Whew. After a large hiatus, I can now blog again. I had business stuff to attend to, which made me unable to blog honestly... and if I can't say what I want without censoring, it's just too damn hard to let it flow. But the grand announcement has been made, I have an "official" business blog now and I can get back to this personal blog.. just letting it all hang out, warts and all.
Where would I even start? I'm totally exhausted. I'm feeling a bit rebellious. I'm agitated. But it's all good. I think. Just Christmas time in the city... ring a ling...
Anyways, I will be moving my business posts to my new combined business blog of which I will insert a link to here or you can just look to your right and see the link. It's Imagine Yoga & Wellness. This blog will contain my ramblings that may or may not be uplifting.. sort of like an accident scene.. you may move along, nothing to see here... unless you appreciate the wild ravings of a lunatic mind.
Wishing you glad tidings of comfort and joy. For real.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Restorative Yoga
Years ago I started learning restorative yoga. I was fascinated by the mechanics of it, how many different ways could you fold a blanket and drape yourself over it? I went to some great classes with some really great teachers, I got books and studied, I bought dvd's and practiced. I loved the idea of bringing this to people, planned all day retreats with the main event being restorative yoga.
As I continued to explore this unique style of yoga, I started experimenting with cushions, cutting up an old couch into large triangles. I bought pillow forms and sewed them into rolls. I started making eye pillows with the herbs from my garden, all to create this amazing restorative yoga for others to enjoy.
Personally, it wasn't my thing. I was way too much of an over achiever to spend an hour just laying around on a bunch of pillows. I liked good, old, sweaty "power" yoga. I liked strength; handstands, chatuarunga, crow, I loved balance; half moon, brave warrior, the longer I could hold it, the better. Restorative Yoga was something I could give to others, not something I would "waste" time doing. Sigh.
Today was the last class of a six week restorative session. Usually I would have all day retreats a few times a year, but over the summer I was asked to have a shorter, more frequent class so as an experiment, I hosted a once a month 2 hour class. That was so popular that I decided to hold a every week session for 6 weeks to see if anyone was interested. Much to my surprise, it sold out! Now what was I gonna do? How was I going to keep it interesting 6 weeks in a row? I mean, seriously, how many ways can you drape yourself over cushions?
I learned so much. I learned that it wasn't about how many ways... it was about relaxation. Pure and simple. The best class was one where we only did 6 poses. For 15 minutes each. It was amazing. I joined them. I would quietly explain how to arrange the cushions, we would lay back and breathe. That's all. I didn't try to do alot of guided meditations, I didn't sit looking at them, worrying whether they were okay, I laid back and breathed. I found out that restorative yoga was my "thing". In preparing each week, I found myself attaining deeper and deeper meditative states. I discovered yoga nidra-- a sort of sleep while being completely alert. I have meditated for years. I have done yoga for years. I've done tai chi, chi gong, biospiritual focusing... you name it, I've done it.
This has been a very stressful 6 weeks of my life. I have been more relaxed through it than I would have thought possible. I've breathed deeper, I've let go of deep stress and strain, I've seen amazing things in my meditations. I'm so grateful that my beautiful friends and students gave me this opportunity. We'll do it again real soon!
As I continued to explore this unique style of yoga, I started experimenting with cushions, cutting up an old couch into large triangles. I bought pillow forms and sewed them into rolls. I started making eye pillows with the herbs from my garden, all to create this amazing restorative yoga for others to enjoy.
Personally, it wasn't my thing. I was way too much of an over achiever to spend an hour just laying around on a bunch of pillows. I liked good, old, sweaty "power" yoga. I liked strength; handstands, chatuarunga, crow, I loved balance; half moon, brave warrior, the longer I could hold it, the better. Restorative Yoga was something I could give to others, not something I would "waste" time doing. Sigh.
Today was the last class of a six week restorative session. Usually I would have all day retreats a few times a year, but over the summer I was asked to have a shorter, more frequent class so as an experiment, I hosted a once a month 2 hour class. That was so popular that I decided to hold a every week session for 6 weeks to see if anyone was interested. Much to my surprise, it sold out! Now what was I gonna do? How was I going to keep it interesting 6 weeks in a row? I mean, seriously, how many ways can you drape yourself over cushions?
