An Apology

Sometimes I feel so clueless. Eckhart Tolle says that you can study honey your whole life, even get a Phd. in honey but unless you actually taste honey you really just don't have a clue what honey is all about.

A lot of my friends sent their kids off to college in the last few years. I smiled at them, congratulated them, maybe even secretly envied them but never once did I have any understanding of what they were going through. This is hard. Really hard. Like, the hardest thing I have ever done. There have been many times in the last week where I thought I may not make it through this.

Both of my kids hated school. They wanted to be home, hanging out. I have a vivid memory of literally dragging Cory down the side walk to preschool, him screaming and protesting the whole way. It breaks your heart to do that to your child, leave them somewhere sobbing and calling your name. You have to trust. The teachers, the other students, mostly God. Cory grew out of it, in fact, most days Cory would do anything to get out of here. Except, actually move out of here LOL!

Rhia, on the other hand, never grew out of it. She would have to be peeled off my body, while she screamed, "mommy!!!!!". Oh Lord, you just can't imagine. She has vivid memories of this... she even blogged about it yesterday. The school thing did get a bit better, especially once she became home schooled (ha ha?) but then she started with extreme homesickness. She never really wanted to do sleep overs unless they were here, even when she would sleep over the next door neighbor's house we would get a phone call in the middle of the night saying they were sending her home... she would toddle over in her jammies, just wanting to be home.

When she turned 12, we sent her to camp with a friend. I can still hear her sobs through the woods... and my own. Each time she went to work camp and yes, even Montreat we would get a phone call the first night with a crying Rhia who was trying her best to cope but really suffering from homesickness. She knows and I know that this is something she needed to and needs to overcome but knowing this intellectually does not make it any easier. We had many talks about this while making the decision to go to Montreat College, 10 hours away. She felt sure, she felt like she was being called to go there... and she was. But, wow. God is really putting her (and us) to the test.

The good news is: She's coping. And becoming much stronger. And receiving massive revelations and insights, which is what hardship sometimes brings. She is growing and we are seeing glimpses of that amazing woman we knew she would turn into.

And me? I am so sorry that I wasn't more available to those girl friends of mine that have gone through this before me. I had no idea.

Thank you all who are praying and offering comfort-- we feel you. Please continue to hold Cory and Rhia and yes, Barry & I in your thoughts... we are getting there. It's a bit harder than we expected but we are coming through to the other side of it now-- and are sooooo grateful that Rhia is getting this opportunity to shine her light and make it even brighter. Look at this college girl:

I am so proud of her. I can't believe how blessed we are to have such a wonderful daughter. I can't wait to see the next chapter!