This is the worst time of year for my patience. I LOVE Spring. I can't resist raking off the leaves in my gardens, seeing all the new shoots coming up, remembering what's where and being surprised at the new volunteers. I want to get out there.... dig and divide... prune and plant...create and cultivate...NOW! The plants in my house need to get out NOW. They are barely holding on, they need water and wind... time to GOOOO!
I need to sit out on the grass, wind blowing through my hair, watching the cherry willow sway and the daffodils bobbing their heads and leaning to the sun. I need to listen to the birds without their songs being muffled by my windows. I look at my hands, all clean and with long white fingernails and I can't identify them.. they need to have perpetual dirt under them... these are not my fingernails.
My schedule has been nuts lately. Good nuts. But nuts. On Sunday, I had about 10 minutes where I was outside. It was warm, almost balmy. I quickly grabbed my pruners and hand rake and went to town (much to the dismay of my husband who had just cleared all the path in front of the gardens only to turn around and find them covered again). Cataloging in my head "oh my the hollyhock are comin up, you need to cut back those weeds of sharon, time to decide what to do about that honeysuckle, lordy look at all the phlox, where's my sage?, should I pull that trumpet vine closer?, wow, that curly willow is 3 feet bigger, how is that possible?, liriope needs a serious haircut....
Just a taste but it has wet my appetite. And now I can't think of anything else. I need out there. NOW. And I am so torn today. A very dear friend has discovered that I, after living in the DC area for 48 years, have never once seen the cherry blossoms. She is stunned. And insisting on taking me there. Today. Now, part of me is feeling so blessed... what a great friend! The other part of me... the one looking down on these clean fingernails... is saying "DUDE, it's sunny! I need to get out there! NOW! I'm sure those cherry blossoms can't be nearly as impressive as the one in my front yard!"
But I hear they are fairly impressive. And she is one of my bestest friends. And I know the minute I get there I will be awed, inspired and thinking I was nuts to even consider not going. And it really is a tad bit too early to rip apart all my gardens right now and throw all my indoor plants out. Errrrgh! Warmth! I need warmth!!! NOW!
Sigh. Patience...young grasshopper...
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
Home again, home again, jiggedy jig...
We are home. Well, technically. We have come back to earth while keeping our eyes on the sky. This was quite possibly the biggest thing our family has ever witnessed/experienced/enjoyed. On so many levels. I mean, you have the obvious brother in law blasting into space thing. But there was so much more.
It was like a family reunion and high school/college reunion rolled into one. Our kids got to see and hear about who we were BC (before children) Our friends got to see who we became AC. It was amazing to see and talk to people that you used to spend every single day with 28 years ago, who you knew almost as well... if not better... than you knew yourself. All of Barry's brothers and sisters were there, that hadn't happened in at least 10 years. And everyone was united for a single cause: support Ricky's family through all these ups and downs.
I was so proud of everyone. I've never seen so many hugs and sharing on a deep level. I've never felt closer to my sister in law. She was such a trouper, really went out of her way to make sure everyone knew each other and was having fun. People came from all over the world; Korea, Saudi Arabia, Canada and of course, Texas, California, New York just to witness this astronomical event. Pun intended. Course we all had a ton of time on our hands since the launch was delayed so we got to really spend a lot of time hanging out and having fun.
On Launch day, we all joined at the Slow and Low in Cocoa Beach for a good luck lunch. We were all on pins and needles since we knew there were no guarantees, we knew from Wednesdays experience that anything could happen. We were nervous because most of us would be unable to stay any longer, we had held out as long as funds and real life would allow, if the shuttle didn't go we were gonna miss it. And that was unthinkable. Before we ate, each table gathered hands, and said a communal grace. Not 5 minutes later, Ricky called. We were a go! Cheers & Hugs & the first of many tears. It was for real, it was for real... it was for real. You could feel the emotion as it went around the room. As you hugged Eloise. Like she said, "it's so strange to feel every bit of your emotions all at once..."
