I am where I am

This week I was supposed to be in Florida watching my brother in law get blasted off into space. For real. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on your perspective, his launch has been delayed. We had made elaborate plans that had taken months working out the logistics of how to get Rhia there, how to afford it, where to stay, who will take care of the animals and all the other minutiae that goes along with a weekly trip when you are older and have responsibilities.

So, just as we worked the whole shebang out the launch was postponed. And has since been postponed a few more times. We no sooner make hotel reservations then they postpone it again. It has become extremely laughable. In the meantime, all our careful planning has slowly gotten thrown out the window. Today they had a meeting to decide whether they should have a meeting to decide when the launch will actually be but are making it very clear that it will not be before the 22nd. Unless of course they change their minds.

The easy moral of this story is go with the flow. Best laid plans go awry. I bet you could come up with a dozen cliches right off the top of your head.

I realized today that I have a huge ringing in my ears and some tension that I am carrying in my back. I realized that I am so forward looking that I really don't know how to live in the gap. For all my teachings of being in the moment, I realized that there is still a part of me living in the future. Not knowing what or when this is going to happen has thrown my equilibrium off a bit. It's sort of like, I am happy living in the moment as long as I can expect the next moment. But not knowing the next is making me uncomfortable in the present. You know?

What a gift. Because we never really know the next moment. In an easy swoop, any anticipated future could change, we could cease to exist or our life as we know it could drastically change. We know this on an intellectual level but actually living it, at least in practice, seems to me to be a very valuable life skill. Just like with yoga, we practice being uncomfortable and being able to breathe and relax through it, I guess practicing to go and then not go and then let go is just another form of yoga. Slash life.

I worried all week about my schedule and rescheduling and figuring out what to do with this unexpected time. Today I painted my bathroom. What fun. I even put sunny sunshine faces all over it. I'm okay with this moment. I guess the next moment can come without my input. Lead the way Lord...I'll just follow.