A student working behind the desk, dressed in a very low cut skin tight shirt, exposing her belly with jeans that fastened well under the belly button, says to me, "you that girl's mom? you need to bring her some new clothes, _________ says she can't wear pajama bottoms anymore... they aren't decent". WHAT?????

Long story short: After much letter writing, arguing, revisiting the code of conduct and dress policy, my daughter was publicly apologized to for being used as a tool for something _______ could control. I learned that when people feel like they and their world is out of control, in their stress and fear they begin to look for things they CAN control, things that make them feel strong and productive when they feel like they can't get their job done.

I also learned that as much as I hate confrontation, as much as I would rather just walk away and hide from it, when kids are concerned I have to suck it up and speak my piece. I could not allow my daughter to think that it was okay for institutions to arbitrarily decide that they were going to change the rules without any advance notice and then punish her for not following them. Even though I felt for their situation, I could not allow her to be their scapegoat.

The lesson of all of this, past and present is: people behave badly when they think their world is threatened. Or when they get the inkling that maybe they aren't in control. The simple truth is....we never were. Grasping for control is the problem. Letting go and trusting is the soulution. But sometimes you gotta suck it up and say your peace.