When I was a kid I used to re-read my books over and over. One of the books I read over and over was Go Ask Alice, which, if I read it now, would seem like a really depressing book since it's about a girl who ultimately dies of a drug overdose. But there was a part in it that fascinated me, that I still remember vividly. Alice runs away from home... I can't remember whether she was on drugs at the time or not, but she hooks up with this group of kids who are renting out a store and fixing it up for a snack shop/soda bar. They paint the walls, they paint the floors, they get big cushy pillows and funky chairs, Alice is happy, working hard for the first time in her life and she manages to stay free of drugs for the duration. Eventually her parents find her and she has to go back to her home where she eventually overdoses, end of story.
I don't remember the rest of the book much but I was always captivated by the thought of opening your own place, decorating it, dreaming and seeing the dream become a reality. When my BP & I were looking at all the spaces, I kept feeling this sort of disconnect until I saw the space we are both really excited about. I've had this vague feeling about it... couldn't put my finger on it... until this morning. The floors are painted. It's totally vintage and funky. There's a great possibility that all the furnishings will be unique, no cookie cutter matching chairs and tables here. Each room will have a different flair. I can see them all, quite clearly in my mind. I am positively giddy at the prospects and potential.
I realized that there was a feeling I kept having about the place that was alternately exciting and terrifying. When I was a young girl, re-reading my books over and over again, my mother would get very frustrated with me. Not being a reader herself, she couldn't understand the glory of getting lost in your imagination, she was(is) a practical survivor, if it's not real then why bother with it? She would yell at me, "there you are with your nose stuck in a book-- and then you start acting like the characters you like in the book, who are you now? Scarlett? Jane Eyre? Alice?"
It was quite disconcerting to then try and figure out what was real and what WAS imagination. Was I acting out my fantasy of being the heroine in the book? Am I now? Or was this something I really believed to be true, a dream? When I was 15 I couldn't always tell the difference. But now that I'm almost 50 I have learned that that's because there really isn't any difference. The part of the heroine that I loved was the part I identified with, the parts of me that I loved. (thank you SoulCollage!) The parts of the story that I connected to the most were the road maps to my future dreams. Dreams consist of equal parts of reality and imagination in order to come true.
I think Alice painted her floor rainbow colors. Perhaps I'll paint mine the color of the earth. Imagination grounded in reality. Or maybe I'll take a flight of fancy and paint it chakra colors... The best part of the dream is the dreaming, right?
Monday, October 25, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
A Serious Post... for a change
I get up in the morning, pour my coffee, do my morning pages if I am so inclined and start my day. Used to be a slow start, maybe blog a bit, get ready for my first class or begin to clean the wreckage. A long while ago I would spend time "putzing", my favorite thing to do; make some jewelry, cut some herbs and rubber band them for drying, rearrange my furniture... whatever struck my fancy. Seems like life has taken a dramatic turn in the last year, and I'm not sure exactly why.
You ever have that happen? Like, you wake up and you realize that you have drifted far from normal? So far from normal that you are not sure what it was? How did I have time before to make tons of stuff, do my classes, give my Reiki healing and squeeze in a play here and there? Seriously, I am looking at my regular calendar and trying to figure out what changed... I'm still teaching 7 classes a week, doing SoulCollage once a month, averaging 1-2 Reiki clients a week, hosting a Reiki Share once a month. The only new things are the girls SoulCollage which is just once a month and an occasional tarot party or attunement workshop, not anything large.
I know in the last couple months there have been some extraordinary events that have added stuff to my schedule- my surgery for example. That ate up a ton of time with drs. appts. and tests, and I am really stunned at how low my energy level is. I feel fine, no pain, but I am dragging. I find that by my 3rd class I am ready to sleep, my poor old body feels like just that.... old. But it's only been 2 weeks, I'm certain that will improve dramatically with time. Of course, while this was going on I had the other out of the ordinary task of trying to find a location to open a yoga and wellness center... no big deal, right?