We head back to the hotel, getting ready... cameras, videos, good luck charms :) The extended family and friends got to be ushered to the Banana Creek viewing site on buses so we gather at a pavilion to have security check us out and to wait. Much hand grabbing and "can you believe this????" We get to Banana Creek and see how close we really are to the shuttle. Unreal. Is Ricky really going to strap himself into a rocket and be blasted off into space? But he was already strapped in. It was just a matter of time. Endless time. We wander around, taking pictures, buying souvenirs, texting our friends and family back home. The immediate family is on a balcony above our viewing stand, they wave and we cheer... more pictures. They come down, more cheering, more pictures, much more hugging. I don't believe I have ever sent as much Reiki as I did that day. I just held my hand on Eloise's back every opportunity I had. She just kept saying thank you... "I feel the karma you are sending" How cute she called it karma. Rhia, the Reiki Master in training was sending it too... and Sheree at home...
Next thing we know the countdown clock starts up again (NASA has these weird built in holds where they stop the clock for long periods of time, I dunno) We scramble to our seats to get ready. Mike, the astronaut who was everywhere we were, started explaining everything to us... how the astronauts were feeling... how he felt when he was strapped in for 3 hours and how they feel right now.. 10 minutes before lift off. It was just all so surreal. The next thing we know they start playing the National Anthem. We stand, put our hands over our hearts, staring at the shuttle launch pad and we sing. I look over at my old friend, Kris, tears streaming down her face and smile. I'm not the only one. I put my hands together and begin to pray. 10, 9, 8... OMG this is really happening...7, 6, 5...water and smoke and fire 4, 3, 2, 1 BLAST OFF!~
The ground starts rumbling... the rockets begin to take off... what an incredible sight! We are cheering and then as the shuttle begins to clear the pad we are silent. Eyes glued to this big ball of flames.. not even breathing... not even a coherent thought.. just witnessing. And then Mike the Astronaut breaks the silence.. "it's okay, _____ and (((( andlajeaoehoahea" No clue what he said but we all start cheering cause we know it's okay. It was the longest 8 minutes I've ever spent. Every few moments, Houston and Mike the Astronaut would explain what was happening and we would cheer... rocket boosters separating... contingency plans and what not... I'm sure it was all perfect but for me the specifics didn't matter. Are they safe? Do they get to live their dreams? Did this really happen? Look at the plume of smoke as it hits the sunset, brilliant oranges and yellows and blues. I will never forget this day.
Afterwards, when you could no longer see even a blip on the horizon, people begin to leave. Leave? How can we leave? We need to stay here til they get back!!!! But leave we did. After a farewell party on the beach and a 15 hour car trip we are home. The NASA channel constantly on our living room laptop... trying to get back into the swing of our old life. But after that, all this seems kinda, well... I dunno... anticlimactic?
Ricky's up til the 28th. He had his first space walk yesterday as I was home folding laundry. Sigh. Amazing. Watching your brother in law float in space. Just surreal. Did that really happen?
It was like a family reunion and high school/college reunion rolled into one. Our kids got to see and hear about who we were BC (before children) Our friends got to see who we became AC. It was amazing to see and talk to people that you used to spend every single day with 28 years ago, who you knew almost as well... if not better... than you knew yourself. All of Barry's brothers and sisters were there, that hadn't happened in at least 10 years. And everyone was united for a single cause: support Ricky's family through all these ups and downs.
I was so proud of everyone. I've never seen so many hugs and sharing on a deep level. I've never felt closer to my sister in law. She was such a trouper, really went out of her way to make sure everyone knew each other and was having fun. People came from all over the world; Korea, Saudi Arabia, Canada and of course, Texas, California, New York just to witness this astronomical event. Pun intended. Course we all had a ton of time on our hands since the launch was delayed so we got to really spend a lot of time hanging out and having fun.
On Launch day, we all joined at the Slow and Low in Cocoa Beach for a good luck lunch. We were all on pins and needles since we knew there were no guarantees, we knew from Wednesdays experience that anything could happen. We were nervous because most of us would be unable to stay any longer, we had held out as long as funds and real life would allow, if the shuttle didn't go we were gonna miss it. And that was unthinkable. Before we ate, each table gathered hands, and said a communal grace. Not 5 minutes later, Ricky called. We were a go! Cheers & Hugs & the first of many tears. It was for real, it was for real... it was for real. You could feel the emotion as it went around the room. As you hugged Eloise. Like she said, "it's so strange to feel every bit of your emotions all at once..."