I learned so much. I learned that it wasn't about how many ways... it was about relaxation. Pure and simple. The best class was one where we only did 6 poses. For 15 minutes each. It was amazing. I joined them. I would quietly explain how to arrange the cushions, we would lay back and breathe. That's all. I didn't try to do alot of guided meditations, I didn't sit looking at them, worrying whether they were okay, I laid back and breathed. I found out that restorative yoga was my "thing". In preparing each week, I found myself attaining deeper and deeper meditative states. I discovered yoga nidra-- a sort of sleep while being completely alert. I have meditated for years. I have done yoga for years. I've done tai chi, chi gong, biospiritual focusing... you name it, I've done it.
This has been a very stressful 6 weeks of my life. I have been more relaxed through it than I would have thought possible. I've breathed deeper, I've let go of deep stress and strain, I've seen amazing things in my meditations. I'm so grateful that my beautiful friends and students gave me this opportunity. We'll do it again real soon!
Monday, November 08, 2010
I can see clearly now...
We've been putting new windows in our house. Our old windows are/were 49 years old. Our house was born the same year as I. We are both getting ready to celebrate a half century... gulp. The windows are making us feel like we are living in a new house. We are looking at our yard, the sky, the trees, the world with fresh eyes, seeing clearly for the first time in many, many years. For the last 10 years, we had pretty much given up on attempting to keep our old windows clean & painted, you can only scrape, wash and re-caulk so much... alot of the windows were broken, replaced with cardboard or plastic.. the excuse was that we were going to get new windows... eventually.
It's stunning to see the difference. It's amazing to feel the difference. What's really freaking us out though is hearing the difference. We can look outside and see the wind but we can no longer hear it. It's quite disconcerting, it's so quiet in here. I'm not sure I like it. I can't hear the traffic or the children playing. We haven't put them in the upstairs rooms yet so it's so weird going up and hearing the outdoors and coming down and hearing the indoors, which is fairly silent. Weird.
So much of life is spent doing the same things over and over. Living in the same place, listening to the same sounds, breathing the same air. Every now and then something comes along to shake us out of our usual and then suddenly everything seems unusual. And you look around and realize things are COMPLETELY different. When did THAT happen? In the last 5 years my life has once again radically changed. And somehow remained the same.
I wonder what I will replace in my personal 50 year old "house" that will make everything seem fresh and new? Where could I put new windows? On my friends? my family? my career? Hmmm, sometimes the choices are made for us, I guess.. although we put the wheels in motion. Sometimes we have to look at relationships through new windows and realize that maybe they aren't the best for us, maybe they never were but we kept refusing to clean them out, letting them get dirtier and patched until maybe the only thing to do is to replace them. Sad. But sometimes necessary. Same with careers... structures... and even family... things change.. we have to change with them or run the risk of letting them breakdown all together.
But with each change comes a bit of regret... I do miss the sound of the wind. But I can still faintly hear the wind chimes. :-) And I LOVE the sunshine!
Namaste'
It's stunning to see the difference. It's amazing to feel the difference. What's really freaking us out though is hearing the difference. We can look outside and see the wind but we can no longer hear it. It's quite disconcerting, it's so quiet in here. I'm not sure I like it. I can't hear the traffic or the children playing. We haven't put them in the upstairs rooms yet so it's so weird going up and hearing the outdoors and coming down and hearing the indoors, which is fairly silent. Weird.
So much of life is spent doing the same things over and over. Living in the same place, listening to the same sounds, breathing the same air. Every now and then something comes along to shake us out of our usual and then suddenly everything seems unusual. And you look around and realize things are COMPLETELY different. When did THAT happen? In the last 5 years my life has once again radically changed. And somehow remained the same.
I wonder what I will replace in my personal 50 year old "house" that will make everything seem fresh and new? Where could I put new windows? On my friends? my family? my career? Hmmm, sometimes the choices are made for us, I guess.. although we put the wheels in motion. Sometimes we have to look at relationships through new windows and realize that maybe they aren't the best for us, maybe they never were but we kept refusing to clean them out, letting them get dirtier and patched until maybe the only thing to do is to replace them. Sad. But sometimes necessary. Same with careers... structures... and even family... things change.. we have to change with them or run the risk of letting them breakdown all together.
But with each change comes a bit of regret... I do miss the sound of the wind. But I can still faintly hear the wind chimes. :-) And I LOVE the sunshine!
Namaste'
Tuesday, November 02, 2010
The secret of the ring
To think that "I am the mind," is unawareness. To know that mind is only a mechanism just as the body is, to know that the mind is separate.... The night comes, the morning comes: you don't get identified with the night. You don't say, "I am night," you don't say, "I am morning." The night comes, the morning comes, the day comes, again the night comes; the wheel goes on moving, but you remain alert that you are not these things.
The same is the case with the mind. Anger comes, but you forget--you become anger. Greed comes, you forget--you become greed. Hate comes, you forget--you become hate. This is unawareness.