Oh my word. What a shock this little curve on my journey has been. Talk about eating up time. Lawyers, accountants and realtors, oh my! Zoning and covenants, rules and regulations, fees and deposits... it's crazy out there! You have to have nerves of steel, a mind that can be focused and a heart that will keep fueling your passion even when you are discouraged. We found one place that we LOVED, but the covenants didn't allow us, we saw another place that was ok but the realtor refused to call back with the info... another place that seemed like it would work great even though it would cost 4 times the amount we budgeted, until there was a murder across the street. Another place smelled bad and seemed shady. Many places want over $10,000.00 a month... even though they have sat vacant for YEARS. One shopping center had 6 places to offer, the only real attractive one has a corporation paying a $35 a sq. ft. rent on it... even though they no longer live there. The most reasonable one has a greasy fast food place right next door..not exactly yoga friendly. Discouraged and on a whim, I call a place I looked at 3 years ago... with a different partner.
We LOVED, LOVED, LOVED it. Great deal. Reasonable rent and landlord. Love the location, love the space, full of possibilities but not for the faint of heart. Perfect for our vision but not exactly practical. (Cuz, yeah, my vision would be practical.. ha!) Would be perfect for building community, hosting lots of practitioners, creating a place to relax and put your feet up, after a ton of work of course. Yesterday, our realtor brought us to the perfect place for a practical vision. Very professional. Rent is fine. Location is safe. Lots of glass. But we didn't love it. What a predicament. I'm thinking we should settle for it. But it would be that. Settling. The other place seems crazy by comparison. Why would you go there when this is just sitting here, ripe for the taking. Requires no up front work, can open by Jan. 1, no new skill sets to learn.. just teach and heal, don't even need to make a lot of new stuff as retail would be insignificant.
The other place will be a HUGE challenge. We'd have to have a big retail. We'd want to have a coffee/tea shop. We have to build walls and put in new plumbing. The work is daunting. And exciting. Ugh. This will not be the first time I wished to be more Melanie than Scarlett. It's so hard for me to work hard for something regular.... but put a challenge in front of me and the fire comes out. The scary part is that I am figuring out that my partner is just as crazy as I am. I thought she was the voice of reason-- ha! Last night I looked deep in her eyes and saw that same fire, oh dear. If we pull this off, it will be the most amazing feat ever. If we don't, the crash and burn will be fierce. Any normal person would not get excited bout that. But oh.. the dreams! Everything I (we) have dreamed of! It's crazy...
CRAZY GOOD.
Right?
Yikes.
You ever have that happen? Like, you wake up and you realize that you have drifted far from normal? So far from normal that you are not sure what it was? How did I have time before to make tons of stuff, do my classes, give my Reiki healing and squeeze in a play here and there? Seriously, I am looking at my regular calendar and trying to figure out what changed... I'm still teaching 7 classes a week, doing SoulCollage once a month, averaging 1-2 Reiki clients a week, hosting a Reiki Share once a month. The only new things are the girls SoulCollage which is just once a month and an occasional tarot party or attunement workshop, not anything large.
I know in the last couple months there have been some extraordinary events that have added stuff to my schedule- my surgery for example. That ate up a ton of time with drs. appts. and tests, and I am really stunned at how low my energy level is. I feel fine, no pain, but I am dragging. I find that by my 3rd class I am ready to sleep, my poor old body feels like just that.... old. But it's only been 2 weeks, I'm certain that will improve dramatically with time. Of course, while this was going on I had the other out of the ordinary task of trying to find a location to open a yoga and wellness center... no big deal, right?
Oh my word. What a shock this little curve on my journey has been. Talk about eating up time. Lawyers, accountants and realtors, oh my! Zoning and covenants, rules and regulations, fees and deposits... it's crazy out there! You have to have nerves of steel, a mind that can be focused and a heart that will keep fueling your passion even when you are discouraged. We found one place that we LOVED, but the covenants didn't allow us, we saw another place that was ok but the realtor refused to call back with the info... another place that seemed like it would work great even though it would cost 4 times the amount we budgeted, until there was a murder across the street. Another place smelled bad and seemed shady. Many places want over $10,000.00 a month... even though they have sat vacant for YEARS. One shopping center had 6 places to offer, the only real attractive one has a corporation paying a $35 a sq. ft. rent on it... even though they no longer live there. The most reasonable one has a greasy fast food place right next door..not exactly yoga friendly. Discouraged and on a whim, I call a place I looked at 3 years ago... with a different partner.