We head back to the hotel, getting ready... cameras, videos, good luck charms :) The extended family and friends got to be ushered to the Banana Creek viewing site on buses so we gather at a pavilion to have security check us out and to wait. Much hand grabbing and "can you believe this????" We get to Banana Creek and see how close we really are to the shuttle. Unreal. Is Ricky really going to strap himself into a rocket and be blasted off into space? But he was already strapped in. It was just a matter of time. Endless time. We wander around, taking pictures, buying souvenirs, texting our friends and family back home. The immediate family is on a balcony above our viewing stand, they wave and we cheer... more pictures. They come down, more cheering, more pictures, much more hugging. I don't believe I have ever sent as much Reiki as I did that day. I just held my hand on Eloise's back every opportunity I had. She just kept saying thank you... "I feel the karma you are sending" How cute she called it karma. Rhia, the Reiki Master in training was sending it too... and Sheree at home...
Next thing we know the countdown clock starts up again (NASA has these weird built in holds where they stop the clock for long periods of time, I dunno) We scramble to our seats to get ready. Mike, the astronaut who was everywhere we were, started explaining everything to us... how the astronauts were feeling... how he felt when he was strapped in for 3 hours and how they feel right now.. 10 minutes before lift off. It was just all so surreal. The next thing we know they start playing the National Anthem. We stand, put our hands over our hearts, staring at the shuttle launch pad and we sing. I look over at my old friend, Kris, tears streaming down her face and smile. I'm not the only one. I put my hands together and begin to pray. 10, 9, 8... OMG this is really happening...7, 6, 5...water and smoke and fire 4, 3, 2, 1 BLAST OFF!~
The ground starts rumbling... the rockets begin to take off... what an incredible sight! We are cheering and then as the shuttle begins to clear the pad we are silent. Eyes glued to this big ball of flames.. not even breathing... not even a coherent thought.. just witnessing. And then Mike the Astronaut breaks the silence.. "it's okay, _____ and (((( andlajeaoehoahea" No clue what he said but we all start cheering cause we know it's okay. It was the longest 8 minutes I've ever spent. Every few moments, Houston and Mike the Astronaut would explain what was happening and we would cheer... rocket boosters separating... contingency plans and what not... I'm sure it was all perfect but for me the specifics didn't matter. Are they safe? Do they get to live their dreams? Did this really happen? Look at the plume of smoke as it hits the sunset, brilliant oranges and yellows and blues. I will never forget this day.
Afterwards, when you could no longer see even a blip on the horizon, people begin to leave. Leave? How can we leave? We need to stay here til they get back!!!! But leave we did. After a farewell party on the beach and a 15 hour car trip we are home. The NASA channel constantly on our living room laptop... trying to get back into the swing of our old life. But after that, all this seems kinda, well... I dunno... anticlimactic?
Ricky's up til the 28th. He had his first space walk yesterday as I was home folding laundry. Sigh. Amazing. Watching your brother in law float in space. Just surreal. Did that really happen?
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Limbo Land
So. Here we are in Florida. Now, Florida is a really great place. Warm breezes, ocean waves, friendly people, what a great place to be stuck in. Yep. Stuck. This is all so surreal. Sunday we drive 9 hours to Montreat to pick up my daughter. Have a marvelous time in Asheville visiting the Mellow Mushroom and spending a bit of time visiting my daughter's stomping grounds. Get up the next day and drive 10 hours to Florida. Get in late, have quite a bit of drama over the room but yeah, it's Florida... how bad can it be?