Awareness is watching that the mind is full of greed, full of anger, full of hate or full of lust, but you are simply a watcher. Then you can see greed arising, becoming a great, dark cloud, then dispersing--and you remain untouched. How long can it remain? Your anger is momentary, your greed is momentary, your lust is momentary. Just watch a little and you will be surprised: it comes and it goes. And you are remaining there unaffected, cool, calm.
The most basic thing to remember is that when you are feeling good, in a mood of ecstasy, don't start thinking that it is going to be your permanent state. Live the moment as joyfully, as cheerfully as possible, knowing perfectly well that it has come and it will go--just like a breeze comes in your house, with all its fragrance and freshness, and goes out from the other door.
This is the most fundamental thing. If you start thinking in terms of making your ecstatic moments permanent, you have already started destroying them. When they come, be grateful; when they leave, be thankful to existence. Remain open. It will happen many times--don't be judgmental, don't be a chooser. Remain choiceless. Yes, there will be moments when you will be miserable. So what? There are people who are miserable and who have not even known a single moment of ecstasy; you are fortunate. Even in your misery, remember that it is not going to be permanent; it will also pass away, so don't get too much disturbed by it. Remain at ease.
Just like day and night, there are moments of joy and there are moments of sadness; accept them as part of the duality of nature, as the very way things are. And you are simply a watcher: neither you become happiness nor you become misery. Happiness comes and goes, misery comes and goes. One thing remains always there--always and always--and that is the watcher, one who witnesses.
Slowly, slowly get more and more centered into the watcher. Days will come and nights will come... lives will come and deaths will come... success will come, failure will come. But if you are centered in the watcher--because that is the only reality in you--everything is a passing phenomenon.
Just for a moment, try to feel what I am saying: just be a watcher....
Do not cling to any moment because it is beautiful, and do not push any moment because it is miserable. Stop doing that. That you have been doing for lives. You have not been successful yet and you will never be successful ever. The only way to go beyond, to remain beyond, is to find a place from where you can watch all these changing phenomena without getting identified.
I will tell you an ancient Sufi story...
A king asked his wise men in the court, "I am making a very beautiful ring for myself. I have got one of the best diamonds possible. I want to keep hidden inside the ring some message that may be helpful to me in a time of utter despair. It has to be very small so that it can be hidden underneath the diamond in the ring."
They were all wise men, they all were great scholars; they could have written great treatises. But to give him a message of not more than two or three words which would help him in moments of utter despair... They thought, they looked into their books, but they could not find anything.
The king had an old servant who was almost like his father--he had been his father's servant. The king's mother had died early and this servant had taken care of him, so he was not treated like a servant. The king had immense respect for him. The old man said, "I am not a wise man, knowledgeable, scholarly; but I know the message--because there is only one message. And these people cannot give it to you; it can be given only by a mystic, by a man who has realized himself.
"In my long life in the palace I have come across all kinds of people, and once, a mystic. He had also been a guest of your father and I was put into his service. When he was departing, as a gesture of thankfulness for all my services he gave me this message"--and he wrote it on a small piece of paper, folded it and told the king, "Don't read it, just keep it hidden in the ring. Only open it when everything else has failed--when there is no way out."
And the time came soon. The country was invaded and the king lost his kingdom. He was running away on his horse just to save his life and the enemy horses were following him. He was alone; they were many. And he came to a place where the path stopped, came to a dead end; there was a cliff and a deep valley. To fall into it was to be finished. He could not go back, the enemy was there and he could hear the sounds of the hooves of the horses. He could not go forward, and there was no other way....
Suddenly he remembered the ring. He opened it, took out the paper, and there was a small message of tremendous value: it simply said, "This too will pass."
A great silence came over him as he read the sentence, "This too will pass." And it passed. Everything passes away; nothing remains in this world. The enemies who were following him must have got lost in the forest, must have moved on a wrong way; the hooves slowly, slowly were not heard any more.
The king was immensely grateful to the servant and to the unknown mystic. Those words proved miraculous. He folded the paper, put it back into the ring, gathered his armies again and conquered his kingdom back. And the day he was entering his capital, victorious, there was great celebration all over the capital, music, dance--and he was feeling very proud of himself. The old man was walking by the side of his chariot. He said, "This time is also right: look again at the message."
The king said, "What do you mean? Now I am victorious, people are celebrating. I am not in despair, I am not in a situation where there is no way out."
The old man said, "Listen. This is what the saint has said to me: this message is not only for despair, it is also for pleasure. This is not only for when you are defeated; it is also for when you are victorious--not only when you are the last, but also when you are the first."
