Animals

I have always been an animal person. We have always had cats and dogs. We used to have rabbits and guinea pigs and hamsters and birds and fish. All at the same time. At one point we even had a snapping turtle show up to join the fray. My friend Ruth used to call our house the Circle of Life. She would joke about waiting for the biological collapse which she felt was inevitable. We also took in foster children for years, in addition to numerous cousins and wayward friends with no place to go. Chaos. Always.

I always felt it was our responsibility and more importantly, I never wanted to be one of those uptight people who thought a clean house was more important than people and animals. My self righteousness over my craziness was deeply entrenched. Having all this craziness also made us poor which helped the self righteousness over those rich people. Ruth used to say I wore my poverty like a badge. She was right.

One day I looked around at the 3 foster kids, 2 dogs, 2 cats, 2 rabbits, 2 guinea pigs, 1 bird, hundreds of fish and 2 kids of my own asking for more pets and to have their friends over and thought....ARE YOU FRICKIN NUTS?

The answer came loud and clear.

Loudly, over the din, I proclaimed, NOTHING ELSE COMES INTO THIS HOUSE UNTIL ALL THESE ANIMALS ARE DEAD!!!!

Okay, so the therapy bills for the kids were kinda overwhelming too but we all have our breaking points.

So, this morning when I came downstairs and immediately stepped into a lovely pile of dog pee on my brand new carpet and went out to get the cleaner in the garage, which reeks of cat urine because we cannot locate the source , I had another of those moments. That's it! No more animals EVER!!! And the kids have to go too!!!!

Oh dear. I've become one of them. I want a clean house. I want order and quiet. I want everything in its place and preferably without animal fur on it. No more slobber, no more fleas, no more barking and absolutely no more waste products on my floors. I haven't been able to lay on my floor since I was a child. If I step in dog doo one more time, I swear I will ensure the therapy for the kids for the rest of their lives when they see what I do to that dog.

Enough. I had a deer tick on me last night that I had to pull off at 2am. Enough.

So there it is. I am officially a non animal person. I want them out.

And those kids too. Well, maybe just the one who is not a kid anymore.

And maybe that husband too. We'll see.

I will live in my new sterile, pristine environment. And I'll sing and twirl and lay on my floor......tra la la la la....

Let me know the point spread on the betting of how long it'll last.