We LOVED, LOVED, LOVED it. Great deal. Reasonable rent and landlord. Love the location, love the space, full of possibilities but not for the faint of heart. Perfect for our vision but not exactly practical. (Cuz, yeah, my vision would be practical.. ha!) Would be perfect for building community, hosting lots of practitioners, creating a place to relax and put your feet up, after a ton of work of course. Yesterday, our realtor brought us to the perfect place for a practical vision. Very professional. Rent is fine. Location is safe. Lots of glass. But we didn't love it. What a predicament. I'm thinking we should settle for it. But it would be that. Settling. The other place seems crazy by comparison. Why would you go there when this is just sitting here, ripe for the taking. Requires no up front work, can open by Jan. 1, no new skill sets to learn.. just teach and heal, don't even need to make a lot of new stuff as retail would be insignificant.
The other place will be a HUGE challenge. We'd have to have a big retail. We'd want to have a coffee/tea shop. We have to build walls and put in new plumbing. The work is daunting. And exciting. Ugh. This will not be the first time I wished to be more Melanie than Scarlett. It's so hard for me to work hard for something regular.... but put a challenge in front of me and the fire comes out. The scary part is that I am figuring out that my partner is just as crazy as I am. I thought she was the voice of reason-- ha! Last night I looked deep in her eyes and saw that same fire, oh dear. If we pull this off, it will be the most amazing feat ever. If we don't, the crash and burn will be fierce. Any normal person would not get excited bout that. But oh.. the dreams! Everything I (we) have dreamed of! It's crazy...
CRAZY GOOD.
Right?
Yikes.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Surgery, Studios & Moonpies
One would think that recovering from surgery would give you time to blog. But alas.
One would think that if you were an honest soul trying to bring peace & happiness to the masses, that LandLords would be lining up at your door saying, "pick me! pick me!". But alas.
One would think that if you tell a dog a hundred times to stop picking on the cat, she would stop. But alas.
One would think that if you tell a boy to pick his clothes up a hundred times or the cat will pee on them, he would. but alas.
One would think that Moonpies would taste better since they have such a great name. But alas.
Isn't alas a silly word when you put it too many times on a page? But alas? What the heck does it really mean? One would think if you were writing something repeatedly you would know what it really means. But alas. I digress.
You ever start to blog and you know you only have a few minutes and you've started to blog a hundred times but since you never have time to finish it, it becomes outdated and too complicated to fix, so you have to keep deleting and starting again but you never have time to finish it so it becomes outdated and too complicated to fix so you have to keep deleting it and starting.... you get the idea, right?
Gotta go. Sorry, real post soon...!
One would think that if you were an honest soul trying to bring peace & happiness to the masses, that LandLords would be lining up at your door saying, "pick me! pick me!". But alas.
One would think that if you tell a dog a hundred times to stop picking on the cat, she would stop. But alas.
One would think that if you tell a boy to pick his clothes up a hundred times or the cat will pee on them, he would. but alas.
One would think that Moonpies would taste better since they have such a great name. But alas.
Isn't alas a silly word when you put it too many times on a page? But alas? What the heck does it really mean? One would think if you were writing something repeatedly you would know what it really means. But alas. I digress.
You ever start to blog and you know you only have a few minutes and you've started to blog a hundred times but since you never have time to finish it, it becomes outdated and too complicated to fix, so you have to keep deleting and starting again but you never have time to finish it so it becomes outdated and too complicated to fix so you have to keep deleting it and starting.... you get the idea, right?
Gotta go. Sorry, real post soon...!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Up and down, round and round...
What a crazy whirlwind. But I think I got it all figured out. All the hoopla la la was simply a distraction. Isn't it always? The more I could be driven to distraction by crazy ups and downs, the less I would think about my surgery tomorrow. Sort of like that last year of high school when your kid is behaving so badly college doesn't seem like it could be far enough away.