Spend the next day on a delightful tour of Nasa, feeling sort of special with our family passes, being ushered through special back doors and going to visit the whole team of Space Shuttle Discovery "across the ditch"... (Astronauts are put in quarantine a week before a launch to make sure they don't get sick during their mission so you can't hug them... or their family... before the big "take off" so they stand across the street from you as you and all the other family members are herded into a large corded area so you can wave, clap and stare at them before the actual launch. Sort of monkey like but a great photo op)
Got to go to Imax and see just how scary Ricky's spacewalks are in 3D (if he ever gets the launch on a reasonable time, he'll get 3) Got to sit in a simulated "space shuttle experience" ride and feel the G forces he'll feel if/when he launches. Got briefed by a real astronaut on what it will all be like and got to ask questions just like we were... well, people who got briefed by real astronauts. Got a ride out to the landing strip and the special family launch space that said family (us) will get to watch supposed launch.
And now we sit. and wait. and drink. Poor Weez, my sister in law and said astronauts wife, is a mess. She feels so bad that we have all come from all over, California, Korea, Saudi Arabia, Canada, New York, and of course, Texas, where they live, to see this wonderful experience for Ricky.... only to be scrambling trying to find hotel rooms and new flights and all the other logistics of living in limbo... shall we stay til Monday? or Wednesday? What ARE the odds that this sucker will fly? Can I get my employer/dog sitter/clients to just be patient and wait a few more days? And what if it doesn't launch? How long do we hold out? Should we leave Weez and the kids alone? What if we go home and they announce the launch the next day? What if we stay and they don't launch til April? So many questions. So few answers.
But in spite of all of it, we are having a great time. There is a large group of us. Friends from 30 years ago. The entire Miller family sans a few cousins. We have been partying like it's 1979. We laughed so hard last night reminiscing that most of us were complaining of our bellies and faces being sore from laughing so hard. When we were young we used to have "big chill" weekends... where we would all get together and party for an entire weekend.. we are all giggling about how this is a "big chill" week. Trouble is, we don't know when it will end. We don't know how long we will be in limbo here. We don't know how long our livers will hold out, let alone our hotel reservations.
Oh well, we are digging in our heels and trying to see it all through. Hopefully it will be Sunday. All we can do is play it one day at a time. Sooner or later he will launch, or we will come home. But in the meantime... it's party time! Could be worse... at least we are in sunny Florida! And my oh my it is BEAUTIFUL here. Kinda hard to complain huh? Esp. when Ricky's safety is first and foremost on all of our minds....
See you one day...don't know when. Namaste'
Spend the next day on a delightful tour of Nasa, feeling sort of special with our family passes, being ushered through special back doors and going to visit the whole team of Space Shuttle Discovery "across the ditch"... (Astronauts are put in quarantine a week before a launch to make sure they don't get sick during their mission so you can't hug them... or their family... before the big "take off" so they stand across the street from you as you and all the other family members are herded into a large corded area so you can wave, clap and stare at them before the actual launch. Sort of monkey like but a great photo op)
Got to go to Imax and see just how scary Ricky's spacewalks are in 3D (if he ever gets the launch on a reasonable time, he'll get 3) Got to sit in a simulated "space shuttle experience" ride and feel the G forces he'll feel if/when he launches. Got briefed by a real astronaut on what it will all be like and got to ask questions just like we were... well, people who got briefed by real astronauts. Got a ride out to the landing strip and the special family launch space that said family (us) will get to watch supposed launch.
And now we sit. and wait. and drink. Poor Weez, my sister in law and said astronauts wife, is a mess. She feels so bad that we have all come from all over, California, Korea, Saudi Arabia, Canada, New York, and of course, Texas, where they live, to see this wonderful experience for Ricky.... only to be scrambling trying to find hotel rooms and new flights and all the other logistics of living in limbo... shall we stay til Monday? or Wednesday? What ARE the odds that this sucker will fly? Can I get my employer/dog sitter/clients to just be patient and wait a few more days? And what if it doesn't launch? How long do we hold out? Should we leave Weez and the kids alone? What if we go home and they announce the launch the next day? What if we stay and they don't launch til April? So many questions. So few answers.
But in spite of all of it, we are having a great time. There is a large group of us. Friends from 30 years ago. The entire Miller family sans a few cousins. We have been partying like it's 1979. We laughed so hard last night reminiscing that most of us were complaining of our bellies and faces being sore from laughing so hard. When we were young we used to have "big chill" weekends... where we would all get together and party for an entire weekend.. we are all giggling about how this is a "big chill" week. Trouble is, we don't know when it will end. We don't know how long we will be in limbo here. We don't know how long our livers will hold out, let alone our hotel reservations.