And the king opened the ring, read the message, "This too will pass," and suddenly the same peace, the same silence, amidst the crowds, jubilating, celebrating, dancing... but the pride, the ego was gone. Everything passes away.
He asked his old servant to come on the chariot and sit with him. He asked, "Is there anything more? Everything passes away... Your message has been immensely helpful."
The old man said, "The third thing the saint said, 'Remember, everything passes. Only you remain; you remain forever as a witness.'"
Everything passes, but you remain. You are the reality; everything else is just a dream. Beautiful dreams are there, nightmares are there... But it does not matter whether it is a beautiful dream or a nightmare; what matters is the one who is seeing the dream. That seer is the only reality.
Thank you Osho.
The same is the case with the mind. Anger comes, but you forget--you become anger. Greed comes, you forget--you become greed. Hate comes, you forget--you become hate. This is unawareness.
Awareness is watching that the mind is full of greed, full of anger, full of hate or full of lust, but you are simply a watcher. Then you can see greed arising, becoming a great, dark cloud, then dispersing--and you remain untouched. How long can it remain? Your anger is momentary, your greed is momentary, your lust is momentary. Just watch a little and you will be surprised: it comes and it goes. And you are remaining there unaffected, cool, calm.
The most basic thing to remember is that when you are feeling good, in a mood of ecstasy, don't start thinking that it is going to be your permanent state. Live the moment as joyfully, as cheerfully as possible, knowing perfectly well that it has come and it will go--just like a breeze comes in your house, with all its fragrance and freshness, and goes out from the other door.
This is the most fundamental thing. If you start thinking in terms of making your ecstatic moments permanent, you have already started destroying them. When they come, be grateful; when they leave, be thankful to existence. Remain open. It will happen many times--don't be judgmental, don't be a chooser. Remain choiceless. Yes, there will be moments when you will be miserable. So what? There are people who are miserable and who have not even known a single moment of ecstasy; you are fortunate. Even in your misery, remember that it is not going to be permanent; it will also pass away, so don't get too much disturbed by it. Remain at ease.
Just like day and night, there are moments of joy and there are moments of sadness; accept them as part of the duality of nature, as the very way things are. And you are simply a watcher: neither you become happiness nor you become misery. Happiness comes and goes, misery comes and goes. One thing remains always there--always and always--and that is the watcher, one who witnesses.
Slowly, slowly get more and more centered into the watcher. Days will come and nights will come... lives will come and deaths will come... success will come, failure will come. But if you are centered in the watcher--because that is the only reality in you--everything is a passing phenomenon.
Just for a moment, try to feel what I am saying: just be a watcher....
Do not cling to any moment because it is beautiful, and do not push any moment because it is miserable. Stop doing that. That you have been doing for lives. You have not been successful yet and you will never be successful ever. The only way to go beyond, to remain beyond, is to find a place from where you can watch all these changing phenomena without getting identified.
I will tell you an ancient Sufi story...
A king asked his wise men in the court, "I am making a very beautiful ring for myself. I have got one of the best diamonds possible. I want to keep hidden inside the ring some message that may be helpful to me in a time of utter despair. It has to be very small so that it can be hidden underneath the diamond in the ring."
They were all wise men, they all were great scholars; they could have written great treatises. But to give him a message of not more than two or three words which would help him in moments of utter despair... They thought, they looked into their books, but they could not find anything.
The king had an old servant who was almost like his father--he had been his father's servant. The king's mother had died early and this servant had taken care of him, so he was not treated like a servant. The king had immense respect for him. The old man said, "I am not a wise man, knowledgeable, scholarly; but I know the message--because there is only one message. And these people cannot give it to you; it can be given only by a mystic, by a man who has realized himself.
"In my long life in the palace I have come across all kinds of people, and once, a mystic. He had also been a guest of your father and I was put into his service. When he was departing, as a gesture of thankfulness for all my services he gave me this message"--and he wrote it on a small piece of paper, folded it and told the king, "Don't read it, just keep it hidden in the ring. Only open it when everything else has failed--when there is no way out."
And the time came soon. The country was invaded and the king lost his kingdom. He was running away on his horse just to save his life and the enemy horses were following him. He was alone; they were many. And he came to a place where the path stopped, came to a dead end; there was a cliff and a deep valley. To fall into it was to be finished. He could not go back, the enemy was there and he could hear the sounds of the hooves of the horses. He could not go forward, and there was no other way....