So tomorrow at 6:50am I embark upon a enforced vacation. It's kind of weird to think that I'm electing to be cut open and possibly be in pain and/or sick. Feels unnatural to sign forms that say, oh yes, please cut me open and remove that silly old body part that's not working anyway.
I woke up this morning breathing heavy from a bad dream. I dreamt I went to the hospital for my surgery and they said they couldn't take the gallbladder til I took a stress test. I had to ride on a bike to show that I was fit. I had no problem doing it and they put me on the table for the surgery. As the anesthesiologist is putting me under, the doctor tells me I have to have heart surgery while they are at it cause I flunked the stress test. I woke up yelling, "are you KIDDING me? what's next?"
Crazy things, dreams. Then I get my daily message from God:
On this day of your life, Linda, I believe God wants you to know...
...that there is a family reunion awaiting you, and you will be more overjoyed than you can now begin to imagine.
On the day you leave your body -- what I like to call your Continuation Day -- you will be greeted by everyone you have ever loved in any way for any reason...and, standing in front of the group, every person who has been so very dear to you. It will be a grand and glorious reunion, with joy and laughter and pure wonderment filling every heart and soul!
This has also been experienced by everyone who has ever left here -- all those who have gone before you -- of course. So do not grieve for them. They are so very happy! I'm not sure why you were meant to hear this on this particular day...but I bet you are...
Ummm... WTH? You ever think God just has the greatest sense of humor ever? Like, stroking His beard chuckling, "oh that Linda, she thinks she's so in control, so great with that Reiki energy stuff... let's mess with her a bit... she can take it" Sigh.
I'm ready to go to quiet time mode. No decisions, no talking, no thinking... just blissful no-thingness. Hope I don't throw up. Just sayin'
TTYS,L
So tomorrow at 6:50am I embark upon a enforced vacation. It's kind of weird to think that I'm electing to be cut open and possibly be in pain and/or sick. Feels unnatural to sign forms that say, oh yes, please cut me open and remove that silly old body part that's not working anyway.
I woke up this morning breathing heavy from a bad dream. I dreamt I went to the hospital for my surgery and they said they couldn't take the gallbladder til I took a stress test. I had to ride on a bike to show that I was fit. I had no problem doing it and they put me on the table for the surgery. As the anesthesiologist is putting me under, the doctor tells me I have to have heart surgery while they are at it cause I flunked the stress test. I woke up yelling, "are you KIDDING me? what's next?"
Crazy things, dreams. Then I get my daily message from God:
On this day of your life, Linda, I believe God wants you to know...
...that there is a family reunion awaiting you, and you will be more overjoyed than you can now begin to imagine.
On the day you leave your body -- what I like to call your Continuation Day -- you will be greeted by everyone you have ever loved in any way for any reason...and, standing in front of the group, every person who has been so very dear to you. It will be a grand and glorious reunion, with joy and laughter and pure wonderment filling every heart and soul!
This has also been experienced by everyone who has ever left here -- all those who have gone before you -- of course. So do not grieve for them. They are so very happy! I'm not sure why you were meant to hear this on this particular day...but I bet you are...
Ummm... WTH? You ever think God just has the greatest sense of humor ever? Like, stroking His beard chuckling, "oh that Linda, she thinks she's so in control, so great with that Reiki energy stuff... let's mess with her a bit... she can take it" Sigh.
I'm ready to go to quiet time mode. No decisions, no talking, no thinking... just blissful no-thingness. Hope I don't throw up. Just sayin'
TTYS,L
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
My Muse
The other day I read something, somewhere about someone and their muse. I remember thinking, "hmmm, do I have a muse? Why don't they talk to me?" I was not amused. Ba Dum Dum! Ching! I'll be here all night!
