Difficult Day

This one's always a toughie. This time of year is very difficult. It's hard to really know whether you are feeling anxiety and apprehension because there is really something to worry about or if we are conditioned to expect something bad to happen in the Fall. The media saturates us with images and of course, we have our own memories to contend with.

It took me a long time to understand that our household's premonitions and dreams at this time had way more to do with all that we all had experienced in the Fall. The sniper, hurricane's, personal tragedies like my Dad's 2 heart attacks and of course, the World Trade Center. Being an empath and having kids who feel it too makes it difficult to disassociate with other's suffering. We now understand that but this is perhaps the hardest time to put our shield's up. And truth be told, I still have those horrible gut wrenching images right on the surface, doesn't take a whole lot to dredge up the fear and despair and heart breaking, to your knees sadness. And maybe it shouldn't.

I was trying to think of all the positive things that have come out of this day. I know many, many people, myself included, made decisions that changed their lives dramatically based on the awareness of the shortness of life and how it can be snuffed out in an instant. More people turned to churches, to God, to each other. The common bond of humanity was strengthened, how many times have you shared the story of where you were and how you felt that day? I have had many conversations where people have said, "And because of Sept. 11th, I ____________________ (made life changing decision)" There is a looking in each other's eyes thing that occurs when this subject comes up--we really see each other, the pain, the fear, the wistfulness for the days before.

It is fitting that it is a dreary day today. It is the exact opposite of 2001. It is also fitting that there is a New Moon tonight. We didn't know it at the time, but September 11th was a new beginning. Not all new beginnings are wanted or even good, but they are part of the cycle of life. "To everything there is a season"

I will be glad when this day is over and the pain in my gut passes. I will be glad when I am once again proven wrong about my premonitions of bad things happening today. I will be glad when all the people that feel things the way those of us do can go back to sleeping and dreaming of normal things. Like flying through the air instead of falling from a building.

Families of 9/11: We have not forgotten you. We still hold you in our hearts. Today and every day.