Suddenly he remembered the ring. He opened it, took out the paper, and there was a small message of tremendous value: it simply said, "This too will pass."
A great silence came over him as he read the sentence, "This too will pass." And it passed. Everything passes away; nothing remains in this world. The enemies who were following him must have got lost in the forest, must have moved on a wrong way; the hooves slowly, slowly were not heard any more.
The king was immensely grateful to the servant and to the unknown mystic. Those words proved miraculous. He folded the paper, put it back into the ring, gathered his armies again and conquered his kingdom back. And the day he was entering his capital, victorious, there was great celebration all over the capital, music, dance--and he was feeling very proud of himself. The old man was walking by the side of his chariot. He said, "This time is also right: look again at the message."
The king said, "What do you mean? Now I am victorious, people are celebrating. I am not in despair, I am not in a situation where there is no way out."
The old man said, "Listen. This is what the saint has said to me: this message is not only for despair, it is also for pleasure. This is not only for when you are defeated; it is also for when you are victorious--not only when you are the last, but also when you are the first."
And the king opened the ring, read the message, "This too will pass," and suddenly the same peace, the same silence, amidst the crowds, jubilating, celebrating, dancing... but the pride, the ego was gone. Everything passes away.
He asked his old servant to come on the chariot and sit with him. He asked, "Is there anything more? Everything passes away... Your message has been immensely helpful."
The old man said, "The third thing the saint said, 'Remember, everything passes. Only you remain; you remain forever as a witness.'"
Everything passes, but you remain. You are the reality; everything else is just a dream. Beautiful dreams are there, nightmares are there... But it does not matter whether it is a beautiful dream or a nightmare; what matters is the one who is seeing the dream. That seer is the only reality.
Thank you Osho.
Monday, November 01, 2010
"the rules"
When I was in the corporate world I was constantly being called to the principal's... oops I mean, department head's office. I would alternately be praised, given promotions & bonus's for being innovative and taking risks or be called on the carpet for taking risks and not following the rules. I found this confusing, albeit amusing. It was like they wanted me to follow their rules but still somehow make the deals that required breaking the rules. I'm not talking about real rules, I'm talking about the unspoken social rules of not standing out... following the crowd... not speaking the obvious... keeping secrets. I SUCK at social rules. Which is why I am a person that folks love to be around who scares them half to death.
It's a recurrent theme. People are drawn to me cause they like my light and my fresh approach. Then they want me to fit their mold. When I don't, they want to control me. Which brings out the worst in me. I can't be anything other than what I am. I've tried to fit the norm. It ain't happening. It makes me depressed and anxious and puts out my light. Then I become like everyone else who is afraid to take risks, who won't take chances, who would rather stay on the path then create their own.
I could've been rich. If I had buried my enthusiastic, rebellious, idealistic side I would have a ton of money. I would be safe. I wouldn't have the day to day not knowing if anyone is coming to my class or how I'm gonna get it all done and not be a crazy person. I'd have a retirement plan and wear a business suit. I probably wouldn't be able to actually use my retirement plan as I would've probably beaten myself to death with my briefcase.
I'm not saying the safe path is a bad one. I think we all know our own limitations and what makes us thrive. It's the disregard of what we "know" that causes problems. If you know you would rather not put your energy into re-inventing the wheel, if your focus is on other things, then the safe path is a great choice. If you know the safe path makes you feel stagnant then you create your own. This is a very important life lesson.
Such a strange society we live in when enthusiasm is something to be contained.
It's a recurrent theme. People are drawn to me cause they like my light and my fresh approach. Then they want me to fit their mold. When I don't, they want to control me. Which brings out the worst in me. I can't be anything other than what I am. I've tried to fit the norm. It ain't happening. It makes me depressed and anxious and puts out my light. Then I become like everyone else who is afraid to take risks, who won't take chances, who would rather stay on the path then create their own.
I could've been rich. If I had buried my enthusiastic, rebellious, idealistic side I would have a ton of money. I would be safe. I wouldn't have the day to day not knowing if anyone is coming to my class or how I'm gonna get it all done and not be a crazy person. I'd have a retirement plan and wear a business suit. I probably wouldn't be able to actually use my retirement plan as I would've probably beaten myself to death with my briefcase.
I'm not saying the safe path is a bad one. I think we all know our own limitations and what makes us thrive. It's the disregard of what we "know" that causes problems. If you know you would rather not put your energy into re-inventing the wheel, if your focus is on other things, then the safe path is a great choice. If you know the safe path makes you feel stagnant then you create your own. This is a very important life lesson.
Such a strange society we live in when enthusiasm is something to be contained.
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