Oh well, we are digging in our heels and trying to see it all through. Hopefully it will be Sunday. All we can do is play it one day at a time. Sooner or later he will launch, or we will come home. But in the meantime... it's party time! Could be worse... at least we are in sunny Florida! And my oh my it is BEAUTIFUL here. Kinda hard to complain huh? Esp. when Ricky's safety is first and foremost on all of our minds....
See you one day...don't know when. Namaste'
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Whirlwind Tour
Life has been exceptionally busy lately. While we are still staying glued to the NASA RSS feed, not knowing when/if we are leaving anytime soon, we are going about our business as usual. I had scheduled a ton of stuff for after the proverbial space launch so it was time to get cracking... or cranking...
Last week was spent preparing for the Restorative Yoga Day. Ahhh, if you haven't been to a RYD you just don't know how wonderful it is. As I was telling my friends/participants Saturday morning, it's an extra special treat for me since most of the time I am doing all the talking teaching--it's great to sit down and listen to my students and catch up to what's going on with their lives. It's also a great meditative day, since they get to ease into their poses and then while they just lay on the cushions and pillows sinking in, I get a lot of breathing in and breathing out time. I feel so blessed to be able to watch even the tightest shoulders slowly relax... sometimes it's even my own. I am always amazed at the insights that are shared during this day, even with people I've known for many years, you get to see, really see each person in a new light. White Light of course!
It's a lot of pre-prep stuff though. Since it's at my house, all my furniture in the office & Spirit Room is moved out to accommodate all the blankets, mats & pillows and this has a bit of domino effect to the rest of the house. Barry took off work a half day Friday to help with this process (he does all the cooking too--it's a joint effort) Just as we placed the last piece of bric a brac and sat down to rest my son pops in. With my daughter. From North Carolina. SURPRISE!!
Seems Rhia wanted to surprise us for our anniversary so she hatched a plot with a college friend from Frederick to drop in for the weekend. This weekend. Which was a scheduling nightmare! After all the hugs and exclamations we said, "RHIA!!! what are you thinking?"
"I know, I know, but I figure since I'm ditching you to go to Florida for Spring Break I should come and see you." (spoken like a true college student--so proud)
"But Rhia, we have the restorative day and a party that night and open house the next day...."
"I know but I won't be around anyway cause G & K are home and I really want to see them..."
"So you came all this way to see us (cough, cough)"
"Well, if I don't see G & K now, I don't know when I will... oh and btdubs, M & J are coming over"
You see where this was headed. So, the next thing we knew the house was filled with kids. Apparently we were the last to know. I was looking around my previously clean living room Friday night, frantically trying to find beautiful poetry for the RYD, kids everywhere, Guitar Hero paraphernalia strewn all about and I started cracking up. Best laid plans....
Turned out to be a stroke of genius on the part of the Universe though, one of my RYD guests called the night before and I could tell that she was young. Very young. Now, not to be offensive but the median age of my usual guests is 40ish. Ish. So, I instantly drafted Rhia. "you have to spend the WHOLE day with me and make this girl feel like she's not surrounded by just old folks" "ahhh geez!" But she did. And it was AWESOME! I got to partner up with Rhia and play silly yoga dancer games and see her relax a bit and yep, even see her in a new light. She's growing up. She's a pretty amazing person. Have I mentioned how much I miss her? Sigh. 2 more months.
So then the Universe decided to play another trick on us and get her snowed in. She was supposed to leave Sunday. But the roads were very icky all the way to NC Sunday. After much freaking out and flight searching, she lucked out and they closed the schools in NC. So we got a bonus day and a half! She couldn't leave til late yesterday morning cause of all the snow here. So we sandwiched in as much as you possibly could in 2 days...
The latest date for the launch is March 12th. So, in less than a week we may be picking her back up. Crazy Universe. This living in the now thing is exhausting.
