Healing

On the bulkhead around my kitchen, my husband and I have written favorite quotes and silly sayings we have come across in our 26 years together. One of them is from a little restaurant we used to hang out at called El Toritos. Around the bar it said, "I feel more like I do now than I did when I first got here." We used to sit around this bar with our friends and try and figure out what it really meant. We would change the emphasis on different words as if that would change the meaning, "I FEEL more like I do now" "I feel more like I do NOW, than I DID when" "I feel more LIKE I do now" on and on we would try and comprehend what it really meant. Of course, after a few margaritas it would just dissolve into complete silliness.

Sometimes we lose ourselves. We get caught up in drama and persecutions, real or imagined. We have the person inside that we are and we have the person outside that we are afraid we are. We walk around with big exclamation marks in our heads, feeling as if we are under attack and the more we try and defend ourselves, the more we lose ourselves.

Care about people's approval and you will be their prisoner. Tao 9

Today I harvested my herbs. The wind was blustery, I am covered with the smell of rosemary, pineapple mint, oregano, thyme and lavender. I am filled with anticipation of the things I can make and give away. I am giddy at the prospect of having time to create what I want to create. I am a cheerful giver once again.

I feel more like I do now, than I did when I first got here.