Things are moving rapidly in my world. I'm getting to really understand holding to the center while around me life is spinning crazily, personally... professionally.. and globally. Crazy times. Exciting times. Feel like all the practice, all the studying, all the wisdom is being put to the test. My BFF said to me yesterday, "after so many hours doing so much in so many places, why would you stop now? Everything has led to this point... here it is, what you've been dreaming of." She's so right. Do you think she's my muse? Or my daughter, who has suddenly become so wise... showing me things that I am not seeing, who is really my friend... and who isn't? Helping soothe my hurt feelings... Is she my muse?
My other BFF, my husband, has been constantly sending me Reiki... sometimes I start to feel warm and I look over on the couch and he's got one hand up, smiling... "Oh, you felt that?" He's so cute, learning to use his new found Reiki gift to help heal his wifey, the Reiki Master... it's wild. My head spins when I start to realize all the events that have led to this time and all the specifics that had to fall into place for everyone to be where they need to be for everything that is to happen... I have to stop and take a full belly breath to absorb the magnitude of that. Is the breath the muse? Or my husband? Or the Reiki?
I can't believe the support system I have. I never knew it was there. I mean, I guess I always thought I was the support system (how egotistical is THAT?) I mean, I always thought that it was my job to help others... and knew that there were many, many kind souls helping me to help others, teaching me and believing in me but I never realized how much they have been holding me up. As I begin to leap... or fall back.. many hands are there to catch me. It brings tears to my eyes just absorbing that fact. So many souls offering to bring me food, offering help and prayers during my surgery... I am blown away.
But the Muse.... ahhh, the Muse has the biggest hands of all. My partner, the lady I respect most and am joining in a venture that will change both of our lives forever, who is as terrified and excited as I, said, "there are times when I get overwhelmed and want to curl up in a ball and hide, but then I think, hey, we're like the blues brothers here... we're on a Mission from God! How can we fail?" Ahhhh, God. The real Muse. Working through me, through everyone with a dream, through everyone overcoming obstacles, through everyone working for change, for peace, for the highest intentions of the highest good.
I bow my head in gratitude. All shall be well.
Things are moving rapidly in my world. I'm getting to really understand holding to the center while around me life is spinning crazily, personally... professionally.. and globally. Crazy times. Exciting times. Feel like all the practice, all the studying, all the wisdom is being put to the test. My BFF said to me yesterday, "after so many hours doing so much in so many places, why would you stop now? Everything has led to this point... here it is, what you've been dreaming of." She's so right. Do you think she's my muse? Or my daughter, who has suddenly become so wise... showing me things that I am not seeing, who is really my friend... and who isn't? Helping soothe my hurt feelings... Is she my muse?
My other BFF, my husband, has been constantly sending me Reiki... sometimes I start to feel warm and I look over on the couch and he's got one hand up, smiling... "Oh, you felt that?" He's so cute, learning to use his new found Reiki gift to help heal his wifey, the Reiki Master... it's wild. My head spins when I start to realize all the events that have led to this time and all the specifics that had to fall into place for everyone to be where they need to be for everything that is to happen... I have to stop and take a full belly breath to absorb the magnitude of that. Is the breath the muse? Or my husband? Or the Reiki?
I can't believe the support system I have. I never knew it was there. I mean, I guess I always thought I was the support system (how egotistical is THAT?) I mean, I always thought that it was my job to help others... and knew that there were many, many kind souls helping me to help others, teaching me and believing in me but I never realized how much they have been holding me up. As I begin to leap... or fall back.. many hands are there to catch me. It brings tears to my eyes just absorbing that fact. So many souls offering to bring me food, offering help and prayers during my surgery... I am blown away.
But the Muse.... ahhh, the Muse has the biggest hands of all. My partner, the lady I respect most and am joining in a venture that will change both of our lives forever, who is as terrified and excited as I, said, "there are times when I get overwhelmed and want to curl up in a ball and hide, but then I think, hey, we're like the blues brothers here... we're on a Mission from God! How can we fail?" Ahhhh, God. The real Muse. Working through me, through everyone with a dream, through everyone overcoming obstacles, through everyone working for change, for peace, for the highest intentions of the highest good.
I bow my head in gratitude. All shall be well.
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