Last week was spent preparing for the Restorative Yoga Day. Ahhh, if you haven't been to a RYD you just don't know how wonderful it is. As I was telling my friends/participants Saturday morning, it's an extra special treat for me since most of the time I am doing all the talking teaching--it's great to sit down and listen to my students and catch up to what's going on with their lives. It's also a great meditative day, since they get to ease into their poses and then while they just lay on the cushions and pillows sinking in, I get a lot of breathing in and breathing out time. I feel so blessed to be able to watch even the tightest shoulders slowly relax... sometimes it's even my own. I am always amazed at the insights that are shared during this day, even with people I've known for many years, you get to see, really see each person in a new light. White Light of course!
It's a lot of pre-prep stuff though. Since it's at my house, all my furniture in the office & Spirit Room is moved out to accommodate all the blankets, mats & pillows and this has a bit of domino effect to the rest of the house. Barry took off work a half day Friday to help with this process (he does all the cooking too--it's a joint effort) Just as we placed the last piece of bric a brac and sat down to rest my son pops in. With my daughter. From North Carolina. SURPRISE!!
Seems Rhia wanted to surprise us for our anniversary so she hatched a plot with a college friend from Frederick to drop in for the weekend. This weekend. Which was a scheduling nightmare! After all the hugs and exclamations we said, "RHIA!!! what are you thinking?"
"I know, I know, but I figure since I'm ditching you to go to Florida for Spring Break I should come and see you." (spoken like a true college student--so proud)
"But Rhia, we have the restorative day and a party that night and open house the next day...."
"I know but I won't be around anyway cause G & K are home and I really want to see them..."
"So you came all this way to see us (cough, cough)"
"Well, if I don't see G & K now, I don't know when I will... oh and btdubs, M & J are coming over"
You see where this was headed. So, the next thing we knew the house was filled with kids. Apparently we were the last to know. I was looking around my previously clean living room Friday night, frantically trying to find beautiful poetry for the RYD, kids everywhere, Guitar Hero paraphernalia strewn all about and I started cracking up. Best laid plans....
Turned out to be a stroke of genius on the part of the Universe though, one of my RYD guests called the night before and I could tell that she was young. Very young. Now, not to be offensive but the median age of my usual guests is 40ish. Ish. So, I instantly drafted Rhia. "you have to spend the WHOLE day with me and make this girl feel like she's not surrounded by just old folks" "ahhh geez!" But she did. And it was AWESOME! I got to partner up with Rhia and play silly yoga dancer games and see her relax a bit and yep, even see her in a new light. She's growing up. She's a pretty amazing person. Have I mentioned how much I miss her? Sigh. 2 more months.
So then the Universe decided to play another trick on us and get her snowed in. She was supposed to leave Sunday. But the roads were very icky all the way to NC Sunday. After much freaking out and flight searching, she lucked out and they closed the schools in NC. So we got a bonus day and a half! She couldn't leave til late yesterday morning cause of all the snow here. So we sandwiched in as much as you possibly could in 2 days...
The latest date for the launch is March 12th. So, in less than a week we may be picking her back up. Crazy Universe. This living in the now thing is exhausting.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Wow. What a mess.
"We can’t control the world, but we can control our reactions to it." ~ Susan Jeffers
Life seems to be wanting me to learn lessons on control and lack thereof right now. The launch has been postponed indefinitely right now. A large project I was working on is on hold with much chaos surrounding it. I am finding it difficult to control my own thoughts, breathing & emotions because I am stunned at some very controlling behavior of others. The whole world seems to be slowly spinning out of control, which I believe is what is creating so much futile attempts at control.
When my daughter was in middle school, the school received an influx of kids from another district that they were not prepared to handle. In the first week of school, a random sniper shot one of her classmates right in front of her new school, leading to weeks of fear and nightmares that she still sometimes revisits. The strain on the staff and faculty was palpable. After the sniper was caught, there was still massive chaos within the school trying to handle an overage of kids, sometimes 40 kids in a class to 1 teacher. Out of control.
One day towards the end of the year, I got a phone call saying I needed to come pick my daughter up immediately because she was dressed inappropriately and had been pulled out of lunch and publicly humiliated in front of everyone in the cafeteria. I rush to the school, confused, what could she possibly be wearing that was inappropriate? She was in the same style clothes she had worn all year. She was going through a pudgy stage, and the style at the time was low cut shirts and hip hugger jeans, a style that did not suit her budding figure. She tended to wear brightly colored pajama pants which was also the norm for kids her age.
I get to the office only to see my sobbing child sitting alone dressed in her very loose ducky pants and a sweatshirt. A student working behind the desk, dressed in a very low cut skin tight shirt, exposing her belly with jeans that fastened well under the belly button, says to me, "you that girl's mom? you need to bring her some new clothes, _________ says she can't wear pajama bottoms anymore... they aren't decent". WHAT?????
Long story short: After much letter writing, arguing, revisiting the code of conduct and dress policy, my daughter was publicly apologized to for being used as a tool for something _______ could control. I learned that when people feel like they and their world is out of control, in their stress and fear they begin to look for things they CAN control, things that make them feel strong and productive when they feel like they can't get their job done.
I also learned that as much as I hate confrontation, as much as I would rather just walk away and hide from it, when kids are concerned I have to suck it up and speak my piece. I could not allow my daughter to think that it was okay for institutions to arbitrarily decide that they were going to change the rules without any advance notice and then punish her for not following them. Even though I felt for their situation, I could not allow her to be their scapegoat.
The lesson of all of this, past and present is: people behave badly when they think their world is threatened. Or when they get the inkling that maybe they aren't in control. The simple truth is....we never were. Grasping for control is the problem. Letting go and trusting is the soulution. But sometimes you gotta suck it up and say your peace.
Life seems to be wanting me to learn lessons on control and lack thereof right now. The launch has been postponed indefinitely right now. A large project I was working on is on hold with much chaos surrounding it. I am finding it difficult to control my own thoughts, breathing & emotions because I am stunned at some very controlling behavior of others. The whole world seems to be slowly spinning out of control, which I believe is what is creating so much futile attempts at control.
When my daughter was in middle school, the school received an influx of kids from another district that they were not prepared to handle. In the first week of school, a random sniper shot one of her classmates right in front of her new school, leading to weeks of fear and nightmares that she still sometimes revisits. The strain on the staff and faculty was palpable. After the sniper was caught, there was still massive chaos within the school trying to handle an overage of kids, sometimes 40 kids in a class to 1 teacher. Out of control.
One day towards the end of the year, I got a phone call saying I needed to come pick my daughter up immediately because she was dressed inappropriately and had been pulled out of lunch and publicly humiliated in front of everyone in the cafeteria. I rush to the school, confused, what could she possibly be wearing that was inappropriate? She was in the same style clothes she had worn all year. She was going through a pudgy stage, and the style at the time was low cut shirts and hip hugger jeans, a style that did not suit her budding figure. She tended to wear brightly colored pajama pants which was also the norm for kids her age.
I get to the office only to see my sobbing child sitting alone dressed in her very loose ducky pants and a sweatshirt. A student working behind the desk, dressed in a very low cut skin tight shirt, exposing her belly with jeans that fastened well under the belly button, says to me, "you that girl's mom? you need to bring her some new clothes, _________ says she can't wear pajama bottoms anymore... they aren't decent". WHAT?????
Long story short: After much letter writing, arguing, revisiting the code of conduct and dress policy, my daughter was publicly apologized to for being used as a tool for something _______ could control. I learned that when people feel like they and their world is out of control, in their stress and fear they begin to look for things they CAN control, things that make them feel strong and productive when they feel like they can't get their job done.
I also learned that as much as I hate confrontation, as much as I would rather just walk away and hide from it, when kids are concerned I have to suck it up and speak my piece. I could not allow my daughter to think that it was okay for institutions to arbitrarily decide that they were going to change the rules without any advance notice and then punish her for not following them. Even though I felt for their situation, I could not allow her to be their scapegoat.
The lesson of all of this, past and present is: people behave badly when they think their world is threatened. Or when they get the inkling that maybe they aren't in control. The simple truth is....we never were. Grasping for control is the problem. Letting go and trusting is the soulution. But sometimes you gotta suck it up and say your peace.
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